I am 18-year-old and have been dating a 43-year-old married man for over3 years now. He is a wonderful lover and friend. He showed me the true meaning of love. I have known this man all my life. This man has been there for me in so many ways. Every day we’ve spend together has been great.
Lately we have been growing apart; we spend less and less time together, we talk less and everything just seems disconnected. I still loves him and I know that he still loves me. He has no children and we even plan on having one of our own. This man has been spending all his money ensuring that I receive my education.
I love this man very much but sometimes I feel that I am still with him for the money. my parents cant effort to send me to school and he takes cares of all my school expenses. It sickens me thinking that I’m still with him for the benefits that I get.
I am not a gold digger, should i leave this man or should i stay with him even if the chemistry no longer exist?
Not a Gold digger…..
Dear Not a Gold Digger,
People enter our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. He’s been in your life and played a vital role in it. Maybe the season and reason for him being in your life is coming to an end. That could explain the way you are growing apart. Some relationships end and no one is to be blamed; and when this happens we should accept and move on.
If you are seeking happiness and contentment, this may no longer be the relationship for you. You are young and can find someone to love you and make happy.
You may feel that you owe him because he did so much for you. A man making such an investment in a young girl’s education is a big deal and you must be grateful. However being indebted to him should not be the basis on which you remain in the relationship you may be paving the way to your unhappiness and also his and it can destroy the love that you feel for each other. Weigh your options accordingly. Which decision will make you happy and feel complete?
Bella
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.
Not a Gold Digger: I want to make a few comments. I think you know what you should do. If you were happy and at peace with this man you would not have written to BELLA. You wrote hoping for some kind of a confirmation so you won’t feel the full weight of responsibility for your decision. Most of the letters that reach BELLA have one thng in common. People have got themselves into a mess and they either want BELLA to tell them it’s O.K. to stay there, or they want to find a way out. Because they are not Christians (true followers of Jesus Christ) they have lost their way. Did you know those who are following Him have a Guide who leads them through life? The Lord Jesus said, “If any man follows me he will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Not a Gold Digger, please think about what you have said in your letter. 1) This man is old enough to be your father. Most girls eighteen years old naturally want to be with boys in their own age bracket. The reason for this is they have things in common. These are the things they can build a life together on. You are not with this man because of what you have in common. There is no balance. He is giving. You are taking. What is going to happen when he gets tired of giving OR you don’t need his handouts any longer? 2) You have said he is married. If he breaks his marriage vows – the vows he took with his wife – how can you feel secure with him? If he is cheating on her there is a more than a possibility that he will cheat on you and may already be doing so! 3) You said he has shown you what love is. So what is love? Leaving his wife – the woman he promised to honor, and love, til death do part – and going with a teenager? 4) You said he is paying for your education. What is he getting in return? Sex! What does this make you? 5) You said lately you spend less time together and talk less. Doesn’t this tell you either he is reviving his marriage OR he has other interests? Stop and think! It HAS to be one or the other! What else could it be? Young lady, you don’t need somebody to give you double minded advice. The last thing you need is somebody telling you to do what you feel comfortable with. People do this for one of two reasons. Either they don’t want to hurt or offend you OR they simply don’t know what else to say because they have no real answers. But as a Christian and a Christian Counselor I DO have the answer. It is the Bible. It is the light of life. God loves you. He has a beautiful plan for your life! But you must leave this married man. The Bible clearly says (in the ten commandments) “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Receive Jesus Christ as your Saviour. Commit your life to Him. You will be amazed at how He will begin to guide your steps on a new path. This is not religion. It is a relationship with a real and living person, Jesus Christ, the Son of God! I invite you to visit my website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca In the right margin click onto EAGLE COURSE. This 12 Lesson Workbook Manual can be studied from the screen OR copied absolutely free. The very first lesson will tell you how to receive Jesus Christ as your Saviour. Follow it through and pray the prayer at the end of the lesson. Then go to a Pentecostal church. Introduce yourself to the pastor. Tell him I sent you! Tell him you have received Christ and ask him to pray for you! Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
Bella I see no problem with the advise you gave. it was straight to the point based on what this young lady said.
I was 15 years old going to the top high school in dominica, raised by one of the well-known families in dominica while i was seeing a married man who was working for the cell phones company. we did so many things together, party, drink, go out with his daughter on the beach while his wife pregnant. i was his centre of attention. he care so much of about me. he helped me with my school work, help prepare of exams…everything…He was my shoulder when needed to cry on, my comforter, my supporter, my best friend. we went on like that for three years. he said he love me wanted me to have his baby. i am 22 yrs now and we still have a connection and is still willing to be with me. the problem is i grew older and realize that i had to move out of dominica to better my life and dats where i learn to let go. So i kno that people out there shouldnt say that this man used her or she was too young to know wat she was getting into. I feel once a young person act like an adult they should be treated like an adult. because at 15 u know wats right from wrong and everybody have their faults. marriage these days are not the same for many different reasons.
allu young grlz have too much in allu..big man so u have f–king u and u talking bout love dat aint it friend hope u find it though in d future
I honestly see nothing wrong in the advice Bella gave. T’was good advice at the end of the day to each his own. Not very often a man wants to help a young lady with her Education financially and always more about sex to most, so she should be grateful but not allow that to make her feel indebted to the man. Your chapter in his life has come to an end so it’s time to move on. God bless you and the changes you are making is good. Walk in faith and keep on believing in yourself. More power to you….
girl take my foolish advise… its ur education use it wisely satisfy ur every whim then think of what pleases u most n then do it. dont sit back n think u owe him a cent. he did nt give it to u u did… cuz the same way he paid for it u cud have failed. but im sure u did nt so life short so sewo hard …..n praise the lord
Wow.
Dear ‘Not a Gold Digger’, first I commend you for finally seeing that this is not a healthy relationship.
You were very young when you started a relationship with this man – TOO young by law and it was certainly not a relationship of equals when he knew that your parents could not afford to pay your school expenses. He took advantage of your youth and poverty and that is not loving behaviour. If he loved you, he could have paid for your schooling without sexing you.
But here’s a test since you say that you “know that he still loves me.” Tell him the relationship is over. That you are no longer feeling the chemistry and you don’t want to be a gold-digger.
His reaction will tell you if he ever truly loved you. However, the fact that he never left his wife in all this time but yet was planning on further stealing your youth by having a child with you are also good indicators that he only loved himself in this whole arrangement.
Now that you are 18 and the end of the school year is approaching, use this summer time to look for a part-time job so that you can pay for your schooling yourself and don’t have to feel sickened by the nature of your relationship. Or if you have finished secondary school, look for a full-time job and go to school part-time in the evenings. You are young and deserve to have a proper, equal loving relationship.
Good luck.
ummm, maybe he realized he needed to fix things with his WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
girl get a clue, get a life and solve the puzzle. you’re young, why you with a married man more than twice your age?!?!? UGHHH! you young girl annoy my very core!!! stop degrading yourselves. develop a sense of self-worth
Okay… since many people are advising the young woman, all i have to ask is who the hell is advising Bella….. I think that Bella herself needs some advise because the crap she dispenses is just that, crap. If Bella were to be graded for understanding the issue – she would have failed. There are greater societal issues at stake here. She has failed drastically in this response by not attacking the overpowering issues of the situation.
I believe that anyone who is dispensing advise to people seeking help should be capable of doing so, and i must say, too many times Bella has missed very important aspects and responds without realising the implications of her advice.
She’s told a young woman that her parents would be ashamed of her because she is involved with an older man(a man who entered into a relationship with her when she was a minor), now she’s telling this one “A man making such an investment in a young girl’s education is a big deal and you must be grateful.”
Bella is advising a young woman, who at age 15 (which society has deemed incapable of having the mental capacity to make adult decisions or binding decisions), that she must be “grateful” for financial assistance from a man whom society would deem a “rapist or pedophile”…is WRONG!!!!!!!!! This is just crazy…more sick than anything
She should not be grateful… she was a victim of circumstances and all victims are just that VICTIMS!!!!!!!!! Being a victim to a rapist is not supposed to ellicit feelings of “gratefulness! Get real… the psycological impact of her childhood will catch up with her sooner or later
It’s women like her who grow up and after having many pschological issues eventually open up and say ” i was molested”, because trust me, the realisation will hit!
So bella, my advise to you again is…be very careful of the advise you give to people who contact you! Read you responses and try to address the real issues in the letters…you need to be REAL…and not beat around the bush and sugarcoat issues or simply ignore them…
how was she molested wen she open her own dam leg….she never said there dat she was molested
Wasn’t she a minor when it started? In law… what does that constitue?
Okay, forget the legal aspect – in society, what does that constitute?
She doesn’t have to say that she’s molested, raped, touched by an adult when she was under age for neither society nor the law to recognise it as such. It’s just common sense because it went against what has been defined in law, and practised in society. If she’s underage and he entered into a sexual relationship with her…whether she opened her leg or not – it’s WRONG!!!!!!
We in society need to stop with that type of thinking…that’s the people who condone these sort of things! If it was ur child/sister, daughter – would you say..”she opened her damn leg?”
JGMTC your statements even more retarded than Bella, let me show you the flaw in your statement.
“Bella is advising a young woman, who at age 15 (which society has deemed incapable of having the mental capacity to make adult decisions or binding decisions),”
How the hell a 15 year old in Dominica is incapable of making adult decisions however in France at 15 she can? What kind of flawed reasoning is this? I always have a problem with that kind of reasoning in Dominica.
Thank you very much! The reason he self probable losing interest in the young girl is because he get another child in his sites.
And another point she missed is the fact that the man is a MARRIED MAN. What happened to the sanctity of married.
An infidels worst nightmare is back who doesn’t give a damn what pagans and unbelievers think. He simply states his thoughts.
1. He is married, he would be stoned to death if proven guilty of sexual penetration with this woman under Allah’s law.
2. This statutory rape claim is absolutely bogus, age of consent in France is 15, China is 14, welcome to reality. How in a “civilized” world can we cater for this ridiculous relativism and hypocrisy? How is it that similiar sexual acts can be a crime in one society but ok in another? Pure contradiction.
3. You all need to lay off the young lady’s case. It’s your corrupted society, whilst she most likely with one man most of you in this society all over the place either bisexuality, homosexuality, fornication, incest and adultery to name a few. Bloody hypocritical society!
A message to “not a gold digger” = First, ignore these fools on DNO. Second, you are 18, get a part time job or something so that you can help to finance your education. There are also Government agencies here that would help you assuming that you are in Dominica. Thirdly, be grateful to the man for his financial contribution, tell the man how it is, your “feelings.” If you feel emotionally vulnerable I suggest seeking professional counselling. Lastly, learn about Islam, leave this pagan ideology you were brought up in. Islam is the only solution for you, leave these ignorant pagans who worship a white god. If you want to know about Islam, go to the religious section here, a good brother has posted good articles about Islam or you can contact the Dominica Muslim Community to learn more. More women are coming to Islam because of the peace and tranquility it gives.
ok fada
Inshallah
She is 18 have been with this man for 3years..therefore she was 15!!! This is child abuse and the man has obviously been taking advantage of your unfortunate situation. you on the other hand have been clinging onto him because he is able to meet needs and wants that your family cannot meet. Besides the man is a married man I highly doubt that he loves you sweetie…he is just looking for excited from the outside that he is not getting in his marriage.
Bella, I am very disappointed that you did not once mention to the young lady about her being in an illegitimate relationship with another woman’s husband. I wonder why is she even asking if she should leave or stay with this man? What is happening to us, Dominican people? Have we lost our moral compass in this small island republic of ours? We seem to no longer show any respect for the santity of marriage and seem to treat it as just another love affair that we have a choice to leave or stay in. Well, it is not. “Not-a-Gold-Digger”, you have no right to be screwing around with another woman’s husband. Have some respect for yourself: You are worth more than that. Leave the man alone and get your own husband. I hope Bella can give you better counsel next time.
I am a Dominican and i really cannot understand why SOME dominicans does act hypocrite like that……husbands cheats, wife cheats, they both cheat, for watever reason the an cheating on his wife does not matter. and if the problem was he using she wouldve said it….
Aye.. i tired hear about that “in love with a man twice my age” story. Them woman stupid? or greedy? or they just dont like themselves? You’re being used ssakcaj.
SWEETIE THE BEST AND ONLY SOLUTION RIGHT THERE, IS PRAYER, ALLOW God to intervene…..you definitely cannot do this alone…….Psalms 32:8 I WILL INSTRUCT THEE AND TEACH THEE IN THE WAY WHICH THOU SHALT GO: I WILL GUIDE THEE WITH MINE EYE…….
bella ou pah feb
BELLA AM VERY DISAPPOINTED AT THIS ADVICE.TO AN 18YRS IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A
43 YRS OLD MARRIED MAN. HE TOOK ADVANTGE ON HER. FOR MY PART WHAT LOVE GOT TO DO WITH THIS. I THINK THIS IS SATUTORY RAPE
Girl….i do not see any problem in the advise. this 18 yr old knew wat she was getting herself into….do you kno many young people in dominica start having sex before the of 16? a lot……….. we need to stop judge this young girl and this married man. at the end of the day is both of them that really know how they feeling.
BELLA REALY WANTED THE SPOTLIGHT.
I haven’t read about one person bash, blame or judge the young girl. All I read is people pitying
the girl and rightly so because she is a victim of circumstances (poverty) and the man used that to
manipulate her. He knew her all her life, so possibly he could be a family friend and if so, where are
the parents ? If they are in her life then they are neglectful and there is no guidance if she was working then the gifts and money could easily be hidden but she is attending school, the money for
her schooling have to come from somewhere and if they are not questioning that and kicking ‘hell’ on both man and girl’s behind, and anyway Bella you self…smdh I don’t think you are all that into your job lately, you are probably burnt out or just plain tired. Being with a married man is wrong. He is probably busy telling you those young boys out there can’t do anything to help you, he will give you whatever you need or want. ah ha ? right so far ? He and his wife don’t sleep together, he loves you more than the wife. YOU PLAN ON HAVING A CHILD TOGETHER ? Why is he not planning one with his wife? He showed you the true meaning of love ? by what ? making sure he extract his payment in full and that is your youth, the joy of having your first baby which should be with your husband by your side not someone else’s husband. You are young yes, but at 18 years old you should still have a sense of right from young you are not a 6 year old. Get out of this situation before it destroys your life. PLEASE NO BABY FOR NOBODY’S HUSBAND IT’S NOT COOL AND IT’S NOT ROMANTIC
CORRECTION : right from wrong
This is pure insanity…. Bella need more help that the young lady
gril im laughing
DA QUEEN YOU ARE 100% RIGHT
lol
Now I am not going to be like the rest of the commentors on this article. Now this girl is at a point in her life where she need to make decisions…Ones I think should be best for her. Whatever you do in life is a struggle some of us survive and some of us fight for survival. Not having parents to support you its very difficult, and this man took advantage of her vulnerability.
When she is ready she will move on …it is difficult to let go of those things and barriers that can cumber her life..
with all the advice that is given no help is offered…no one steps up and says i am willing to help u get back on ur feet or make something of ur life..
Thats what i detest about the comments i see here under the article ..OFFER A BLOODY SOLUTION. SHE KNOW WHAT SHE IS DOING IS WRONG BUT RIGHT SHE FEEL LIKE SHE DOES NOT HAVE A CHOICE …SO BE REAL AND HELP..I WISH I WAS CLOSER TO HOME TO OFFER MY ASSISTANCE. Thank you
We all are in this commentary competition with each other all of us trying to outdo the other with our “so called better advice”. and there are quite a few of us who wish we were closer to home to help everybody who needs help, and unfortunately, sad but true we can’t save the world. The only thing we can offer is our “free advice” people are just giving their views which I would like to believe
we are all free to do, We are all in sympathy with her. Giving someone a fish is not helping them
teaching them how to fish will go a long way.
Stupessssssssss…why don’t you offer yourself??? This is a blog sweetheart not a competition for world’s best comment/advice!!
Why blame the child. Growing up in Dominica women dont care if men are married or not. Remenber the children are watching. You will see a married man with a wife and 4 house down he is making children with another woman. So we must first look at our selves to stop. Plus she only wanted advised not for any one to pass udgement on her. I dont think most woman in Dominca can cast a stone. They are either with a married man or umarried having children.
so so true, look at their pm…no other civilized nation will elect an unmarried person as their leader. when is he gietting mariied anyways.
When you propose
lmao @ anonymous
Bella, that advice sounds like you been reading too many romantic books in cloud cuckoo land. Your opening sentence about people entering lives for a reason says it all. His reason is that he is a pedophile and she is obviously too ‘old’ for him now, so he is bored and looking for his next victim – I only hope to God he or she has more watchful parents. Hopefully, the girl will disregard your stupid comments and read everyone elses, please God she will realise that she is a victim herself and get the courage to protect future ‘victims’ from this pervert, by going to the police and reporting this scum so he can be where he really belongs…in PRISON!!
i 100 % agree that the man took advantage of the situation in exchage for sexual favor ,he got his payment already , this should be stop immidiatly because the wife tears will not allow you to see your way with the education which have been recived things will not work out the grass is not greener there . i have witness the out come of a similier situation started well did not end beatiful.
She isn’t a gold digger, she’s in a vulnerable situation, what is a 40 year old man doing with a 15 year old girl? Now she is coming out of her teen years and he is distant at 43 and married hmmmm….
We are so quick to judge her before actually breaking down what she is saying.
Doesn’t her parents ask about how she is affording her schooling?
Doesn’t his wife question where all his money is going?
They dont walk and hold hands no more, no one say this?
He knew this young woman her entire life, so he obviously studied her enough to lure her in to accepting there relationship was real. I am sure he is the one that’s constantly reminding her he’s spending all his money on her education.
She wouldn’t write to Bella if she wasnt confused, a gold digger would keep on digging.
Bella seems like she was trying to tell her an appropriate way to let him continue paying for her education. She’s already being used to satisfy a grown mans needs.
Like someone mentioned before, she is getting old and he wants to move on to his next prey.
the man can be your father. and he married what the maths
so where is her parents in all of this, they cant help her, so they set her up for the man, how can he be paying for her school and other stuff, and the parents don’t know what is going on. does that means she live by herself. he have to be a family friend and visit the house often so they trust him too much going on and the parents have nothing to say
Maybe Bella missed the ‘married part” because I did… and had to scroll back up to see it from the comments from the viewers. I feel sorry for the child..you know she was innocent and first love is always very deep. You can be convinced and fooled about anything…because once sex is involved you get lost.
She needs to say goodbye to him… she has already given him so much of her young life and the precious gift that God has given to her. The man is definitely not so deep into it again…because these men usually stay with their wives..if he wanted to be with his young girl he would have left already.
So girl, stay strong. Build your self esteem and understand that what’s done is done. Make another and greater step in your life …. without him.
Cling close to God and make a commitment to Him and see Him perform wonders in your life.
Everyone makes a mistake (even a big man too) so just move on from there.
I missed the “married” part and had to scroll back also…the difference between us and Bella is that this is her JOB. It’s her responsibility to analyze and scrutinize the whole letter before posting a response.
since you “Speaking my mind” your mind let me do the same. God also hate a hypocrite. after all that you wanna tell the girl you saying ” Am not Judging you”. Let all be serious and be real here. The fact of the matter is the girl came for advice and answers and not one her has given that. You have some trying to make the child fell even more guilty by belling out scripture and another all over the place.
Am a guy and even form a guy point of view all of you are missing the point. This is surely a confused young lady and instead of helping your confusing her even more. My he is a predator and toke advantage, but that does not help her it may just make her fell even worse.
Young lady my advice is simple to you. In life we all have done and will do thing that in the end we may not be happy or proud of even ms Scripture over her who am sure say her mistakes in the bible too. but life is not about what we have done in the past but what we tend to to in the present and future.though you may feel that because of the condition that you life has been and that without his help you may not have gotten the education that you are having now you should also know and remember that this was given by choice which does not hold you in any debt to anyone. you only the other hand gave the most precious thing that any one can give to another person, you gave your self. the fact that you all are gifting apart does not mean that emotionally as a friend that he cant still be their for you.even if financially it may end.
another thing u should always consider, even if you decide to remain what future is their in it seriously.
the fact of the matter is he belongs to some one else and though it may pain you to leave am sure int eh end you do not want to be here waiting and wishing that one day he might (cause your not certain) he yours.
My thing is look at what life and future you want to create for your self and make your life reflect that. Your still young set your personal goal and try to reach them, for one thin i know for sure. their is always some one out their for everyone, and sometime they come from the strangest of places.
thanks for the advice..persons think that this man and i are intimate but thats not the case and he is certainly not a friend of the family. i wish that dominicans would sometimes look at situations differently. not every situation is the same..
I will tell you why the relationship is growing apart. Most child molesters loves a particular age group and you are now falling outside of that age group. Time to put them child predators away!
So true! He must be on the hunt for another needed 15 year old! Sick bastard!!!!!
You are already wrong to be in a relationship with this man cause he’s married. Get out right now! this is so wrong. this life is not good for you at all. Continue to study hard and get good grades. you don’t have to stay with him to show him gratitude. One day you will find some single young man your age group and you will find love again. just stay positive, set good moral standards for yourself, pray to the almight that he shows you the right way to go in life and I can assure you in the end, all will be well.
END IT WITH HIM RIGHT NOW!!
Sweetie if this is not gold-digging, I don’t know what is. Stop fooling yourself baby. Bella you self with that advice today have me shaking my head. Tell the girl as it is. Leave the MARRIED man doodoo. Take my advice on this one, you will thank me for it later.
Bella, i’m completely confused by your advice to this young girl. I can’t believe you are actually giving her advice like she was in some sort of loving and caring relationship that has now began to fade away. BELLA this man committed statutory rape!!! This young lady was only 15 when she began seeing him, and also, HE IS MARRIED!! SMH honestly Bella you’ve really been giving poor advice in cases like these, u completely brush past the main and most important issues of what these young girls are saying to you. YOU REALLY DO NEED TO DO BETTER or STOP GIVING ADVICE ALL TOGETHER!!
what sort of advice is that Bella?That sick pedophile should be enrolled at college no.2 at Stock-farm !
My girl best you stay and finish your education because you cannot even spell afford (is not ‘effort’). And where you learn takes cares? LOL look jokes.
lollll. u crucial
bella need councelling………….
lets not be too quick to judge bella. it could have been an oversight on her part. I do not believe that she would advice the young lady to go on dating a married man who is so much older than her.
this hole thing is just wrong.that man new the child needed help so he took advantage of the child .he never loved that child .he could be that child mother.he is married o my god…..thats a shame on his part .i wish that young girl was my family!
with that kind of english you need the money for school but it should not be with his money
but on a serious note a man who is cheating his wife with you does not know what love is. you’re fooling yourself if you believe this man loves you. He’s a pedophile and has your tricked into believing that he loves you. He took advantage of your ignorance and innocense.
This is the second time I’ve read and disagreed with BELLA’S advise concerning child predators…. This guy took advantage of the girl.. he has been with her when she was 15 and he was 40.. STATUTORY RAPE!!!!!
I agree. She made no mention of that! Boy I will put a .40 slug in somebody’s head for ma girls!
could not agree more!!!!!!!!!!!!
could not agree more!!!!!!!!!
Bella, you obviously missed the most important point in the letter – the man is married. I am very disappointed that you neglected to address that.
Wow.. You are true, Bella you getting old girl
SHAMEFUL advice to this age 18 girl who’s been in a three year relationship with a 43-year-old married man! Is this what this world has come to?
Been dating for over 3 years now! This means you were 15 years and under while this man was in his late 30s. It seems to me that many young girls are using this medium to express that they have been in a relationship at a tender age. It seems that there are many unreported cases on “underage” relationships on this island.
Secondly, @ “not a gold digger,” Are you a God fearing person? Are you coming from Christian background? Do you believe in scriptures? Allow me to share one with you. Galatians 5:19-21 states: “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, FORNICATION, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
I am not here to judge you personally but look within yourself. It’s upon you to reflect. I would strongly suggest “not a gold digger” to leave this relationship. One, it is wrong in the sight of God, Second, you are “growing apart” from this man. It’s best you communicate with this man, let him know how you feel or write him a letter with a goodly word. Be grateful for the Lord loves those who are grateful.
You are poor very poor at math LMAO real loud.!
She needs to leave this married man alone. There is a saying that ” Old men carry worms” I know what it is to be with a married man while his wife at home is suffering. You to will suffer one of those good days.
The wife shouldn’t have to suffer. Polygyny should be allowed in Dominica. Women need to learn to share a husband and husbands need to learn how to share their time and wealth, pure and simple. Too much selfishness in our world today.
@ “Speaking my mind” Are you the same person who quoted from Galatians 5:19-21? If you are, then you sound more confused that Bella today there.
Boy, for a person who is not here to judge, you sure sound like you were! Well I don’t want to see your response if you were there to pass judgement! Stop blaming the victim. This young woman – the subject of this discussion – is a victim of a predator! A victim of circumstance! And a victm of a society steped in immorality masquarading as a God fearing people! This girl need guidance and encouragement … and of course a “hand up” with no strings attached!
Girl you may not be a gold digger but you were maintaining the gold mind.As for Mr sugar Daddy he could be in jail for Child molestation.
You don’t have to stay in a relationship with this gentleman to show your appreciation. Let him know how you feel about this, if he wants to continue supporting your education…fine. Study hard, get good grades…you will get a great job and he will see that his money was well spent. You will both be happy.
If he isn’t interested in supporting your education, that is Ok. You can obtain sponsorship from the Government and other sources, or you can work part time. You are a young lady now, you can take care of yourself. The best thing to do is usually hard before it gets easy. Have faith, follow your heart.
Bellla
I am shocked at your response. Please name it as it is. This is child abuse. She was 15 when sexual relations started and given she has know him for a long time it sounds like he had been “grooming” her for years, taking advantage of her parent’s inability to meet her education expenses.
And the bigger issue is this behaviour is so normalised in Dominica that it is just accepted and we do not realise the impact this has on child development, family life and thus the future prosperity of this country.
I am replying to Shocked Reader: Thank you for your intelligent and well written comments. Whatever one may think of BELLA’s answers and some of the misleading and vulgar comments that get posted it is to the credit of DNO that they also post excellent comments from sane people like yourself. You spotted two significant things in this young woman’s letter and addressed them with the full force of a person who is enlightrened and truly cares. The woman was only fifteen when this illicit “relationship” began, and the man was (is) married. Only a person who knows the laws of Dominica better than I do can say what legal implications the age of the woman may have. But if she was under the age of consent this should definately be dealt with through legal channels. As you said, the fact that this man knew her for so long before he closed in on her does suggest that he may have been setting her up. He may have even made a deal with her parents because it’s difficult to imagine them not knowing, and they don’t seem too concerned! I share your concern about this behaviour becoming “normalizd” in Dominica. I have the same concern for my own country, Canada. We have even worse problems here with the legalization of same sex “marriages”. However, in this case I want to point out one thing. The vast majority of comments to this colimn agree with you. This suggests there is still a strong sense of morality in Dominica. You are not alone! I want to encourage you to speak louder! Encourage others to do the same. If possible get the police to look into some of the under age situations and do their job. Sincerely Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
Bella
haven’t you noticed that she said he is a “married man”!!!!
I KNOW RIGHT???!!! hes MARRIEEDD… HELLOO?????