I feel like my boyfriend’s personal slave

Dear Bella: I have a child with my boyfriend whom I have been with for seven years. During this time, I have been hoping that he would do the right thing and marry me, but each day it seems like this will never happen because we cuss and fight a lot.

I hoped that when I had our child the fighting would end, yet he would even cusses at me in front of our child. I know that this is not a good thing to expose a child to, and that is one of the reasons that I would like to leave the relationship. Besides that he is always flirting with women online and in person, watching porn and joining online dating sites. It is my opinion that this is obviously not a man who would like to get married. He has cheated on me at least three times in the past, even while I was pregnant and sometimes he likes to embarrass me in public by raising his voice at me if we are in a disagreement. He is a well known individual and everybody would say that he is a wonderful person, but they don’t know him; they just know the outside. He is quite a charmer to people who are not close to him.

Bella I do everything for him and feel like a personal slave and I am often called a bad mom by him and his mother (who has him like a puppet on a string… but that is an entirely different letter). In short do you think that this relationship can work or should I cut my losses and move on with my life? Hopefully I may find someone who loves me for me and would be a good father figure to my child.

I look forward to your response.

Desperate for Help

Dear Desperate for Help,

Not because you’ve been with a man for the better part of your life that means you shouldn’t leave him now if he is ‘acting a fool’. It’s obvious that you are not happy and his failure to change isn’t making things any better. You feel disrespected, used and discomforted in this relationship, while he is having his fun and you’re waiting for him to commit to that sacrament of marriage. You have suffered for too long. I do not doubt whether you want things to work because you have tolerated his nonsense for so long, and still wants him to wed you. Yet you need to get out of this relationship now.

Picture now you’re feeling this way and picture how things will be if you get married. I can bet a ring or wedding ceremony will not change this man. If your giving birth to his child did not, what else will really? Just ensure that when you are apart he supports his child financially, and allow him to spend time with the child, once he is willing to.

I should advise you too that after such a breakup like this you are vulnerable and seeking a newfound love quickly, but do not rush things. You being on the rebound can let your confused emotions detect anything as love, and you do not want that. Enjoy your single life with your child before you crash and burn again.

Bella.

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15 Comments

  1. evan
    January 29, 2011

    I’m sure their are two sides to this story

  2. sweet pum pum
    December 24, 2010

    lol shake my head….reading the contents of your letter and digesting almost choked…indigestion..,
    the man putting you through all that and what you doing ? waiting for marriage…o.k. so you desparate for marriage just to say you are a married woman then later you will write again to bella to tell bella what you are going through like its a brand new experience….and you will look like the victim wife who is suffering from the hands of her husband who you knew was a dog anyway…then you going to get all kinds of sympathy from all these women out there who just going through the same [email protected]##T but who had no sense to let the man go about his business …no you want to be wife so badly….why is that man so bitter towards you ? did you deliberately got pregnant so that you could hold on to him ? Does he resent you for something that you did and you not telling us? Are we getting the real story ? There are two sides to a story….Is the paternity questionable ? You are not giving us the whole scoop…but of course as usual we like to judge…

  3. quan
    August 24, 2010

    if you were and african Queen with esteem and Dignity,you would have known that,that person you call your boyfriend is not a man.That is mommy’s little PlayBoy and he will never become a gentle man!

    How can you even consider marrying a playboy like that?make it worst ,he embarrasses you in the public? oh my God!i’m sure you won’t want people to know that’s your husband!

    IT IS CLEAR THAT YOU DON’T WORTH ANYTHING TO HIM.

    GO FIND YOUR BETTER HALF AND LEAVE MISTER!

  4. hawk
    July 21, 2010

    not very smart are u? You obviously haven’t experienced true love.

  5. comment reader
    July 21, 2010

    well well. dominicans not ez eh… my advice is to set yourself free. marriage to a monster will turn u into a monster..be wise

  6. Pitty..
    July 12, 2010

    First all the people calling you an idiot are maybe in the same position, so there’s no need for name calling..
    Dear, just listen to bella’s advice because since he disrespects you, in PUBLIC and also infront your guys child he doesnt love you.. Get brave and call it quits you’ll get someone who really loves you, and then he’ll want to crawl back to BUT!! it will be too late:)

  7. Pitty..
    July 12, 2010

    First of all all these people who are calling you idiot are maybe in the same situation.. so there’s no need for “name calling”.
    Well my dear take bella’s advice and just leave him, he has no respect for you or you guys child so just let it be, and leave him. When he’s ready it will be TOO LATE!! and you’ll be moved on to someone who loves you and treats you WELL! this “boyfriend is no good”

  8. Typical Dominican
    July 10, 2010

    you to sorrrrrttt…u doe seein for u to leave mista den…u kno all dem things goin on and u still dere stupess………..some DA woman stupid wii..jjahh

  9. DaQueen
    July 10, 2010

    Learn to love yourself. Do what best for you and yours. Sitting around and hoping that things will get better wont get you anywhere anythime soon.

  10. Marigot_born_NYC_bredgirl
    July 10, 2010

    Lesson #1: Children do not make a bad situation better
    Lesson #2: Do not live with a man unless you have a ring on your finger.This matter has nothing to do with religion,legally, if he dies you may not be entitled to anything.
    Lesson #3: Never put a man before yourself or your child.
    Lesson #4: If you are writing to an online advice column, you know a$$ is in trouble.

  11. True
    July 9, 2010

    Girl stop being an idiot. The truth is right in your face and you see it. Why try to deny it to yourself?

    The man is a waste of time and has no respect for you. Move on.

  12. HMMMM(1)psychic
    July 9, 2010

    Leave the fool. He is a mama’s boy and will always be a mama’s boy. He will never grow up

  13. CB CUZ
    July 9, 2010

    YOU stupid idiot get out of this ridiculous relationship you have and know exactly what you have to do but you a so dumb that you cannot see it. D MAN DOH WANT YOU cut your losses and get a man who will appreciate you. You cus and fight and have a child in that dirty mix and you asking for advise girl grow up and think about your child and leave that dirty man alone GROW UP IF NOT FOR YOU BUT FOR YOUR CHILD’S SAKE

  14. BLUE PRINTS
    July 9, 2010

    my girl stop making that man think he all that, the more you stay with him the more he play you like a puppet and the only reason he acting like an ass is because he know you love him and u probably dependent on him and also he probably knows you have nowhere else to go.. advice my girl start putting things in place for you and your child…forget this nigger he don’t deserve u.. stop being scared of not finding love or because you’ve been with him so long there is nothing else out there for you.. FORGET HIM.. search for your inner strength forget marriage to this pig u call a man… you wanna sign your lifetime of misery.. this cannot be healthy my girl.. * note he embarrasses you because it makes him feel good belittling u can never be a trait in a man who claims he loves you.. let him go.

  15. drlove
    July 9, 2010

    u have the answer my child cut the lost and move on quick that man do not give a rat about you except when it come to bed so move on let his mother find him mrs right notice the spelling not wright . right

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