DEAR BELLA: My boyfriend claims he loves me but ignores me and lies to me

Dear Bella,

I am in a relationship with someone I love. It’s been a year and nine months since we’ve been together but I keep asking myself if he loves and cares about me the way I do for him.

It started off perfectly. Too good to be true I thought to myself.

He’d always be available to me when I needed him, he made time and effort to ensure we had time together, he’d always ask if I’ve eaten an ensure I did. He cooked, always called as the day goes by even if he’s busy or not, a day couldn’t have gone by and I wouldn’t have heard from him.

We went out now and then but spent most of the time or just being at home watching movies and just enjoying each other’s company..

At that point I was happy with him, we both were. But as I said it was too good to be true. Little did I know he had interference with women I knew (they knew we were together) and he always kept on denying it.

I like honesty, why is it so hard for men to admit their wrongs or just be honest? It sure would save useless drama and unnecessary arguments. As clear as the signs of him cheating were, he never accepted his wrongs but rather got angry every time I spoke of the issue or said that I’m crazy and I’m just saying what I want.

He can be sneaking out and being with women but if I do go out, he’d keep calling or questioning my every move as to where exactly I’m going or who I’m with and what time I’ll be back and so on.

If he doesn’t get me instantly he gets angry and starts making accusations that I’m with other men. Sometimes he’d come just to see where I am and with who and according to how the area is, he’d ensure I went home with him.

I then moved to another county leaving him here, we didn’t break up. We were communicating well but there were still doubts as to us being distant and not knowing where each other is and what is happening. I was always honest and straight with him.

He then went back to his country when I was away and due to reasons beyond my control I came back home. He’s still in his place he has a little child there he claims he and his child mother isn’t together but when they’re there with him (at his place) most of the time he hardly pays attention to me barely message not even a call for days, If I do call he ignores it once he’s at home. Most of his calls are from work or out with his friends.

His excuses are “I does be extra busy” or “when I get home from work I does be tired so I go to sleep early”, “I don’t have time to always be on my phone “.

And the excuses go on until this day, he accuses me of interference with other men when I’ve remained faithful for the past nine months, we aren’t together.

Bella, this now is very frustrating trying to keep up on something that doesn’t seem like it’s worth it anymore. Because you don’t ignore someone or keep on lying to someone you claim to love. You don’t try to do right and expect me to just be there accepting everything you do.

It’s just not fair and completely selfish. What are your thoughts?.

Yours sincerely,
Confused

 


 

Hello confused,

I think you hit the nail directly on its head when you said “you don’t ignore someone or keep on lying to someone you claim to love”.

Young lady, (I am assuming here), please free yourself from this bondage.

You are stifling your freedom for someone who obviously isn’t ready to be entirely yours.

The relationship has never been solid, based on what you mentioned. He was cheating.

Furthermore, he becomes suspicious when you go out. Listen and listen well. A person’s mindset of you is their reality.

Whenever he is away from you, he knows what he was up to. And so, he expects you to be doing the same.

Don’t continue to keep yourself and your life under lockdown anymore. The Coronavirus lockdown is enough.

Now it’s time to liberate yourself from this mental captivity. You have remained faithful enough.

Faithfulness is a two-way street, just like love. And so, if you’re not getting what you’re giving, then it’s time to move on.

Bella

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12 Comments

  1. Zandoli
    June 27, 2020

    She knows exactly what she has to do but is looking for someone to give her a push.
    Do you think if the roles were reversed the guy would put up with that? I know I wouldn’t. I am not one to accuse people without proof. But once proof has been established there would be a discussion. If the situation cannot be resolved to the satisfaction of both parties it is time to say goodbye.
    If my wife cheated I would not automatically leave. I have too much invested in our relationship to walk away on a whim. I would make every attempt to salvage it. But if it is clear there is no meeting of the minds to mend what is causing that behavior, I would walk away.

  2. Nkrumah Kwame
    June 27, 2020

    Confused,
    If what you said are true, you don’t have to ask anyone what to do. You are sufficiently mature to know the answer.
    Are you looking for sympathy?? Come on, grow up!!
    HOTEP!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
  3. Bwa-Banday
    June 26, 2020

    Ok, so you back in Dca and the man in Lusha. He say his baby and her mama staying wIth him so you expect the mama to get a free lunch. Oh hell no! Pipe shall be laid accordingly! Plus, even if you in love with him do you really expect him to take your call infront the woman. That is disrespect because is she that here with him “playing wife” for now. So STOP your nonsense and have some respect for the man baby mama because you would not like another woman to disrespect you like that.

    Now you back home go find a Dcan Dowasco pipe pusher and learn to enjoy your life stress free like Sour-sour. And while at it, take it like a woman according to JD :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:. If you need a real piper call me (Dr.Love) @ 6609!

  4. Time
    June 26, 2020

    Please move on girl there is lots of fish in the sea 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🐬🐬🐬🐬🐟🐟🕷️

  5. Belle
    June 26, 2020

    You can never be as confused as I am after reading this story

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 0
  6. Trina
    June 26, 2020

    Typical Dominican man. Is he from the north by any chance?

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 4
    • Silver Fox
      June 27, 2020

      @Trina, what is a typical Dominican man, I could also say the same for Dominican woman too I know some in Dominica as soon as their man goes out to work another man would be giving them a new smartphone what have you got to say about that?

    • June 27, 2020

      I bet my house rent that he from Posse.

  7. Love your self
    June 26, 2020

    Sis, he’s definitely cheating RUN!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1
    • mountain
      June 27, 2020

      Never get a good story to enjoy reading. Girls live like, there is no tomorrow. A male dog has a tale but it is down. When a man cook for you, that means he loved and respect you. Suddenly your past catch up with you. Men are so handsome and beautiful and always get the blame. Bello is saying her very best but, she did not bring you up. Had you wait for when Mr. right comes around, you would have been the happiest woman around. Too late shall be the cry.

  8. jhey
    June 26, 2020

    this is my story man, but i am thankful i get over with it. its really hard for the first time but its a good decision to stay away to those kind of men, awa,

  9. Telling It Like It Is
    June 26, 2020

    Confused for sure and maybe even dotish too; however, I am more apt to believe you are neither. All indications suggest you know exactly who and what you are dealing with as all clues and supporting evidence have been laid bare before your very eyes.

    Your real challenge is taking what has been revealed to you about this obvious two-timing cheater, accepting reality, and deciding to move on to the next chapter of your life. The move is yours to make, not Bella’s nor anyone else.

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