I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years and we have a six-month-old son.
Lately I have begun to doubt him. He started to act weird, doing things he is not accustom of doing; staying online late hours, shaving his private parts, getting phone calls and texts at odd hours.
So I decided to test him.
I created a fake Facebook account and I added him. I posted pics of a sexy girl I found through Google.
He accepted almost immediately. I began to chat with him. And the conversation he had hurt me to the core.
He told the fake account that he was single, he wanted to meet up with her, he had no children.
He disowned me and his son.
He even asked for a phone number, so I gave him my friend’s number and asked her to pretend to be the woman, which she did.
One night while lying in bed playing with our son I got a text from my friend saying that he was texting her stuff about sex.
It hurt so much to see that I was lying right next to him with his son and he is texting another woman.
I’m lost, I have been a faithful girlfriend. I do everything for him. We make love least four times a week, I cook, I clean, I wash, I do everything I am suppose too as a woman and he turns around and cheats on me.
I feel so used, depressed and unappreciated.
I don’t understand why he would do this to me. I am torn because I need his help with the rent and bills and taking care of our son.
I can’t do it on my own but don’t want to stay with this cheating man.
Confused
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Dear Confused,
Once a relationship reaches the stage of distrust and mind games, there is an honesty problem. You may feel justified in satisfying your curiosity as to what was really going on with your boyfriend, but you did not think through your reaction to whatever you would learn to be his action. I take it that you were hoping that your suspicions were wrong.
No matter what you do, say and think towards an individual, at the end of the day, the only person’s actions that you can control are yours. You should never determine your worth based on what someone thinks or does. Never invalidate the essential contribution that you made and continue to make in your boyfriend’s life.
If this behaviour is something new, then it could be that he is reacting to the new baby. Maybe he is experiencing some feelings of discontent and dissatisfaction and even fear at his new responsibility.
You are hurting because you still love him. You need to come clean with him and let him know that you know what he has been doing and you know that he has been denying his family. Do not give too much details as he will start doubting you and questioning your motives. Make him know that you love him and that you would like to work through this.
If he is not willing to, you will have to let go. Your son needs you and your energies need to be focused in that direction. If your boyfriend is not content with what you have to offer, seven days of sex and even mowing the lawn will mean nothing to him. You need to come clean with him because that is the only place where the games will stop.
Bella
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We draw to us the kind of person we are ourselves. If this man was a good person he would not living in a sexual relationship with a woman he is not married to. Obviously you have attracted a fornicator to yourself.
Now you are getting the feeling that he is acting strangely. I am not surprised! You are not married. Neither of you belong to each other like a husband and wife would. If he would fornicate with you of course he would fornicate with another woman.
You need to talk things over with this man and get him to agree to marry you so your home life can be an example to your child or separate from him.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.
This is why I always preach independence within a relationship. Independence in a sense of no matter how great a man takes care of you, it is great to have something going for yourself as well. Even if it is a little job on the side because at the end of the day, when you soley dependent on a man to provide for you he will do whatever he pleases without having to feel threatened that you will leave him. That is when he will take advantage and you will end up feeling used and unapprecited. Just a thought!
my darling I know exactly how you feel because I’ve lived it and more. so take my word when I tell you all you need to do is let go. you are afraid of letting go but once you do sweetheart everything will be fine. Put your trust in the greatest lover and friend Jesus Christ. your family will always be your family but hon nobody can love you like you. As a queen you deserved to be loved and appreciated by your king. abuse of any kind is wrong and you need to make a choice: Life or Death. May the Lord be with you.
single life is happier, simpler and less complicated. Yes you can feel lonely by yourself at times, but you rather feel lonely by yourself that to be lonely in a relationship. Miserable women often fool others into believing that they are happy with someone else when they are going through hells, heartache, stress, pain, rejection and hurt. Just take time to heal one day at a time.
ladies…. Pumpum always in demand…. allu filing cabinet always FULLLLLLLLLLL with applicants whether there is a vacancy or NOT….. getting a good woman to take you serious as a man is like looking for employment in Dominica, ur application most times going on file for future reference…..
when allu pick up and go, within a matter of days, it have some other fool there waiting on hand and knees to please and flatter allu…
some men just like the little flirt on the side….not that they’re necessarily in pursuit of anyone else, but just to make sure they still got it…..(LIKE YOU ALL DO)
cuz lets face it ladies….as allu say girls run the world….. and pumpum always higher price and priority than sausage…..
even mothers tell their sons how all men are dogs…. keep tearing a man down and expect what?????? and allu investigative skill soooooooooo good sometimes even innocent man doing time..
so what make u think another man is not going to EVENTUALLY give you the same problem…..
I’m convinced that most women are over the cukoos nest…….just going through life, exchanging one bag of problems for another…. hoping with fingers crossed that the NEXT one will turn out better…..
I can never forget, a woman told me man is the easiest thing for a woman to get…. easier to get a man than to pick up dirt on the ground…
ladies. ….is that true????
I have a story – I am a divorcee, with one boy in high school. I am in a relationship with a man for just over a year. I met him with his girlfriend, but it was convenient for us both. We are still with each other, and he still has her as his girlfriend whom he says he loves, but has issues with. I think he just wants me for the things I buy him, and the sex. The few times I have gone out with other men, he has got really upset, but he has his girlfriend. I have tried to get out of it, but he keeps coming back. I know it is wrong and I feel sorry for his girlfriend too, but she knows about it and stays, so am I wrong to stay as his side chick?
@ taking control: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that’s just nasty. put one of your feet in that girls flip flops.
My man is cheating on me, not the first time. He works on the port and has had more than one woman before and his friends always covering for him. His women even come by my job and call me, I don’t know why I cannot leave him, but every time I confront him, he convinces me that he loves me and its people making up stories. I know he lies. I have a job and live with my parents, but I don’t know how to let him go. I met him when I was going through a tough time with a man who was abusing me physically. I know that his cheating is just another form of abuse, but I can’t let go. I feel stupid and weak, and i wish I could just walk away, but I can’t. I too need help.I also get physically ill when I find out these things. The sad part is that I do not have support from my family because they think he is nice and they want me to stay with him, and when we vex they interfere. Last story some woman was pregnant and had an abortion for him, he said it was not true. How do I get out?
my girl give it to the lord in prayer and you need to let this man know how you feel.you got to love yourself honey.Dont go stressing yourself you got this baby he/she needs you ,one day the same shit he is doing to you someone else will ride him what goes around comes around .just dont go doing wrong like he is and god will surely take care of you.patience my girl and ask god to open your mind and give you courage.
this sounds like a very bad episode of MTV’s Catfish.
I’m speaking on your boyfriends behalf… You hurt because you still need his rent and child support money. What love got to do with it? Move back in with family, let him pay child support while he pursues his endless worldly pleasures lol. You feel used and unappreciated because you are being used and unappreciated. Also realize that you’re using and unappreciating your boyfriend too. Using him for security, tolee and money, wanting to keep all the tolee for yourself while unappreciating his magnificent presence!
Seriously… The time you took to create a Facebook account, get pictures from Google, create the page, and organize the entrapment strategy with your girlfriend… you could be cooking him food and talking to him about what’s missing or what you want out of the relationship. Girl either discuss yours and his expectations together or move! You’re not a victim stop acting like one. UDOHREADYET!
boy this is so sad some times but inevitable. my man for seven years afraid of commitment. for over a year now i have im pickney. cook. clean. wash. and the list goes on and still have to work.
in the end what have i got? instead of keepin us company hes never there.
come to think abt it this past year he started never being home coming home at all hours or not coming at all.
think every day is xmas? one day i will pack my waks and leave.
This may seem harsh so don’t take it too personal just reflect. First of all cooking, cleaning and working is the same as, eating , bathing and sleeping. Its part of life. The fact that you mention it means you don’t do much else yet have entitlement written all over you. normally the man is the major provider, so doing your part should not even be an issue of mention. Imagine a man saying ‘I have to screw her, buy her dinner, drive her places, protect her etc. It doesn’t sound right coming from either… everyone has their part to play in a relationship, most of them fail because someone stops doing what they should do because the other person is doing too much.
when u pack and go who losing most??? you??? him???? or your child??????
and if you have explicit directions to the promised land …… please post so all of us can find there……
allu had allu time to be LIBRE now is time to make whatever sacrifice allu have to make for allu children…..is now springtime start??????
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i Seeee
I am currently in a relationship where the man is sexting and dealing with other women too. I love him and its hard to leave, but I am working on that. He has no repect for me, and always manages to turn stuff round where it looks like my fault. Getting out is hard, but find friends who will support you emotionally through this and try to move on. This is toxic and rather unsafe for your health. Focus on you, and your son. Move on without the hate, just let him go without drama. Let him be someone else’s problem. My man has another woman too, and as much as it hurts I figured out that when i feel like he treats me like shit, I realized that it is me allowing him to do that and I do have the power to stop it. His loss when you are gone. A better man will come along.
Stuppessssssssss. You put yourself in it. Stop the crying.
Young lady I’ve been in a similar situation. You’ve got your proof and I know you love him and you think you need him but you don’t. It was very hard for me because here is a man I loved and a baby I adored. I was heart broken and I left. Leaving is not the easiest thing believe me but I thought of how much I loved him and how little he cared for me. He didn’t deserve my love so after he left for work I packed up, took my baby and went by a trusted family member and friend. I cried for days then I realized I was crying over nothing. I woke up one morning and decided that I was going to clean up my act and do better because I have a baby to take care of. It was a struggle but I managed to take it one step at a time. Today he’s going to one of the top schools in the state hallelujah thank you Jesus. You can do honey…I’ll be praying for you. Remember, you are stronger than you think….Best of luck to you and your baby.
Girl let me tell you that, you will be surprised of the kinds of things you find out when you do these things.
I had a similar situation couple years ago. But your case is like the worst one, cause he disown you and the child. They thing is he trying to impress a woman, that is why he disown yyou all.
The more you pretend on that account, the more you gonna hurt yourself, trust me. Cause it will get worst. People could have much long conversations overnight on FB. That is how it is today with modern technology
All you are not ready to love yet. Stay out. The problem seem to be you, and not the man.
amen
All u those young folks just not learning from us who been there and done that.You were told over and over again, finish your education seek to become independent lay out your own foundation YET is a child and boyfriend you wanted to give priority. Child and boyfriends or even girlfriends not going nowhere they have been there and will be there for a long long time, you all need to HEAR and UNDERSTAND that, so who dosent hear will feel.
Here is what to do. Let your girlfriend set up a date with this rouge and instead of she being there, you will be the one waiting for him. When he comes and he see it’s you, tell him how it is and he will have to bend or break. It is time you all stop making some men think you all cannot do better or cannot do without them. You deserve better. And hell yeah, you can do it. All the best.
You people are really gullible……haven’t any of you ever heard of MTV’s Catfish?!!
I’m feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don’t know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don’t do the things you use to do.
You don’t even say I love you too.
And lately I’ve been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.
Girlfriend u deserve better.
Most times some of all you women go pick up men who are already in their ‘bad habits’ and all you expect them to change when they meet all you. Things nar work so.Many times we the women are our worst enemies.
I am sorry about your situation, I have known persons in similar situations and experienced some of this myself before i finally found the love of my life. I do not fault you for checking up on him… remember, you did this AFTER his behavior changed, you were not the instigator, don’t let people make you feel bad. Trust, if you had gone to him without proof (at least for yourself) he would have denied everything, made you feel like you are crazy, used your ‘crazy’ suspicions as a reason to spend even more time out of the house. You would be doubting yourself and blaming yourself by the time he was finished with his head games. The man is a selfish bastard. I don’t care what ‘changes’ he’s feeling because of the baby, you are feeling changes too and you need his support and help more than ever. When a man is this selfish, truly there is nothing you can do. No amount of sex or excellent house cleaning will make him appreciate you because it’s not about you. It’s about him. My humble advice would be to ask him a few direct questions, if he lies, then let him know about your evidence. If YOU want to give him a chance, make your clear stipulations on the changes he will have to make to keep his little family. Even if he changes please don’t marry him unless he shows changes and effort for a considerable time period. If he is not willing to work on it, if he says one thing and done the next, end the relationship and seek legal advice on child support so that you get the financial assistance you and you child need. Do not feel sorry for this loser. He wasn’t feeling sorry for you when he was sexting. Never fear, you WILL find someone who will adore and respect you and your child if he does not.
I wish you the best.
“make your clear stipulations on the changes he will have to make to keep his little family. Even if he changes please don’t marry him unless he shows changes and effort for a considerable time period. If he is not willing to work on it, if he says one thing and done the next, end the relationship and seek legal advice on child support so that you get the financial assistance you and you child need. Do not feel sorry for this loser. He wasn’t feeling sorry for you when he was sexting. Never fear, you WILL find someone who will adore and respect you and your child if he does not.”
It look like willie lynch put out a book on how to train a man?? good luck with your clinically precise advice.
rather than talk it over with the man you prefer to set him up.he is not your man he is not married to you.man you run for your life as fast and quick as you can
alll i can say to u darling is, go to the lord in prayer, seek him first before mekin any decision
I bet all those who are saying to leave the boyfriend and go, if they would just pick up and go just like that. Majority of men and a lot of women do cheat on their significant other. Maybe you need to have a serious talk with him about his weird behavior and if he is not making any attempts of changing, then give him an ultimatum
i have am in a simmilar boat. hum? thinking….
it have some man eh. dey just never miss the water till the well run dry.
leave his rascat.
but hey then again, who in the kitchen feels the heat.
u do right set him up, women these days have to play detective when it comes to men. they have good women and they always there to risk it for a quickie. All cat is cat, i dont see why he have to be chasing other kittens. So sad that he would risk his family for a woman he dont even know. if he loved you he would not have even paid any attention to this woman
come by me darlin,u want my cell number
No Trust, No Love. Get out before he hurts you again. Once a cheater, always cheater.
The man is learning to deal with the change in the relationship. You may not be as into him as before, you are busy with the baby, maybe he just trying to cope with the change. And the easier thing to do is look for comfort in someone else.
Why are you trying to set him up? You and your friend are playing him…did the girl. Did your friend also tell you she responded favourable to his ‘passes’?
Stop playing the victim, speak to him, get a baby sitter, go out on a date, and make some good love, jezz! Deal with your issues!
But I dont understand u… what u mean they playing him? The girl did the right thing! Some of us men to damn dirty… yes, I m a man too, but change or no change, he has no respect for his woman. He put the baby there and now u saying he may have a problem with the baby´s presence… what nononse is that! The man is a dog, period!
AMEN baby!
your woman have a good man
i feel Ur pain i can relate very well he my man did all the above and lots more i dump the bastard and now am happy with who i meet after am in the driving seat now not controlling but about everything just the two of us no third party just pray my girl and take care of yourself and your son it’s the two of u now you find happiness.
woman want to call men dogs then when the act like dogs they r disappointed.
baby if u done with ur man u will not get one much better that is how we men are,
We are at our best in the 1st yr of the relationship then when we are cemented in your lives thats it
A real good man is hard to find so is u as the woman that need to respect your self.
When a lady goes out n she think she is dressed hot unless a man don’t call her she is not satisfied, she don’t need to respond but she need atleast a pssss or hi sexy to make her feel confident but on the other hand what does a guy have to do to make him feel confident ? Call a lady n see if she responds good.
Ladies we have to do what we have to do to see if we still got it
These men never appreciate a good woman when they have one. God is not a sleeping police he will be there for you just call upon his name. Confront your man with the info you have but don’t let him know too much because you may want use the same resources in the future; just let him know that you are aware of what he does. Good Luck!
Darling pray to God and ask for guidance. He’s the only one whom you can trust and who never makes mistakes. I feel for you. It must be very distressing
my lady and all single ladies first advice donot live with no man unless u are married all they will think of if i have the cow why buy the milk? i know because it happen to me and i was thinking just like u,but never put this thought in your mind that u need a man.
i was with a man almost the same i dump him and i did it all on my own and the help of my family today he is 24 with a colledge degree and a good job .so dump his A% and walk with your head high
That’s what I’m talking about.
woman want to call men dogs then when the act like dogs they r disappointed.
baby if u done with ur man u will not get one much better that is how we men are,
We are at our best in the 1st yr of the relationship then when we are cemented in your lives thats it
A real good man is hard to find so is u as the woman that need to respect your self.
When a lady goes out n she think she is dressed hot unless a man don’t call her she is not satisfied, she don’t need to respond but she need atleast a pssss or hi sexy to make her feel confident but on the other hand what does a guy have to do to make him feel confident ? Call a lady n see if she responds good.
Ladies we have to do what we have to do to see if we still got it
Here we go again,Bella making up some more story.
Well Said Bella. Bella i always believe Good Men rarely meet good women and good women rarely meet good men, but when it does happen it’s everlasting.
I am a good man and trust me i have been through hells women the women i have had in my life. But i pray to God he will deliver me.
Peace out
you invite the man to chat , seduce the man make the man feel somebody want to pass it and u don’t expect a man to respond unless u thought he was gay.. I bet initially any man honest or not would accept the invitation and fall for that trap.. You should not have done that in the first place men do say things they don’t mean when their brains start thinking under panty…
seriously>>>u sound like a man who treats women the same way. so she is just supposed to sit there do all the work in the relationship and he gets to throw his d*** at every woman who shows interest?? wish he does it and his thingy falls off!! allu man too disgusting!
girl leave mister, stupes…..if he can fall for a woman he never know, never see, that means he’d do anything in a skirt.
OH YEAH MY GP ON ME
Good advice bella for once in your life