DEAR BELLA: Is my partner being abusive? I need your advice

Dear Bella,

I’m engaged to and live with my partner. We’ve been together for some years now and I feel like I know him well. Our relationship was very positive until recently. We had some personal hardships and ever since then, he has refused to be open with me and talk to me about his emotions which is unlike him.

No matter how I try to work with him on repairing things, even if I step back and do nothing at all, he keeps his distance emotionally or blows up over small things that would have never caused an outburst before. What is worse is when he does blow up out of nowhere, he never apologizes for what he does and makes himself busy with whatever is at hand. I don’t understand why this is hard for him because it feels natural for me to apologize for what I do wrong.

It hurts to say that during a fight, he said, “One day you’ll just shut up and learn to take it…” “It” being his angry outbursts which consist of yelling and calling me names. Is it abusive for him to expect me to “learn” to lie down and take his outbursts without standing up for myself? Is it bad that I expect better from him still, or should this be a red flag for me that I should give up?

Thanks,

Anonymous


Hello Anonymous,

It seems your fiance has deep rooted issues. It clearly indicates that whenever his back is against the wall he snaps and that’s bad.

While he can change, he must first be willing to accept that he has an issue and needs help.

Many times, couples don’t listen to their partners. So I am suggesting you and he talk to a neutral person.

I mean, is there any close friend that can hear your concerns out without taking sides?. I am pretty sure your fiance may have issues with certain things about you too.

Meanwhile, asking you to shut up and face his moods is a red flag. So that needs to be addressed too.

If he refuses to change his ways towards you then it is your choice whether you want to continue the relationship.

Best,

Bella

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2 Comments

  1. Hello
    September 9, 2019

    You need to get out of this relationship. This verbal abuse may just turn violent one day, so get out while you have the chance!

  2. Maybe
    September 9, 2019

    Lady In that modern world i don’t think you should take that abuse if is me i pack and go or i ask him to leave lady put your foot down God always provides better opportunities where one door close a better one is open

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