I desperately want to get married, but my partner does not

Dear Bella: I have been seeing this wonderful guy for quite some time now and I love him more than words can explain. He treats me right; he loves me unconditionally; he gives me my space; he is smart and everything I’ve been looking for. I would love for us to progress to something more in the future and one day start a family, but he doesn’t want to get married.

This is a problem for me because I was brought up knowing the value of marriage. He does love me and does right by me, but he rather that we start our life together than get married. I don’t know if I should stay or leave because of this. I don’t want to leave him because he means so much to me but I’m beginning to wonder if he ever would change his trend of thought on marriage.

Fighting for a life of love.

Dear Fighting for a life of love,

If you feel loved and your guy is everything you have hoped for why should you leave him? Marriage is a very important sacrifice and requires a lot of seriousness.

I’m sure your guy would loved to get married some day, but he does not feel he is prepared to do so at this moment. Maybe he feels he is too young or wants to get to know you more, hence his explanation that he prefers you two start a life together. Many persons have that mentality of wanting to develop a deeper relationship with their partner before wedding them.

On the other hand, have you done anything to make him distrust you during the course of your relationship?. Or do you suspect him to be messing around? You have to think of all these factors which could be hindering him from wanting to get married. If you’re both being faithful to one another you have nothing to worry about. Just try to enjoy your committed relationship with him and once everything is on the right path don’t bombard you mind with pessimism.

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10 Comments

  1. Haitianbabes
    June 24, 2010

    so true and dat is a really raw deal, but we like to give the milk away so fast, so the guys have no need for cow, and when we call dem such nice and loving, and good to me, we even get other cow for dem, when they tell us, they tired of drinking white milk from a black cow, nonsense, idiots, stay dere and make man use us and dem say, he fool me wee.

  2. Diamond
    June 22, 2010

    Well said Righteous…I'm all for the marriage thing…but give him time…let him know how you feel …dont nag him about it but dont completely dismiss your feelings…ok…Nothing happens before its time! I recently got married after 12yrs with my boyfriend..we even broke up a couple times….So I hope it works out well for you.

  3. Muslim_Always
    June 20, 2010

    In the Name of Allah, The Beneficient, The Merciful.

    Secularism has destroyed morality significantly. Our societies promotes fornication as if it's a party. The court system has unjust laws regarding divorce rights of men and women. It is simply a mess.

    Temporary marriage would be the best solution for these issues. Firstly, the couple can consent on how long they want to marry or decide to get to know each other. After the marriage is conducted, whenever they both have sex, there is no worry or guilt about fornication. Also, temporary marriage does not warrant the responsibilities that comes with permanent marriage. Research will suggest the benefits of temporary marriage this is the way into the future.

  4. JB
    June 19, 2010

    Young lady take your stance and let your conscience and what you stand for be your guide.Pray to God about this matter and if its His will for you to be together y`all will do the right thing.

  5. same level as all
    June 19, 2010

    take the positives out of it. beleive me if you shure you are his one love hold on to it; don t rush: see it how it is and don t make anyone around you, freinds and family presure you. they may be married but unhappy. IF you are then enjoy it. by the time he is ready you both will actually be one you will know him better then yrself and he too. but if you make this a problem you might just loose the man of your life for a future bad husband..i think if i was in the place of God i would appreciate a happy couple more than a bad marriage. unestly if u had 2 childrend and one is married and they don t hve a clean life , and the other is not and are clean and loving which one would u bless????? now tht you told him yr wish let him know you love him and some day you will be his wife. i wish i could be in contact with you to follow up.

  6. notnice
    June 19, 2010

    allow time to stare its course, sounds like your relationship is good. It seems to me that he told you from the jump how he feels about getting married. He made you and offer that you rejected and vise verser so hopefully one day you guys could come to some type of common ground and get married. my girl it's just a piece of paper
    do what your heart feels, cause if you let him go someone else might come up

  7. Righteous
    June 18, 2010

    “Truth”, that's not necessarily the case…Men usually like to have the marriage thing on their terms…Maybe if she just back off a little, he will propose to her in his way, on his terms and when she least expects it.

    By her own admission, he is a good man, he treats her well, he is not controlling, and thei was no mention of oher women….patience my girl, patience….Let him do this how he planned.

  8. REALDEAL
    June 18, 2010

    ITS A CASE OF WHY BUY THE COW” IF HE CAN GET THE MILK FREE.

  9. truth
    June 17, 2010

    girl ,once you see they don't want to get married ,they want to explore some more.One foot in one out.

  10. sue-ling
    June 17, 2010

    thats the best solution that can be given? C-

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