I confessed I am not a virgin

Dear BellaMy boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for six years and we never had sex.

Throughout this whole time it was never mentioned whether I was a virgin or not, he just thought that I was.

Now that he is leaving Dominica to work overseas I finally confessed to him that I am not a virgin.

He did react in anyway and up to now I don’t know what he thinks about it.

I am very scared that he will dump me and go for another girl.

I am also feeling guilty because I think this guy, whom I love very much, need someone pure, not sloppy seconds.

I really don’t want to lose this guy and I need to protect my relationship.

What is your suggestion?

Lost

———————————————————————————————————————————————

Dear Lost,

I find it rather strange that you two have been in a relationship for six years and have not move beyond the ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ stage. I would think after being in a relationship for so long the two of you would have moved to marrying, settling down and starting a family. What is keeping you from going to that stage, you did not mention and I would love to know.

Needless to say, my issue here is you desribing yourself as ‘sloppy seconds.’ You are already your own worse enemy by bringing yourself down so low. You need to get over that because I am sure your boyfriend sees you in a  different light.

Once you get over that degrading way you described yourself, you need to have an indepth talk with your boyfriend. I am quite sure he will understand that the issue never came up and hence it was never discussed. I think it is something that can be worked out if the two of you are honest and willing to forget the past and move on.

Bella

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92 Comments

  1. March 27, 2013

    Dear Lost: Before I offer a possible answer to your question I would like to make these comments about your relationship with the young man. (1) Perhaps he liked you a lot and the relationship was special to him but he obviously chose not to become physical for reasons that are personal. If he was not satisfied with Dominica and had thoughts of moving away he may have decided to wait until later before entering into a more serious relationship. (2) It maybe that he is a respectable young man who knows that sex before marriage is a sin and he wants wait until he is married. Christian (born again) men and others who have had a good upbringing often choose to practice abstinence because they know it is the right thing to do. Now – about your question. I realize your letter was posted almost a year ago. However you may still be in touch with your friend or you may see him again. The best thing you could do is be completely honest. Tell him why you said you were a virgin. I hope you will be able to honestly say you are sorry you lied. Young lady I must add this. You should not live in te past. We have all made mistakes. All of us have sinned. Some in one way – and some in another way! That is why we need a Saviour. God sent His Son to Calvary’s cross to die for our sins. The Bible says “…the blood of Jesus Christ, his Son cleanseth us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7) all we have to do is believe this according to Acts 16:31, and receive Christ as our personal Saviour by according to St. John 1:12 and Revelation 3:20. If you do this you will NOT be damaged goods! You will be a brand new person! Please get your New Testament and read Romans 8:12, and 2 Corinthians 5:17. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  2. i feel for u
    November 20, 2012

    thumbs up for u guys. keep ur pussy dry and let him keep his dick in his pants. sex b4 marriage is a sin. oh by the way how old are u? 6 yrs? why not married that good guy? or are you really a good girl?

  3. femme dominique
    October 2, 2012

    gasa mi debas! 6 years sans sex? lol which kind boo boo? lool…. my girl i respecting u u can hold it down strong.. buh on a real mr most likely had countless woman on ur head… trus me cuh if he ain mek noise over it for 6 years sumtin wrong sumwher! chk ur man…

  4. mj
    September 19, 2012

    girl you dumb should kept mouth close since you opened your legs! did you ask him if he’s a vergin? i think not. you give him no honey so he find nother flower. he go you stay he no send you money so you go play

  5. Sweffy
    September 5, 2012

    I just come out stocky and would mash up ur sloppy seconds right now.

  6. jack
    August 27, 2012

    hmmmmmmm

  7. focker
    August 27, 2012

    woman u madddd n ur man more madddd for him to even stayin wit u for all dah tym n no sex hmmm # well give him d goodies now so he wil think twice b4 he go

  8. jerseydominican
    August 21, 2012

    love but have you all heard of marriage before sex and you guys call yourself christian

  9. Joan
    August 20, 2012

    Jesus died a Virgin. So was he gay? Peculiar? Weird? Unmanly?

    • dhestini
      August 23, 2012

      all of the above

    • jus4one
      August 29, 2012

      whoever said Jesus was a virgin. what did he do with his wife. not too things you will hear when you not deaf from yall so called christians. steups tan

    • stupes
      December 12, 2012

      doe put jesus in ur nonsence

  10. August 19, 2012

    Well I get a good schooling after reading that session, look like I lost my virginity as a result of the postings!! :-P :lol: :wink:

  11. Dominican Princess
    August 16, 2012

    lol dominica have laylay wi garcon lol

  12. Anonymous
    August 16, 2012

    Those in those protestant churches are the worst, they doing more than anybody but it is all a secret. Please !

    • jus4one
      August 29, 2012

      i agree. research has shown that they are the ones who experience the most social problems but are too caught up in creating impressions of happiness to the world. so sad

  13. D
    August 16, 2012

    lol thats why i love DNO… u can always get a good laugh. Only in DOminica people talk this kinda … anyways i love my people

  14. dear bella
    August 15, 2012

    Dear bella,

    i am a 22 year old virgin and i think i am an asexual. Is that a problem?? 8)

    • i feel for u
      November 20, 2012

      WAT! WAT! u is an Asexual? lmmao. u dont know wat an asexual is shut the hell up. u is a homosexual.

  15. none at all
    August 15, 2012

    did she had sex while with the guy within that time

  16. Rose
    August 15, 2012

    You sure he doesn’t have an STD or HIV?

  17. FuturePolitician
    August 15, 2012

    Seriously?? 6 years no sex.. Either you have a good christian boyfriend or he was taking either man or woman on your head..

  18. concerned genetals
    August 15, 2012

    6 years sah sex!!!! what kind of sorcery vagina that girl have dre!!!! if u were a virgin u get back your virgin for sure!!!! borj!!!!!, no boy!!!!!

  19. UDOHREADYET
    August 15, 2012

    From a man point of view, if he’s not intimate with you for 6 years then he’s doing it with someone else. He may consider you marriage material and truly loved you that’s why he waited for you. Religion may also play a part and there’s nothing wrong with that, you just took it too far for too long. Telling the truth is great start but I’m under the impression that you may have been with many partners that why you consider yourself ‘sloppy seconds’ FYI sloppy seconds is when multiple men are having sex with the same woman at the same time, anyone after the first guy is getting his sloppy seconds. Deep down you may feel undeserving of this guy because of your past or present misdeeds before and during the last 6 years. I hope things work out for you; just remember no one is perfect. Time to close your legs and mouth and open you mind. I you hadn’t had sex in 6 years you wouldn’t be feeling this way be honest!

  20. iiiiii
    August 15, 2012

    Believe it or not, i have a friend that has a boyfriend for about that same time frame and they never had sex!!!!!!!

    The are both from different parts of the island and she never had sex with him for about 5-6 yrs! But yes, he sexing other woman because yes,i had sex with him once! I regretted tho cause she is my friend

    • too hard too long
      August 15, 2012

      You regretted because she is your friend or because the sex wasn’t very good?

    • Justice and Truth
      August 16, 2012

      What a shame for you that you double-crossed your friend. You are not a sincere friend.

  21. Looking in
    August 14, 2012

    We would like to know if you were a not a virgin before being in the relationship, or you lost it while in it with someone else.
    Eh las, if you calling yourself ‘sloppy seconds’, I doh want to know what you’d call someone else nuh

  22. Rahiem
    August 14, 2012

    just for the record “bella” your advice is NOT an advice and “lost” u r really lost and i think that u should try to find yourself. My advice to u is that u should ask yourself if u love him as a friend or a lover? For what he was doing for u or for him as a whole? Why did the truth about your virginity had to come out when he’s preparing to live the country soon?? i feel that u were just using the guy and seeing that u may no longer benifit from his services u decided to play honnest.

  23. (.) (.)
    August 14, 2012

    I’m wondering…it’s either that woman was promiscuous before she met up with the guy and decided to change her ways upon meeting him or she does not have any sexual feelings for him. Why call herself “sloppy seconds” because she is not a virgin? I was not a virgin when I met and my husband and I felt like a queen and still feel like a queen. What normal man would have a woman for six years and not try having sex with her? Not even once?So when they were alone in the dark they did not feel like rubbing on each other and doing all sorts of little things? Opposite attracts, my girl.I personally would not want to be with any man if he was not making a move on me after 3 months into our relationship. It’s either you boyfriend is gay or doing another girl on the side, whilst you practicing celebacy (which is healthy for you).

    • lisa
      August 16, 2012

      i don’t believe in this comment because me and my boyfriend was together for 7and half months before we even kiss and we see each other almost everyday…. sex is not all to a relationship, and yes after about 13-14 mths we had sex but now we are married.. and wonderfully happy because new each other inside and out before we jump into bed……. after 3mths sleeping with a guy you should consider your self sloppy seconds, beacuase what if the relation don’t last 6 mth off to 3-4-5 guy

  24. wonderful
    August 14, 2012

    were u abused before? that could probably explain why u never had sex wit him?

    • Rahiem
      August 14, 2012

      I think that they were more friends than lovers

    • Anonymous
      August 14, 2012

      Being in a relationship is not all about having sex, you have sex when you feel you are both ready for it, not because you think you should do it to please anyone, and weather or not you were abused it’s still has to be your choice no one else, too many people these jump into relationship/bed and think that’s the be all- and end all-, If he leaves you because you disclose that you wasn’t a virgin without hearing your side of the story, let him walk, am sure he himself isn’t one, these men/boys have tooo much double standards, they want to have sex with Jane, Jenifer, and Janet, then they want virgins as girlfriends.

  25. doctor
    August 14, 2012

    hmmmmmmmmmmmm all u not easy on dno. could be the man is a homosexual and the woman is a lesbian. therefore the feeling to have sex was never an issue or important to them. but it have a saying ”ca ou pa connet paka chwai”

  26. Angel with Halo
    August 14, 2012

    Young lady you are what you profess to be, so becareful what you attempt to label yourself.

    Dominicans are funny people! You all find it so hard that the people are not sexually intimate for 6 years? or he is cheating? The tone of this letter almost suggest that these people are protestants and if they are I wouldn’t be surprised that this is the nature of their relationship. Furthermore being celibate is not that hard for a virtuous woman to accomplish for a number of years. This lifestyle is far more common than most people realize. You begin sometimes from a point of being wronged and it stays with you. If you’re not in a committed relationship the choice is easy to make, over time it becomes a way of life. Does that negate your sexual drive NO! and who say masturbation is a sin there? I’d rather pleasure myself than sleep around, or be in a pretentious relationship with a man who is stringing me around just to get by my nickers. Sometimes when a mal-boowo lie and cheat you just say to hell with it. I wrote the book on celibacy and it has been more than 6 years so don’t knock what you are ignorant of.

    DISCLAIMER! this is not an invitation for suitors I enjoy my celibacy, I’m going for a record against another friend :-P

    • Peeping Tom
      August 14, 2012

      :) :)

    • August 14, 2012

      @Angel with Halo

      I had the same thought about those two people being protestants–I hope you are thinking the same as I am–which means belonging to a Church family.

      That could be a reason for those two people remaining together for so long without sexual relationship–except that I am just wondering, why did she not mention it? Easier still according to Bella why not get married, if indeed they love each other.

      Also, I know for a fact that the law of Chastity or remaining celibate can be maintained by much more people than we are thinking, according to your suggestions. I know people–mostly women– from 30 to even 70 years who are stil virgins.

      The only difference is that those who maintain the law of Chastity, effectively, are they who live on their own– I mean not being in relationship with an opposite sex–but by personal choice. I know what I am talking about.

      Otherwise it does seem baffling, with man and woman in a love relstionship for six years without experiencing the deepest passions of human affection towards each other. When two people truly love each other, Love will also sanctify their passions of the flesh–nothing is wrong with conducting those passions in them.

      Anyway, it is true that mastubation is not a sin, just like drinking a glass of wine or two with supper or lunch is not a sin. God gave us a human body that we will always need to touch–for all sorts of reasons, like pampering a pain, or satifying a nagging itch–that is not sin at all.

      But the conduct of masturbation is produced in the mind–just like every other feelings or urges; and it is an unclean thought. Unless we can speak against that thought, we will put it into conduct–however that conduct will produce an unclean habit which can be difficult to overcomem until that habit becomes downright sinful! Just as drunkenness is sinful, while drinking a glass wine is not sinful. We know that Jesus formed 180 jars of wine at that wedding in Cana, it was His very first miracle on earth.

      There are so many little things in Life that we must be alert of, so that we will not be moved by their influence in our minds. That is the reason we must depend on the perfection of Jesus Christ, for our survival in Life, and outside of Life in Jesus Christ–we are simply a pile of emptiness.

      • Tri-State Beauty
        August 15, 2012

        @ Angel with Halo & Lizvier4Jesus. I Cosign on what you all are saying. I’m actually shocked that people are so shocked and doubting that someone can remain in a life of celibacy for 6 years.

        @ Liz..”The only difference is that those who maintain the law of Chastity, effectively, are they who live on their own..” I need not say anything more.

  27. hhmm
    August 14, 2012

    WHATS YOUR POINT WOMAN?
    …LIKE THERE ARE ANY VERGINS LEFT IN DOMINICA

    THERE IS NOT ONE PURE GIRL TO BE SEEN… SO THE FEW REAL VIRTUOS MEN HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THE SCRAPS THAT SOMEBODY ELSE LEFT FOR THEM

    • massive
      August 15, 2012

      where them brainless fools does come out nah… maybe all man u taking and coming n talk, u dat is d SCRAPS… ur jack ass

    • Delicious
      August 15, 2012

      @hhmm – And virtuous women don’t have to settle for your scraps? I’m sure you’re no VIRGIN, so what’s your point? I’m looking for a VIRGIN HUSBAND…are you available? :-P

  28. just looking
    August 14, 2012

    yes bella YESSSSS, you doe no finacial status, you doe no the health of the relationship, you doe not if they have food to eat but is married you sending them and married….. i wonder if you married 8-O 8-O 8-O 8-O

  29. I watching Still
    August 14, 2012

    So because you are not a virgin you are sloppy seconds, way to go sistah! Is he a virgin or just a man who lives a celibate lifestyle? karmem all you will learn to give information on a NEED TO KNOW BASIS WI.

  30. Massacre Girl
    August 14, 2012

    Lol I wonder if de man is a virgin?!?!? Lol whhooyyyyy..my girl at least u told him the truth, u did ur part now it’s up to him to do wa he want…if it’s meant to be, it will doe hurt ur head my girl 8) 8)

  31. Tom
    August 14, 2012

    Masturbation is a sin ka mem.

    • doctor
      August 14, 2012

      masturbation is very healthy for the human body, due to the hormones involve for maturity and so on, on the other handmasturbation is biblically wrong. so weigh the benefits.

      • Sakwe Toneh
        August 15, 2012

        Where did you read that scripture? Which bible are you referring to?

    • Justice and Truth
      August 16, 2012

      @ Tom

      Yes! It is true; fondling and sexually gratifying oneself. It is as bad a sin as fornication. I observed two people stated that it is not a sin. I do not know where they got their religious instructions and information from. Who taught them it is not a sin? There are many false teachers out there who deceive and lead their followers astray.

      • Sakwe Toneh
        August 16, 2012

        Where did you get that information re self-gratification being a sin? smh! Zor ca ane dire ca zor flay.

      • August 17, 2012

        “Justice and Truth

        Who taught you that masturbation is as bad as a sin as fornication. Just refer me to the scripture where you read that. How are you different from me. Are you saying I am wrong and you are write

        But did you not read that I said, the continuous habit, can turn it into a downright sin.

        I said it is not a sin, but it is an unclean habit that we should not condone to, or else it can be sinful.

        There are a lot of human attitude and conducts that are not sinful, but still they are unclean habits–we can learn go speak againts those habit as we learn to walk in the Spirit.

        Our only way out, as human beings, is to rely on the`perfection of Jesus Christ, by the measure of faith, which God bestows to us.

  32. lol
    August 14, 2012

    Some people are on boyfriend number 15 and they are no sloppy seconds. So what’s your problem? :lol: :lol:
    Stop bringing down yourself and question him. something wrong with that fellah.

  33. Blessings
    August 14, 2012

    THAT GUY IS GAY!!!!

  34. Anonymous
    August 14, 2012

    i commend this persons because their day it looking like if their is no sex their is no relationship which i find to myself is foolishness

  35. friend
    August 14, 2012

    hahahahaah dis is so unbelievable sounding like a feary tale story to me yeah 6 yrs n never had sex hmmm and dat was de end. cus feary tale storys dont mention sex all u hear is dat was the end hahaha lmfao

  36. trolol
    August 14, 2012

    SLOPPYSECONDS WEE BOY LOOK IT! :lol: :mrgreen: :-D :-o

  37. trolol
    August 14, 2012

    Did that girl really call herself “Sloppyseconds?” Omg you are what you think then. LMAO! :lol: I swear some people can be so retarded.. Hey I’m a virgin and i don’t feel Superior in anyway.

    • iiiiii
      August 15, 2012

      You got that right! Matter of fact they will laugh at you and call you inexperienced when you are virgin!!!!!!!!! LMAO. no superiority whatsoever there!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  38. Kicks
    August 14, 2012

    8-O 8-O Hold on a while, since when is being “non-virgin” the end of the world???

    For whatever reason, six years you all together, no sex…*scratches head* Mr was maybe lashing somebody else wi pal. :lol: :lol:

    • trolol
      August 14, 2012

      Lashing is joke.. BLOWS ON OLD CLOTHES!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

      • HARRIS
        August 14, 2012

        Mamsel was blind.. the man maybe had his woman and avoiding her..6yrs and no sex really..I think bella just putting up anything..either the man had another woman he was sincere too or both of them need to go check the sex hormones by a dr..serious issues..LMBO

  39. Sweet Carib
    August 14, 2012

    Lol. How can u be in a r/ship for 6yrs and not have sex???? Wtf!!! A joke that man. Stupessss

  40. Reader
    August 14, 2012

    I don’t understand why all you find that so hard to believe. The two of them must be born again Christians. I’m sure all the single ladies in your church are saving themselves as they are preached to. At least they do in mine. That’s why the woman is so hard on herself (ala sloppy seconds). She hates her sin and has not been able to forgive herself. Surely you all feel the same way, right?

    Finally, she only told him when he was leaving the country because she wanted to use sex as a bait to keep/entice him. She wanted to take it to the next level in an effort to bond them. He stuck to his moral principles.

    Okay … that’s the best I could come up with. Somebody else try.

    • Tiger
      August 14, 2012

      Ladoes saving themselves for marriage? Not in those christian churches in Dominica. Trust me when I tell you, the preacher will take care of business before the women get married.

      I used to have a chick who was a born-again. We used to go to crusade together and as soon as crusade finish, we used to go and have sex.

      Nobody saving themselves for anyone in those churches. They just know how to cover their tracks and keep a secret. That’s all.

  41. MUDD
    August 14, 2012

    Not one of you thought of the man being impotent

  42. داود عبد الرحمن
    August 14, 2012

    This is a peculiar and odd story.

    How could this woman who is a non virgin be with a man for six years yet not have sex? She tasted the fruit already!

    It is clear that the very same way she refused to tell someone close to her that she is a non virgin, she is lying or with holding vital information from the public. This story is a very bogus one in my view!

    • Original Eagle-Eye
      August 14, 2012

      The story here may not add up unless they are practising protestants(I may want to give some leeway) or even in different locations. However you are quite misguided to believe that because a woman is not a virgin according to you “tasted the fruit already” that she can’t remain celibate for even way past 6 years. You may need to get out more in the real world, even in Dominica.I don’t know about men, but I could send a few Dominican women your way who suffered a broken heart and to this day they have not touched a man! Real talk

      • DANZIGER
        August 14, 2012

        AMEN @Eagle-Eye,thats the truth.

      • داود عبد الرحمن
        August 14, 2012

        Practicing protestants? I am even more afraid of these women! Secondly, one is not talking about a broken heart where the woman decides to stay by herself; this is about a woman who said she has been in a RELATIONSHIP for 6 years, what part of this you don’t understand?

        I’m just not buying into this original, sorry

      • Joan
        August 20, 2012

        What if they are Catholic?

  43. tiny
    August 14, 2012

    most men i talk to don’t care about whether a woman is a virgin or not…. your self worth does not depend on whether you are a virgin or not ………….sex is for after marriage but if you have done it before just forgive yourself ask god to forgive you and live a life that’s pleasing to God

    in this case i would be wrorried because you deceived the guy for 6 years…a relationship is based on trust……….. reworded..dno

  44. Sweetpea
    August 14, 2012

    u know what..i started typing then stopped, typed then erased…i honestly dont even know what to say to this…this situation is just plain weird. 6 years? u sure???

  45. Tiger
    August 14, 2012

    Maybe the guy does not feel confident he can satisfy a woman so he did not want to introduce the question of having sex. I find it hard to believe you can be together that long and not have the relationship naturally get to the point of having sex.

    If you are alone in a private area and you are cuddling and kissing, I would think at one point someone would initiate sexual contact.

    Something does not seem right with this picture.

    • mouth of the south
      August 14, 2012

      are u saying ‘cuddling n kissing’ isn’t initiating sexual contact?????? :cry:

    • May 27, 2014

      Sad, but this seems to be what you consider “normal” in Dominica.

      This is why from 40% to 50% of the babies born in your country are illegitimate, born to single mothers.

      So you have teenagers dropping out of school to raise a child, giving up their hopes of a career, and struggling financially to raise a child or children without a husband in the home. You have children who have no father image in the home, and grow up with no real dad. Teen boys are more apt to get into drugs. Teen girls are more apt to be promiscuous.

      No, this idea that you meet, go together, cuddle and kiss, and then take it to the next level and have sex, and finally get married get, is not normal. I have never seen it work well for who who practice it. Countries or communities within countries where this mentality rules have more than their share of poverty, and other social problems. Until people realize the seriousness of ignoring the God given moral code sexual sin will continue to bring your nation down.

      It comes from a lack of teaching in the homes, churches, and schools. Marriage is sacred. God has placed a hedge around marriage. Sex belongs in marriage. Sex outside marriage is a sin He Bible calls fornication. It produces serious consequences. It destroys society.

      Romans 1:21:32, 1 Corinthians 6:9,10, Galatians 5;19-21, Jude vs.7.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

  46. FAIRNESS!!
    August 14, 2012

    LOL!

  47. Story Story
    August 14, 2012

    Stupes…Bella well I have to give it to you eh….your make-up stories are quite interesting. Hahahaha Stop making up stories and give us real gist. stupes again. :-x :roll:

  48. TW
    August 14, 2012

    The most important question here for me is… How old are you? Age has alot to do with what answer suits your situation.

  49. Bull Crap
    August 14, 2012

    I hate hypocrites
    Bella have to be making these stories up.
    you have been with the guy for sic years and never gave it up have him thinking ur a virgin when u know ur not and wait till he was living to tell him the truth now u scared he may live u for someone else.

    I mean seriously think about this. either they guy really did love u and u mad an a** out of him or he was getting it else way that why he could stay so long. either way. You dont deserve each other.

    Tough but true.

  50. PrettyS
    August 14, 2012

    but bella, it have ppl dat doe want to marry.
    ‘sloppy seconds’ lol!. at least ure d one dat call urself dat, and not someone else

  51. tiny
    August 14, 2012

    oh god now i read everything…pure not sloppy seconds…hahhahah…..well is good thing he is not God..or else we would be all doomed

  52. tiny
    August 14, 2012

    and if he dump you…move on with your life…how can you depend on another person for your happiness….

  53. tiny
    August 14, 2012

    most men i talk to don’t give a crap a about whether a woman is a virgin or not…. your self worth does not depend on whether you are a virgin or not ………….sex is for after marriage but if you have done it before just forgive yourself ask god to forgive you and live a life that’s pleasing to God

    in this case i would be wrorried because you deceived the guy for 6 years…a relationship is based on trust………..

  54. mouth of the south
    August 14, 2012

    from the time this young woman described herself as ‘sloppy seconds’… it killed any constructive advice i’d have for her… smh…. now when the b.f reads this… how will he look at u???? the young woman has self-esteem issues… and needs to have a lil pride in her….. somehow this article seem to be written by a nun who had a crush on a friar….

    • PUSS
      August 14, 2012

      and the man himself has resurrect :lol:

    • Original Eagle-Eye
      August 14, 2012

      Where you come out Mouth of the South? you put your virginity on hold on DNO man? toneh you were missed

      :-P

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