DEAR BELLA: My friend blows hot and cold about her relationship


My friend is with an abusive man and alas I have no idea how to help her. It seems she wants help one time and doesn’t the next.
Apart from the physical abuse, he tells her how to dress, what to eat and she must take home her entire salary to him so he can decide how she spends it.
She has been my friend since college and she has always been a happy go lucky, free-spirited woman.
We behaved like young women, liked fashion and loved life. Now, she met this rasta dude and he has changed everything.
She can no longer weave her hair, apply relaxers, use make up or even normal things like deodorants.
Her hair is now messy. She uses oils from the rastaman shop and she just dry and old looking.
No heels. Sandals alone and no food if it is not grown. She lost weight and everything for her these days is “the system”.
We decided to go out the other night and when she returned home, he beat her because we went to KFC. He says it means Killing Foolish Costomers (KFC) and had her drink bush to detox her body.
My friend almost died because she had a diarrhea for three days.
Bella I am sad because this man is killing her slowly and all she can say is “my king loves me”.
Should I stay out?  Because the little chance I get to see her, is all we have. I don’t want to mess it up.
Not A Rasta
Hello Not A Rasta,
Sometimes, we just have to let people be. Especially if they are adults and already have their minds made up.
If after all that you’ve mentioned, your friend still classifies this man as her king then her mind is clearly towards him.
Pray that your friend sees the relationship for what it is.
I believe that’s the most you can do for now.

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  1. Gouvelma
    March 8, 2019

    Apparently she got a certifixate of attendance at the end of her college years. No intelligent woman can become such a person.. she has to lay down in the bed she has prepared. She is not chained.

  2. Tell it like it is
    March 3, 2019

    Bella is right, let people be. If she can`t see that this guy is just using then she is blinder than a bat. Hopefully one day she will realise her mistake and maybe correct. Hope it won`t be too late for her.

  3. EmpressC
    March 1, 2019

    Here’s a script for your friend: “Friend, a REAL rasta man would not be relying on his woman for money, or beating her. Speak to other Rastas who are also against “the system” yet believe that their women are queens that should be protected and respected not abused and exploited. All humans are flawed regardless of their belief system. The fact that you are learning a new way of life and respect some of his values does not mean you should accept abuse as a necessary component. If you like and respect the Rasta lifestyle, study on your own and learn to be an Empress like Menen who would not accept abuse. Your life is no less than this man’s and if you are truly embracing a Rasta outlook you’d know that JAH is first not man, and your direction from JAH is to serve him, respect yourself, and honor the life he blessed you with by placing yourself with positive people NOT accepting evil in the form of an abusive man.”

    March 1, 2019

    Please leave your friend alone….with her KING. She will soon realize she needs to use deodorant. Does your friend work? Why does she have to put weave or relax her hair when she could/should go natural? A real man never hurts a woman, unless he’s a BOY. You said you and your friend went out had dinner at KFC and he beat her? What did she do besides sharing with you? Did she reported him to the authorities? Did she hit him back? Rasta is LoVe!!!!!!

  5. A Girl is No One
    March 1, 2019

    Looking in from the outside, it’s easy to judge. But, at the end of the day, he’s encouraging her to live clean, eat farm-to-table (never a bad idea btw). So, who are we to judge? Live your life my girl

    • Badbaje
      March 1, 2019

      To “A Girl is No One”
      Did you read the part where the boyfriend is ” beating” the young lady?
      Do you consider this as encouraginging?
      This world is lost indeed.

  6. Mathhias Dover
    March 1, 2019

    SMH what you want Bella to tell her? Obviously the woman like her meezehhhh. Leave her in her business. Bella you right. Them people smoking their herb and having sex and Bella must beat up herself? hay haye

  7. March 1, 2019

    I hope that it don’t take her to the grave . Just pray for her my friend. You did your best.

  8. Kalinago
    February 28, 2019

    On this little island has a whole bunch of fools calling themselves rasta and are only a bunch of savages! Why will a rasta want to be with a woman who’s not a rasta and try forcing her into it!? They want woman because of sex! They’re blaming the same shi.stem that they refuse to work with, but will welcome the woman’s money that she earns by working in the system! Young lady, you love your friend, but you can only try talking her out of this abusive rascal, but it’s up to her.

  9. Blank
    February 28, 2019

    A simpleton like me can see that her friend is being severely manipulated and brainwashed causing her to remain in this position like many others. He mess up her head, thats why she doe pour hot oil on his sleeping face yet.

  10. smh
    February 28, 2019

    really bella?? let people be? :-|

  11. Finals
    February 28, 2019

    To quote King Bobb “some of us like it so”

  12. zandoli
    February 28, 2019

    Bella are you for real? A woman is in an abusive relationship and all you can tel the friend is pray for her. She needs to tell the friend to get the hell out of that relationship, talk to her parents, her pastor, a policeman. She needs to talk to anyone who can offer her some help.

    That advice you gave is pure crap.

  13. Maybe
    February 28, 2019

    She is a grown woman she love misery stay out of it by the end of the day she will turn on you

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