In love with another boyfriend

I have a situation that I need your advice on.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years.  We have however been through many trials and happiness.  I’ve cheated on him as well as he has.  He has even bore a child out of this.

I feel hurt, disappointed, and I can’t stand him.  I think that after this situation, my love for him is no longer the same. Being around him somewhat depresses me.

But lately, I’ve been hanging with a close boy friend of mine, who makes me feel so excited.  He makes me forget about all my problems and about everything. I am just plain blank happy around him, seeing him, talking to him, etc. I think, and maybe know to myself, that I’m falling for this guy.

He knows that I have my boyfriend and I know that he’s been “dating” and looking for a potential wife (he’s a Christian).

But Bella, I’m confused because part of my heart says “dump” my boyfriend for him. And the other says stay because you’ve no guarantee that’s its going to work out with this “guy”.

Please advise me.

Confused

Dear Confused,

Healthy relationships should bring happiness and satisfaction to both partners and the feelings you have described are not part of a healthy relationship. You should consider ending it. Staying with him will only bring more pain and hurt. The experiences and circumstances around the relationship have led to its deterioration and it is time to move on.

Keep in mind that your reason to leave cannot be based on the other man in your life. It must be because your relationship is not working and cannot be fixed.

It is natural to be drawn to someone else who makes us feel special and happy when we do not feel this way in our relationships. Sometimes we confuse friendship love for intimate love and this can destroy a wonderful friendship which we have built. Friendship is a wonderful gift so be certain about what you have with this other man.

Bella

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31 Comments

  1. rats
    June 28, 2011

    doe use de man to get over ur probs….u not sounding ready to settledowm an u jus gonna mixup de pooor man life……

  2. LOL HaHa
    May 27, 2011

    he not a christian yet!!!!!!!!!!!!! if he was he wud kno his boundaries !

  3. dominican abroad
    April 13, 2011

    shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cheating is one thing have baby outside while in a serious relationship is just to much. MOVE ON and take a break from christian boy to figure out what you want to do. You persuing a relationship with him might not last.(its called rebound).

    • Candidate
      April 14, 2011

      that’s true alot of us do those things and don’t realize it after and still goes back to the same person.

  4. what?
    April 12, 2011

    poor little christian fella gan get caught up in your nonsense. RUN CHRISTAN BOY! RUN!!!!! RUN FROM YOUR LIFE! :arrow: :arrow: :arrow:

  5. Natasha J
    April 12, 2011

    Allu know why the girl cheated? stupssss.. What if she cheated bec he had done it to her and it was a reflex action to get back at him? how you’ll know that this is something that she does all the time? you folks like to judge people and behind closed doors ya’ll living a very disgusting life. At least she is admiting that she has issues and needs help but noo some folks have to insinuate other stuff. I am not saying she should just leave and go start off a relationship with this other dude, because she need time alone to get to know herself and figure ish out but men cheat on women alllll the time and they are considered macho but if its a chick hell break loose, total double standard. Typical DA people….

    • Muslim_Always
      April 12, 2011

      Your point is to justify cheating?

      Second, men cheat on women all the time and women don’t cheat on men all the time?

      A man or woman is not macho for committing fornication or adultery at any level. A man should be scorned just as much as the woman for cheating!

      In short, we must point out that this act of cheating on her part is wrong and it is better she recognizes this action is wrong. It does not mean she is entirely an evil person. We intend to judge the action, not the complete person that is why we believe there is hope for her but she has to be willing to make the adjustments.

      • ???????????
        April 12, 2011

        Well said Muslim_Always. All you give him a thumb up. He always preach against immorality. You will say Muslims have more than wife… Bet you his religion allows him to have as many wives (mark you wives) He has to marry not have girls here and there with no commitment what soever. :lol: :)

    • hmmm
      April 12, 2011

      so you’re making an argument that it is okay to cheat once the other person cheated?

      • wondering i wz here 1st
        April 13, 2011

        two wrongs don’t make a right

  6. Anonymous
    April 12, 2011

    either that girl from grandbay or i don’t know.

    Bella do your readers send addresses?

    • Anonymous
      April 12, 2011

      LOL

      • Family Guy!
        April 12, 2011

        Is Grandbay or Loubiere she from..i think i know her..dats why i dislike Grandbay people…

        • Anonymous
          April 12, 2011

          @ family guy wha grand bay people did to you that made u dislike them and matthe of fact am a proud grandbarian so suck off

    • wondering i wz here 1st
      April 13, 2011

      go play with ur d!*k and leave grand bay out of it… maybe is all u that write it and u turning the story on a woman

  7. Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
    April 12, 2011

    Dear lady, you must listen to Bella.
    By no means should you ever cheat on your boyfriend nor should he cheat on you. The fact that both of you cheated it means that you are not in love with each other. Your relationship has come to an end. When all is said and done move on…> It is time for a new experience.
    While the grass is not (may not be) greener on the other side, if you are not happy with your boyfriend, it is time to end this relationship and give the other one a chance. You never know how this other one will end up.
    Take your chances. There is the saying: “If at first you do not succeed, try again.” This is what life is all about, trials and errors. None of us are immune to this.
    My further advice is not to spill anything about the other relationship. There is no need to do so. Keep that private. As the saying: “Let sleeping dogs lie.”
    To those who call her all sorts of names. Look to yourself. Are you any better, man or woman?

    • cherfond
      April 13, 2011

      I totally agree with your advice to her “not to spill anything about the other relationship”. She should try as much as possible to start all over again on a clean slate.

  8. Muslim_Always
    April 12, 2011

    Correction ——-> You were in a FORNICATING relationship. The more one realizes that this kind of relationship is illegitimate it is better. Secondly, you have confessed your cheating habits. Also, your emotional and spiritual well being is a real mess. Thus I can see to an extent you are some aware that you have some issues.

    Secondly, I do suggest you give yourself at least 4 months to heal. A lot can be done in 4 months. You really need to do some work on your sexual ethics. I’m concerned that you may cheat on your ‘christian’ friend when things get tough. It seems also that you have a lot of emotional baggage, if you jump into any marriage for example with this guy, you’ll bring that baggage with you. Cheating habits are very difficult to correct.

    I propose the following: 1. Recognition that you have sinned against the Most High by being sexually involved with someone you are not married to.

    2. Recognition that you have placed yourself in spiritual and emotional ruin by aligning yourself with another sex partner whilst in an illegitimate relationship.

    3. Seeking forgiveness from the Most High and making a firm committment to leave this relationship both in word and writing (if you are truly serious).

    4. Be honest with your friend that you need sometime to heal spiritually and emotionally.

    I think if you take some concrete steps you will invest in a better future.

    • sadist
      April 12, 2011

      i would like to try thet ON U muslim_always. where can i find you? give me yuh address nuh.

  9. Candidate
    April 12, 2011

    let me tell u about some good advise.. a relationship is base upon trust, communication and respect some of us have some and other not none i know ur hurt about what he have done to u but spending time with that other boy friend is just i mith u are letting him know how weak u are and how he can take advantage of u and christian for one is home breaker i can tell u have been in this already. my girl ur boy friend have done wrong and so do u. 6 yrs is a long time for u to just give up ur rship for some boyfriend who just come along the way. sit and talk as a couple and work things out as u said the christian is dating so is not u alone he spending time with so hold on to wat u have bring god into u all life and rship and give him a chance to show that he can change or have change for the better.

  10. sweet pum pum
    April 12, 2011

    You are really confused but take a step back and give your decision some time

  11. straight talk
    April 12, 2011

    Girl don’t make me laugh… let me give you some good advice..Do you think that the so called christian man is any different from any other man, well they are worst, the use the cover of god to be trusted and they look good like saints in the eyes of the weak and then they will use you. you need to take a break think about what you want in a relationship and heal yourself. then only then should you even think about going into another one. It might be that you are just angry at your man and you need time to get over the hurt.

  12. that not no christian dat is a "greese pan"
    April 12, 2011

    dem woman dere nasty ehh garcon magway sa

  13. worried dominican
    April 12, 2011

    take a break from both and figure it out my dear.

  14. DESIE
    April 12, 2011

    neither YOU nor your boyfriend are the victims in that twisted story
    Is the Christian guy that should watch him self with you
    Cause i want to know how u know you will not cheat on him once you get him

  15. UR Confused!
    April 12, 2011

    first off all u have already said it all “I feel hurt, disappointed, and I can’t stand him. I think that after this situation, my love for him is no longer the same. Being around him somewhat depresses me”. why woul u put urself thru all of this? u need to take time off for urself (absence makes the heart grow founder) maybe thenu 2 will realize what u had and what u really want. What u want is not ur “boyfriend”, he is the guy friend that u have to lean on for support dont mess that up. take ur time and think this thru…dont rush out of an unhealthy relationship for one that may not be any better.

  16. wawww WAWW
    April 12, 2011

    my girl you should do neither! and that’s real talk.
    don’t stay with someone cuz you think it will get better..u will be mad at yourself a yr or more later when it’s not.

    dont jump to your “friend” as the next new man..chances are yes he is your friend but he also knows when you are weak/vulnerable which is what you sound like right now.

    you should be single..figure out YOURSELF first. then find someone who is worth it.

  17. Sweet Pea
    April 12, 2011

    You should definitely end the relationship that you are in, but after you do so please know that the grass is not always greener on the other side. your “boyfriend” is making you feel happy and special because its only the beginning. its the magical stage. In the beginning its always magical…pure bliss, you cant wait to see him, you spend hours on the phone, you laugh at all his jokes, he excites you, makes you forget about your problems…Then after a while the natural magic dies out and thats where the real test of endurance and love is. You have to bring out that wand and keep the magic alive yourself and thats where i am worried about you sister. I personally think that you should leave the “christian man” alone because when the magic dies out and you do cheat on him it won’t go down to well.

    • cherfond
      April 13, 2011

      very good advice, I hope she takes note. well said

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