I want to forget my affair

Dear BellaI am in love with the most amazing guy one can think of. We have been together couple years now and everything has been great.

We are even planning to tie the knot and grow have our own family.

However, there is one problem. Before I met this present boyfriend I had a long running affair with a married man.

The affair was based more on necessity than anything else: he gave me money, he paid my bills.

Even after I met my boyfriend, the married man would occasionally pop up and I would just fall for him and sleep with him.

Now I want to get over this and move on with my boyfriend but whenever the married man pops up, I grow weak and cannot help myself.

I really want to forget that affair because if my boyfriend knows about it, he will be deeply hurt because he knows nothing about my secret escapades.

How do I forget that affair and move on?

Need Help

——————————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Need Help,

Here are some suggestions if you want to forget the affair you are having

-Put away things with strong memories of the married guy. Destroy or throw away things he gave you in the past: jewelry, clothing and so on

-Don’t wallow. Change radio channels when ‘your song’ comes on

-Don’t check his Facebook account or indulge in checking out what he is doing on the internet

-Don’t meet with friend you have in common with the married man because it might give you clues that he’s missing you and will just make matters worse

-Use distraction techniques. Instead of daydreaming about how things might have been, think about something practical and pressing — such as what to cook for supper

-Spend time, lots of time, with your boyfriend. Grow the relationship and make it invincible.

Good luck

Bella

Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor

Copyright 2012 Dominica News Online, DURAVISION INC. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or distributed.

Disclaimer: The comments posted do not necessarily reflect the views of DominicaNewsOnline.com and its parent company or any individual staff member. All comments are posted subject to approval by DominicaNewsOnline.com. We never censor based on political or ideological points of view, but we do try to maintain a sensible balance between free speech and responsible moderating.

We will delete comments that:

  • contain any material which violates or infringes the rights of any person, are defamatory or harassing or are purely ad hominem attacks
  • a reasonable person would consider abusive or profane
  • contain material which violates or encourages others to violate any applicable law
  • promote prejudice or prejudicial hatred of any kind
  • refer to people arrested or charged with a crime as though they had been found guilty
  • contain links to "chain letters", pornographic or obscene movies or graphic images
  • are off-topic and/or excessively long

See our full comment/user policy/agreement.

86 Comments

  1. is me self
    October 24, 2012

    i understand why fellas does be killin b!t@#es u kno truuuu wi

  2. Dominican
    October 14, 2012

    Your legs are yours restrict the married man from eating what is between them, if the panty was bought by him throw then and wear those that was bought by your boyfriend that way the owner of the panty eats what is covered by the panty I think you like it that’s why you are in it

    • cpaul
      October 18, 2012

      Why can’t you just try being honest with your boyfriend about this married guy. Why would you want to start your relationship on lies.

  3. King
    October 9, 2012

    O K chick here is the advice to your co-choni you posting dere on Bella you need to stop opening your legs for nom maye stop letting married man hop your back

    • mercy
      October 19, 2012

      :lol: Exactly. She should ask herself how would she feel knowing her current boyfriend is cheating on her. Women who cheat annoy me. I think this is the most disrespectful thing one can do. you know a man has a wife/gf, why be with him. and in most instances you find them being more out of place than anything else

  4. JOY
    September 30, 2012

    I think she has unresolved feelings for the married man. “He gives me money; he pays my bills” You are in a relationship now lady so your boy friend should be the one giving you money and paying your bills. I think you want your cake and eat it to…I’m a woman and it’s women like you that causing men to give the strong, honest, working woman a bad name. You need to tell your boyfriend that you’re offering sex in exchange for money to a married man. You do not deserve that man.

    • Pat
      October 2, 2012

      Why tell the boyfriend what she is doing with the married man. That would not help her situation. Besides, it is none of his business.

      • Selfish
        October 3, 2012

        @ Pat. Spoken like a true selfish person without a care for anyone else’s feelings or who they hurt. She is screwing up the man marriage and destroying her relationship.

      • Joseph Connery
        October 6, 2012

        you sound like those workers in the hor houses

  5. Patrick J.
    September 27, 2012

    Tell the married man that you have found a real boyfriend–and that you wish to move on. Do not tell the new boyfriend anything about your past.
    Chances are the married man should understand the situation as he is unlikely, anyhow, to divorce his wife for you.

  6. name
    September 26, 2012

    de woman done say is de man money she want so if is bum she making, do it professionally and leave de boyfriend to get a real woman to love.

  7. UDOHREADYET
    September 26, 2012

    You’re not in love with your BF, because you are lusting, sexing and being controlled by another man. Be candid and tell the boyfriend, give him the chance to know who he’s involved with and if you two should continue in a relationship. Sleeping with other men, lying and keeping secrets are not a good foundation for any relationship. Your boyfriend may also have secrets of his own, honesty is the best policy. I have no suggestions on how you can get rid of the married man because you are in lust with him. It also sounds like you’re making yourself available to him whenever he wants. In terms of a monogamous relationship UDOHREADYET.

    • JOY
      September 30, 2012

      So true…that’s the advise bella should have given..not that junk she got off google..smh.

  8. Annomus
    September 26, 2012

    My Girl if u say u love that boyfriend so much u dont have a problem just leave that married man he have his wife u need to move on with your life .let me tell u love your boyfriend more than that married man .because the way u speak make me think that u love the married man more. am a young woman and let me tell u send all married man go to hell at the end of the day who do they went to his wife.get serrious dump that married man.

  9. Tom
    September 26, 2012

    In no way do you sound ready to end the affair. If you wanted to you would have stopped him from coming to your place, and opening up your door to him the first place.

    • JOY
      September 30, 2012

      amen

  10. Pussina
    September 26, 2012

    WHossss i smell a boom maker..she making boom with the married man and she have a man..puss why can’t you work to support your life style..Puss Bella i think you speaking to a deaf ear because once married man come back into the picture the Boom maker going to be back at it. If you have a man you love so much why make boom with the married man then say you want to change. pure sktelll…whosssssssss

    • jokes
      September 26, 2012

      :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

      • nymphocakes
        October 2, 2012

        escapades? More like Sexcapades. Shame on you girl, pussina look kixx loll

  11. hemie
    September 26, 2012

    Remove from your heart your love for money and material things and I assure you that you will surely forget about thing married man and learn to love, respect appreciate your current boyfriend … # Then you women turn and say that there are no good men out there … SMH

  12. Junjay
    September 26, 2012

    I have read all the comments directed to this lady as advice. It is sad to say that we are judging this person. We should not judge each other. My stern advice to this woman is “Get a Job”. “Pay your own bills”. Be independent”, and don’t put your dirty laundry out there for others to see because there are people who know you and your situation no matter how to try to hide it. So be careful what you ask for and be smart about it!

  13. old poe
    September 26, 2012

    likkle bicikle… d married man just a ride u out and use u out come like u nah have no brakes….. u doh good … punto final

  14. Truthofthematter
    September 26, 2012

    Insecure little girl. Does the married man tell you that you are the most beautiful girl in the world? Does he tell you that he would leave his wife for you if he could? Does he do things for you that no one else would? This whole affair was just a mere exchange. He made you feel less ugly and less unwanted, and in return you satisfied his immoral desire. Learn to love and respect yourself then you won’t let your insecurities lead you into foolish behavior.

  15. bday boo
    September 25, 2012

    I mad This is real miserable corner for a innocent man to be in. I don’t want any woman to fool me like this. But I guess he never been in love before so he don’t know what to look out for me! !!! U has to be very good to fool me. I know of women too much. I always like to. Dig so ill find out whenever u don’t expect boy that hurting imagine its not me.
    And I damn vex

  16. September 25, 2012

    Love has to be the foundation of a relationship between two people–just as it is between us and our God of Love, in Jesus Christ.

    Love has to be the influence or motivator, the strength, and the sanctification of the flesh to cause the human passions of two people–man and woman–to be cleansed and consecrated before our Holy God.

    Otherwise those conducts, of passion and lust of the flesh, which we share with our partners are all sinful and shameful habits–they are conducted simply for gratifying the flesh. And so, there is always going to be the want for more and more, for the habits of the flesh gives only limited satisfaction.

    Need Help, you alone can help yourself out this dilemma of yours–it was by your own choice that you got into that mess.

    Now you are trapped in a shameful and sinful relationship with both, a married man and your boyfriend, for you do this thing with the married man without your boyfriend’s knowledge. Does the married man know about your boyfriend?

    Do you realize that you are prostituting yourself with this married man? He gives you money and pay your bills, the only way he can maintain a hold on you as a married man–you allowed yourself to fall into this trap. And who can redeem you, if not you own “free will” and the ability to say no, to that married man and his money?

    Most of all, you do not speak about Love in your heart towards neither of those men; you claimed to be dating your boyfriend for two years, and still you are able to allow a married man all over your body, in the absence of your boyfriend. I am a woman as well, but I will never understand how are you women able to do such things? O dear! O dear!

  17. (.) (.)
    September 25, 2012

    Lady…my advise to you is leave the married man alone. God has sent someone wonderful into your life so you could stop the habbit of being with a married man. It will be hard, noone ever said the road is going to be easy…All you have to do is ask God for the strength for you to move on with your life. This married man is not going to leave his wife for you because he does not love you. He is using you. At the end of the day and all the affairs he may have, guess who he is running home to. Not to one of his side things I bet

  18. Yam Babawoolais
    September 25, 2012

    When the married man come by put flour ag panty on so he will be turned of and he won’t have to “pop up”

  19. no name
    September 25, 2012

    hehe i think this column should be changed to ‘Public Opinion’ instead of Bella.. Bella you don’t have advice like the public.. your comments and recommendations are somewhat shallow lol

    • September 26, 2012

      your point is may i ask????? did you not read the bold print before u posted your comment you just had to get your stupid on smh

      • Anonymous
        September 27, 2012

        I guess the person didn’t read. Typical Dominicans.

  20. dominican
    September 25, 2012

    Girl turn to God cause you lost.Marridding now without you get rid of that situation is worst.Where you aready went wrong is that you was suposed to stop that affair first then bring someone else in your life but I guess because you realize that that married man was not going to leave his wife for you and you love the money you thought that draging a next man in your mess was going to solve your problem,but no you only hurting more now to see that you inocently hurting somebody who truely love you.Do’nt you know that there is women who go mad out of these situation?Turn to God now before it to late,and come clean to your boyfriend.If you lose him by doing that do’nt worry God never give us more than we can carry.Confess now before you selfdistruct.

  21. young man
    September 25, 2012

    thats why i can never trust women.. they more dangerous than black sigatoka.. an all u sayin man bad.

    • Anonymous
      September 27, 2012

      The married man is not a man? He didn’t leave his wife at home and was supporting outside woman? As the song says “man terrible and woman bad”. Both do wrong things!

  22. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    September 25, 2012

    I am wondering why some of you all women love peoples husband’s like that. The wife needs to give you dee bam dee bam in your face. That’s what good for you all women.

    • budman
      September 26, 2012

      ah feel dat a woman tek way your husband. lol

  23. NoName
    September 25, 2012

    Can’t believe i have a comment for this….

    This young lady love the married guy and should have him.. poor boyfriend! Trust no one

    then again i hope d boyfriend screwing his wife!!

    • UDOHREADYET
      September 26, 2012

      I like that… its true is the married man she love. I hope the BF screwing the wifey wood dem more fire more fire more fire!

  24. happy chick
    September 25, 2012

    It seems to me that the public have more sound advice to give to this young lady than Bella herself… I am really lol now at your advice.

    • Justice and Truth
      September 26, 2012

      There are no two people alike; all different individuals possessing different opinions as personality and characteristic traits. This is why everyone has a different opinion. Is one better than the other? I doubt it. I hope the different opinions will help that woman.

  25. Francis Chicago
    September 25, 2012

    Girl you need to turn to Jesus repent your sins and ask for forgiveness, take a moment and pray.You in a place of insecurities you need to say no to thoughts that control you.But if you make God you lord and personal savior.It’s all gone low self esteem fornication uncleanness lust greed lifestyle drunkenness drugs every mistake condemnation from your father your mother.If you find Jesus it all gone by faith you free hallelujah.

  26. Valley Girl
    September 25, 2012

    GREED!!!!! That is the only excuse for it! oh he paying my bills! get work to do if you not working and if you working satisfy with what God give you. God will never leave you go hunger. You want plasma, latest ride, i-phone, tablet, blackberry, blue berry, Miami and New York shopping spree for all seasons, plus Kim Kardashian closet full of clothes and shoes on a $1000 Salary! So you must make bum with marry man.
    Woman you that put yourself in your hot mess, so clean it up yourself.
    You wanted everything NOW! so deal with the consequences.

    • "O" STRESS!
      September 25, 2012

      I am loving that one. My advise to her accept the fact she is a Gold digger either keep digging or close that hairy bank and open a new branch with out any drama,shave that bank throw some disinfectant in that hole,and move on. If she need more help contact me “Doctor Love” I treat her for free. Now that`s a joke”.

      • Reader
        September 25, 2012

        That comment have me ROTLMAO!! One question: if the man already make a deposit, is it ok to close down the bank without the man making a final withdrawal? Seem like soon man will have to start insuring their deposits with FDIC. Lol

    • Anonymous
      September 25, 2012

      true true true

  27. HONEST
    September 25, 2012

    Ok so it’s really simple..that young lady is plain out nasty… like others have noted she like “THINGS” and that’s what she gets from the married man…that’s his way of buying her and she’s willing to sell …So she needs to let go of “THINGS” inorder for her to really give that boyfriend a chance or else that nonesense she going on with will continue…I hope the guy can afford her materialist nature or else he will be in a 3 way relationship with mamselle.

  28. Sonny
    September 25, 2012

    Hope is not the married man with the herpes. You may have infected an innocent guy

  29. Anonymous
    September 25, 2012

    Hope is not the married man with the herpes. You may have infected an innocent guy

  30. Anonymous
    September 25, 2012

    foolish advice Bella. all she has to do is want to move on and ya. only her can get over her weaknesses…..

    • mj
      September 26, 2012

      but the pay is soooo good
      wish i could work laying on my back

  31. Anonymous
    September 25, 2012

    The first sentence begins all wrong, “I am in love…”. If you were in love this married man would have taken a back seat ages ago. And I am speaking from experience. When I met my present bf I was a side chick of another guy. From the time new bf came on the scene it was bye bye birdie. Yes, the old squeeze tried to get me on the side but that didn’t work. You have this bf as “insurance”. When that married man can no longer have you, you have someone to fall back on. Shame.

  32. finegirl
    September 25, 2012

    Dat is all u women doing now checking older men for necessity den they think they can jus leave wen dey ready.I have a coworker who wif a well known character just for her to get driver lessons and license but when she collect couple punch an kick she will know lol no name no warrant

    • and?
      September 25, 2012

      dats all dey doin wii for real. i am a married woman and i live in the US and thats not only in dominica eh. some women live and breathe for these sugar daddies and are very bold and brutal with wat they are doing too eh.

      society is making it so difficult for one to work hard and gain bythe right means. we have no morals, no sense of responsibility or truth, its all about what we want and how we going to get it. all these fashion and gadgets and who can roll in KIA sportage and who can roll in cadillac..thats wats the norm….but when we have gained the world but lose our souls in the end….wats it worth

  33. just
    September 25, 2012

    is not d married man she cant 4get or get over is the things the married man gives her or have given her she cant 4get or get over….and i quote “The affair was based more on necessity than anything else: he gave me money, he paid my bills.” u never mentioned nothing about u really being in luv with the married man or having exceptional love for the married man….and hunny people dont fall in luv they grow in luv…if u fall in luv ur gona fall 4 luv….u c how u mentioned “I am in love with the most amazing guy one can think of” that sounds tru what u feel for the married man is just lust…dnt b in luv with persons for what they can give you or do for you but grow in luv with sombody your heart beats constantly for, someone you can build a future with and a MARRIED man certainly doesnt seem like one…is tru everyone is looking to be in luv with a man that can really help them financially but if u keep dwelling on a man like this u aint always gona be happy baby…its better to have a man who really luvs you and knows he will do whatever he can to meet ur needs even if it is not always met than to fall for a man jus because he always meets ur needs that aint luv boo…its better to be happy with what u have than to have what everybody has and still not be happy

    • "O" STRESS!
      September 25, 2012

      You are right. But sadly its easier said than done been there done that. Money and honey talk but BS” walks” You would be surprised the number of people taking blows and giving blows, speaking of blows the season for blows is open WCMF, SEWO, season. ITS a” WE WANT IT NOW”. and right now! Even pastor rod enjoys that. But God is watching.

      • Yes sah
        September 25, 2012

        :lol: Am dying here but I like it! Hunting season open I wonder who next to lose a husband to dem hunters dere! Me self is under my wife skirt I taking dat season wii, and I asking her to sew my wallet for me! Lol

  34. Reader
    September 25, 2012

    DNO needs to fire Bella because she just Googled how to get over a break up. Did the woman mention that she break up with the married man?

    Anyway, as far as I can tell this present situation comes down to one thing: Greed! “Needs Help” started off by saying that she is in love with the most amazing guy then goes on to say that she is having an affair with a married man – not because she is in love with him and can’t choose – but out of necessity as he gives her money and pay her bills. Quite frankly, I think if Neep Help could marry her amazing guy and continue the side business that provides extra cash (even cash for the wedding) she would. It’s the fear of getting caught and not the desire to change that is being revealed. So Bella, perhaps you can google and tell her how to have an affair and not get caught. That’s her true concern.

    • Look tings eh
      September 25, 2012

      I just hope it’s not my husband because sometimes I notice money is kind of low in our shared account and he cannot give a straight answer whenever I ask him what happened to the money. He always blaming me saying is shop I like shopping too much and blah blah blah or even going as far as saying I misreading the acoount like I tebeh.

      • budman
        September 26, 2012

        if you give your husband more sex then you will see the account stop dwindling

      • no party politics
        October 13, 2012

        haaaaaaah, if it makes no sense to you,it’s a lie!!!maybe it’s being tranfered to the hairy Bank!!!

    • Concerned
      October 4, 2012

      Woow u are so perceptive. This, to me, is wat she is really after… how to have her cake and eat it! Shame on u girl, allowing urself to be used like that and even coming on DNO with ur sad story. Learn to be independent. Also, admit to urself that u are a slut and decide if u want to be a slut for the rest of ur life!

  35. M-Press Kiki
    September 25, 2012

    You’re in love with the married man and not your boyfriend. If the love for your boyfriend was strong there would be no problem saying no to your lover and meaning it.

    • Concerned
      October 4, 2012

      She is not in love with any one of them. She is in love with her greed… money and material things! U should be so ashamed of urself… in fact u should have called urself GREEDY BITCH!!!!

  36. just looking
    September 25, 2012

    girl mista shamay you man???????

  37. natural dominican
    September 25, 2012

    First u should gain some self respect then some respect for the man u r wit… Work hard for ur “necessity”

  38. grell
    September 25, 2012

    you have no respect for yourself.and your bf needs to be told and get you out of his life.your ashame to honest women.

    • JOY
      September 30, 2012

      I totally agree.

  39. DPM
    September 25, 2012

    Here’s your problem, “WHENEVER THE MARRIED MAN POPS UP, I GROW WEAK AND CANNOT HELP MYSELF.” You said it yourself, so my question to you is, “Why do you maintain any contact with this married man when you know that you will fall right back into your “secret escapades?” The solution is STOP SEEING HIM and nurture the relationship you do have with your boyfriend before you lose all for all.

    • Pat
      September 27, 2012

      great advice.

    • no party politics
      October 13, 2012

      yah,stop wasting your threading to a married man!you continue your boyfriend won’t be able to get a good screw!!!! no threading!!!! keep it tight girl.

  40. DA Massive
    September 25, 2012

    Bella makes me laugh with her advice, that all you could tell them woman.Bella you need to come better than that.

  41. Anonymous
    September 25, 2012

    Well if it was the homo issue they would say is so you born so do your thing and let nobody trouble you. But I would say confess your sins and pray for Godly strength – occupy yourself with things of the spirit. pray pray pray you will see what the power of prayer can do. Besides that you have no hope because weakness and sin is of the devil.

    • jerseydominican
      September 25, 2012

      OMG THATS I HAVE TO TO SAY

  42. ANONYMOUS
    September 25, 2012

    FAKE!!!!

  43. good news
    September 25, 2012

    That advice sounds very generic and not specific to this situation.

  44. FED UP
    September 25, 2012

    Bella doesn’t she first have to end it, before she tries to forget it:?: :?:

  45. No Name No Warrant
    September 25, 2012

    Best way to forget about him…”say to him, if you don’t leave me alone I will tell your wife”…lol

    • (.) (.)
      September 25, 2012

      Amen to that…but again she gets weak whenever she sees the man. I bet the married man knows that and he is just using her.

  46. Toosense
    September 25, 2012

    My Girl u are treading on dangerous grounds. For your sake and your secret randevouz sake end it now before u or someone else get hurt. It is never healthy to sleep with more than one person and if that married man have u he probably have ten more. I think you should come clean and tell your present boyfriend since you guys are talking marriage. You guys need a clean slate. END IT NOW and move on with your life.

    • No Name No Warrant
      September 25, 2012

      Why should she tell her BF, because if she does its over…so I just want to know your reasoning.

      I think she need to be straight with herself draw a line in the sand and stand up to this married punk

      • Toosense
        September 25, 2012

        she needs to come clean and tell her boyfriend and if he loves her then he will help her not leave her.

  47. Anonymous
    September 25, 2012

    My dear pray to god for strength continually it is never easy

  48. bigmack
    September 25, 2012

    Bella you know d husband? u telling d girl doe check his facebook account, how r so sure he’s not 90+. My girl when ever the thougt of this man comes to mind, just eat ice cream and cube cheese. trust me it will help u move on

  49. Opinionated
    September 25, 2012

    My girl, you have a chip on your shoulders and this is what continues to happen to people who continue to perpetuate mischief and evil on the earth. Your conscience is eating you up and will continue after marriage. You will never be happy and you will commit adultery after marriage.

    You are right, you “need help,” you need to go and seek professional counselling because your actions have become repetitive with this affair. It is so sad that this guy may be decent however he has to marry such a embarrassment to womanhood.

    The other hypocrites who comment will feel sorry for you because many Dominicans today do not stand for justice and accountability. You young lady must take sole responsibility for your actions and confess to your “lover” what a sick individual you are so that he can heal, bring closure and move on with his life.

    • you think
      September 25, 2012

      Miss OPINIONATED
      sounds to me like you are one of those “wives” who had to deal with women like “NEED HELP” remember don’t be too quick to judge, this may be her fault but what’s yours????

    • No Name No Warrant
      September 25, 2012

      BS

    • Port
      September 25, 2012

      If you r advising someone, I don’t see why u have to do so with such hate n obvious disgust. U r advising this ” sick” person u say and u tell dem they r a disgrace? Wat school u went to nah? Dats like telling a suicidal person, go ahead, no one will miss u! Jeez!

      Am not condoning her behavior but enough with the ridicule and comments that r ridden with insults and hate.

Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

:) :-D :wink: :( 8-O :lol: :-| :cry: 8) :-? :-P :-x :?: :oops: :twisted: :mrgreen: more »

 characters available