DEAR BELLA: My mother doesn’t trust me

Dear BellaDear Bella,

My mother doesn’t trust me anymore because she goes through my phone and finds things. Also because I talk to boys and flirt with them. I am 15 years old though.

She says that I’m looking for sex but I’m really not.

I just want to regain her trust but she just keeps finding things on my phone, in my text messages. It’s annoying because if she refrains from looking through my phone, then we wouldn’t have these issues.

Please Help


Dear Please Help

Having a close relationship with your mother as a young adult is one of the best pleasures in life but the opposite can be a nightmare. You need to regain your mothers trust because it appears that she lost it somehow.

You can do that by letting her in on little secrets and having girl talks with her about stuff you wouldn’t tell anyone else.

You need to prove to your mother that her “wanting sex” opinion of you is far from the truth and she can trust you. Let mommy in and see what happens. Best of luck.


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  1. Been there
    November 19, 2016

    Your mother is only protecting you. Some of us now say that “if we had know we would listen.” Your mother knows things that you dont if the things on your phone were appropriate she would trust you. At 15 most guys dont want to talk about birds and trees… Food for thought

  2. forreal
    November 10, 2016

    a relationship with your parent is the greatest thing,but this particular parent approach might be the problem,if you cursing her out,oh is man you want,you know that kindda how,that type of relationship wouldn’t work,in the states what they do especially in high schools,they use preventative measures,they teach them about baby rearing, they teach them about sex and it’s consequences,they offer them condoms,the bottom line is they have come to the conclusion that sex among teens and young adults is unstoppable.not in this modern age of high tech exposure

    November 10, 2016

    If you bought the phone and paid the bill then you’d have room to complain.
    Trust is a two way street, the same as respect.
    While you’re young, your mind is still developing, you cannot fully grasp consequences,
    You parent is in a better position to understand things you have yet to comprehend.

  4. No Man is God
    November 10, 2016

    Trust once lost is hard to regain. Open communication in every relationship is key. As a teenager flirting innocently can sometimes lead to the unintentional. But that depends on the parties involved and their mindset. My advise speak to your mom about everything. I spoke to my dad about everything as a teenager though uncomfortable at times based on the topic but was the best thing I could have done. As an adult today I still maintain that relationship and can still speak about anything with my “dad”

  5. d-a born
    November 9, 2016

    Innocent text is one thing, but if she finding “flirty” stuff, then that might be the problem. I know what flirty texts can look like, and if you’re 15, I don’t think you should be surprised that she has a problem with them.

  6. Peace
    November 9, 2016

    Okay, I think this letter is real and not one Bella made up. Just this sentence, “I just want to regain her trust but she just keeps finding things on my phone, in my text messages.” convinced me.

    Here’s my two cents: ain’t no vigilant parent going to blindly trust a 15 year old boy or girl. And the fact that she keeps finding things on your phone, is the very reason why she keeps going through it. She should be searching your room and your bag pack too. If after several drills she does not find anything because there really isn’t anything she will trust you a bit more. Most parents are not crazy or downright arbitrary. But know that they can sense when something is up and you got something up which worries her.

  7. Really
    November 9, 2016

    You can tell that some of those Dear Bella stories are just so fake. Stupes.

  8. November 9, 2016

    Flirting with boys on the phone is not the same as having an intelligent conversation with them. When they say good-bye they will think you are an imature kid who doesn’t understand serious things like actually having a boyfriend. ”Flirting” is not a verbal exercise that leads into a respectable relationship that becomes something solid. It is like saying ”Come on…” to somebody you don’t know well enough to be sure you would even want them. Girls who ”flirt” do it because they feel lonely and empty. They don’t care who or what the guy is. Nobody is paying any attention to them so they think he is better than being alone.

    Mums are often protective of teenage daughters. They were that age once and they know how easy it is to get messed up. Your mum doesn’t want you to get involved in something you would regret. Someday a really special guy will come along who is just right for you. If he sees you are with somebody else he will likely keep going.

    • Andromeda
      November 9, 2016

      Girls who flirt do it because they feel lonely and empty? Cant believe that you said that. what about boys men and women who flirts?
      relationships always begins with a flirt. Just because you flirt does not mean you want a relationship, its part of the human nature. Even the animal kingdom flirts, for this girl its a part of growing up. Getting to know who you are and who the other one is. sometimes a flirt is just a flirt. Please insteed of putting this girl down and saying that she is lonely and emtpty, say something that will encourage and build up. And please get your facts right about flirting. A guy flirted with me, today 20 years later he is my husband father of my childrean. We still flirt with each other. We are not lonely or empty.

  9. Mamzel X
    November 9, 2016

    I hope is not sexting you sexting those boys…You come on here talking about you ‘flirting’…but there’s a big difference.

  10. me
    November 9, 2016

    And if you know your mother going through your phone why leave stuff in it. Really?

  11. oh really ??
    November 9, 2016

    :roll: At your age , books should be your focus. What do you expect for the boys to think after “flirting ” with them ?? And , your mom cant trust you if you can’t be trusted. So make sure you’re trustworthy because seeking trust.

  12. zandoli
    November 9, 2016

    “Having a close relationship with your mother as a young adult is one of the best pleasures in life but the opposite can be a nightmare. You need to regain your mothers trust because it appears that she lost it somehow.”

    Bella, you are just repeating what the young lady said.

    As for the rest, you are not really giving any sound advice.

    The young lady knows she has things on her phone that displeases her mother, so in order to regain that trust she has to refrain from doing it. As I tell young people, even if doing the wrong thing may be pleasurable, if you know if is wrong, DON’T do it.

    Most people know when they are doing wrong, just try to do the right thing.

  13. Dominican
    November 9, 2016

    So you having “things” she finding them then you talking about trust?

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