DEAR BELLA: Need advice to get over a break up

Dear BellaDear Bella,

I need serious help. I broke up with the father of my 2-year-old daughter because I found two ladies in his room and when I asked him about it, he told me to piss off.

I don’t know what went wrong. Now the problem is that I still love him so much I can’t even think straight.

The worst part is that he is now living with that new girl of his. We have been dating for four to five years but he just woke and changed in one night.

I need advice on how to get over the break up.

Need Help


Dear Need Help,

I was actually hoping that the New Year would start off with some good exciting news that perhaps women are getting stronger and wiser.

This email dashed all my hopes. I think you should take the advice of your child’s father and “piss off”. Why would you want advice on whether you should actually leave this man when he was clear to begin with? You cannot love someone who doesn’t love you. Love is a two-way street. You seem to be suggesting that his sudden non-interest in you happened overnight but I am pretty sure it didn’t.

There must have been some signals you ignored.

But then again you claim that you love him so much you can’t even think straight. Someone once told me “when your heart is broken, fix your mind” and I will borrow that old saying from my friend who left me with that message weeks before he died.

My dear, getting over the break-up depends on your ability to accept the fact that this man isn’t worth it. Think of it this way, what sense does it make fighting to get over someone who could get over you in the blink of an eye? Move on. Learn to love yourself first…It perhaps is the greatest gift of all.



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  1. HAHA
    May 10, 2017

    dear bella

    you need to get educated on what you do. she did not asked to be scrutinized she asked for advise on how to get over it. you telling the girl her email ” dashed all hope” nah man.

    “I was actually hoping that the New Year would start off with some good exciting news that perhaps women are getting stronger and wiser.

    This email dashed all my hopes”

    That whole statement was UNNECESSARY!!!!!

  2. Positive
    January 16, 2017

    Love hurts. After a breakup you’ll feel like you want to get back with the person but dont let that get to you. Move on and love yourself.

  3. hmmm
    January 9, 2017

    u need to move on with your life if his now living with the new gf its clear to see that he choose her over you. If he had love you he would have you and you all daughter living with him…….. hun a break-up is always hard but use this as your time to heal and focus on yourself and most importantly your daughter ….. forget him he is not worth it

  4. The Eel
    January 9, 2017

    I always knew one day we would find a solution to end hatred and violence and what a way to start. You never share a home with a partner unless you love him or her enough to marry. You either have a wife or a lady and if you address the lady as my woman that means she belongs to any man.The happiest days in my life is to hear these words, His wife is here and so everybody back off. If I am at a meeting they said, we have to excuse him because his wife is here

    January 6, 2017

    Two words… child support! that will set him straight quick!
    Also people just don’t change overnight… you knew who you were getting involved with, now you have a kid the responsibility is a shared one. the time for childish games are over!

  6. Black Magic
    January 5, 2017

    Love is like a drug because it causes the brain to release serotonin (happy hormone) in the body. when that person dumps you, you chase after them like a junkie looking for a new fix. The GP we get are the withdrawal symptoms, you feel that you need this person to be happy. You have to be strong and stay away from that person, or else you will never heal

  7. Danziger
    January 4, 2017

    My dear do like Danzi stay away from Man, no stress,no pain, no KONBOSS AND LOVE YR SELF CUZ that’s the greatest gift of all. I’m enjoying life right now my husband is hard work AMEN.

  8. January 4, 2017

    If you are not married to this man he does not belong to you any more than he does to the new woman he is with.

    Any man who is not your lawfully wed husband who has a sexual relationship with you should not be trusted to stay with you. He is apt to leave you for another woman if he meets one who appeals to him because that is the kind of man he is. He does not live by the moral laws of God because if he does he would not have been with you in the first place.

    The Bible forbids fornication which includes pre-marital sex, extra marital sex, and homosexuality. It is any sexual relationship outside marriage. God has given us the model or blueprint for marriage in Matthew 19:4-6. It is one man and one woman until parted by death. No human government has the authority to redefine marriage. It is not theirs to redefine.

    • January 4, 2017

      Continuation …

      You may want to examine what the Bible says about fornication in 1 Corinthians 6:9,10, and 18.

      A life that ignores the Word of God and His moral code does not work well. It is not the good life. It does not create a loving caring marriage relationship. Those who chose this path usually do not have a peaceful home and a strong and successful family.

      Your break-up with this man at the moment is painful. But rather than cut the dog\’s tale off an inch at a time it will be less painful if you tell him once and for all it is over and separate from him completely. Let the healing begin. In time God will have the right man for you with the intelligence to know a clean life before marriage leads to a wholesome marriage of respect, trust, and genuine love. That is the best atmosphere in which to raise your precious little girl.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

    • zandoli
      January 5, 2017

      Rev. you talked about a man BELONGING to a woman?

      I am a married man and I lover my wife very much. I would not do anything to hurt her. Her happiness is very important to me. However, I don’t belong to her, neither does she belong to me.

      BELONGING denotes possession.

      • January 7, 2017

        Glad to see you have a good marriage. I wish more people did. There are so many broken hearts and homes in this day and age.

        Zandoli, there is a mutual belonging. A man belongs to his wife and she belongs to him. They belong to each other. Isn\’t this wonderful :?: This is because they are no longer two but one as Jesus said in Matthew 19:6. Read what St. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:3,4!

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

  9. Shameless
    January 4, 2017

    That good for you. Yes you I talking to. You all like to treat man like shit or they are not important in a relationship and when they walk is when allu crying. Good for you because when men stay quiet and refuse to lift a finger you all take them for granted. So my dear go and shake your bag where you sold the coals. The man is finally happy so you better move on 8) 8)

    Always assertive but can be aggressive! :twisted:

    • Anonymous
      January 5, 2017


      • Hoolahoop
        January 8, 2017

        HAHAHAHAHA thats why you went east you couldnt face the pressure. :mrgreen:

  10. Strong
    January 4, 2017

    Think of this. The woman he’s with now isn’t going to get any better treatment. He’s still going to tell her to piss off. He no longer wants you so it was very easy for him to say “piss off” and move on. He wasn’t loyal to begin with. It was just a mater of time before you found out. Now that you did, accept it. Time heals. When you’re feeling to give up remember your daughter and be strong for her. He is a waste of time and i’m sure he isn’t worth your time.

  11. Teenager
    January 4, 2017

    well said Bella

  12. TINA
    January 4, 2017

    HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH. But Bella you blunt today eh. But is true. Some people need a rude awakening. The man told you piss off and you coming and ask advice? Well if Bella’s reply wasn’t blunt enough then I dont know what is.

    Happy New Year

  13. Dominican
    January 4, 2017

    Dear Bella, this is exactly how I got over my break up, I decided that the guy is worth it, he does not deserve me, then I moved on. I felt so much better when I accepted this. People go digging into themselves looking for faults when the fault was in choosing the wrong man.

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