DEAR BELLA: My mother is being unfair to me

Bella,

My brother is 24 and I am 19. And he is allowed to do whatever he wants to do. He brings different women in the house all the time. Some of them sleep half the night and my mother says nothing.
I, on the other hand, she always have issues with who I bring in the house. Even my boyfriend cannot stay past 10 pm.
Bella imagine I’m here thinking about it and realizing the hypocrisy  of my mother.
For her sake, I don’t need a boyfriend but she sees 1 2 3 4 women there sometimes in one week and she like a moomoo.
When I ask her about it, she says, “Well your brother is a man and you are a woman and a woman can only have one man at a time.”
Bella, what if I want another boyfriend or other boyfriends at one time? Am I not to be treated like my brother’s equal?
It’s parents like these that have the world upside down. If she condones it for him, she can condone it for me too. Just saying.
Unjustly Treated
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Hello Unjustly Treated,
I understand your vexation and it may seem unfair but I believe the issue here isn’t even really about your mother but your life.
People are going to behave how they want to and create very unjust situations but it is up to every individual  to decide what kind of life they want.  A good one, or one that could lead them to destruction at the end.
Even if your brother is living a reckless life, it doesn’t mean you have to follow his pattern.
I think really, you shouldn’t get caught up with who around you is doing wrong. Focus on your life and ensure you do what is right.
Besides, why would you want to have several boyfriends anyway? Again, I say we are all responsible for our decisions but keep in mind you cannot reap carrots if you plant tomatoes.
Bella
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19 Comments

  1. CRESS
    June 7, 2019

    Thats the issue with society today. Its like men can do and women cannot do. Men can have how many sexual partners but if a woman does it she becomes a salop, hore, nasty or a tramp and then it is said that only one keys can open the a door – not many.
    This is so unfair to all levels. Men and woman should be treated fairly and equally and it starts as a child.
    Some parents do not want their daughters to be out past 8 but their sons are allowed to come home the next day and stay out all night. They holding the girls tightly and boys are loose and free to do what they want.
    We need to stop this nonsense and give both genders the same treatment!!!!!
    Thats why currently girls are more disciplined and successful leaders in society while the boys are on the streets getting involved in things they should not be involved in…

    • Mieno
      June 30, 2019

      This is so right. The boys are also less trained. If a girl gets raped it was her fault for being out that late but not the boys fault for not controling himself and having sex with a ra dom person against their will.

  2. Maury
    May 15, 2019

    I saw why so many people failed at English Comprehension smdh
    The young lady never said she wanted to have other boyfriends she was
    drawing a reference, but again ignorant people coming to their own
    dirty conclusion, since it would be probably easier to tear her down than uplift
    her…way papa what a people yes sah…

  3. Tee
    May 13, 2019

    I think her issue is not actually wanting to have several men but the unjust treatment. The mother should not condone the brother’s behaviour because she’s telling him he can treat women however he wants yet she expcts her daughter to have self-respect. it’s the double standards that is the issue.

  4. DA Girl
    May 10, 2019

    I just find that some of the comments posted are just as, if not more hypocritical than the mother. This is why many of our men cannot move up or set examples for the younger generation of men, why so many are sitting on the roadside instead of contributing to the country’s development. We condone their wrongdoing and praise them, using the statement , ‘is a man’. I wonder if persons actually read through the entry and tried to understand it before jumping to conclusions and passing judgement – and to think that some of you are women!! The young lady is not saying that she wants multiple boyfriends! She is using the statement to bring her point across. Someone said that she has to respect her mother’s house. So tell me – is the brother respecting his mother’s house? Do any of the women he brings have respect for his mother’s house?? Someone also said she is 19, if she doesn’t like it, move out. The brother is also a damn big man, he should go and do his saloptay in his own…

  5. Conscious
    May 10, 2019

    The mother, as a woman should be concern about how her son treats women and also their age. I remember going to my boyfriend house for the first time and his mother ask me ”how old are you?” I knew she cared and I haven’t stop loving her even though I and her child are no longer together. My younger brother brought a schoolmate home one day. She was dress for their plans. I grilled her with questions and then told her do not return. She was too young to be a mother and he was to young to be a father.

  6. Forreal
    May 9, 2019

    I want to go out on limb here and say,what she actually meant by having several men was that, she having find mister right, instead of jumping to conclusions like all the other righteous people here, the fact is,allot of women go through them types of tragedy, and hence comes the character assassination, just speaking from the other side of the coin.

  7. May 9, 2019

    If you are so into having many men “friends” I believe working at the water company as “seksretary” would fit you perfectly. ……….. the primary function of the guys are to lay “serious pipe” where needed especially when the pipe stands are readily available. Just maybe if you go get a job there mom will be happy because a smile of happiness and satisfaction will define your demeanor and you will not worry about your bro doing the plumbing at home.

    • :-)
      May 9, 2019

      what a great sense of humor!

  8. May 9, 2019

    You’re 19. If you don’t like the rules at your mother’s house, move out.

    • DA Girl
      May 10, 2019

      I think you are missing the point of this young lady’s argument. I am reading her entry and I am seeing her point. I don’t think it’s a matter of doing what she wants in her mother’s house. I think it’s the double standard and hypocrisy of the mother, which is why we are having so many issues with our young men today, why more than 75% of University grads are females and the prisons are so full of men. This crap about boys will be boys needs to stop. Boys and men need to held accountable for their actions just s ladies are. Could you imagine if the brother or one of the ladies are HIV positive?? What about him respecting his mother’s house?

      • Onlooker
        May 13, 2019

        Seems you want to take Bella’s responsibility now?!!
        Why can’t anyone share their views without you people jumping to conclusions?? Why do you want to make everything political??
        DA Girl, give readers a break, everyone is free to their own opinion!!
        Advise the young lady that if she don’t want to abide by the lady rules to get her boot sham

  9. time has told
    May 9, 2019

    the key that can open countless locks is know as, “a master key”. Whereas, the lock that can be opened by numerous keys, is “useless”. Young lady you dont want to be useless and dash away some sort of virtue you may still have.

  10. Unknown
    May 9, 2019

    Dominica cant be a real place :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  11. Onlooker
    May 9, 2019

    Thank You Bella.
    Young lady, why would you even want to do like your brother? you should have some class & respect for yourself. Mayb your mother is trying to instill some values in you. Firstly you are only 19, and your brother is 24!
    Respect your mother’s morals.

    • DA Girl
      May 10, 2019

      You all are totally missing the point. Reading words and just taking it and run with it!! That is why politics is such a mess. The young lade is not saying that she wants multiple men. She is using the statement as a reference to say that her brother should be held to the same standards and values as her. Man or woman, promiscuity should be discouraged!!

      • Frank N Stein
        May 10, 2019

        DA girl dont waste your time. DA is full of ignorance, dumb people hence the quagmire we have found ourselves in. Most have lost the ability to think critically, they lack logic. Its a shame!

  12. jamie
    May 9, 2019

    You are a confused young woman,i guess you want to be the talk of the town,that will not work out right for you my dear.

  13. Bwa-Banday
    May 9, 2019

    Now Miss Unjustly Treated, please STOP your nonsense and listen to your mother’s advice before you end up on the Maury Povish shows trying to identify the real daddy.

    You at 18 yrs having different men “cuming” to see you at your mother’s house is down-right disrespectful and LOW class as a lady. She has a right to groom and prepare you for life as a “lady” and not a “spreader” because Dca is small and names gets tarnished very easily. Like it or not, while I do not condone your brothers’ behavior which your mother is apparently accepting, society views it as standard for a young man in the process of selecting a mate.

    If you are uncomfortable with your bros behavior then have a sisterly chat with him and just maybe that will influence change. In the meantime, if you still disagree with your moms position towards you pack your “sheet” and leave. Grown folks who want to do their own “things” without objections or interference get their own place 8) to woo-lay their…

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