I am 19 and have a boyfriend whom I loved for as long as I can remember. A few months back we broke up and I started a relationship with a guy I met during the carnival season of 2010.
The day after we met we had sex. I instantly fell in love; it was like love at first sight! He lived in town and me on the country side, but he made it a point of duty to come up as often as possible. One day like most relationship I got a call from a girl who claim that she is his girlfriend and they live together.
I was hurt and alone and found myself in a relationship with my first ex-boyfriend whom I dated while I was with my present boyfriend. I love him but he was more of a rebound to me. He fell madly in love with me, something I wanted to avoid because I loved my present ex more.
The whole point is am in love with three guys whom I don’t want to hurt. Should I go on with it with the hope that none finds out? Or should I tell the truth even if I know am hurting them?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Being in a relationship with three men is not healthy. It is a disaster waiting to happen and will cause more pain than joy to you and the men involved.
Usually when people become involved in relationships so quickly after ending one, it is because they still hurt from some of the experiences they’ve been through, have unanswered questions or have not allowed the heart to heal.
You could also be trying to hold on to something that you had while moving on. Whatever the reason, you are harming yourself in the process. Take time to heal and do a little soul searching, then you will have a better idea of whom and what you want in your life.
Bella
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.
Well I am dating 3 men also, and I have sex with all 3 , guy number one is my sugar daddie, number 2 is my savings (his money goes in the bank )and #3 groceries and rent
Number one I travel with when he wanna show off a hot chic..
And the others I have sex with now and then
Im 20 and u can call me a slut whore I really dnt care by the end of the day I making my money and dnt gotta sleep with a man everyday
Guy number 2 aint get nothing 2 mnth now but I still get his paycheck
So yea if she asking for help just help the girl with advice
As for me
Im good just the way I am
am in lv wth 4 guys bt i only slp wth 1,bt i dnt knw hw to gt rud of athrs,bcz i only lv 1
Young Lady: Where have your parents been during your formative teen years? If you don’t have a mom or dad you should go to the nearest relative who cares about you and have a good talk. Maybe you could stay with them for a while. You should know a few facts. (1) The first man who had sex with you did you no favour. He started you on a downward road. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. I know many people live this way but it never works. (2) You are “in love” with three men? Not one of those men would even want you if he knew you were in relationships with the other two. So you have nobody! (3) A good man would put a ring on your finger, marry you, and give you his name. No good man will even look your way if he knows you are messing with three men. You are literally making yourself unavailable to the kind of man who would make your life. (4) I hear women saying “Where are no good men in Dominica. They asre all this, or they are all that.” But look at the kind of women who say these things! That is the type of men they meet because they go to – and hang out at – the places where low life people are. You don’t hear good women – high class ladies – talkng this way. They are at home with their husbands and celebrating marriage according to God’s plan and purpose. They KNOW there are good men in Dominica because they found one. How did thery find one? By being a good woman, the kind of person every good man wants for a wife! But this CAN be you. I encourage you to turn your life around. Begin reading your Bible. Start at the Gospel according to St. John. Read a chapter each day. Find a Bible believing church – I recommend a Pentecostasl church – and go to the Sunday services. Meet the pastor. Tell him I sent you. Ask if they have a youth group or a young adults’ group you can become part of. A whole new life is waiting for you – and for anybody else who reads this with similar problems. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist. http://www.livinghopeministries.ca
Wow, you really are forcing your beliefs on her.. what if she’s athiest?
3 men love me and I don’t know what to do as I love them all does anyone have any advice for me.
This woman is a slut..plain and simple. Why are Dominican women so promiscuous. Women act like men these days. Always have one man and having keeping another one as backup just in case. Are you that weak? There is more to life than a man. Ever heard of the phrase ‘stay on your own’? If a relationship goes sour, leave the guy and give yourself some time to get over him before moving to the next. Stop being a tramp
why its okay when men do.I don’t condone her actions but hate the double standards
Girl take your wood and doh dig.. If I was one of those men I would plug u and give it to your present man to maintain cuz you don’t know what is love
lil grl u are not in love more inlust,u dont knw wats love hope u find it someday.is so allu does spread aids and stds…….jus giving up d punany as u meet a man.stupess.jah guide u all
butt all of allu dat leaving all dese nasty comment i wonders how many ppl u have/are sleeping with at the moment kmt….boy oh boy am i happy im not living on the island anymore….yall need to go to school!!!!
I agree with you britt. Its called smallmindedness I left Dominica a while back and used to enjoy
going to dno. I would read the comments and can actually imagine that sweet Dominican accent
that would go with those crazy comments. I used to find it humorous and fun until they started
insulting, judging, playing holier than thou, name calling, judge, jury and prosecutor all in one
I gave myself the name “sweet pum pum” and whether sweet or sour I did not think it was a bad name but guess I too got judged by it….but I am not changing it. They are nothing more than a bunch of hypocrites and once again you are very right.
You are having a relationship with three men and at the age of 19? This is not love. This is lust.
One man at a time; not three for goodness sake.
You are a confused woman and are in need of counseling.
Young lady you are not in love. Do not allow yourself to continue in such a situation. You will be hurt in the end. Consider if you get pregnant. Which one of the men will be the father?
You are in need of godly advice. Turn to God for guidance.
This is so true
GIRL U CAN COME CHECK ME LATER EH…
I think this young lady has a problem, and she need some help.
EHBAIN look tori! talk about a COMPLICATED love life. or maybe its just a disaster…
“like most relationship I got a call from a girl who claim that she is his girlfriend and they live together” Most relationships are not like that…if the ones you have been in are like that then u are goin after the wrong kind of men… your love life is too complicated for your own good, get a good man and simplify things, or just relax and stay with no man for a while.
The Bible say “He who has no sin cast the first stone”. All of you who are judging this young lady I wonder how many of you are VIRGINS, UNTOUCHED. We are too quick and busy to bring down persons when they go wrong, at least she is brave and bold enough to talk about it but how many of us just keep it inside and let it turn to CANCER.
young lady get some help and pray to GOD to help you, its not too late to turn your life around and make that change.
hmmmmmmmmm .. And is those kind of woman there men leaving there nice, sexy wives for??????? Little teenagers that just there with their sexual addictions.. I must say those teens are addicted to sex those days and they seeing big working woman dressing with nice outfits and they self want it now so they got to make bomb. I hate to see a nice young man with a lil teenage girl calling her his gf…
I like three guys and I’m dating one what should I do
@ Anomynous: You have written Bella this short article however, I strongly believe you may have some deep rooted emotional issues. The reason is, you mentioned in your first paragraph that you have been with your boyfriend ‘as far as you can remember.’ It tells me that you have been exposed to sexual activity either at pre-puberty or post puberty under the age of consent according to the laws of Dominica. Am I right?
Secondly, you need to be honest with yourself, are you really ‘in love’ with three guys? If you were truly ‘in love’ would you feel challenged emotionally which motivates you to reach Bella? Additionally, you need to identify whether you are ‘in love’ or infatuated with three men and to differentiate between love and infatuation. Also, in your private moments, try to isolate the two, what is it that makes you believe you are ‘in love?’ Are these emotional feelings or sexual feelings? The way to discover this is to examine your own body and emotions. Do you just have a craving for sexual intercourse due to your bodily functions disconnected from emotions, or you simply crave the emotional affection? In your thoughts, is it the intimate thoughts that turns you on alone, sex only or both? In short, I suggest you identify the correct emotions.
After identifying the correct emotions, I suggest you do some research about yourself. Take the time to know yourself and understand your behaviour. Is it possible for you to ‘take a break’ from these guys to give yourself some space in order to complete this exercise? I do not advise you to open a book with your ‘guys’ but let them know you truly need a moment to yourself. Be honest about your feelings and needs. I think you owe yourself at least that much. Any sound mature man should understand this, it may be also the test to prove whether any of these guys ‘love’ you.
Fourthly, after healing and knowing thyself (by the way I suggest professional counselling as well, I feel there is much more than you have revealed to Bella), you may chart your course from there. Work on building yourself, you are in the prime of your youth. Seek the Creator of the universe, in Him there is true contentment. Strike a balance, seek the afterlife but do not forget your portion on this earth. Communicate with the Most High with sincerity and conviction, come to Him directly, He is All Hearing, All Loving, Often forgiving and Most Merciful. Talk to him in spirit and truth, He will answer you if you are sincere to Him. You will feel the transformation in your heart and mind.
In closing, I recommend professional counselling. I am glad you took to courage to reach out about these issues. I hope you are able to sort your emotions out. Young lady, I do not think that you are s*l*p or any of the derogatory names you were called. The best of the people are those who want change and spiritual development. The prophets did not come to call righteous people, they came to call sinful people like me. Yes like me! I have to humble myself and remember I have sins as well before I start judging others and seek to work on myself before advising others to work on themselves.
A message to the commentors on DNO: Calling the young lady names will not address her concerns. We need to be more constructive as a people. If we continue to be negative, do you know how many young people we are preventing from reaching out? Do we want more suicide on our hands? Do you want blood on your hands then continue to go to your places of worship? You may have children or people close to you who may suffer worse yet fail to talk to speak up because they feel you will turn them away. A person with a problem needs someone to empathize with them. Have a heart and be merciful just as the Most High has been merciful to you! I urge our people to cease from negativity.
shut your smelling mouth
“The day after we met we had sex.” wow that niggah mayybe have the most swag ever or maybe you just a sa&^p or both …
CAN I BE THE FORTH GUY…
Where are the parents of this young? Is bad parenting which causes these behaviors
girl you need some psychiatric help
love at first site but fell inlove only on d 2nd day hmm … girl .. u jus plain n simple nastyyyy ….. baby a … hmm i would imagine u jus like her .. judgin by ur comment on callin da abuse .. comeon fink b4allu talk na .. d girl sal*p n is all
Just bit it, bite it, beat it, fellas. ‘Sex is just a State of Mind’.
Guess your hormones are going crazy and are unable to control them. Maybe you need to take a break from guys or any relationship that will lead you to sexual activity, if you can. Love is strong and from reading your story you don’t love any of those guys. Yes, you enjoy having sex but I would not say Love . And, again I would say you are a weak person
woman now-a-days dem a flex like celular hand to hand and a get used regular…
u doh good!!!
This young lady is confused and need someone positive to speak to.
I will advise u seek consel from a mature individual u can trust
U also need to pray and ask God to help u love yourself first
There is no way u can love God and yourself and say u in love with 3 guys
That can never be u just experiencing and emotional feelin for these men.
Do they even say they love you? Seek God
Take your WooD and doh worry wid dem peeps. You know you like your fing……
you sound like a real donkey!
Hee hawwww
lmao hehehe aye my nigga good answer hee whore
boi donkeywood u not good that u sayin
looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
TAke your wood girl. You know you like it.
man why are u sayin so much bad ting about dis young lady we all ave mother and sister /girlfriends and some times wat u dont no older than u sot
they will never do that they have too much pride maam
More bomb than Russia
LMAO….:)))))))) FUNNY
Clearly at age 19 the young lady is still little more than just a mere child psycologically and emotionally. She is still very immature and don’t know the true meaning of the word love
she is confused but smart enough to know that her way of life is not what she really wants.
She is asking for help and advise not to be judged and called a sa*&p. We have a lot of them
out there that are probably doing the same thing and more you don’t see see them seeking help
because they fully well know that their life style is deliberate. Please let’s not judge the young lady
Is not love u have is white liver u have lol!!!!!!!!!
what a u saying?
all the Grip in that cyat maybe finish.. no taste again and slack
girl you sa*&p wi…. pa pa met you taking more wood than a bakery yes.
Sweetie are you sure this is love? The real thing, pure, real, unconditional, honest, unselfish love? I mean you are only 19 years old and you have already been with three guys if not more and are you sure they love you back. Love can mean many things but if you are unsure then it is definitely not love. Take some time out to examine yourself and to figure out what you really want in this life, take some time away from those dudes and focus on your education for a bit. I tell you if any of these guys really love you, they will move mountains to get to you. Another thing there are so many S.T.I’s out there and you never know who is sleeping with you, protect yourself and be careful. It’s a dog eat dog world out there and each look out for their own.LOVE YOURSELF FIRST HON, cause by the looks of things i do not think you do. Focus on you and God bless. I will whisper a pray for you.
Dear Anonymous,
I can see from your letter that you definitely need some help. First off, I was a bit confused by what you wrote – actually had to read it over to fully understand what you were attempting to say (hopefully I understood it). I thought that you were suffering from a case of what I call “inloverititis”. I use this term to refer to persons who are in love with the idea of being ‘in love”. I’m sure like me, you’ve heard of women who are addicted to relationships, and who think that they can’t exist single, but MUST be in a relationship. That’s what I thought about you on reading your letter.
My suggestion is that right now you take sometime out for yourself and clear your head. It seems that you are unable to coherently express your thoughts to Bella, so I can imagine how confused you must be by you current situation.
Let me tell you, that LOVE and Sex are 2 completely different things. I believe that you are rushing into relationships, I am hesitant to use that word, however, that is how you refer to them. When you are in love with someone, and for whatever reason you guys break up… you need time to heal and get yourself and emotions “stable”. It is not right or normal to simply jump from one man to another and believe that you are building a relationship, especially when you have not closed the door on the previous one. You MUST first close the door on your old relationship, or perhaps, be secure enough in yourself to know that when you move on to someone else, you respect yourself and that person enough to leave your feelings in the past. Situations arise where you might discover you still have feelings for your ex, however, there is no situation which can cause you to have 3 boyfriends, and having these relationships intersect.
You seem to be looking for something in each, which is absent in the other. You need to know yourself and know what you want. When a woman settles for a man, that’s usually the result – running around, or a sense of ‘un” fulfilment, and the unending quest to substitute 1 man with another.
Please Anonymous… FIND OUT WHO U ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT FROM life and a man. You are young… you have your life ahead of you. You do not need to abuse your body and be at the point where you jump from 1 man to another and from bed to bed.
Relax… enjoy yourself…. Get to understand men – know what you want and don’t want in a man.
You can date and not have sex, but if you choose to have sex…stick to one man.
Hopefully, you can break your cycle of needing to be in relationships. And yes, it is a cycle… 3 intersecting relationships!!!! So… good luck in whatever you decide, but you better wake up and realize that this type of behavior is detrimental to you emotionally and to the men also.
Good luck!
What’s your number doodoo?
That is so funny- I want it too wi
999
that’s the number to call her
All you sotte eh?! hahahahahahaha
dont worry about what people say just get tested and choose the one u love most
Love is blind. You are young naive and stupid.
Hi
Love and sex are 2 very different things. Love is based on trust. You need to look at yourself and find out what is lacking in your life. Sleeping with 3 different men within weeks suggest that you are looking for something. Maybe love or attention.
You are young, why don’t you focus on loving and respecting yourself. Everytime you sleep with someone you are losing part of you. Preserve your self. True love will come but you must prepare yourself. No one wants to be with someone who sleeps around.
That woman is a pure sal*p is that can put it into terms.. Sal*p go wash your s*&on
Wow! That was confusing. I wish she had tagged them ‘Man a, b and c’ so we could figure out who is who.
She also seems pretty confused. From what I pick up, as soon as she finishes one relationship or even before it ends, she goes into another. I’m basing that on her saying she “found myself in a relationship with my first ex-boyfriend whom I dated while I was with my present boyfriend.”
I know plenty women and men like that – serial daters who just can’t be alone so when they see one relationship is winding down, they start up another so they are never without a partner.
Girl, you need to take some time to yourself. You don’t need to always have a boyfriend to make yourself whole. Find out what it’s like to be single and free. If you enjoying the sex with one or all of them, go right ahead but make sure it’s with protection and that it’s clear that it is ‘no strings attached’ and no expectations of ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’.
Try being single, really single for a few months – hang out more with your friends, go to the movies, read more books, take up some new hobbies besides boyfriend-hopping.
dear bella
for the past couple months my woman has been emailing a man all the way in germany and they have been telling each other how they miss and love each other, i saw the messages and she told me that she was felling down thats y she did that but there is no meaning behind it. should i take her word for it or move on with her life…
padna,,,,ur woman lie…. if u believe her, well you deserve to be with her…but dont be fooled by her naive response.. women too deadly boy….silk and secretive…
Cute face… she’s emotionally cheating on you!
I do not understand why you’d leave your decision in her her hands. I say… you know what your thoughts are, how she is as a person and the content of the conversations. If it makes you not trust her and doubt her…then move on. Although she’s carrying on with someone far away, who;s to say that she won’t feel down and find someone local.
Talk it out – ask her to quit..then if nothing changes- you have your answer
good luck…
lol…. but i think you;re just kixing off on here!
get a career then time me what happened to the triple love. You are not in love , you have too much time to spare.
Be warned. H.I.V
You love de boyfriend for as long as you can remember? Papa since you 5 years then?….Ti moon, just relax your likkle self, it must have a river close to where you living, go and soak in glo fwet to cool your fever and meditate and recognise you going the wrong way. There are too many sexually transmitted diseases about for you to be behaving so promiscuous, so take it easy. You born you meet sex there, and you will die and leave it there. Sex will always be around so take your time and get to know those men before you commit your body and make lust confuse your head. C’est pas love, doo doo, love is not born out of confusion. An old veteran dat say so.
i agree with you viciez!
TRICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why don’t you go stand around a corner somewhere. Stupesssssssssssss girl
Shatta
Why dont you give some constructive advice to help a young lady who took the 1st step by admitting something is wrong and is seeking advice??
Is negative people like you that have our youth going astray hence they even running away to avoid you’all
Stupesssssssssssss
Ms Pussina,
Do you think that this ridiculous nonsense that you are spouting is going to be of any benefit to this young lady, please lets get real.
She is 19yr s of age, merely a young child trying to find her feet in this world and making mistakes along the way.
Having three partners doesn’t make her what you are trying to label her, she is a young girl and i am sure that these so called boyfriends are maybe much older than she is, and rather than painting her in a negative light, you should be posting words of encouragement and support for this young lady.
After reading her posting this young lady is not a s—p as you suggested, but rather a confused young lady, and if you ms pussina don’t have anything worthwhile to contribute please do us all a favour and keep QUIET.
that is how bomb making starts
First of the topic should say “I’m sleeping with three guys” n not “I’m onlove with three guys”. U day love @ first sight but I believe it was more like love @ first sex. U can’t be INLOVE with three guys nut rather “have love” for three guys. I r only 19 how fast do u fall inlove. My advice to u is slow down n one day u’ll find ur true love. If the guys girlfriend calls u, chances r there are more calls coming ur way!
You too wild! You need to Cool Down
girl get some good help dont waiste your time
if you look in deep down in your soul you will
see that you just getting deeper into trouble
just take a couple month off without a man
and see how it works.
if not you r sex freck trying to hurt people
you’re 19, doubt it’s love – more like lust. Enjoy your youth, just use protection
Bad advice, why are you advising her to let men abuse her body, you don’t need to abuse your body @ 19, there are so many positive ways of enjoying your youth. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM; This is a destructive and surefire way to ruin her young life before it even begins, so please b careful with the advice that you give out. Peace
So the woman decided to have sex with 3 men and somehow she is beign “abused”? Who exactly is abusing her?
Men always are taking the blame. When three men screw a girl they are abusing her. When one man screwed bythree women, he is abusing them. I just can’t get it. So even when the numbers shift to the other side, we men are still at fault.
You too salop girl, behave yourself!!!!!!!!!!
Way to go Dominicans with u judgemental eyes and fast mouths no wonder so many young Ppl a messed up in the head they cant come to y’all 4 anything thing because instead of listening and helping u go straight to name calling. Ever think that her problem good b because of some psychologic or emotional damage. Gosh y’all need to think before u talk
No she is not psychologically or emotionally damaged. She is 19, at that age for both boys and girls their hormones are raging and its at those times in our lives if we are not guided properly and have the support of a strong family and good friends we can make drastic mistakes.
Also for a woman, although most of us dont realise it…. the act of sex is of a spiritual nature and a woman consenting to having sex with a man is actually spiritually giving of herself to that man. And hence the feeling of being in love.
Most women will tell you that they could have a man as a friend for years and not go to bed and they can enjoy their mutual friendship no jealous feeling….but once they take that step of going to bed. then they begin to feel differently..they have jealous feelings and starts making demands. the friendship takes on a new meaning.
Why
I beg to differ with you here pertaining to “spirituality” and the “passions of sex”, as your understanding is of human wisdom, which is always awfully, flawed.
Sexual conducts is a demonstration of the flesh. Sexual conducts satisfy the demand–passion or lust– another kind of hunger of the flesh. “The lust of the flesh–sexual passions– is not of the Father, it is of the world” Those words are spoken at 1st. John 2:16
God is Love, this means that Love is the core of God’s being, who is of Spirit, Holiness, and Truth. So Love must be demonstrated through godly, perfect, attitude and conducts. There is nothing godly or perfect about the conducts of sex.
Sex is corrupt in all its ways of–rape, adultry, prostitution, homosexualility, bestiality–which is human beings having sex with animals; and incest, which is members of imediate families having sex with one another.
No, no, not at all! Sex is not a spiritual conduct, so the behavior is not the Ways of Love. For Love is perfect, as God is a Holy Being of Life, in Spirit and in Truth. That is the reason why apostle Paul tells us “flesh and blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of God, nor does corruption inherit incorruption”. These words are spoken at Ist Corinthians 15: 50
Unless human beings can grasp the understanding that sexual conducts is a sinful habit, period.–a hunger of the flesh–we will continue to embrace all the things human wisdom tell us that it has to do with God; but we are only fooling ourselves. Adam and Eve defiled the plan of God, by which He would give us Life to glorify His nature of Love.
But God’s plan of Life in us is a mission that He has already been fulfilled through the blood of His Person, the Son, Jesus Christ. King David of the Book of Psalms has acknowledge that God wants us to know the Life of Love, as was His intention from the beginning.
For David says to God, “Your eyes saw my substance being yet unformed. And in Your book they were all written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them”. These words are spoken at Psalm 139: 16. But before that, David said again, when he had sinned against God: “Behold I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceived me”. These words are spoken at Pslam 51: 5
That is the reason Jesus tells us through His words to Nicodemus: “that which is born of flesh is flesh and that which is born of Spirit is spirit”. So man must be “born again” of water and the Spirit wee! John 3 Flesh and blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of God, nuh!
Annonymous–the young lady of 19 years who has three boyfriends. You are yet to understand what Love is about, yes! And the thing that is taking place in your body has nothing to do with the Ways of Love, nuh! I am advising to pray that you will come to know faith in God; for by faith you also come to learn what is the Ways of Love, okay. And I know for sure that the Ways of Love is the Ways of God, the attitude and conducts of Jesus Christ, that we show to others around us, through our spoken words and our actions.
And by the way, Jesus loved, and was in Love with the world–the reason He suffered, bled, and died for us; but I have never read anything that says that He had a wife, nuh!
that is pure nastiness you don’t see that? she want 3 man wi boy look wood
bella,,, she needs more wood for the fire,,, well that ting a ling taking good blows,,, i wonder if i’ll tickle it,,, once i can give it a lil ant bite i good
your not in love,you have a problem which is having sex with multiple guys,and enjoy doing it.you need some help,and your just a time bomb that is waiting to explode,and your going to get these guys sick young lady.
u too nasty that is your problem.
um um…all she want is gwo pwel to……fix her