I think my boyfriend is gay

Dear Bella: I have a problem. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for over a year now. He is a real nice guy, very compassionate and all. But he is not at all interested in sex. He never talks about or he never make any “move” on me.

Don’t get me wrong you know. I am not interested in sex really but at this stage I think we should have some kind of emotional attachment which would include kissing and you know, other things.

But he doesn’t seems to be interested in that. Lately it has gotten worse and I am beginning to think that he might be gay. The thought is very frightening and I don’t know what to do at this point.

What should I do?

Wondering

Dear Wondering: It is time for you to have a good chat with your boyfriend. Maybe he is avoiding the sex talks because he is shy or maybe he wants to leave these things for after you all get married. However, at this stage I think you two should be able to talk about almost anything.

In your talk with him, ask him what he expects in the relationship and where it should be heading. Also tell him of your expectations. Don’t be shy, lay it out straight and gauge his reaction. And I don’t think that he is really gay.

Good luck

Bella

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102 Comments

  1. March 27, 2013

    This letter reflects the sad condition of our society today. Young lady you obviously think it is normal for a man to ask you to have sex if you have been daing him for a while. Yes, I know it is what many guys do. This is why there are so many single mothers struggling alone to support and raise a child or chldren. It contributes to the divorce rate. People who have sex before marriage obviously think it’s O.K. to have sex with somebody you’re not married to. So they are more apt to have sex with somebdy else after they are married. How could you trust a man like that? How could he trust you? The “trust factor” is part of the glue that holds mariages together. Sex outside of marriage can lead to multiple partners over time. This is responsible for the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Besides all this, the Bible tells us it is a sin called “fornication” and says, “…they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-2) You have been wondering if the young man you have been dating is gay. If he is you should stop seeing him. As a normal woman your goals are probably to get married and have a family. So th best thing to do is have an open discussion with him. Don’t be afraid to come right out and ask him. Press for a definate answer of either YES or NO. Find out if he looks forward to marriage and a family. If he is gay or even leans that way break up with him. Be kind and polite with him. But let him know the breakup is best for both of you and it is final! On the other hand he may not be gay. There are still some decent young men out there who respect woman. These men know sex outside marriage is wrong. They are saving themselves for the woman they will marry – that very special person they will be proud to introduce as “my wife”. If you are blessed to find such a husband celebrate it for a lifetime! And here is how you can. The secret is to BE that kind of person yourself. Such men will be drawn to you like bees to honey. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist. http://www.livinghopeministries.ca

  2. baby
    August 8, 2011

    there was this guy who was 7 years younger than me and we used to go out ,,,so when i would be ready for sex he would just decide he have to go,,,so i started investigating if he was gay,,i asked him to his face too,,he said no but each time i horny he wants or has to go …so one time i lock d door and began kissing him all over till i reached his dick and u know what he had a small dick,,but i made him feel confident when i told him its ok,,,and i sucked it till he come ,,then we went for round two and he was good at it,,,so i think ur man is lacking confidence so u need to get down on your knees and give d man some head and take control of ur situation…every man lovess head stp playing christian,,,,,now we r best of friends and we share a great bond,,,,,

  3. real
    August 2, 2011

    my girl u just not simple..u not interested..probably de man know that..if he gets started, what u gonna do..leave him with his hard on..f***ing woman doesnt know what she wants

  4. Mane
    July 29, 2011

    Having, or not having sex with a woman have nothing to do with being gay or not, because some of the men that have more woman have the same amount of men.

    It might just be his personality that he is not interested in sex.

  5. snookie
    July 28, 2011

    WOW THESE COMMENTS ARE HILARIOUS :mrgreen:

    I HONESTLY THINK BELLA SHOULD HAVE THE WRITERS GIVE AN UPDATE ON THE ADVICE THEY CHOSE AND THE CONSEQUENCES……LMFAO !!!!!!

  6. Prince Oney
    July 25, 2011

    Ask not what you man can do for you ask what you can do for your man. One day grab, him, strip him and and say, “I want my thing now”. If he is not aroused you have your answer. instead of thing you can substitute tole-tole.

  7. L DeWoz
    July 25, 2011

    Dear Wondering,

    You are one twisted MOFO. You say you are not really interested in sex. Really? have you ever stopped to think (if you can) that that is exactly why the brother doesn’t want to touch your cookooloosh? If you are sending signals to him that you are not interested in sex, maybe out of respect he doesn’t want to make you feel he is rushing. It’s salops and hypocrites like you that make good men turn gay.

    good luck.
    La Bell

  8. Happynot Gay
    July 25, 2011

    Everyone should read the following article by this author.

    Tony Marco
    What does the Bible really say about homosexual issues?
    http://www.iclnet.org/stonewall/issues/marco2.html

    • September 5, 2013

      First read it directly from the Bible. All else is only commentary. :idea:

      Romans 1:24-28

      1 Corinthians 6:9,10

      1 Timothy 1:9,10

      Jude vs. 7

      Don’t be deceived by the sodomites who put a new spin on the scriptures to make them say something different than what they actually say. Their “interpretations” are their own sick explanations to do away with the clear commandments of God and make their abominations acceptable.

      For 2,000 years Christians have known homosexuality is a sin because God says so in His Holy Word.

      Those nations with a Christian heritage have had laws for hundreds of years forbidding homosexuality.

      To have sex with somebody you are not legally married to is also a sin. Where do people get the idea that it is normal for a man to “make a move” on a woman and have sex with her because they have been going together for a while? 8-O Any society that thinks that is normal, proper, an right is in one awful mess. :evil:

      Sincerely, Rev.Donald Hill. International Pentecostal Evangelist.

  9. empress d-vine
    July 22, 2011

    a year with no advances…hell yeah he is!!

  10. HMMM
    July 1, 2011

    THE MAN IS GAY…WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS SEE HOW HE REACTS AROUND MEN AND THEN ASK YOURSELF A QUESTION.

  11. orange blue
    June 6, 2011

    throw his wood in ya mouth..n guage his reaction lol

    • Charmin
      June 15, 2011

      Love that comment, its sure to work, if he admits he doesn’t like it he’s gay. no man can resist that.I KNOW I CAN’T

  12. TT
    June 3, 2011

    Baby Love,

    1- You must be really ugly and your pipi stink.
    2- He must have a really small penis and might be ashamed to let you have it.
    3- The man sleeping with someone else and find he like it there but don’t want to let you go.
    4- He might still be a virgin.
    5- Or he really is gay.

    But you can only blame yourself, how can you be wait this long to find out what’s happening???

  13. low flyer
    May 28, 2011

    stupessssss…. dats d problem uno, man if u gay go ur gay way and live d ladies alone people like all u just spoiling d world and giving men bad name (FAG)

  14. heyyyyy
    May 26, 2011

    d boy doe making move on u make a move on him nuh be mre sexually attractive seduce d man or sumting bend and snap like on dat movie i saw with d lawyer girl lol…..some of us women r to laid back n expect our man to just lift our skirts without gettin no lil jockstart to thier sexual feelings we always waiting for our men to make d move………well girlfriend i doesnt wait on my boo at all wen i want it i do wat i have to do to get it n girll do i get it gooddddddddd…….

  15. safemoon
    May 25, 2011

    lol boy look kicks on dno u aself u doh seing mr gay or he fed up with de cat go find someone else a whole year men allu joking or u dont want to admit de man maybe see u as a lesbian so he self checking he nt up for that but u shame to say.

  16. Waww wawwwww
    May 25, 2011

    HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU…#THEEND

  17. But But
    May 25, 2011

    children ting dat man? u not interested in sex and you want him to be interested in it…with you? a a, ou pa feb

  18. mwen meme
    May 25, 2011

    The man not Gay….he’s just not interested.

  19. JC
    May 25, 2011

    Mister probably carrying a disease. he maybe care for you too much to share it. Best advice ask him what the F**K is wrong!!!!

  20. queenie
    May 24, 2011

    the man is NOT gay………….

    it’s just that you are plain ugly and the man is staying away from you so that you can get the hint and go on your merry way……….

    he just doh wanna tell u that to your face…………….because if he does; then you will cry and make yourself more uglier………..lol

    after six o’clock you maybe scaring the man :mrgreen:
    alas

    • .....
      May 25, 2011

      lol, even thou the woman ugly,he will always try to EAT P

  21. locks
    May 24, 2011

    dats becus he has his mail woman ur the fling on the side…..duhhhhh get use to it

    • ha ha
      May 25, 2011

      if she was the fling u would be hitting it left right and center. She is the main woman… maybe he have a fling on the side.

  22. HMMMMMM(the psychic)
    May 24, 2011

    Maybe your ‘boy’friend could be one of those guys who happens love the nicer things in life and you’re not one of them. Also he might be thinking of you as more of a friend than a girlfriend.

  23. Family Guy!!
    May 24, 2011

    Mister must be from Grand bay or simple the girl is ugly who is also from Grand bay!

    • CLAIRVOYANCE
      May 25, 2011

      Family guy and shatta are family man…..hahahhhahahah or the same person….shatta move to bath estate and all of sudden a family guy come in gbay back hahahahaha all u not easy eh

  24. %
    May 24, 2011

    YOU ARE TOO UGLY (LED) WOMAN… MISTER IS RIGHT…Don’t pay attention to her.!!!

  25. away dominican (STT)
    May 24, 2011

    Bella said she dont think that he is really gay… well well but she think so…

  26. jewels
    May 24, 2011

    There is probably a lot of clues that you came across that you are probably not sharing with us
    anyway google “The Straight Up Truth about the Down-Low” There are some down low guys
    who have been married before, even had children out of relationships. Most even pull the macho move. Lack of sex could also mean very low sex drive please don’t let anyone make you feel something is wrong with you !

  27. nectar
    May 24, 2011

    Is this girl serious? Why dosent she just grab the thing and put it in her mouth……..I love ladies who do that………….

    • Dorette Alie
      May 25, 2011

      That is pretty funny; I cannot stop laughing.

    • DR
      May 25, 2011

      Jenny D” I hope you reading that? You love your hot Dog in your mouth.

  28. DR
    May 24, 2011

    Woman you with the wrong man come visit the Doctor when i finish with you and have you smiling back to your reptile man he needs to take a bath with Coors beer and codfish tail after that you will be talking a different Language. Try it your full refund if it does not work and call me to administer it on you.

  29. dru
    May 24, 2011

    Many things could be wrong. Maybe he’s gay, maybe you think you’re in a relationship, maybe he has a girl on the side, or maybe he doesn’t kiss you because your “grill” is jacked up. You two need to have a serious convo, brush ur teeth first.

    • dru
      May 24, 2011

      oh, maybe you’re of a “lesser countenance” (commonly known as ugly)

  30. Speaking my mind.
    May 24, 2011

    I think this man wants to be a priest. :-D :twisted:

    Life cannot be about sex sex sex all the time. :lol: :twisted:

    Nothing wrong in being a Eunuch from time to time. :twisted:

    I think the guy has given up on women. :twisted:

    Maybe his willie is too microscopic. :twisted: tickle me Elmo :lol:

    He just wants to be friends. :twisted:

    He is just special, leave the guy alone, he thinks he is Jesus Christ :twisted:

  31. WRONG
    May 24, 2011

    HE IS SCARIED. HE WANTS TO DO A GREAT JOB FOR YOU.

  32. anonymous
    May 24, 2011

    mister doh have nerves man. you aself fraid to rape de dam man.

  33. %
    May 24, 2011

    If he is gay then you are a lesbian…So you yourself not feeling for sex then..Oh my man!!!! Go and dress properly and make the man shoot up!!!! By the way if you are not moo moo talk openly to the man.. He is not no d *m gay! So once aman is not turned on by a woman he is gay!! This is shallow thinking !!!!

  34. Reader
    May 24, 2011

    So, how are you and your boyfriend? My answer would depend on the answer to that question!

  35. breath of the west
    May 24, 2011

    He mussa smell ‘his crotches an tink a sausage

  36. heheheheh
    May 24, 2011

    i remember when i thought the same thing bout a guy i was seeing… we’d go out we’d talk for long hours… but he never tried to kiss me or hold me or anything we were like really good friends and we were both single… i thought he was gay but he just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and i was..guess he did not want to lead me on…

    • Therapist
      May 24, 2011

      You escaped that’s all cause he was ill defined.If it were a rough neck you would be nursing de coco up totoday LMAO!

    • dru
      May 24, 2011

      He never kissed you? How oral hygiene?

  37. Kryptonite
    May 24, 2011

    your boyfriend is on thr downlow downlow so his keeping it on the downlow downlow. Rkelly song.

  38. Dr.Finger
    May 24, 2011

    Just enviole (rape) him. If he wine he eh gay but IF he tell you turn around and mistakenly put in the “wrong” hole on the first try then wahlar, he gay as gay can be.

    • D/A Youth
      May 24, 2011

      :-P :lol: :twisted:

    • The Sex -IPO Chairperson
      May 24, 2011

      My buddy Dr.F I think Bella missed it. She / wondering ,did state she too is not into sex.”Don’t get me wrong you know. I am not interesed in sex really.” What comes to mind? RED FLAG she may be a Lesbo -the gay one. Who knows! a fate of coincidence which is not very prevalent for two odd ones to meet. But lightening does and had struct the same people twice.
      I recommend Bella’s firing she continuously comes up with the wrong diagnosis.

  39. Just Giving My Two Cents
    May 24, 2011

    Dear Wondering,

    It could very well mean that he is just not that into you, that he considers you a friend, and that you have defined you guys interaction as a relationship when he may just consider you his friend.

    The guy doesn’t have to be gay to be not interested. The only reason why i’m saying that is because i have met women who are in relationships with guys who were not aware that they were in relationships.

    I’m curious as to how you guys ended up in a “relationship” (and i’m using the term loosely), when you are asking for “kissing and other things”

    If he hasn’t made a move on you in over a year and you consider him your boyfriend, then i suggest you talk to him and inform him that he is in a relationship with you, because somehow, i think that he is on the “friends” level…

    No kissing and other things….hmmm
    (Hopefully it get’s posted this time)

  40. vacent
    May 24, 2011

    I think this is one of those cases where the woman thinks she’s in a relationship…. but isn’t :P

  41. REALITY
    May 24, 2011

    A MAN? NOT INTERESTED IN SEX? I’D SAY HE HAS A REAL SMALL DICK AND HE IS AFRAID OF EMBARASSING HIMSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I once had a man that wasn’t making move,it was because he had low self esteem,his dick was sooooooooooo small,like my thumb ,he was afraid to jump into sex and next thing his LIL THUMB doe satisfy me and i leave him…………..

    REAL THING!

    • Male Nurse.Finger
      May 24, 2011

      Reality :Some people have some huge thumbs lol!How about that?
      Maybe he should use the thumb :-D

    • WRONG
      May 24, 2011

      THATS WAS WRONG TO LEAVE HIM LIKE THAT.

      YOU SEE WHY HE DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

  42. AmazingFace
    May 24, 2011

    Alright, he doh making move, you not making move…you self probably a lesbian too and you doh even realize it. How two people can be loving for a whole year and not hot for each other???

    • Homeboy
      May 24, 2011

      Woyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I dying at work.., that was the best comment!!!!

      • But But
        May 25, 2011

        AGREED!!!!!!!!! dat one brought tears to my eyes

  43. captain duh malay
    May 24, 2011

    check me , let me ruffle yah feather if is man u want

  44. tiny
    May 24, 2011

    could be 2 things………….he’s just not into you or he’s gay………….

  45. sexpert
    May 24, 2011

    Unless both of you all are ten years old this indeed strange. I know what it is to be a man and trust me men on a whole always want to have sex. My fiance sometimes thinks that I am obsessed because I wake her up at early hours of the morning with a tongue in her juicy hole. The last benefit I can give the guy is that he is a virgin and is afraid to embarass himself by reavealing that he is inexperienced…but for a whole year man! Afterall!…I suggest u get the man drunk and be very naughty with him. If he doesn’t budge he definately gay

    • wow
      May 24, 2011

      woosh……eh beh u hot…i would like to be waken like that too….your fiancee well lucky……lol

    • wow
      May 25, 2011

      been awoken like tha too lol lol lol .. big up fiance we got tha rite stuff lol thats y them can’t stop sipping on tha syrup lol wen them get thirsty they jus dip down low no refrigeration needed lol lol

    • i in dat!!!
      May 25, 2011

      woooooooweeee!!!! yes dats d ting….waypapa my co-worker even askin me what happen 2 me lol!!..mama my morning make

  46. Delishus
    May 24, 2011

    HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU…………..DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    • parti
      May 24, 2011

      then why is he with her for over a year??????…dont you think if he wasnt into her he would have moved on or have another person on the side??????

      • away dominican (STT)
        May 24, 2011

        I AGREE WITH PARTI….

        DELISHUS HE IS GAY!!!!! LOL

  47. Caribbean Lady
    May 24, 2011

    Ouch. Not to be cruel but there is a strong chance that he really is gay. Or that he is a virtual ‘eunuch’ – meaning he has no feelings of sexual desire.

    Orrr, there is something going on (impotence? premature ejaculation?) that has him too nervous/embarassed to try to make a move.

    Because men like sex and after a year with a girlfriend, it is extremely odd for him not to have made even a semi-sexual pass – not even a kiss?

  48. Just Giving My Two Cents
    May 24, 2011

    Dear Wondering,

    It could very well mean that he is just not that into you, that he considers you a friend, and that you have defined you guys interraction as a relationship when he may just consider you his friend.

    The guy doesn’t have to be gay to be not interested. The only reason why i’m saying that is because i have met women who are in relationships with guys who were not aware that they were in relationships.

    I’m curious as to how you guys ended up in a “relationship” (and i’m using the term loosley), when you are asking for “kissing and other things”

    If he hasn’t made a move on you in over a year and you consider him your boyfrined, then i suggest you talk to him and infomr him that he is in a relationship with you, because somehow, i think that he is on the “friends” levle…

    No kissing and other things….hmmm

  49. Pnuts
    May 24, 2011

    Wondering,
    Young men now a days so confused and nasty, they r never sure if is U they want or your brother. If it smell like a pig, look like a pig, oinking like a pig it is a pig. He is mayb just using all U fake relationship to cover up what he really is, and what U already suspected. Watch your back.
    Pnuts.

  50. fair game
    May 24, 2011

    Hhhmmm… maybe the boy doesn’t know he is her boyfriend… maybe she is assuming that their relationship is a romantic one… sounds more like friends to me with some communication problems.

  51. Homeboy
    May 24, 2011

    Ha ha ha…. One year and no move. Either Pamela keeping him busy or he is not attracted to you.. Or maybe you think he is in a relationship with you an he is not.. Who am I to judge? Something smells ‘fishy’ … Hmmmmmmm

    • Reader
      May 24, 2011

      LMAO! That may be the answer! “Something smells fishy” … LOL

      • The Real Sexy Shorty
        May 24, 2011

        :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: OMG!!!!!! “Something smells fishy” Reader that really could be the problem…… Lol u make my day

  52. hopefull
    May 24, 2011

    sweetie that man is gay . move on!

  53. Glen Beck
    May 24, 2011

    are you sure you togeather? or dat u seeing too much into the friendship?
    then again i still wana have sex with my female friends so yeah he gay in my book!

  54. buwo
    May 24, 2011

    I smell a macoumeh

    • LawieBawie
      May 24, 2011

      Lol. Damn!! Its ben sooo long since I have heard that term.

      • dnt throw stones
        May 24, 2011

        heheh true that…something my grams would say…

  55. RUASalop
    May 24, 2011

    You just a salop. The boy maybe is trying to be a good Christian.

    • Kalinago in New York
      May 24, 2011

      That’s exactly what I was thinking myself but these days folks are so quick to jump into bed with just about anyone that they seem to have forgotten important elements such as love – respect – self-control and chastity.

    • ha ha
      May 25, 2011

      This one have me on the ground. Dominicans have lyrics!! but how u aslef can call the girl salop eh? LOLLOLOLOLOL!!

    • i in dat!!!
      May 25, 2011

      wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! ‘good christian’ eh???????????? zon pas feb nuh..if we have lyrics

  56. humour
    May 24, 2011

    so u not interested in sex…and the man not making a move one u….not even a kiss…and dat going on for a year. hmmm The man not gay he just not interested or he shy. or why dont u try and make a move…better yet tickle is bum hole if he smiles then sumting is up :lol: :lol:

    • Kb lyric
      May 24, 2011

      hahahhaha lol

    • wondering
      May 24, 2011

      Funny you should say that, I had a similar experience where the guy hardly showed any interest
      in sex. We had it like say once every two weeks he told me that sex was’nt a priority for him. Fine!
      but I noticed some odd signs like he was always stressed out and emotional always crying (I mean
      tears and loud noise). In front his family and friends he maintained the macho image but behind closed doors he did like the bum hole being tampered with, He even positioned himself the way I should and asked me to f… him. I never asked him if he was gay because he is one of
      those guys who I think would rather die than ever come out of the closet. I even googled undercover gay signs. What do you think ?

      • Interesting
        May 24, 2011

        @Wondering

        Wow!

      • maad sick head no good
        May 24, 2011

        yr a nasty nasty freak,yr a woman n playing in a man ass hole,shame on you,dat mean u like it to

        • wondering
          May 25, 2011

          @maad sick head no good but look things wi….why you getting so emotional and excited about
          my nastiness ? you just had to react eh because you like it too old coshony :lol:

    • queenie
      May 24, 2011

      ‘lol’ is not enough to put.

      Humor, i killing myself laughing dere wee…………

      my neighbour hear me

  57. mouth of the south
    May 24, 2011

    bella saying ‘good luck’ shows that she believes there’s a strong possibility that he is gay,,,,,

  58. a little humour does wonders
    May 24, 2011

    I would like 2 know her age and his age…cause it’s over a yr…n accding 2 what I read he has never kissed her( ” some kind of emotional attchmt incld kissin”) ontop of it never made a ‘move’, no sex and HAS NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT ?…honey wake up if u jus sniffin the coffee INHALE it and move along..mr is another story by himself.

    • Homeboy
      May 24, 2011

      If he is GAY then why would he have sex with her?????

      • Homeboy
        May 24, 2011

        Sorry that comment is for optimist.. But your response was Hilarious!!!!!

      • God's chosen one
        May 24, 2011

        to hide that he is gay he could still have sex with her so many ppl do these things live a double life

  59. Cuscus
    May 24, 2011

    i say he’s gay

  60. optimist
    May 24, 2011

    i don’t think he is gay, sometimes he is propably just not not interested in you anymore, also he propably have another woman, gay or not man always interested in having sex.

    • jewels
      May 24, 2011

      They are together over a year and he is not kissing or sexing her and even a man have another woman they are still interested in sex what are you talking about ? gay men are interested in sex but
      with another man and if its with a woman it has to be some freaky show :wink:

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