Dear Bella: I’m in my 20’s and currently living with my boyfriend for the past year-and-a-half. We have been together for four years. I am beginning to get frustrated because he doesn’t pay any bills.
We have internet which I am responsible for and I pay each month; Pay As You Go electricity which is clearly not an issue and we don’t pay rent, but he is responsible for paying the water bill and he never gets around to do it. I would not mind if he was giving me any money to go pay it, but every time I remind him he says he will do it but never does.
There was this time where I spoke to him and he said he was going to pay the bills and change but that was back in April. Besides, he doesn’t buy me things or gives me money. Not that I want anything, but at least I can say that’s where his money went because he bought me this or bought me that. I’m not the kind of girl that asks for things, I could care less if a guy does not buy me anything but shows some responsibility. I’m at the end of my rope with him. I love him but I can’t have a man in my life with this kind of attitude!! I’m fed up of talking. I want to finish with him but I don’t know how. He is keeping me back. Please help me!!!
Dear anonymous,
You sound like a very independent woman, and many women should take a page from your book. Yet that is no reason for your partner to take advantage of you; he simply does not own up to the definition of what a man is supposed to represent. What sort of obligations does he have that is preventing him from paying a water bill that I’m sure is not high at month end since if you work you’re away from home for the better part of the day. Communication is important in any relationship, and it’s not like you’re merely venting, rather you have approached him about your concern and when he still refuses to change that is sad.
You should threaten him with a breakup, and if that does not strike a nerve I don’t know what will. If you truly love him I don’t think you should impulsively get up and leave, but tell him that this is not working out and he is not living up to his responsibilities as your ideal man should. Monitor his reaction and behavior afterward to see if he will actually change for the better.
Bella.
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Well,we have some real interesting woman in DA.
Girl what you doing with a man that doesn’t take up responsibilities?Are you a sugar Mommy?Giving man whatever they want and their money is for other woman?
I have a man,He pays everything! Light,Water,Internet,Food,Insurance everything!
I recently had a baby.He bought everything! He even bought a vehicle for us so i won’t have to take Bus with our little baby.
All my money accumulating in the credit union!!!!!!!!!!!!That’s a MAN.I Can’t wait to get married.
Wise up yourself girl!Get a man!
mine wont pay bills either adn he makes 2000 a month. When I try and mention ways to get my bills paid when i dont have the money he cries broke. he pays nothing at all.
You two are playing house, why should he pay the bills? Leave him and the next time you move in with a man, make sure that it is your husband.
Girl u need to run I’m available if u wish, suit yourself.
@Independent woman:
Independent woman, if you really want to hookup…. leave a message here… and we will take it from here…. if not.. well.. or well ce la vi..
peace
listen to me my dear, mister is a looser.run ,run i tell you.He is just using you .He is not paying bills and still not giving you nothing ,girl you crazy.I bet he want sex almost every night .That dog ,leave him ,when month almost end pack your things and go ,leave all the bills for him to pay.He must ask himself a question.I bet you he have another woman and you is the lavabo .They must be laughing you.Girl wise up.D/A women are smarter than that.
My dear, my advise to you is try to find a way to get rid of this guy. He is an opportunist and it’s not going to be easy trying to get him to help you pay any bills. I was once in a relationship with a guy who claimed to be getting raise annually and boasting how much he made. He hardly paid his bills , his electricity, water, marpin were disconnected almost every month. It was embarassing to see Courts come to his house to pick up his tv etc. I felt sorry for him because he never had anything to give me ( not even an icecream). Always borrowing from me and promising to pay back ;which I never got back. I grew fed up with all that bull …I left him, now I’m happily married with this wonderful guy who gives me whatever I want. I don’t have to ask
One evening I was walking in town with a few girlfriends.
A few guys on the side of the road were picking and choosing which one of us they liked.
Then one said, “Me, professional woman I want we, for her to buy de house, de car and to bale me out of jail.”
Interesting isn’t it? That’s why women have to be always smart and know what it is that a man is about before she commits herself to him fully or enter a serious relationship.
ladies, ladies,
not all of us are bad,and so sorry for her she should find her own place, and live by her self,but…talk to him first see his reaction,if it not possitive pull out, my last relationship, the woman had my card,she ask for 400,- doll to go buy some things, (although I allready give her money) she I give her the pin code,after a week i chk my balance sheet ,I had a shookI talk to her and yet she want to fight about it,so what to do,leave her I did that no more trust in woman with moneyand she was not the only who I trust in the same situation,
so girl take care and find out before he drain you out
I applaud you for being an independent minded young woman. There are very few of us out there. I am a single parent raising a five year old and i pay all of my bills ON TIME (sometimes it gets tough but i just keep my head up, never like people to know i am in need of anything).
I certainly do not need a man to define me.
I believe men respects women that are independent rather than those who depend on them for everything.
Girl you will find out that you do much better paying your way through life than to depend on those little $10 and $20 dollars man want to give you every time is his fortnight. Take it from me.
Ms Independent
@AbovetheFold: hmmmmmmm,interesting, think we should meet up cus i ve been searchig for a good man and i ve nt found one. good men r so hard to find
I have reason to believe that alot of the local men deliberately depend on their woman. I am not saying if we are in a relationship and you cannot afford something I cannot cover for it if I am able but these guys do take it for a habit at times. I am an independent woman because I dont depend on men for money and whenever I find myself with a guy who doesnt fit the criteria or meet up to the standard, (cuz sometimes their at that level, then they begin to fluctuate, then they just turn all messed up on you), I have little difficulty in saying good bye.
Women have to stand for something because if u fail to represent for something then its rather easy to fall for anything. You need someone who is more responsible, who manages his money better. At most times its best to be with one you can learn from and grow with instead of being with a guy who you gain not even a simplest knowledge about the better aspects of life from.
Also ( I dont see why you should be in a relationship where you have to request money from your spouse…thats just too cheap…. obviously women have needs… why dont you give them monthly allowances) left to me I will not approach any guy for his money. You as the man needs to know that you are receiving services so you have to deliver at the end of the day)….just an after thought
Thumbs up young lady – our men need to grow up and stop looking to be “mothered”.
Indeed there are still good men out there.. who admires any woman who is independent…. I am one of them.. and I am single
Why? Because I still looking for an independent woman …….
Girl he is a leecher he is using you and let me tell you how to leave him…PACK UP OR DONT BOTHER PACKING HIS THINGS JUST THROW IT IN THE FRONT YARD OR PUT IT ON THE FRONT STEP SO WHEN HE COMES HOME HE WILL GET THE MESSAGE there is no simple way of leaving these loosser men JUST DO IT.. If you already paying your own bills you sure dont need him so KICK HIM TO THE CURB..AMEN
my girl kick him out..he not giving u anything yet he cant pay his bills ahh magwa sa. girl u good u still with him. i can understand if he always getting u stuff that he get carried away buying things for u his money run short. he is spending it on someone else or he is getting rich on ur money. be careful
@Heartfelt:
i cant agree more to what youre saying…well said….
My dear, after going through the break ups and make ups and not finding anyone out there I would like to be with I’ve decided to be by myself for a while. Please don’t be like most women who believe that they “need” a man to take care of them even when he’s not the best choice. I am also an independent woman who pays my rent and bills without depending on a man because believe me, the worst position to be in is one where you depend on a man who treats you like trash. Now, I understand that things can be difficult and there are times we cannot make it on our own, but, ladies there are still good guys out there. The only reason men keep treating us the way they do is because we keep giving them the time of day when they don’t deserve it. On the other hand, some of us do find good guys and mess up what we have.
I have also come across guys who believe that independent women are bossy and full of themselves and make life difficult but being an independent woman means that you have set a criteria for yourself. It means that you have certain expectations where men are concerned and you are in a position to move away from a relationship if things are not working out rather than stick around in a dead or hot and cold love affair. So, the best advice out there is if your man doesn’t want to grow up and become the man he should be then show him the door.
The man is on a joy ride.
And if his money is not being spent on you, look closer because he may well be spending it on another ‘you’.
This sounds like the typical relationship of convenience that a lot of men settle into and take advantage of women while they spend fortunes on someone else. Don’t be a fool. Demand the money.