How can I compete?

Dear Bella: I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is ambitious, hard-working and takes good care of me. He also knows how to ‘put it down!’ You would think that I would be content but the truth is Bella, I am miserable.

My man is fine and I know other women throw themselves at him. I think he is cheating although I can’t prove it. He refuses to give me his passwords for his email and his Facebook. His phone has passwords for everything. When I ask him what he has to hide he says I have no respect for his privacy.

The thing is Bella that I know he was a ladies man before I got with him because he had slept with several women I know, but I thought I could change him.When I ask him if he cheats he says no, but even if he does it shouldn’t matter because I’m  the ‘wifey’. How can I keep these women away from my man?

Distressed!

Dear Distressed:

You’re insecure and if you keep this up it will cost you the relationship. Some individuals are very private.

If you do not trust him why enter into a relationship with him? Trust is one of the ingredients that keeps a relationship together. Insecurity will crash everything.

If he is cheating you will find out soon enough, but hawking him won’t help. It will make him even tighter. Eventually he will get annoyed and start mistrusting you. My advice is to trust him. Furthermore, access to peoples emails and social networks are not usually advisable from a security standpoint.

Bella


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15 Comments

  1. May 17, 2013

    Distressed: When people refuse to obey and live by God’s laws they open the door to many problems. This is the reason for most of the problems in the world today. If you are in a sexual relaionship with a man you are not legally married to you are committing the sin God calls fornication in the Bible. Please read Galatians 5:19-21. This man does not belong to you any more than he belongs to any of the women you suspect him of cheating on you with, unless of course he is married to one of them. You should know you are not anybody special to him. You are only another woman for him to fornicate with. For these kind of men it is a game keeping one woman from finding out about the others. But when they are drinking with their male friends they frequently boast about their conquests. Some of then even pass on the names. Unfortunately, many nice young ladies become part of this low life because they feel inferior and don`t think they fit into the better class of society. But Distressed, you CAN do better! A whole different culture is out there waiting for you! It is SO different some of us could not believe what our eyes were reading when we began following the BELLA columns. I invite you to visit my website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca and cick onto the EAGLE COURSE. This 12 Lesson Workbook Manual can be studied from the screen or copied absolutely free. The very first lesson will explain how you can receive Jesus Christ as your Saviour and begin a new life that is so full it overflows! There is nothing to buy. There is nothing to join. Just a whole new begining for you to step into. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  2. chemist
    June 11, 2010

    “but I thought I could change him” are u serious……when will women learn that they cannot change men. If you decide to be with someone is because you accept them the way they are. And why do you want his passwords….I’m sorry bout someone’s email, facebook, cellphone is there privacy. If he chooses he wants to share it with you then so be it. A relationship is all about trust. You knew what you were getting into before you entered the relationship so stop acting that it just happen over night.

  3. June 10, 2010

    my friend man will always be man right . but if u trust yr self u can trust yr man ok. each and everyone has some private tings u being his woman and diggin in all wat he hav might make u lose him u don’t want that right ok. A ll you hve to do now is put all dat in GOD’s hand and ask hm to help u ok ask him to change yr man make him faithful and honest and to be open to u . bec norting beats prayers trust me it will happen

  4. CB CUZ
    June 9, 2010

    Stupes stupes stupes..You suspect he is cheating? Girl he is cheating and you know darn well because thats how you got him by cheating with him on his other women. Like you say you think you can change him but you should remember that a ZEBRA cannot change its stripes…all you women too like to get with other people men and then think all you can change them..girl wat you had think you would would lie with dogs and not get fleas haha sweetheart keep scratching because he na going change deal with it or leave..stupes stupes

  5. what u saing
    June 9, 2010

    in this time we are leaving trust us very much important, if you can trust him
    leave because his is hiding something form you , you did not indicate that you all
    were married, but in a relationship , his has not fullly committed to you so he wont give you his
    pass word for anything. so if you dont trust him leave the man alone and get on woth your life
    there is someone better out there for you, my husband and i know’s each other
    password because there is nothing to hide in our marriage , trust is the key for every one
    relationship to move forward.

  6. Clem
    June 9, 2010

    Distressed is much better than depressed.
    If your guy wants to destroy his life by running women that is his problem. It is just a question of time before his world tumbles down. For now let him know what your concerns are and what the possible consequences are. Let him know you are giving him your all. But remind him that this could change if he gives you any reason to do so.

    If you think the relationship is not working, then move on. Because things will only get worse. If you are happy and satisfied you won’t need the man’s passwords etc.

    I wonder what would happen if you became friends with some of those people you are suspicious of before asking the big question to both of them? Maybe we put too much emphasis on having a man or woman. When the relationship is not happy and healthy it prevents us from reaching our full potential. Just give it up, get some closure and move on.

  7. Righteoous!
    June 9, 2010

    Mamselle is just another stupid fool. Why do you want his passwords….He may not necessarily be doing anything wrong, but it is just the principle. The mere fact that you ask for his passwords causes the resistance.

    What are you afraid or worried about…If that relationship is causing you such stress, why don’t you get out of it. If not, just lay down and let him, as you say, “put it down” good, cause that is what you apparently like since that is all you mentioned….well and he takes care of you…

    Having his password will not change how he “put it down.” So just chill and “take it up.”

  8. June 9, 2010

    IT WILL BE VERY HARD KEEPING THOSE LADIE’S FROM YOUR MAN BECAUSE HE HIDES EVERYTHING AWAY FROM YOU. AND WITH ALL OF THESE DESIESES OUT THERE YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE CONCERN IT IS NO SUCH THING AS AT THE END OF THE DAY IS YOU HE IS COMING HOME TOO BECAUSE THE ?REMAINS DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS BRINGING HOME TO YOU? MY SPOUSE AND I HAVE EACH OTHERS PASSWORD FOR OUR PHONE, WE ANSWER EACH OTHERS PHONE AND WE ALSO HAVE EACH OTHERS PASSWORD TO OUR EMAIL BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE FROM EACH OTHER AND THATS WHERE OUR TRUST BEGINS. SO YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO PROTECT YOUR BOARDER MY ADVICE TO YOU IS BE WISE AS A SERPENT AND HARMLESS LIKE A DOVE IN EVERYTHING GO TO GOD IN PRAYER LET HIM BE YOUR GUIDE

  9. llp
    June 9, 2010

    girl, u suspect he is cheating because u are insure. you are better off not speculating these things girlfriend. if he is cheating, you will know so relax and u will cross that bridge when you get to it. RELAX. i can relate to you because my bf is a real good looking man and since we got engaged recently, his past females friends seems to be re-surfacing, calling his phone and all that. but i trust him cause he is a good man, he treats me well and we generally have a good relationship…so just enjoy your man for now girl..and u dont need his passwords, why would you want them anyway?.. u would just create more stress for yourself

    • SASSY
      June 9, 2010

      sweety if you think he’s cheating because of his past mostly likely its true, trying getting ways to confirm your suspicion beside wanting passwords to email FB & cellphones cause this is just non-sense there are just some things which needs to be someone’s personal stuff. in a relationship there are enough things which are shared.

  10. ???
    June 9, 2010

    Who do u want to compete with “distressed”?
    If he comes home to you, what’s the problem?? Some of you women just like to make life hard on yourselves. So what if he’s a ladies man, & he’s slept with many other women before?? You can’t change a person, just mold them!

    • charmz
      June 9, 2010

      the problem is what he might bring home to you… a cheating man or woman is capable of catching any std besides would u feel comfortable knowing your partner has another out there no that kills the passion…

  11. Texas
    June 9, 2010

    Clearly, Bella we can go a little further and establish the fact that trust is always developed through transparency and in this regard if the woman feels she is in the dark about some details, her reactions is definitely appropriate, the passwords are keys that give access why would he not give his wife the key, would not that enable trust?
    Until the leader in this relationship cahnge his behavior he might end up loosing his wife.

    • charmz
      June 9, 2010

      thats true… i hv my boyfriend’s passwords to everything, we answer each other’s phone but any time he has a problem with that i know something is wrong.. speaking from experience.

      And yes you are wifey so you can compete with the other women girl just take good care of your man and his eyes will soon open…

  12. Do say
    June 9, 2010

    You suspect he’s cheating because you know he is cheating.

    The first instinct is always the correct one especially given his background.

    With all the HIV and STDs going around, you had better take the necessary precautions. And if there is no or very little trust, something is surely wrong.

    The Mr. Charmings sure know how to keep 10 women under lock and key.

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