I am about to marry a woman who has cheated on me

I am about to become engaged and married to a woman that has cheated on me once.

I forgave her and we have moved on since. I also cheated on her during our relationship however after she confessed to cheating it stopped immediately.

The sex is great for me in the relationship but most of the time she is not satisfied and this worries me a lot. I believe that even if we get married she will eventually cheat on me.

We have discussed my sexual incompetency many times and she has assured me that she loves me and we can work it out. Should I believe her Bella?

Sometimes I do not trust her because she comes from work late and when she does we usually do not have sex. Her vaginal elasticity varies from time to time and I wonder if she is cheating and making up for my inadequacies. I want to get married to her because I love her and she loves me. We do everything else well together.

Help me Bella.

Dominican Fool in Love

Dear Dominican Fool in Love,

Apparently there are some matters of insecurity that has surfaced here. The roots of you insecurity appears to be your sexual incompetency but this should not be the end of the world. There are many forms of sexual therapy that should take care of that and you should explore the different possibilities.

You two need to keep the line of communication open. If she said that she loves you and can work things out, believe her and work on it. It makes no sense in starting the marriage in a atmosphere where you two don’t trust each other.

You two have cheated on each other, yes but forget that. That is the past. Move on. Look to the future. Work on it.

Bella

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48 Comments

  1. May 21, 2020

    There will always be stupid men !

  2. October 31, 2013

    :cry: Most of Bella’s clients have the same probem; some screw-up caused by ignoring the Bible.

    When I read each letter I almost always hear myself saying “Here is somebody else with a problem they would NOT have if had obeyed God.

    Yet people think we (Evangelical Christians) are old fashioned and behind the times. Whoo … It is not us who have the problems. We are trying to help others. 8-O

    I realize this letter was posted two years ago. But please allow me to share a few comments that WILL help anybody out there in a similar sdituation. IF they accept them they WILL be able to walk away from the problem. :-D

    (1) You are in trouble bcause you have 8-O ignored the plain teachings of the Word of God. :twisted: The Bible tells is sex outside marriage is a sin called “fornication” and has serious consequences. (1 Corinthians 6:9,10, and 18) (Galatians 5:19,21)

    (2) You use the word “cheated”. It implies that you belong to each other and this is not the case. You are two single people. It is marriage that joins a man and a woman. Engagement is a pledge to become joined. You had no right to the fruit of sexual intimancy with anybody. Neither of you “cheated”. What you both did was sin with another person. Then you went back and sinned with each other. :( :(

    (3) I want to say some things I would normally not say outside of a counseling session. I worked as a professional pastoral counselor in a large health center. Sex is an important part of married life. It is appropriate to work at improving the sex life in marriage. When there is a problem with the performance of either partners this can often be helped. Your first stop should be to talk to your medical doctor. He/she may recommend a social worker or psychologist who has training in sex therapy. Make sure it is one who is well recommended because unfortunately when it comes to sex therapy there are some dangerous weirdos :evil: out there! Avoid any “therapist” who would advise you to use pornography in your love making to stimulate your desire, or would counsel you to experiment with another woman, regardless of what degrees they have, or what certificate they have on their walls! Excuse yourself and leave :!: Such people do exist. But trust me they are plugged into the dark side. Find out all you can about a therapst before you make an appointment.

    (4) However, while it is proper to satisfy the spouse, neither partners should allow sex to become the all impotant issue in the marriage. There is so much more to marriage! When sex becomes the be all and end all of a marriage the basic security of the relationship is being undermined. What happens then if it is necessary for the couple to be away from each other for a time because of business, military duty, or whatever? What happens if one partner becomes ill and is not able to participate in sexual activity? This is why is is so important to build a marriage on true love, trust, and commitment. Enjoy just being with each other! Enjoy going places and doing things together. Attending an evangelical church together adds to the sweetness of the marriage relationship!

    (5) If you are presently living in a sexual relationship with somebody you are not married to I hope you will separate from that person. “Common law” marriages are not marriages in the sight of God or the church. You must walk away for that kind of domestic arrangement.

    (6) It is not wise to marry anybody if you are not as sure as you can be that there is a foundation of true love, trust, and commitment that will support the marriage in times of difficulty. Unless you have the kind of trust in your partner that gives you peace of mind it is not what you will enjoy living with.

    (7) We draw to us the kind of person we are ourselves. You are a fornicator. You have attracted a fornicator to yourself. She is fornicating with you! Now you are afraid she is fornicating with somebody else. What’s the difference? You can do better! Take time out to become the kind of person that will draw a good trustworthy and morally clean woman into your life. Work at it! Believe me, it is worth the time and effort. :lol:

    Blessings!

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill, D.D. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  3. February 15, 2013

    …i thought that trust is something quite basic for any relationship. Ok you both cheated, that’s something to think about, as to why both of you have been astray in the relationship, and you are not married yet. Seems like you are rushing for the supposed sake of getting married. I think you are pussy blinded, sorry to say it so bluntly.

    If you can’t trust your wife to be, is there hope for anything else to work out long term? … be realistic.

  4. Diva
    January 24, 2013

    then you my friend is a damnass!

  5. Jossie
    November 4, 2011

    Ha ha ha all u dominicans, if u can,t say something nice or give good advice,please shotup.Tory alone all u like.Sir i would advice you to sit and talk with your woman or seek help from a therapist.All u dominicans kill me we with all u coments. lmaf

  6. TRUTH
    November 3, 2011

    As a man you should never believe or say that you’re inadequate for a woman (dama$$), EVER! You kill your Toeley right there. Just as her vagina is elastic your Toeley also grows in size according to how attracted you are to her. If you think that you’re inadequate then your Toeley will never get bigger than half mast for her! Just a bit of advice if the problem is real and she tells you that you’re inadequate panda use your hand, 1 finger, 2 fingers 3, 4 fingers, 5 fingers, and fi$t… believe me she can handle it (they have babies, unless your toeley weighs 7 or 10 lbs like a baby every man is inadequate)! You should NOT marry that woman because she has already emasculated you my friend, leave the Salope in her nastiness. Also if the sex is so good why were you cheating on her? You nasty too! Just a thought but the way this letter is written seems like a woman wrote it.

    • TRUTH
      November 3, 2011

      Another bit of advice. Give her WIFEY test. Plan a night for allu to be alone together then on that day a few hours before, tell her you’re inviting 2 or 3 of your male friends to give her pleasure too. See what she say, you’ll know what you’re dealing with then. I already know the answer lol

      • Woodford Hill girl
        November 3, 2011

        You just a nasty idiot go sit down somewhere!

      • truth
        November 4, 2011

        Truth hurts! The issue is physical not emotional, therapy is out of the question.

    • TeteMorne I from...
      November 3, 2011

      Testing….DNO allu really ban me for true? Alrite, I am sorry! I miss posting and kixxing off on here. Do let’s kiss and make up,no? :(

      ADMIN: LOL…….You were NOT banned. We don’t ban anyone unless they are being rude and abusive.

      • TeteMorne I from...
        November 4, 2011

        OOh, now I can breathe better! :-P

  7. bitten
    November 2, 2011

    i recommend that you leave this woman immediately. as long as you keep thinking about her as a cheater do not make your head hurt you. move on

  8. wow
    November 2, 2011

    i understand u dnt trust her nemre becus she has cheated on u b4 but u cheated on her aswell….d only reason u dnt trust her n believes she is cheating on u is bcus u kno 4 a fact u dnt satisfy her…..n i bet her elasticity of her vagina doesnt varies n its jus ur mind playin tricks on u cus she cheated on….focus more on givin ur fiance great sex instead of worrying dats shes cheating dat way mayb she wont eventually cheat…..

  9. Pinky Husband
    November 2, 2011

    If you notice the variation in the vaginal elasticity so to speak then she is definitely cheating on you sir so i would recommend some tightening gel. in the mean time look for a better girl, this one is definitely nasty she cant keep her legs closed. Her vagina (soosoon) is always on fire.

    • Woodford Hill girl
      November 2, 2011

      You need to stop that,very bad advice,what the two of you need sir is some good sex therapy,it could be that due to your performance you have some anxiety,stop telling yourself that you are inadequate and relax,the fact that the two of you cheated in the past and forgave each other is a big step,move foward the maim ingredient in a relationship is love and trust,you need to develop that trust in her,you need to find and learn innovative ways to please her sexually have her tell you what she wants and work on it,take your time she’s not going anywhere,stop putting your self down get rid of the anxiety take a deep breath in and exhale good luck and God bless!

      • Woodford Hill girl
        November 2, 2011

        I’m no sex therapist but I’m just saying, from a woman’s standpoint!!

  10. INPUT
    November 1, 2011

    I urge you to consider this trust issue carefully before u say I do. As a married woman who is in this situation I am telling you it’s not an easy road. Talk to each other carefully and make sure this is what you two really want because once you have said “I DO” it’s a whole different ball game.

  11. Anonymous
    November 1, 2011

    Just put duck tape on her coocoolose, if it too loose, sorry but i did not read your story..

    • Woodford Hill girl
      November 3, 2011

      Lol @anonymous you are an idiotic trip, so if you did not read the story what advise can you give?smh

  12. Anonymous
    November 1, 2011

    best bleive she got d tight t t t tight ti tightest vagina. quint it like sum gyal frm china ehe..

  13. Anonymous
    November 1, 2011

    I must bring in a murray show so we can do some lie detector test

  14. Anonymous
    November 1, 2011

    If there is no trust, this marriage possibly will not last or will not be a happy one. Marriage is not only built on love, but also on TRUST as well. “Count the cost” before you say ‘I do.’

  15. namich2008
    November 1, 2011

    Bella

    You do easy nah…you know the man getting bunn even before he married and you telling him not to worry about that…. magre ca…
    you need to tell de patner run for his life…

    Any way patner I have a little advice for you. This advise may come in handy sometime in the future. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
    It seems there was a similar case presented to Bella (do not know why she did not point you in this direction) and someone by the name of “Sim Fing Not Wong” offer this advice. So Read this..quoting directly from one of his contribution…And I quote:

    “Oh ..! This is real nuh? But honestly, a 4-5 inch wood is not all that bad. As a matter of fact, it is good wood. I can give Confused a darn good workout with that 4-5 inch wood. There are two types of workout, one with a BIG wood and the other with a Small wood. Tell your man to focus on your clitoris. He needs to enter at a 45 degree angle. He needs to keep rubbing his wood on your clitoris and you MUST come. If he does that, the size of his wood is totally irrelevant.
    I am one of those men who will always argue that size of wood is irrelevant. It is how you use the wood you have. If the wood is BIG, then the man can pump away until the woman gets a penile orgasm. But if the wood is small, the man has to aim for a clitoral orgasm. And since orgasm is orgasm, it does not matter how she comes.
    Finally, let me give Confused boyfriend some free advice. You listening, pardner? Most women prefer a good session of love-making over sex! You hear me? If a woman has to choose between sex and a good session of love-making, she will choose the latter. Also, if a woman feels positive about her man, she will always enjoy sex no matter how small the wood is. Sex is all about how the partners feel about each other.
    So, go my boy. Satisfy your woman. Let her send a totally different letter to DNO by next week.”

    He posted this on 4th January 2011. Here is the full link from DNO;

    https://dominicanewsonline.com/news/special-columns/dear-bella/small-penis-boyfriend-threatening-to-kill-me/

    Hope this helps you partner. :-D :-D :-D

  16. mouth of the south
    November 1, 2011

    honestly i don’t know why people come to bella..(beff la) to put their bzness outside… i mean cmon… all bella gonna say is work it out and seek counselling…. the whole issue is sexual incompetency…. so the first place u should go to is a doctor… if u are a christian then u should pray to God for a resolution and believe he’ll provide one… no need to put ur bzness on beff la… and u know d.a fellas dat more bad…. they making all kinds of weezeeb with ur probs…

  17. Abu Sulayman
    November 1, 2011

    In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    I do not approve of a relationship out of marriage but let us look at the facts of your confession. Firstly, if the woman is not satisfied sexually this a reg flag. Secondly, the idea that you hold the belief that she will cheat on you after marriage, there is a question of trust which is an important ingredient in any relationship.

    The issue with the sexual impotency needs to be resolved before marriage, not after. One of the rights of the woman is she must be sexually satisfied. If that is not corrected you open the doors for her to commit adultery which is even worse than fornication. Thus, it shouldn’t be an issue of believing her but you as a man addressing your personal issues to minimize crucial issues in your relationship.

    Thirdly, the idea that she comes from work late and doesn’t want to have sex. This is a valid reason for suspicion since she has cheated before however, you must deal with this situation with wisdom. You need to examine a) The nature of her job and is she extremely tired? b) Have you tried foreplay, do you understand her body language regarding what turns her on sexually? If so, have you explored these areas as well as trying new things? Also, CHEATING IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR MAKING UP FOR YOUR INADEQUACIES. If this is a major problem for her then she should express this, either advise you to correct this through counseling (give you time for this) or terminate the relationship then move on with another partner. This is painful but this is her right. Lastly, to get married to her because you ‘love her’ is not enough. Firstly, that love must be MUTUAL as well as there must be principles and foundations established before a marriage can be established. If the foundation is weak the marriage will eventually crumble.

    In conclusion, your confessions reveal that the foundation of your relationship is extremely weak therefore, you should not consider marriage with her. Also I would like to recommend a book to read. I’ve read this book thoroughly. It is called A Guide to Loving by Dr. Andrew Stanway, he has been a Marital Therapist for over 30 years. http://www.amazon.com/Couples-Guide-Loving-Andrew-Stanway/dp/0786705299/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1320161024&sr=8-3

    • mouth of the south
      November 1, 2011

      i really wonder who are those that give good posts ‘thumbs down’… that’s some good advice….

    • Jah!
      November 1, 2011

      Excellent ADVICE. I CONCUR ENTIRELY.

  18. pusina
    November 1, 2011

    Man let de woman do her thing u can’t satisfy her and u say her suson wesay from time to time..there u have it whosssssss

    • tiny
      November 1, 2011

      it’s whoooosh

  19. Not4Gay
    November 1, 2011

    I recommend you install a rubber-band on her vagina so you can adjust the elasticity when it’s loose. You don’t need to leave your woman for slackness.

  20. SLINGBLADE
    November 1, 2011

    Her vaginal elasticity varies from time to time ….I think back in the day we would call this a “Catapall”

  21. zzzzz
    November 1, 2011

    “I Am Dominica” lol.

  22. Tightness
    November 1, 2011

    Oh what a good laugh. That elasticity statement have me going self. My boy i really dont know what to tell u eh but i dont understand how u cannot satisfy her and u still cheat on her. If the other woman doh complain about the satisfaction maybe is just your soon to be wife that is hard to please.

    Work on it my boy

    • Jah!
      November 1, 2011

      True that; however it might be his definition of cheating. If cheating to him is defined as “kissing” or “fondling” or making a little “lamou” without penetration then that does not mean that he has the pre requisite ability to so satisfy his soon to be wife. In my opinion however anytime a woman has already opened her legs to another man during the tenure of the relationship its time to go…she should have had control. She has no resopect for you son. Move on! Its over! She will do it again!

  23. hmmm
    November 1, 2011

    LOL…but you cheated also…alas…LOL

  24. for sure
    November 1, 2011

    my boy go for a tighter hole,man dangerous but woman more dangerous and have tricks.if a woman cheat on you that means she never love u enough not to cheat, so thats a dead letter, if u continue ,and wait u wanna get married to her hmmmm, thats rough. Based on wat u said some are insecurities but others plainly states that she chuking on ur head ma boi.them kinda woman doesnt change, doh go get married to divorce, or put urself in trouble for no woman.

  25. Pnuts
    November 1, 2011

    “Her vaginal elasticity varies from time to time” Boy u do not have enough furniture to fit in the woman apartment; do not blame the woman. Fix ur problems and your insecurities. STUPES!!!

    • wow
      November 2, 2011

      i luv dat freaking comment….

    • GO FIGURE
      November 7, 2011

      LOL @ the decorator. That’s a good one. I guess girlfriend or should I say fiance needs a furnished apartment not semi-furnished. What I don’t understand with the story and most of the comments. They both cheated but yet the woman is the bad one, and she does not love him and will cheat again, blazay, blazay. What about the man? Should the shoe not fit the other foot?

  26. Melody
    November 1, 2011

    stupes,

  27. Ganga farma
    November 1, 2011

    “Coming home from work late”, is not a good sign mate, and not wanting to have sex on these nights compounds the probability that she be creeping. Of course, these could be legitimate circumstances, nevertheless, these are reasons to keep ya eyez open B, give her a good relaxing massage and go for it, see if she still says no, cause many women cannot bare the idea of having sex with their mate on the same day they been creeping.

    • Jah!
      November 1, 2011

      Lol. Thats the mofo truth B.

      • Juice
        November 1, 2011

        And some women are also bold enough to make you hit it just to throw off any form of suspicion :lol:

    • TRUTH
      November 3, 2011

      True, no matter how much she washes it that day, a man that knows can smell it!

  28. BJ
    November 1, 2011

    My brother once you can’t satisfy her sexually she will keep cheating. leave that alone.

    • mouth of the south
      November 1, 2011

      is that the pastor from possie??? :-P :-P :-P

      • BJ
        November 1, 2011

        Yes I am Sir.

  29. Satelite
    November 1, 2011

    Thanks for making me laugh this morning bro, I needed it. LOL. “Her vaginal elasticity varies from time to time” Ha ha ha, you’re the best. I don’t know what to say but I wish you the best.

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