Husband’s ‘best friend’ frustrates wife

I have been married to my husband for 13 years and we are having a huge problem because of this girl that is suppose to be his best friend.

She is from Dominica, she is causing trouble in my marriage because my husband wanted me to get rid of all my male friends, which I did. He was suppose to do the same but I came to find out that she is still there and has been here for the whole 13 years and it is causing my marriage a lot of trouble.

She is always talking to my husband about her sex life with her boyfriend and how it is so bad and other things about sex and it is really getting on my nerves. I am now ready to file for a divorce and take my two kids and just leave him.

I am wondering what should I do about this as this is causing a major problem in my marriage. We argue every time I say something about her and this is really driving a wedge between. She needs to go with her man and leave mine alone.

Please tell me what you think I should do?

Need Help

Dear Need Help

It was very unkind of your husband to ask that you give up all you male friends and very naive of you to do just that. We all need friends in our lives; true and loyal friends. This give the impression that your husband is very insecure and this is a problem in and of itself.

Concerning this young lady, the suggestion is that you confront her directly. Don’t be vile or loud, just be firm. In other words, tell her a piece of your mind, but do it in a way that won’t cause more tension.

Then give your husband an ultimatum. Tell him it is either his ‘best friend’ or you and he must make a choice. He needs a good dose of reality.

Bella

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53 Comments

  1. Sisserou Fan
    September 29, 2011

    Are you alone, where’s your family? Why did you allow the man to manipulate your life to make you get rid of all your male friends. I agree wives suppose to submit to their husbands, but you should use wisdom. I would let him know that I am going to confront the woman, and you should.

  2. SXM Girl
    September 29, 2011

    It is both of them to blame, give the woman and nice beating and then tackle your husband, he is the one at home so beat her first and then him, maybe you will not be able to beat him but that has been going on too long..Some young girls like to just mess up people marriages… they need to be stopped…Talk to her if she thinks she bigger than you and try to make a fuss then beat her ASSSS

  3. Concerned
    September 7, 2011

    I see two destructive things in the husband.1. Insecurity and 2. Control…. He is using both to domínate your life…. Because you gave up your friends, you now have no one to lean on when things go wrong and therefore you have to rely on him….controlling you is mental abuse and you need to get out of this..mental abuse precedes verbal abuse which leads to physical violence.. Confronting the other woman is not the ideal, rather you should confront your husband, take back control of your life and get your own friends with whom you can socialize with .. If he insists on seeing his female friend and you suspect him of having an affair, dont stay for the children sake… Thats the mistake most people make and the children suffer the most……………

  4. September 6, 2011

    To the need help woman,Consider 13 years with your husband,before you married him both of you were went with a load,you say you gave up many boyfriends and he as well gave up many girls for you and was comlpimenting each other.He gave up girls for you and you gave upboys for him.
    you cheated on his girlfriend so you could have him as well he cheated on his girlfriend
    for you and both of you were happy why after 113 years his old girlfriend is back on the s scene is because you have taken him for ggranted and behave like the vergin mary and ggiving him the sex you both enjoyed when you were cheating.
    Now the old girlfriend has made herself aatractive and its like as it was in the bbegining with them and she is doing the ssame as you did to her and you are crying yyou need help and divorce
    Leopards never change their spots,divorce is not going to make you happy.you should nnot get married in the first place knowing the other woman is waiting to to the same to yyou the first chance they get together,maybe the other woman was on the sscene all the time and you are diappointed hhe did not keep to the vov to death do us ppart thing.you will never be happy as long aas this woman is alive every time he is out oof your sight you will think he is with this woman.accept the situation or free yyourself from this bondage for peace its ffree of charge for those who want peace in ttheir life or sufer hell. :) :( 8-O :lol: 8) :lol: :-? :oops: :?:

    • Sandy
      September 10, 2011

      Where did you get that story? Please re-read the story and give a proper answer. She is asking for advise not condemnation. No wonder some people resorts to all sorts of things when the have problems, how unfortunate, some people cannot be diplomatic and more understanding. I guess you are perfect, and your life is a dream.

    • (.) (.)
      October 2, 2011

      derouseau….whatever you call yourself…you are such an Azzzole…did you read what you just typed? Why would you say such unless you think you might be the other woman causing problems in the people’s marriage. I don’t care who dated who before marriage . When people are married they need to respect each other. If the husband wants the wife to get rid of all her male friends why didn’t he get rid of his female friends? Why cause all this heartache for his wife? If he loved and respected her, he would try his utmost to make her happy.

      • show me
        October 3, 2011

        amen

    • show me
      October 3, 2011

      you full of bs if you have nothing good to say shut up

    • show me
      October 3, 2011

      you jderou what ever you call your self get a life

  5. Woodfordhill girl
    September 3, 2011

    SOOO YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 13 YEARS,he has been best friends with this woman all these years and this is after he asked tou to give up all your male friends,now I take it you are not Dominican cause you would Not have done that,this woman is NOT his “best friend” she is his WOMAN 13 years is a long time for you to be struggling with this,you deserve better like someone said before,(Doninican women can throw down)I’m just saying!!!!!!!RUN

  6. Great!
    September 2, 2011

    Why did you give up your male friends? He have a right to your friends once you guys keep a strict line drawn. I am engaged and my fiance knows that my friends will always be my friends. Alll my friends are of the male gender and some I know longer than my fiance…. I am not giving them up and would never ask him to do that. We all need friends. Didnt your husband trust you before you guys got married?

    Leave the woman alone and try to work this mess out with your husband. It is a relationship for two not for three. For better and for worse and this is one of the worse

    • Sandy
      September 10, 2011

      My dear, it is only those in the kitchen that feels the heat. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts, you have not dealt with the problems of marriage yet. I too made statements when I was young and single. when the time comes you will take back every thing you saud here. Engagement is not a marriage, she has two children also. You have no idea what it takes to keep a mattiage together. You have to give it everything you have, and you will have many lonely and unhappy days and nighta, no matter how many friends you have or don’t have, men or women. Men do not like their wives to be close to any man. Enjoy your freedom my dear.

  7. bb
    August 30, 2011

    I cant understand your husband has a hard time in doing what makes you happy. Are you getting second place?. Dont give up your family run her out SHE has an agenda.

  8. pusina
    August 30, 2011

    Admin you are something else papa….

    • pusina
      August 31, 2011

      WHOSSSSSSSSSSSSSS… ADMIN what can i say about you.

  9. abc
    August 29, 2011

    maybe d best friend man doesnt f**k her good in her p***y so she want to come mess up ur relationship….my girl go to her man n tell him controll his gwataywas cuz she messing with ur life and if shit dnt change boss her ra** release the freaking steam on her doe fraid u know friend give it a beating u work for 13 years to hold ur family and d female dog want to come mash up ur life….boss it dwn doe fraid i tell you

  10. Truth
    August 29, 2011

    She wants to keep her marriage not get divorced. Tick 4 tack is CHILDISH. It’s best if she speaks directly to the OTHER WOMANS’ BOYFRIEND, give him the beth and some ‘blackstone’ and let him straighten that B**CH out. Problem solved, she keeps her man, girl gets dealt with, boyfriend is wiser… happy ending.
    Their relationship issues are coming from people on the outside not with each other, so the woman should refrain from attacking her man… it will only push him away, which is what the other girl wants.

  11. Justice and Truth
    August 26, 2011

    Her husband seems to be a controlling freak by asking her to get rid of all her male friends. People have platonic relationships with both female and male friends.
    As Bella stated, people need friends. You know the words of a song, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”
    Her husband has a major problem. Men who ask girlfriends/wives to give up their friends their main purpose is to control them. This is not love! Yes! He is a jealous and insecure man.
    As for this other women, she is not a smart one and has no tact. She should know better than to discuss her affairs and problems with him when the wife is around. Let us say, once is enough. She should refrain from this type of conversation in the presence of his wife.
    I have friends, married and single. If I am a friend of the wife, there are matters that I will never discuss in the presence of the husband; likewise if I am primarily a friend of the husband. I will never discuss such personal matters as this woman with a man-friend.
    Friendship between men and women serve different purposes. There are things which women will tell women and there are things which women should tell men. There are also things which women should not tell men and things which men should not tell women. People have to use their discretion in communicating with others, be it that they are friends. I could state much more on this matter.
    I have empathy for the wife who has to listen to this day in and day out when her friend visits. It could be boring and uninteresting as a broken record plays over and over again. I would not tolerate that.
    Is that all she has to talk about? Then she makes for a dull friend.
    Lady, do not divorce your husband over this. Have patience. You reserve the right to speak to your friend and inform her of your feelings. If she does not cease, keep in my mind if she carries on this type of conversation in your home and in your presence, in the end, you may have to sever ties with her. Who needs a friend like that?
    Expect that she will inform your husband. Fear not! He will surely discuss it with you. If he broaches it to you, do your utmost to remain cool. Wait until the dust dies down, so to speak and then discuss it with him. From thereon, based on his response, you make your decision.
    Married life is to be enjoyed. It is not a tug-of-war. Married people must ensure happiness, peace and harmony exists in the home.
    What God has joined together, let no man/woman put asunder.

  12. shy
    August 24, 2011

    You know what to do.Hold her and put a good cut tail on her ,you will see the difference.IF your husband come and take for her, cut his a** too.

    • show me
      October 3, 2011

      she needs to woop the husband she will get in trouble if she touch the woman i would give her some good ways to woop him but she would have to go in hiding after that i go mine in line when i finished with him now he afraid of me like the devil fraid holly water

  13. sayodityodit
    August 24, 2011

    What you gave up must not have been good friends because I for sure would not give up my friends for no man. This is just plain rediculous we all need friends, though your husband should now become your best friend and vice versa. This other woman needs to go to a physocologist to talk about her sexual problems and your husband needs to put an end to this nonsense. You should confront the both of them about it let them know exactly how you feel then if you husband loves you he will put an end to it. If not then you decide what’s next.

  14. August 23, 2011

    As human beings we need each other–husbands and wives, moms and dads, brothers and sisters, close relatives and friends, coworkers, and church families, are a necessity for us–as we walk our journey of Life.

    It is a childish and insecure move, for a man and woman to take the oath of breaking up with their opposite friends before getting married or just intimate for that matter. Life demands interaction with people–husband and wife alone is not enough, where people are concerned.

    There is a song that says, everybody wants to be free, nobody wants to be alone. A husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend has to be the one to fill in the mood when we do not want to be alone; he/she has to be the best, best, best friend–hopefully.

    But “sometimes” we are going to feel that we want to get away from the “best, best, best friend thing, that we share day after day”. That is the time we want to be “free”– to have some space of our own–even if the attitude and conduct is different from being with our husband, boyfriend, wife, and or, girlfriend.

    If every couple should agree to stick to themselves alone, when they go into an intimate relationship, then we would not have people interaction.

    Without people interaction; we do not have social gatherings; without social gatherings we have no encouragement to build a community, where we can demonstrate contentment, unity, harmony and the peace and joy of Life that is in our hearts among ourselves.

    We would have no one to share our pain, suffering, and grief in times of bad circumstances, because we would have chosen to isolate ourselves from everyone, for the sake of coming together as one, through our intimate relationship.

    That is not the way God planned for us to exist as human beings. We are made to crave for Love in its every way. And God has planned it in a way, that He gives us Love in its “every fashion” through “different” people–not at all, just through a husband and a wife.

    Men and women, we need to be faithful to our spouses, for we are joined together as “one flesh”–infedility, adultery, is not the way of Love–God’s Way of Life.

    And so, if we need to take vows to separate from opposite friends, before we join together, it must be that we do not have self-control; it must be that we cannot trust each other.

    Therefore, it would be better not go into a longterm relationship in the first place. It will just leave us with endless discontentment throughout.

    It is simple, do not agree to give your opposite friends because you aggre to unite through intimate relationship with a person. That is a sorry way to exist, and you will live to regret the day you took that oath–regardless if you both went along with it.

    • plz
      August 24, 2011

      dat too long

      • ok
        August 24, 2011

        I hope your’e not typing that during CU working hours.

      • August 25, 2011

        @plz

        Oh yeah! Well I know for sure that you are one of those who is not going to buy my book of 250 pages long, which I plan to publish next year.

        But that reading problem of yours is the reason you wrote “dat too long” instead of writing “That is too long” eh!

        Without people like me in this world, there is no way you would survive, nah! Because using a computer keyboard is as easy as 1,2,3; but that is not enough.

        You need to know how to express yourself in writing, that everyone can read your words and understand your message. Okay!

    • Anonymous
      August 24, 2011

      I hope your’e not typing that during credit union working hours

      • ANTIGUAN
        August 24, 2011

        LOL…

    • jane
      August 24, 2011

      this was well written, i like that.

    • shy
      August 24, 2011

      good, but too long.

      • August 25, 2011

        Jane, thank you. You are the most sensible one among. Shy thank you also, but try to be patient, you will learn a lot with that virtue.

        Ok, Anonymous, and Antiguian, just to let you guys know that I do not work for human beings in this world.

        My job is from God Almighty, by His own strength in me, who repays me with Life–wisdom, understanding, and knowledge of Him and His ways of Love.

        That is the most precious payment a person can ever receive for the doing the most precious work–which is God’s work of Love.

  15. EBONY
    August 23, 2011

    If your confronting her do it in front of him. Sometimes a dose of reality is what he needs. Time for you to pick up your male friends, especially one he is uncomfortable with. If he say anything, tell him tick for tack.

  16. August 23, 2011

    bella i think you dont know what you talking about.you really cant give advice.

  17. love to give
    August 23, 2011

    young lady am sorry to know how things has turned out in your relationship,if you want results confront this other person who your husband is seing and also sit and talk to your husband,if things continue the same you can ask for a divorce,but dont just give up on your marriage cause this could affect your children,your husband was not fair to u at all.

  18. Fed up!!!!
    August 23, 2011

    I thought your spouse was supposed to be your best friend!

    • under the radar
      August 23, 2011

      Thank you… these imbeciles dont even know how to do the damn thing right.

  19. August 23, 2011

    BELLA IF YOU WERE THE ONE TALKING TO MY HUSBAND ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE , AFTER I WOULD LET YOU KNOW THAT I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT ,LEAVE MY HUSBAND A LONG ,COULD I PREVENT YOU FROM TALKING TO HIM? NO. IF THAT WAS THE OPPOSITE WAY COULD I PREVENT YOU ? NO .SOME TIMES I READ WHAT YOU WRITE AND TELL MYSELF THAT THIS PERSON CALLED BELLA IS VERY DAFT.I AM SORRY TO OFFEND YOU BUT THAT HOW I SEE IT.
    ALL THE PROBLEM IN THIS MARRIAGE IS COMING FROM THE LADY’S HUSBAND NOT THE FRIEND.

  20. fatty batty
    August 23, 2011

    i know how you a feeling wife WHY did u give up all your male friends to please ur husband you love him and that u wanted good for both of you so he never gave up his well my words to you sit and talk to your husband don’t confront any girlfriend the situation is to save ur marriage 13 years is a lot.and if he does not comply i say to u DUMP HIS ASS YOU DESERVED BETTER.

  21. .....
    August 23, 2011

    This entire story is just nonesense!!! Why did you have to get rid off all your Male friends and he had to get rid of his female friends?

    Are you all playing house?and calling it marriage. Sounds like you people are insecure!Even if you are married,you need to have friends….you cannot be you husband only female friend,and your husband cannot be your only male friend!
    Totally Ridiculious!Totally Insecure!

    Futhermore,just bacause your husband best friend who happendes to be a girl,talks to him about sex,is not grounds for you to divorce your husband…what if his best friend was a man?OMG,this is too childish

    Insecurity killing all you

    • married until death
      October 21, 2011

      I agree. If one’s marriage is base on trust then I don’t see the need for you or your husband to give up your friends! 75% of my husband’s friends are women, sometimes When I hear the kind of conversation that my husband’s friends keep with him I only shake my head, me on the other hand, all of my friends are men and I have had these men friends for years, my husband has met my friends and we have no difficulty, I know his friends he knows mine, I trust him with everything that I possess, if he breaks that trust then it is up to him, so my girl think before you act, the children are always the broken pieces, my husband and I have two boys and everytime I see them I see a no Divorce sign on each of them face, so dear divorce is not the best option if this is making you uncomfortable speak to your hussy about it also take it to the Lord in prayer becuase only He will see us through.

  22. hmmm
    August 23, 2011

    Go on your knees. Pray that ‘best friend’ out of your life.

    • 555
      August 23, 2011

      lol :lol: that’s sure to work :-|

    • know how u feel
      August 23, 2011

      know how u feel just had a woman living in dominica on the verge of breaking up my family of so many many years. I blame both the man and the woman. women need to learn to respect people’s marriage. I am just planning to pray her away. :-|

  23. Inquirer
    August 23, 2011

    Firstly, what was the logic in getting rid of all your male friends? Aren’t you a human being who is entitled to a network of positive friends who can provide you with different perspectives when time arises?

    Secondly, if you both agreed to get rid of your opposite sex friends and he didn’t keep his part of the agreement, doesn’t that question the trustworthiness of your husband? If he can’t do this, what do you think will happen for other and bigger things?

    Thirdly, this woman “confides” in the husband, why does he have to share that with his wife thus causing friction? Isn’t this an immature approach. If she is having a bad sex life or she is not happy in her relationship is either she discusses with her boyfriend about this or terminate the relationship; why does she harass the husband about her boring sex life? If that husband was a principled man he would effectively be able to provide concrete advice for this woman “if” she is genuine about her problem.

    Lastly, I suggest the wife to speak very seriously to her husband. Do not confront the woman, the relationship you share is between you and your husband, you do not have a relationship with his “girlfriend.” This situation opens the doors to adultery and that door should be shut. The divorce rate is very high in the west thus it is unfair that 13 years of marriage should go down the drain. This woman is a satanic woman if her intentions are to destroy a 13 year old marriage. I wish you the best “wifey.” :-D

  24. yes i
    August 23, 2011

    @Bella

    Talk to d woman for what! Girl deal with your husband – tell him it’s u or d woman. Doh have nothing to tell d woman. u want d woman to burst your eyes for a waste of time man …

  25. Homeboy
    August 23, 2011

    This guy is unfair, insecure and a punk! First off, your wife can have any amount of male friends as long as the line, is not crossed. No calling at the house, no late night conversations and transparency.
    You on the other hand have crossed that line with your best friend of 13 years. She needs to see a therapist to discuss her sexual escapades and leave you alone, cause you are married.
    Bella got it right, confront her as an adult and give your husband an ultimatum.
    I am a man and let me tell you, no man should ask you to give up your friends for him and vice versa..

  26. Cher Fond
    August 23, 2011

    He wanted you to get rid of ALL your male friends, and you did. That was a very stupid move. How you so sure ge got rid of ALL his female friends?

  27. real possie
    August 23, 2011

    lady y would u give up your friends call all of them back tell them u are sorry and start all over again see how much he would like it, u guys on your way out anyway.

  28. loco
    August 23, 2011

    d man a bruise dat so called best fren we say!

    • Eve
      August 23, 2011

      If he not brusing dat yet she want him to bruise it plain and simple…she sending out smoke signals

  29. Anonymous
    August 23, 2011

    It’s your husbands fault as far as I am concerned, not the lady. Talk to him about it seriously for one last time. If he still carries on, get back your male friends and do the same thing. And if that doesn’t work, take a trip with your children without telling him. Make him feel you have left him. if he shows no emotion maybe his eyes are more on that ‘friend’. Pray pray pray in the meantime for him.

  30. islandgyal
    August 23, 2011

    dcan woman to wicked…its obvious “Need Help” is overseas and 4 this so called “best friend” to want to be having high scene convo wit ur man is problems she really looking 4 in ur marriage…but just pray my dear…dont divorce him too fast without exploring all other options…u 2 need to sit down and come up with a resolve 2 this problem 4 ur kids sake….

    • Ice
      August 23, 2011

      Dominican woman must be really putting it down good for you to feel that way you sound bitter. Keep all you man in check

      • Anonymous
        October 21, 2011

        Wouldn’t you be bitter if that woman was you? I hope you’re keeping yours in check.

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