Dear Bella: I am currently married to an amazing, hardworking an dependable man. He is everything I can ask for but I feel like I never had a chance to experience the single life.
I have always been in a relationship as soon as I started dating. I have currently cheated on my husband with four men over the past six years (but married for five months and never cheated since).
But here is my problem: My husband and I have been going to Exotic dancer clubs (strip club) many times and I am now attracted to females. I want to have a threesome or be part of an orgy. I want it so bad that I nag my husband every day but he doesn’t want to do it.
I feel that he doesn’t want to do it because he is embarrassed about his penis size but I think that it’s fine. I am afraid that I will go out and have sex with these females and would get addicted again.
Do you think I have a problem or maybe going through a phase?
PLEASE HELP.
Confused
Dear Confused,
You are exploring the world as you should have done before you made the lifetime commitment of marriage. Sometimes we feel like we need to fill this void that was left empty because of the lack of experience and there is this desire to fill it up. However, trying to fill that void may lead to more complications than anticipated. Your husband’s unwillingness to satisfy your sexual fantasy should be taken into careful consideration and the reason may be more than the size of his penis.
Redirect your energies and desires to your husband. Explore, be wild with him and be creative. This may help in getting rid of these desires which could cause irreparable harm to your marriage.
Bella
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.
Dear Confused: You cheated on your husband with four other men. It seems you have no appreciation for the sacredness of marriage. Going to the strip clubs was a big mistake. If seeing naked women on a stage causes you – a woman – to lust for them what do you think it does to your husband? Lady, how can you do this to your man? But it gets worse. Now you actually want to share your husband with another woman in a threesome! The fact that you have had a sexual relationship with five men – your husband and four others – and now you are attracted to females shows you were not born a lesbian. I know too many stories like yours to believe this is a condition people are born into. Often it begins early in life through childhood influences. It overtakes others later in life because of sinful choices they make. But Confused, God loves you! Jesus Christ died for you. His blood will wash your sins away and God will give you a new beginning. And yes! You can yet have a great marriage – a solid Christian marriage. Believe Christ died for your sins and rose again. Ask Him to come into your heart and be your Saviour. You will find a life that is full to overflowing! I invite you to visit my website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca Go to the right hand margin. Click on to EAGLE COURSE. This 12 Lesson Workbook Manual can be studied from the screen or copied absolutely free. Lesson One will explain more fully how you can receive Jesus Christ as your Saviour and know – yes know for absolutely sure – you have eternal life and are ready for heaven! Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
wooooosh do ur ting one life to live
The fact that you & your husband venture to strip clubs says both of you are of an open minded, easy going nature,this is your Q you can find very creative ways to spice up this marriage, after you have left the club take him in an alley, an go down on him, while at the club touch him, play with him he is your husband,i honestly don’t think the size of his manhood is a pertinent issue perhaps the fear of loosing you/the marriage and it can pen out both ways, he can become addicted to threesome and so can you, if you truly value your relationship share your bed with just you and your husband.There are so many repercussion to doing this, think about it, there are so many wives that don’t get to sit in a exotic club with their husbands/partners you are fortunate,and you should stop sleeping around, getting kinky with your man is your business,strip for him at home create a setting where you are in lingerie he can spank and weeping you in between, it is your game you can entertain your husband just as equal as the ladies at the club and even better
woooooowwwwwwwww…girlfriend do ur ting mehn..these Dominicans aint know what theyre talking bout mehn..
VI massive lol
Why do you think that the persons are from Dominica? People all over the globe are reading DNO
if you want to experience the single life, divorce your husband……..so I can work his d**k for him…….apparently u cannot.
you cheat on him so many times………..u not satisfied with men, so you going for women…………
girl, u just a sex craze b*t*h. …………..
p.s………..you don’t have to reply to all the comments that were posted………geez………..r u trying to make yourself feel better or something?
when people agree with your confusion,you call it positive and when they talk against it, you call them negative and/or you ask if their life is perfect; perfect life doesn’t exist but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t wrong and right anymore. And this doesn’t mean that we can’t have self control anymore…that doesn’t mean that we have to loss self respect. if all you talk of doing is right, what then is wrong in a marriage? a marriage is between TWO PEOPLE. How would you feel if you were not interested in all this extrazzzzz, and your husband wanted another MAN and all what else you say you want in the marriage? Grow up and seperate your imaginations from your reality. you say he is a good man, well, be a good woman for him. we have so few good men left, please don’t let another go bad. Be wise and take Bella’s advice
confused, your nothing more than a slut. You cheat on your man more than once and now you want to be with women. Leave the man alone for his own good.
WHAT NONSENSE IS DARTTTTTTTTTT
@ Confused. Girl you are being you and that is straight to the point and honest about your feelings whether they be good or bad judged according to who reads it. I have given my views
on recent letters and judged and condemned just for my pet name “sweet pum pum” maybe if
I put “sour pum pum ” “ugly pum pum” or some fancy name depicting how much holier than thou
I am my views would probably matter, but who am I to judge anyone when my petname is sweet pum pum
@ Confused: Once there is life there is hope.
Firstly, do not confess about your cheating to your husband. Make sure you do not have any STD’s first and foremost. If you confess this, you will really destroy the man. These things can make someone turn from man to beast. I urge you not to confess this. That’s the past, leave that there.
Secondly, since you have come to recognize that you are now attracted to females what would you like to do about it? Do you love your husband? Do you still have sexual feelings towards your husband? If that bond is still there then you may consider the following:
1. Attraction to others is not love. Just as you are attracted to others, your husband feels attraction towards others as well.
2. Lust and infatuation are instant, true love is a process which firmly establishes root in someone’s heart.
3. If you decide to run off with this ‘female,’ you may get ‘great pleasure’ but how certain are you that this relationship will last? If this does not last, are you able to live with the regrets?
4. What about the Most High? If you have made an oath with God/Allah, do you think it is right to break it off to engage in something that is forbidden by Him?
If you do not have any attraction towards your husband anymore, it is unfair to stay in this relationship. When you don’t love someone, you oppress them by denying them their intimate rights. If that’s the case, I suggest therapy for both of you. It seems that you are not in Dominica, hope you both can afford this if you live in America as it’s expensive.
AND THANKS FOR ALL WHO RESPONDED SOMETHING POSITIVE…
AND I DO HAVE A JOB AND A WELL PAID ONE… AND NO I DONT LIVE IN DA
HE without SIN cast the first stone… Everyone that had a negative comment to leave need to look at their lives and see if things are better than her… Yeah she is wrong in so many different level but at least she realize that she has a problem.
I bet half of allu already cheat on allu man or woman.. STOP ALL THE NEGATIVITY AND GIVE THE GIRL SOUND ADVISE!!!!
DAMN HYPOCRITES!!!! SMDH!!!!!
@away dominica… you know those hypocrites have to throw first stone as doe they are saints in heaven and r really sinners in hell but i dont think i can go with any woman ima a hot-blooded scorpio woman and no dildo beats the real deal….. and what’s with this woman, she turning lesbo or she just want to have a threesome with hubby?..lmao
LOL THIS IS TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE RIGHT NOW! GIRLFRIEND I USED TO THINK THE SAME WAY UNTIL I STOP WATCHING PORN AND JUST START ENJOYING SEX WITH MY MAN…….TO DA FULLEST………TRUST ME WE CAN BE VERY FREAKKKKKKKKY.,GIVE IT A TRY…EXPLORE UR MAN GIRL!!!! AND PRAY FOR UR RRELATIONSHIP!
Thanks i appreciate it!!!
@ce-el you so right girlfriend!!!
Has Dominica got exotic/strip clubs? where are they? haven’t heard about them………..wow
they’re probably not living in DA
not probably they’re not!
no im not living in DA
bella, great advise. I have seen marriage couple did the same thing and their lives were turn up side down. I see couples too changed and they were never the same again. The other person in the thressome tries to destroy the people relationship. These types of sex bring severe ramifications.. people be aware
This practice is evil and obviously has an evil influence which will not rectify their marriage. Whatever is not of God will not last. Whatever God has not blest will not survive the times. It is not Christo-centered. They are only deceiving themselves and following Satan’s temptation, the destroyer of body and soul.
All the same we Christians are obligated to pray for those people just as we have to pray for ourselves that we may not fall into this trap and other ones. As mortals we are not immune from temptations. This is why we should give good advice and not jeer at, scorn, use derogatory language and criticize those who do.
I like to state: “There, but for the grace of God go I.” It is something that people should know about and say frequently when they hear and read of such matters and criticize others who fall into the depths of sin. Consider, too, that we are all sinners, one way or the other.
Temptation of every sort surrounds us and in our world. The enemy of God and of our souls is extremely busy luring people into sin. Only with the help of God can we avoid temptations.
This woman needs help mortal and spiritual ones. May God assist her.
first of all i am disapointed in u for cheating on ur huspand. i dont blame u one bit for having these feelings cause i myself is going through the same thing. i have experience in the threesome and right now i an caught inbetween if i want to b wit a birl or a boy or even both. there is nothing wrong wit going to the strip club wit ur husband cause these kind of things keep the relationship spicey. but if ur husband dont want to do it dont preassure him into doing it.
my girl live life and enjoy it while u still have it.
Now he should have never brought her to that strip club. The eyes are like the portal to the soul.. opening her to such filth. Anyway yes Bella your answer is a good one today. Might I add little lady- the grass always looks greener on the other side. You are not interested in women, you’ve just not found the real love of God as yet and therefore you are searching. Learn to love God and your husband and you will realize you really do not want another woman touching you.
We know that the devil has come to steal, kill and destroy, therefore we should not take these things lightly. You have decided to commit yourself to your husband forever in the eyes of the Lord.
This is just one of satan’s trick to destroy another marriage and another life, don’t fall in that trap? It is good that you have identified your problem, so here is my advice:
1.Do not expose yourself to any thing or environment (night clubs,movies,websites, books, etc)that would continue to bring these urge that you have for women.
2.Don’t be no hypocrite, take time to make love to your husband, exploring your sexuality with him, for this is your lifetime commitment, so honour it. Your marriage is between the 2 of you, and not 3, 4, 5 or 8.
3. Engage yourself in more positive activities, sports, hiking, exercise, cooking, voluteer work, youth group, church group, do some sort of educational or practical course. Invest your free time positively and you will see that you will no time for such
4. Spend more time praying and worshiping your Lord, pray your problem to him and believe in him for your total deliverance.
5. Be faithful to yourself, your husband and your marriage. How would you feel if your loved one was having all these secret outside relationships? For the bible teaches us to do onto others as we would want them to do onto you.
HAVE A BLESSED MARRIAGE IN THE LORD.
Dear Answer: Your comments contain a lot of good advice. The unregenerated human heart is constantly reaching out for something new, different, and more exciting to fill the void in their lives. Each time they think they’ve found it but the bubble bursts and they find themselves deeper sin and in a place where it is even more difficult to get out. It’s not difficult to see the progression of the downward journey in this lady’s life. Relationships with four men. A strip club. An attraction to females. Then the desire to have a threesome. She’s confused and she writes for advice. But she is no different from many others. Some accept good counsel and experience a wonderful change in their lives. Others don’t really want to change. They just want somebody to unload on so they can shed their guilt and continue to sin. What they need is a personal one-on-one encounter with the risen Saviour, Jesus Christ. If they had this many counselors, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals would soon be out of business! So let’s give them the gospel. We are all sinners. Romans 3:23. Sin has brought spiritual death (separation from God) upon us. Romans 5:12. But Christ died for our sins. 1 Corinthians 15:3-4. His shed blood will wash our sins away. 1 John 1:7. God will remove our sinful past and give us a glorious new beginning. 2 Corinthians 5:17. All we have to do is confess that we have sinned, 1 John 1:9, and ask the Lord Jesus to come into our heart and save us. Revelation 3:20. When we do this we have eternal life! 1 John 5:11-12. This is the only real, true, genuine, and lasting answer! It is the healing the world needs! Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
you have a serious problem and this man needs to get away from you.your a sex addict and you need to seek some serious help.
Is this for real??
there are plenty of us women who didnt explore b4 marriage and we doh want no orgy, we doh cheat, and our sex life with our husband is hot and spicy. so girlfriend, u have a problem, chek a shrink.dr sharma or dr benjamin or (you does go church?) chek your pastor.
u are so funny with yur wording….. lol
Bella you could not have said it better. This is SOUND advice… proud of you Bells!
when u made that vow it was for better or worst ,dont be stupid ,your hubby loves you ,get professional help before you do something stupid and regret later DONT DO IT .be sponteanous with your hubby and enjoy what god have bless u with which is a gooooood man .wish i had a respectful man like urs DONT DISTROY YOUR MARRIAGE MY LADY
Married; cheating; going to strip clubs with you husband; addicted to those of the same sex; want a threesome with your husband included?
Are you serious? Do you ever have a severe problem. You are addicted to evil actions. You are going down slippery slopes.
Pull yourself together and practice the Christian life. Seek counseling; go to church and pray and pray. Ask God for His guidance, blessing, enlightenment and graces in order that you will overcome those vices which will surely destroy you and make you unhappy in this life and unhappy in the next life – eternity.
Life is short and death is sure
The hour of death remains obscure
A soul you have the only one
If that be lost all hope is gone
Waste not time while time shall last
For after death ’tis ever past
All seeing God your judge will be
And Heaven or Hell your destiny.
We do not know what the length of time we have on this earth. Only God knows. Therefore, take no chances. Turn to Our Almighty Father God, the Healer of souls through His Blessed Son Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Dear Truth: Many of the comments to BELLA’S column are absolutely vulgar. But you have said some beautiful things. Love that little poem! Confused suffers from the disease called “sin”. It is a spiritual/mental condition that afflicts us all. What she described to Bella are only the symptoms – her symptoms. It affects us all differently. In some cases the symptoms are more pronounced than in others. But you have pointed Confused in the right direction. There is a great physican who heals sin sick souls. His name is Jesus! But people must meet Him, believe in Him, and receive Him. For all who can put their hands on a Bible I encourage you to read Isaiah 53:5-6, John 3:16, and Romans 10:9. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
i dont see nttn wrong in dat but still its against the bible but anyways god do forgive sinners but i dont kno wat i should say lol
I would love to rebaptise you my dear child.I would change your name ur last name to UNDERWOOD.
ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE A PRIEST LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LMSAOOOOOOOO HE WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE… LOLLLLLLLLLLL LOOKING AT THE “POSITIVE COMMENT” YOU LEFT I MUST SAY YOU ARE A GREAT PRIEST (SARCATISCALLY SPEAKING) LOLLLLLLLLLLLL
GO READ YOUR BIBLE AND STAY OFF BELLA
if ur hussy dnt wanna do it…den check ur vibes…..lol….lol
I cannot believe my girl saying she did not get a chance to experience life eh!! She cheated on her man nuff times, i bet home boy have no idea. Woman i feel you will soon cheat on you husband. Come clean and tell the man the amount of men you slept with while with him and i am sure it was not just one encounter per man, chances are you had several at a time.
I know where my boy might be coming from, I too have turned down 3 somes because of love for a woman, a woman who then cheated on me. If I knew that she had cheated when offered the 3some i would have taken it. Tell your man you cheated with nuff man. He will have the three some then ditch your sorry behind.
This is probably the BEST advise I have ever seen Bella give. GREAT answer Bella!!
What I does see at all?
So why Confused bother to get married if she know she wants to play around?
And how she figures she hasn’t experienced the single life when she has had 5 men in the last 6 years? That is more than many single women!
The best thing for you to do my dear is go on the pill. For many women, it cuts their sex drive and that is just what you need right now before you mash up your marriage. And you don’t need to bring any children into this mess anyhow.
You also sound like you need a J-O-B. How you have time to nag your husband every day about something? You need a 9 to 5 so that when you get home, you too tired to nag your husband about nonsense. You sound distinctly unemployed and bored.
So quick to judge… ur life must be perfect?!?!… as* stop throwing stone if u urself live in a glass tone
House*
look coshony i hearing there wi. If this story isn’t fabricated then woman you need some help… check pastor rod looool he’ll surely help you.
My girl check me nuh so long i want to suck a cuchi daz y i doh have bf i have the strong urge for women n its driving me nuts nothing about that isdisgusting sucking punanny isd best thing dat exists .. my number is………….
Such a debasement of what womanhood should be!!! Sigh*** you are a beautiful woman do not let these base intellectual thoughts drive out your intuitive perception as a woman…. be ashamed and awake yourself from slumber woman!
Pple does so much say what they want. How u can say she is beautiful woman?? U see her already?? Chupesss just to make the woman feel good,u lie.shame
how you know she pretty lmao?
geezeeeee…we are all beautiful in the eyes of the Maker and He is the one that matters….plus the fact that she is married and has ALWAYS been in relationships, that says she is a beautiful woman…..
god’s creation is beautiful and remains beautiful!! what is not beautiful is what god’s creation has done to itself, but beneath the filth still lies the beautiful creation. That is the essence of my previous comment…. yet still even something so simple and humble you have to make into something so earthly, i was not referring to her face or how pretty she is.. She is woman and the creature that is woman is beautiful!!! until she makes herself ugly like what this woman is doing!!! awake yourselves so that your thoughts to can be uplifting to others instead of aiding to keep them at their point of distress.. awake!!
Turn to God lady, and pray for yourself.
THANK FOR THE POSITIVE COMMENTS
well i bet that one did not happen in dominica, by the words she used
lol..that could also be to throw you off now…lol
fantasy 4 fantasy lets have a 4g me u youre 4inch husband and the other woman of your choice.lets explore.lets take the ride baby lets get it on.dont worry about athing every little ting gona be alright.
You are as sick and depraved as half the women in this country
shut ure mouth .. ..
I DONT LIVE IN DA LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
YOU ARE EITHER LONELY OR YOU BITTER LOL
My Girl if woman you want take your woman!
crazy woman
the man self well wrong to take his wife to exotic dancers club. let him take what he get now
you are so right. why didn’t he let her be his exotic dancer instead of bringing her to watch what other women did and now she going crazy
email me at [email protected] i will arrange everything you like
girl.. go for it.. appease your curiosity,, some people here live in glass houses. if you were my wife. I will join u.
HEY I RESPECT THE BOND OF MARRIAGE OK SO THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE IS BUY A BLOW UP FEMALE DOLL THAT WAY U CAN JUST POP THE DOLL WHEN THE DOLL 3SOME DONE
you not going through any phase…you just confused.
Is this for real? And we want our country to be blessed?
Do we have exotic dance club in D.A? Our country is truely blessed.
anyman who does not want a 3 some kind of suspect to me
any man who wants a 3 some is a suspect to ME.
Go play in traffic…..lol
THAT COMMENT WAS THE FUNNIEST.. ME AND MY FRIEND COULDNT STOP LAUGHING ABOUT IT… GOOD ONE LOLL LOLLL
Come on people…at least she want her husband involved in the 3some and not another man. Give her credit for this
so funny
Me too! i just love females!
The way they walk
The way they talk
It make my pressure rise!!!
Check me out girl, me and my b/f wants a threesome, your hubby does not have to know.
but what is dat I hearing dere nuhhh..so WHYYYYYYYYYY u bother say “I do” at the wedding??
Is women so give all the rest of us a bad name..no wonder man does hesitate to marry.
shut up….hypocrite…..all u damn in love. leave the bloody woman alone. Another woman cannot give me a bad name. I am the only one that can make a bad name for myself. When men sleep around what they giving other men? a good name?
something pricking u pal?
Ou c’est un z’enfant salope.
You already cheating and cheated how many times before you were married and now you decide is plates you want to wash?
Hmn then again that’s the life you see and now wanna try. It’s a shame! Your husband should leave you. I’m sure you will bring diseases for him soon.
Smh.
i second that my girl… she seems confussed
Allu leaving in a glass house… stop throw stone… allu acting like allu innocent
Why are we so quick to blast others nah ? All of us have weaknesses wii
You are just a nasty freak. You are a married woman, what orgy are you trying to have. Maybe your husband is not interested anymore because of your dirty behavior. What is the world coming to.
Obviously, she is realllllllllllly confused. Don’t be so quick to judge others. What is your comment when the men do the same?
CONCERN DOMINICAN YOUR LIFE MUST BE PERFECT LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LMSAOOOOOOO
Get addicted again? Did you get treatment for the first addiction? You need to and you should have gotten it before getting married. Now you are your addicted self is going to drive that poor man crazy.
Get a divorce and go get what you want and stop bothering the man.
YOU DONT KNOW ME AND WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH…. SPEAK FOR YOURSELF… EVERYONE ONE OF US HAVE OUR PROBLEMS… AT LEAST IM NOT A HYPOCRITE
Great advice Bella! Take hold of yourself my dear. You may regret the consequences that you desires are leading you to.
thansk appreciate the positive feed back
so this confused is not living in d.a since she mentioned exotic clubs,,,,, do we have these here,,, please enlighten me,,,, i think u all listen to too much nicki minaj and think women sucking on women is cool,,,, u married but want an orgy,,, lol,,,
lol i soo agree with “mouth of the south”…
This is Disgusting and Ridiculous….. lol……My God you are Married….explore with Your Husband not with other females ewwwwww……..
You appearently have a guy who doesnt want to share you not even with other females……
And so what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if you didnt get the chance to explore life as a single woman, you can do it now with Your Husband……
pssssshhhhh….
i tellin u…dey jus wild
MOUTH OF THE SOUTH YOU ALWAYS ON BELLA LOLLLL YOU NEED TO FIND A GF AND STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF LOLLLL
