Dear Bella: I am 19 years old and I have a fatal attraction to someone who works in the same building as me. To me he is like my soul-mate because we understand each other without question. It’s like he can read me and I can read him too.
He is ten years older than me and I feel so stupid that I let myself fall so easy for him. He has a lot of friends that are females and honestly when I am around him, it makes me jealous.
I realized that I am just an ordinary friend to him despite the truck load of feelings I have for him. I would like to tell him how I feel but I don’t think it would make a difference because I think he has his heart set on who he wants in his future.
I don’t want to be seeing him every day with my heart aching with pain for this man. I just want it to go away.
Please help.
Hurt-in-Colours
Dear Hurt-in-Colours,
In essence there is nothing wrong with someone who is ten years older than you but since love is a powerful emotion, you have to tread carefully. There is nothing wrong with talking to the guy and telling him how you feel. I would actually advice you to do that. If you are honest with yourself you will be able to accept whatever the outcome is.
My only concern is that you said you get jealous when he speaks to his other female friends. This is very unhealthy and I think this is something you have to look into.
Bella
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@ ‘hmmm im a woman!’ what exactly is ur point??
when and where did she say, he has someone in his life???
she said, ” I think he has his heart set on who he wants in his future.”
‘think’ being the operative word here!
she has a right to express her feelings. if he is already involved wit someone its HIS responsibility to tell her he’s not interested and move, the hell, on.
you say he has someone in his life yet still u still after him, and then they saying man bad. U see is women like u that causing problems for other women. Imagine u and that had a relationship and another woman felt that way towards him? what would u say then.
you a foooooooool… he just going and ride you then park you.
fatal attraction – hmm then I think you need help!!!!!!!
But then again, it’s just a wrong choice of words, or is it; since you did mention having jealousy issues.
I honestly think that you should focus on something else and you need to stop making this man the centre of your world. You are aware that he is not attracted to you that way. I am sure that if he felt the “soul mate” feelings which you refer to, then he would have” put the moves” on you, as we say in Dominica.
However, he’s actions show that he is just not into you….so i say, do not dwell on it…do not tell him anything, just try to spend less time around him until you become comfortable enough to handle the situation.
You do not appear mature enough to be able to handle the situation, so i suggest to slowly un-latch yourself from this man.
Your words have divulged enough information about you to show that:
1) he’s not into you: I realized that I am just an ordinary friend
2) he’s not into you: I think he has his heart set on who he wants in his future
3) he’s not into you when I am around him, it makes me jealous (because if he was, he’d respect you)
Great! That is all I have to say about this piece JGMTC. Way to go again!
Its not just a matter of follow your heart girl, remember you work with this guy, its somebody that yuo see every day what if you do tell him how you feel an then it he has no interest or things doesnt go down to well, how will you be able to work with him from then on. We to like to make hasty decisions without thinking of how it will affect us in the future. There is nothing wrong with waiting to see how things play out in the future before talking to this guy, it could just be an infatuation an not love at all, why risk yout comfort at work for an infatuation.
She is already uncomfortable at work, her feelings are bottled up inside!
Miss, at 19, why are you not furthering your education? Developing yourself? Why tie yourself down in love already???
who told you that the person is not further their eduction and developing themself. I guess she can have a boyfriend then
MOT u does give it to me we. lol
small minds see “love” as a burden, instead of the very thing that gives us purpose. be it relational love, family love, brotherly love or Godly love… love is of God..its not a ‘tie’!
Hey babe, heres my advice to you: Dont say anything to him just yet. if you are unsure of his feelings towards you, if u feel like hes not feeling you, dont make that move. He works with you, it might just create tension in the workplace if the feelings are not mutual. you might lose his friendship and things might get uncomfortable. i know u love him, hes your eye candy at work, the man u wake up in the morning and go to work for, the one you think about when u get dressed and put your makeup on, wondering will he notice? will he see me? Give him time to notice, give him time to see, and if he doesnt, then thats his loss boy!
Another note you do get jealous, nothing wrong with jealousy there is nothing unhealthy about being jealous just keep it in check and don’t let it control you otherwise you will fail on your mission to capture his heart if it is available and he likes you too. You pull that jealous sh@#t and that might drive him away
I agree with you here.
@ eh sa 100% correct I would’nt say anything just yet, its not a matter of being old fashion watch his moves get to talking to him more feel him out, its good to come clean with your feelings but there are other subtle ways of letting your feelings known at the same time no one likes rejection, its a gamble you do have feelings for him I know, then he may have his girlfriend and some men like to chat run tell the girlfriend that there is this young chick who likes him, then on the other hand you come out and make your feeling known he rejects you, it will be awkward when you see him and you will feel like a fool. If he is into you he will let you know also trust me he will make a move
He will make a move. Has he asked you if you have a boyfriend yet ? that’s usually the first move, don’t make it seem like you chasing the man. Remember men love a chase…You tell him how you feel he might just be one of those guys who take whatever you want to give him and then after he had enough conveniently tell you he has a girlfriend. If the man want you, he will let you know, NOTHING WRONG IN LETTING HIM CHASE YOU !!
Strongly disagree miss
@ Hurt-in-colours: I suggest honesty and open communication. Call the man privately and tell the man how you feel. That’s why I love Islam eh, women used to propose to the prophet. The women would write letters to the men asking their hand for marriage.
Being docile in this day and age has no benefits. The most the man can say is no, even if he says no pick up and move on, pure and simple. People shouldn’t think you are cheap if you express the way you feel. Expressing how you genuninely feel is a sign of maturity. Little girls keep their feelings bottled up or simply pong bef with their friends about how they feel about the man. You are not a little girl, you’re a grown woman.
There is nothing wrong with the age. It’s where you are happy, where you feel and receive the love.
Some people fear the man will take ‘advantage’ of them. If anyone takes advantage of another it’s because we LET THEM. If your character reflects confidence, virtues etc, you have nothing to worry about. If this man is a user you will come to know. Women have a God given tuition, look at Moses’ mother for e.g, isn’t it by intuition she placed Moses in the basket?
Wake up women, be mature, tell your man how you feel. Compliment the man, tell him what you value about him rather than the material aspect.
Go seek marriage young lady. I do not endorse fornicating relationships but your feelings are natural.
Jealousy is a natural thing, simple keep it under control by recognising it and ensuring that you are in control of your actions.
Thanks for reading, I hope this helps.
My girl b4 you open up those emotions make sure you
get yourself right. Jealousy can be a dangerous emotion.
When you get to the piont where your mentally stable then
Approach him. I would hate for him to disappoint you and
Then things go sideways.
He is just not into you.
Dominican Man
I agree with you! In the first place, when it is “love” for two people that experience is like magnets; it automatically connects them, there is no hustle and bustle.
But, as a woman, I really believe that if I have feelings for a man, I do not have to go directly to him and tell how I feel–that is not even romantic; it is more like throwing myself at him.
But I will give him a hint here and there; this way and that way–smile to him; talk to him with a caressing sound in my voice; he should be able to see it in my eyes. There are so many different ways a girl can show a man what she is feeling for him–especially if Love is real–without spelling out the words of her feelings to him.
And so, if that man cannot even notice that I like him, to the point of feeling in love with him, that man is not into me–his is not attracted to me in that manner of relationship.
That is quite possible with that young man and this young lady. He is ten years older than her, the last thing that could be on his mind, is a love relationship with a lady who is ten years younger than him.
And as God said to Eve: You will desire your husband! And he will rule over you! God has made it that the man must notice what the woman wants; and, if he is willing, he will make the move.
I love the masculine authority of Love and affection in my Life–but that is me!
my girl, watch how the man rollin… dont just express how u feel about him just like that.. u never know if he might take advantage of that or what/ … just take it slowly and express ur feelings but know how… .
i am in love with an older man and i can tell you, it has it’s advantages. he treats me like a lady. i have been with guys my age group and none can compare to this. he loves me for who i really am and is not just interested in what my body has to offer him so gf…. go for it. let him know how u truely feel.
that is the problem i have with alot of d/can women,,,,hear allu,,,, doh tell him nothing blah blah blah,,,,,, wat is the problem in that huh,,, allu leaving a man die n cry in his funeral how allu had love him so,,,, allu waiting till a man go right china to declare how much allu love the damn man,,, sometimes is when allu finish take all kinda blows from tom to zeb is then allu coming n say how much allu like so n so,,,, and some of allu so bold-face,,,,allu have d guts to tell the man “oh all d while i had feelings for u but u wasn’t ready yet” what bella said is true,,,, let the man know how u feel,,,,, at least u know u tried,,,, thinking of u being cheap is one thing,,, what matters is that u aint cheap,,,, n a real man will see if a girl is ‘cheap’ through her actions o.k,,,,, allu d/can women sometimes just be too immature is like u all still 13 yrs,,, no wonder all dem bold-face young teens snatching,,,, in fact grabbing allu man on allu like nothing,,,,,
Yes my boy. I agree with this statement 100% I’m a married man for 5+ years now and God only knows the comments I have received in that time about “love/like/want you” by some women (friends and associates). And is now they trying to taste what my wife happily enjoying…but sorry too late shall be their cries.
I think you mean advise not “advice.”
Sincerely Yours
The Grammar Nazis
He is too old for you. You are setting yourself up for a heartbreak. Start looking at guys that are closer to your age. I noticed you did not mention whether he had a steady girlfriend or a love interest. At 29, he probably does. If he has not expressed an interest in you, there probably is someone else in his life. If you decide not to take my advice, at least do your homework and find out if there is someone else in his life before you make any move on him.
dont tell him anything…
No. Don’t tell him. In our society, he will see this as you coming on to him. He may go for it but will see you as cheap and will never respect you from there on. Now where there is no respect there will be no lasting love.
It may be that he is not attracted to you at all, so my advise to you is to cherish his friendship and find someone else who is romantically interested in you.
this isnt 1935 anymore, where a woman had to sit around and wait for the man to make the first move.
stop giving out foolish advice! if the young lady is interested then she should say something because “a closed mouth does not get fed”. and no man will think that you are a slut/whore/loose just because you reveal to him that you have romantic feelings for him (not a REAL man, anyway)
go for it, you never know, you could be missing out on the love of your life.
You echo my thoughts exactly. I myself prefer aggressive women, I respect them a whole lot more than women who continue to be docile. It takes a very confident women, full of knowledge of self, capabilities and awareness of life, to make such a move. Often times, these are the ones that are not take advantage or, who do not ultimately become damsels in distress, that is to say cry and moan for a man’s undivided attention, or they will resort to causing havoc for themselves and others.
My experience speaking. I say go for it, girl.
Bella:
Small correction: You ADVISE someone and you give ADVICE.
Regards
i never learnt that in school
You were probably sick that day
lol
Sounds like another young person not sure about there love life. Nothing hurts more than holding something inside that u know can be wonderfull in the long run. tell him how u feel, or show him signs that u have feelings for him, u cant know if u just bottle it up inside u for no reason. try it……
Go ahead honey…take a chance. Tell this man how you feel. The least he can do is say no.
wow woman boi
I believe you should let the guy know how you feel.The question is whether or not he feels the same way about you.
To Bella:
You told her she has to look into the fact that she gets jealous whenever he speaks to women………..,the truth is jealously is not something people can control.It’s a natural thing!
I mean do you choose to get jealous? No! God is a jealous God,and he said anything you put before him,he’ll take it from you.
IF GOD IS A JEALOUS GOD,HOW CAN I NOT GET JEALOUS?
REALLY? you want to compare the most times, irrational jealousy of humans to the holy jealousy of the SOVEREIGN GOD??!!?! seriously!!!??! hmmmm *smh*
**correction**follow your heart my girl..
follow your hear my girl..