I have a boyfriend but have feelings for another friend

Dear BellaI’m 26 years of age and live on my own.

I have a boyfriend who I am madly in love with but recently I have been having feelings for a friend of mine I’ve known longer than my boyfriend.

We have been going out and spending time with each other everyday for the past few months.

We haven’t have anything intimate because I’m scared that it will jeopardize our friendship.

I have had strong feeling for him but it disappeared when he went oversees a few years back. Now he’s back and i think we recreated the spark that was there between us!

Worried
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dear Worried,

In reading your letter, I paused on the word “spark”.

Have you ever seen a spark last for more than a moment?

You have been down the road with your friend and because of his travels the spark died.

Love has a more enduring nature.  It is usually said that love does not die. What you are going through with this individual is temporary and you know that which is why you are  so cautious in taking a step towards intimacy.

You are already in a relationship and you did not mention that your boyfriend is unkind.

If you are in search of this “great love”, chances are it is already right in your arms.

Bella

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35 Comments

  1. June 15, 2013

    Dear Worried: BELLA has given you good advice. Please allow me to take it a bit further. In order to get a clear understanding of your situation you need to accept some hard FACTS because they are the things life is made of. If you have a boy friend you are “madly in love with” why would you even think about somebody else? Love is more than a feeling. Love is a genuine CARING for somebody so much that you want to be with them – not so much because of what they can do for you – but because of what you can do for them. Love is being willing to make a COMMITMENT to that person. When you are committed it makes no difference after that who else comes along or who plays up to you! So many people have never experienced love and they have no idea what it is. They have experienced sexual desire. They have experienced a sort of excitement that comes from the expectation of what the other person can do for them or what they hope to get from the other person. But they are not in LOVE. They are not willing to make a COMMITMENT. This is why you see so many couples who are not married but are living together. They usually would not admit it. But one of them – maybe both – wants to stay open to other possibiliies. Yes, they can have a good “relationship” as long as they fill each others needs. But in reality they are keeping the door open to other possibilities and watching for a better deal. They are living in sin. Sex between two people who are not married to each other is a sin the Bible (the Word of God) calls “fornication”. The Bible says “… they which do such things shall not inherit the kin gdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-21) Confused, at 26 you are too old for this foolishness. The best advice anybody can give you is this. Find a single young man you like and who likes you – one you share enough in common with. How much should you have in common? Enough to be able to build a life together! Get MARRIED and have a wonderful life. You can! I know what I’m talking about. My wife and I have just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist. http://www.livinghopeministries.ca

  2. Princess
    May 22, 2013

    All I have to say is sparks cause fire…so who is to say she and the friend of long time can’t spark a flame and make a happy life together….

    • June 15, 2013

      Do you think Confused did not experience a “spark” for her boyfriend? Don’t you think that is the “spark” that should become the “flame”? A “spark” is sudden and short lived. A “flame” can be destrucive. You are using both these nouns to represent a feeling or an emotion. Such feelings an be deceptive. They come easly to a lonely young woman who sees others her age pairing off into what appears to be happy relationships and she thinks she is being left behind. At the best what you are calling a “flame” is infatuation. At the worst it is lust. Young people who are confused in the area of romance and their choice of a life’s partner are vunerable and often accept advice from whoever offers it. This is why we should be careful what we say to them. It is also why a trained and caring counselor will sometimes say things that seem harsh. We want those at the crossroads to know that love is more than a feeling; it is not a pot of gold at some fake rainbow’s end! Love is CARING. It is COMMITMENT. It is building a LIFE togeher. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  3. Don't Edit
    May 22, 2013

    do wha you want…

  4. May 22, 2013

    i believe you should choose the one you love more, and you feel more comfortable with.dispite who was there first or last.follow your heart.

    • love expert
      June 18, 2013

      had she loved her boyfriend i don’t think that she would even think about having something with a friend or any other man

  5. hemie5
    May 21, 2013

    how can you be madly in love and have such strong feelings for someone else … This young lady is in lust and is mistaking it for love … True love will not allow your heart to open up to someone else, if you were really truly in love with your boyfriend as you say you would not need Bella’s advice for that matter … You need to sit and think deeply on who it is that you really love … good luck

  6. hyud
    May 21, 2013

    she stupid

  7. wellsa
    May 21, 2013

    that is woman for you meson they never know what they want

  8. Francis chicago
    May 21, 2013

    I’m not a fan of boyfriend girlfriend the sin of comparison the doorways through which every spirit gets its entrance in.Maybe you deceived so call boyfriend already.What you need to do meditate on the world daily, it will impart life, truth and grace for living into your soul.keep you heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life renew your mind everyday make decisions by using critical thinking good judgment and intends to approach decisions by applying critical thinking.

  9. I Like!!
    May 21, 2013

    Girl!!! one advice don’t leave an eighty for a twenty…If there are no issues in your relationship don’t make an unnecessary one..

  10. Anonymous
    May 21, 2013

    Sparks really tanty? bella i couldn’t have said it better sparks don’t last long. my girl u confess with your own mouth that u are madly in love with your boyfriend pls be wise and don’t mess that up because u having feeling for your friend. put distance sweetheart between the two of u now before its to late.

  11. bigmack
    May 21, 2013

    Nothing wrong with that!

  12. May 21, 2013

    bella i sent my message since las week i yet to see it eno

    • pupuLOSE
      May 21, 2013

      because your message does not make any sense dounce kiat meoowwwwwwww.

  13. Queenie
    May 21, 2013

    i quite agree! u may be throwing ur love of your life away. pause my friend and think it over. u’ll be surprised at what you’ll find!

  14. Tri-State Beauty
    May 21, 2013

    Worried I wouldn’t worry about having feelings for someone else, however I’d avoid too much isolation with this person. In my experience the feelings can be mutual even though neither party have expressed it. Matters of the heart are complicated with no real rule book, so be guided by your actions. If being with the other person makes you too vulnerable it may be time to fall back a bit. I don’t think you have any reason to feel you love your boyfriend less! Seem like this is more than a spark, :-P but a surpressed flame.

    As per old crushes and flames sometimes they are best left in that file! Been in love beyond words and emotions with my 1st love, the person has expressed the same desire, however we seem unable to get it right, unable to cut off ties even though we are not intimate. Often I have regretted that we ever rekindled a frienship and open that emotional door. So take it from me sister while feelings can be exciting and confusing don’t mess up a great relationship for a “fantasy”. Way papa ADMIRER et AL I just dug my own pit! :-P :lol:

  15. Cocooopuff
    May 21, 2013

    bella so long i send u my message and up to now u haven’t feature me. but whats is that for me nah

  16. Faceup
    May 21, 2013

    Bella you are so right.

  17. Muslim_Always
    May 21, 2013

    Sparks eh, after sparks is fire in your bottom! :twisted: :lol:

    Seriously, we are human and these feelings are natural and normal even if one is married, we tend to see others and can have attraction for others; yet, it’s acting irresponsibly on these feelings lies the problem.

    Also, to be “madly” in love with one man then have a spark appears to be a contradictory statement. Am I missing something here bloggers or am I correct? When a woman is “madly” in love with a man she can be extremely fixated on that man; she daydreams, text and call a lot.

    Thus, spending time with this person who returned from overseas in compromising your relationship with your “boyfriend” is a road to disaster unless there is something you forgot to mention to Bella. Also, I encourage sex after marriage but whatever you do with your life is between you and the Most High.

    • Krazy
      May 21, 2013

      u are certainly correct in contradicting her relationship, because she hang out with him that’s why her spark has being lighted now she don’t knw what to do.

      it is so normal once you start hanging out with the opposite sex on a regular basis.. u gonna start developing feelins for that person… my advice is don’t see them regularly if you are already in a relationship and don’t wanna make things messy… but some of us thinks that we tough and we can handle it but don’t play with matters of the heart… it will certainly leave u feelin guilty :-|

    • Sukie...Sukie
      May 21, 2013

      Muslim_Always I agree been there done that, “sparks” and “madly in love” will cause trouble plenty of it in the long run, stay away from that. Be with the one you with he will sure be good to you and trust me after seeing him something will happen you do not want to happen and you will regret, also the guy you with will get hurt… and if you love the one you with..Stay away i tell you. STAY AWAY

    • pupuLOSE
      May 21, 2013

      as for you self self self self kill allu does kill woman who make a twisin mistake so short up your clappers. All you want to make Da Afghanistan? NO way…not under Skerro. Damn hater> We marry doh .

  18. me2
    May 21, 2013

    STUPES….

  19. woosh
    May 21, 2013

    Stick to your diamond girl don’t let it go for a rock…

  20. Truth
    May 21, 2013

    Bella, in my opinion that is one your best advices that you’ve given! Well said!

  21. May 21, 2013

    she should stick to her man

  22. wannaknow
    May 21, 2013

    how can you say dat you are madly in love with your boyfriend and yet you claim you have strong feelings for your friend…take a deep breath,relax to think who or what you really what in your life cause,you might end up hurting one of these young men and damaging your friendship with your friend in return,plus hurting yourself the most…

    • pic
      May 21, 2013

      that what happen to wemen when they T on there man and then day blame men four it. Tel your frend that u are madley in love with your man. So please stay away.

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