My boyfriend and I are together for only a year. I love and respect him. He is twice my age but age doesn’t really matter to me. In the past he has been cheated on and I feel that he is insecure. I enjoy every second i spend with him although I can be a prick. He always asks me if I love him, I truly do.
He’s my coach, my boss, my adviser, and my lover. I also see him as a dad, one I didn’t grow up with. Lately, I realize he is always in his phone, always busy, work has him caught up, he doesn’t call or text, he gets real mad with me during training, and gets vex when I’m on the phone or when I speak to boys.
Once whilst he was in his bathroom I went through his phone seeing naked pictures of another woman, one of whom I considered a dear friend because we play for the same team. I haven’t mentioned this to him and I am afraid to. This may end our relationship and I don’t think i can do without him.
Her attitude towards me now at games and practices all changed. I must say that I defend her like she’s on some other team now. Bella, I thought of leaving, ignoring not texting, and at the end of the day it can’t work out. I won’t say I’m obsessed but I’ve never been like this before.
No one has cared for me this much, I have completely transformed. I was a shy person, always to myself, easy to cry and was always bullied. Now, I stand up for my own self, I dress properly, guys wanna go out with me, wanna be with me. But I’m not a cheating type so I just ignore them knowing I have a relationship. I need help, really, really. Don’t want any cheater but can’t do without this one.
Confused.
Dear Confused,
Your suspicions led you to invading your boyfriend’s privacy and this can be bad and good. It has steered you to conclude that your partner is not faithful hence you are now emotional and confused. There is a possibility that he is unfaithful and the possibility exists that he may not be, but you can only verify this by speaking to him. If you can work this out forgive him and set your boundaries because you would not like a repeat or more cheating.
If he is then ask yourself a few questions to help your situation. Like “do you deserve what is happening to you?” “Are you able to get someone who will treat you like a queen?” Once you can answer yes to both questions, you are on your way to moving on. Heartbreak is not easy to deal with but time heals and no matter how much we feel we cannot live without that person, the truth is we can.
Bella
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Miss Confused: It has been two years since all this transpired. Much has probably changed since then. But in case you are still in this trap and for the sake of others who may be in similiar circumstances I am offering the following comments. (1) You have indicated that you didn’t have a dad while you were growing up. Every normal young woman desire a healthy daughter-father relationship. Since this was not met in your life you woud have an emotional void that would leave you vulnerable. You developed feelings for an older man who showed an interest n you. Its important for you to understand that these feelings are not coming from the same place that boy friend – girl friend feelings come from and they are not the same. (2) You should ask youself “What kind of man dates a girl half his age?” He is either a married man with (a) deep marital problems, or (b) a man with a personality problem such as pedophilia (a lust for young girls), or (c) a man who has difficulty relating to a woman his own age which usually happens when a man feels inferior to women with equal life experience. (3) This man is your coach which means he is in a position of trust. It would be the same if he was a teacher, a counselor, or a doctor. For him to have a relationship with somebody in your position is unethical. In some countries it would be taken very seriously. (4) Many people would not think it is O.K. for a man to have nude photos of girls on his phone. Maybe it is O.K. in your social circle. But obviously this is NOT something that helps you to trust him. This is not the horse you should put your money on! (5) You say he has “transformed” you and you imply that knowing him has made you a better person. Not so! The changes in your life are changes you yourself have made for one reason. You have made these changes to draw him closer and bind him to you because you realize you are competing with other girls for his attention. This is something you wouldn’t have to do if he cared for you as much as you’re trying to believe he does.
Miss Confused: All this was taking place two years ago so it is likely much has changed since then. bu in case you are still in this trap and for the benefit of others now in similar circumstances I am offering the following. (1) You have indicated that you didn’t have a dad growing up. Obviously, like most normal girls, this is something you would like to have. The absence of a father in your young and formative years has left you with a void that has
If he has a naked picture of your friend on his cell…waaay papa women brave weee. She is no friend, and he is a scumbag..heh heh so doh watch me watch yourself
i in tha exact situation we together for a year plus and he messing around with a girl i knw we aint no friendss but i am saying if i am doing everything home and he aint satisfy tha mean he aint love me and he looking for something more so i hope he find it out there and dont come begging back when he realize tha grass aint greener on the other side and i made up my mind i am getting out and jus making tha decision alone makes me feel good so my dear child take care of urself first u alone can predict ur own happiness good luck and god bless
girlfriend do the same u ll feel better
sweetie……..
if you are only seeing him for a year; and he is already cheating……..well……….not much to say.
don’t fool yourself…….come out from that relationship; because before you know it, you will be crying yourself to sleep every night.
you said he always asking you if you love him……….the real question is ‘does HE tell u he loves you’?
regardless, that situation is not for you
you said yourself he is insecure………..he is jealous of you now that men are taking an interest, so use that to your advantage………….GET OUT!!!
dont go looking for a man………..one will come to you……..
good luck
leave him
Do you know the saying whether it is true or not, “Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction brought it back?”
Young lady, the man is twice your age. He has been unfaithful to you and also with someone whom you know. My suggestion is that you speak to him.
DO NOT inform him that you went through his personal belongings and what you observed. He will get angry and may never forgive you.
If it is possible for you, please be diplomatic and ask him questions. There are ways of getting around this.
He keeps asking you if you love him. He may be insecure. Ask him if he loves you and keep your eyes on his face and notice his demeanor.
Pictures of naked women or pornography? That is a NO! NO!
The next thing you should do is break ties with him because he may never change. He is a flirt and probably a pervert.
Consider too that he is twice your age. You have many years and a bright future ahead of you. Do not waste your time with someone who is playing the field and who may not be serious.
Do not cheat. When you date another man just be careful and take note of his attitude.
You need to practice your faith. Our Lord Jesus Christ said: “Apart from Me you can do nothing.” All else is temporary and fails.
Give all the good comments a good thought and pray to God for guidance.
Why are some of these comments so unkind and unthoughtful. Some might say I’m the same type of person, but it’s not that. I just prefer people be more considerate and watch what they say. Who knows what this girl has been through?
Who knows what she is going through? At least she didn’t go on one of those deadly drugs. Please think deep before judging her. Because I care a lot, can anyone join me in prayers for this girl and her life? It would be better than trash-talking her and her situation.
Thanks
Caring girl.
She never said that she praying for her solution well caring girl you doin the right thing to pray for her am with you as i said before many problem are common sense.
sweety i personally think that you are too young for this man. if you can see him as a dad this means he is way too much for you. and sir what kind of man are you? naked pics of a girl that she knows personally? have you know respect for the young lady whose life you are spoiling. why do you men abuse your power sooooo much. man get someone your own size.
can anybody suggest where council can b done?..cuz i realiz many times ppl say go 4 councilin, but wat if d person knows no avenue for dat?
Miss confused many people today are seeking joy and happiness but not finding them. Perhaps people don’t understand what true happiness is at best, only fleeting happiness can be found in possessions pleasures, or accomplishments. But the joy God gives is not just a feeling. It is not affected by our circumstances. In fact, it is an unchanging, natural by product of our faith in Jesus Christ. As you trust Jesus and look forward to his return, you will be filled an ”inexpressible joy ” It won’t be just some sort of emotional high. It will be a deep, supernatural experience of contentedness based upon the fact that your life is right with God. And this lasting joy and happiness will sustain you for the rest of your life .The solutions to many problem are common sense . seek God man was born to serve GOD .
that’s dominica women ofr you. thy know they men husband cheating and pretending like they don’t…everybody else know so why don’t you……stop giving advice on the matter dominican woman
youall ar lno different.
I think he is busy dealing with someone his age…
mister just playing with mamzelle head
Are you for real ? You see him as a Dad ? something is terribly wrong with you and your age/or
youth has nothing to do with it. Go out and play with little boys your age I assume you are extremely young but I suspect you deliberately left out you and that man’s age. Another free
advice is, tempted as you may feel , you don’t go through men’s phones! Do you think by searching a man’s phone you can stop or prevent what he has set his mind to do ? that only
causes a lot of insecurities to surface, uncalled for quarrels and confusion even sometimes
coming to the wrong conclusions about what you find in the phone everybody is entitled to their
privacy. Anyway I would suggest you make a concerted effort and search for your real Daddy
because you ain’t right, you ain’t right at all child ! and I know you are a child because you sound
like one in every way. Tell us your age and the man’s age I suspect he is probably more than twice
your age.
nah,m 22 his 37
obviously, she’s obsessed with this man. He controls every aspect of your life! “He’s my coach, my boss, my adviser, and my lover. I also see him as a dad, one I didn’t grow up with.”
This guy seems like a real dirtbag who likes to date young, impressionable girls so he can control them, he’s twice her age! and then he’s messing around with AT LEAST one more of the young girls on the team. As a coach he should be ashamed of himself. you were hired to coach the team, NOT to use it as an All-you-can-eat buffet PERVERT!!!!!
Those young girls like it so. She has a mix of all she imagine it is a very frequent occurance Pre-Med,Put this in your brain for med school, prevalence ,pathalogic componets clinical picture classic case,addiction, conditioning are words you will encounter and learn toappreciate later if /when you get into your chosen desired field.Also learn the word experience and to each his/her own.
Free mixing will always cause that problem. You coaching a team with sexy girls his hood must erect. A man you dealing with…You all need to face reality.
woman go and get a man around ur age .. and stop sayin he like a dad .. dats de wrong way to be in a relationship .. cause u didnt have a dad .. wow nice excuse .. keep tellin urself dat
my girl i would drop him so fast his head would spin…he is ur coach,ur lover ,UR BOSS…hmmm well no wonder he walking all over u,and make matters worst he have naked pictures of another woman on his phone ,a woman who u knw personally? my girl maybe u need a psychological revaluation,don’t sell ur self short u deserve better.
so you would has sexual relations wit ur dad?..Child u sick..u need help, some counseling. Go to Jesus in Prayer for forgiveness. you nor normal.
Jesus cannot do sh*t for you. His father forsook him on a cross
i will ask God to forgive you………….because you don’t know what you are saying…………
Whatever lesson there is to learn , you will learn it.All i know is first love is loving yourellf.So if you donot love yourself you are incappable of loving others.You maybe simply fooling yourself.If it means you will suffer and suffer and get cripple and die .You must learn your lesson.Thats why the same thing that get you into problem is the same thing that will take you out.So your journey is your journey.You must learn.
dominica really has a shortage of men for some women to just settle for sh*t like that!!!
you went searching through your “dad” phone, girl behave your little self and find a man your age…
My dear, you do not need anyone to treat you like a queen if you know how to do it for yourself (that is what is called self love, motivation, respect). You saw the pictures and the change in his attitude and that of your friend, do you need more explanation than?
Young lady take hold of yourself and get out of that mess. You never know who else is in as part of his game.
God loves you and is waiting for you to treat you like the queen that he has made you to be, if you just listen, call on him, grow with him, be obedient to his teachings and you will experience the true queen that you are. God loves you
Young girl am no shrink but you see this man as your dad?
not a good comparison at all. First you need to talk to him concerning these naked pics. According to his response all your questions will be answered. There is no need to stay with someone who is cheating on you. ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. After the conversation if he is cheating let him go. the longer you stay the harder it is to let go.
Good Luck
I agree… dad… u luvin ur daddy??
“Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men.” 1 Corinthians 6:9
We see that according to the bible the fornicator will not enter the kingdom of God according to christianity. I thought this was a christian society?
Secondly, any sound person can see this is an unhealthy relationship. Miss confused is unhappy yet she makes excuses for staying in a relationship of infidelity. Or just be a muslim where a man can have plural wives, at least each of you get equal rights. No more sneaking into his phone.
The west is just too hypocritical for my taste.
girl talk to the man. the sooner the better
Bella how come you didn’t ask this one if she is looking for a father figure!!! she said it didn’t she and i quote…..”I also see him as a dad, one i didn’t grow up with”. girl you have to be out of your mind.
child get someone your age and enjoy ur young life.
Were u an abused child?
You see him as a dad? What the hell?
I know GROSS
i agree with you Sunday’s Child. He is a damn big man that is why she see him as her dad.
Good advice bella. I too was in a situation like that and thought i could never do without my x, he was my every thing. When i felt i thought i could never find another love. But now i have found someone who loves me more than anything else and i am so happy. He treats me like a queen.