Insecurities bring lack of trust

Dear Bella: I need some advice and I hope u can help. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for the past year and I don’t believe he trusts me.

He wants to know my every move and even gets mad if a male friend calls.  The funniest part is that I am so faithful and committed to him. I have never been as honest and committed to anyone as I am to him. Recently, a relative invited me to spend a few days with her overseas and when I told him so, he started planning a trip around the same time to the exact same place. I am going to spend time with my family and see no reason why he should come along since I am always with him.

Can’t I have some time with loved ones who I haven’t seen in ages? I want to tell him that, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Do you think I am wrong?

Cheri.

Dear Cheri,

Once you know that you are not being shady and keeping faithful to your boyfriend you have done nothing wrong.  More than likely, he has come from a bad relationship which resulted in him being hurt that he is seemingly paranoid and thinks all women are the same.

You need to sit him down and assure him that since you started dating you pledged to be committed and faithful to him and this is just what you are doing. He may question why he cannot be invited with you to your trips to visit your family. However, everyone needs some one-on-one time with “their people”, and he should understand that. Doesn’t he go out? Doesn’t he have buddies to socialize with?

Allow him to understand that his possessiveness is turning you off, and eventually he may even seem controlling at times. Just try not to allow his insecurities to go overboard and have your life miserable.

Bella.

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18 Comments

  1. yo
    August 27, 2010

    woman comments, shame!!

  2. Don't trust her!
    August 27, 2010

    This sounds strange, if she is in love with him why doesn’t she want to spent time with him away on holidays together! There is nothing wrong with that, she can see her relatives and they can spend quality time together. I am thinking sometimes we women don’t understand our men’s interest and we consider them to be over protective, or we call them ‘mako’. The man is blamed in this case but what is the ticket is comming from a male friend and the relative is just a cover? I think this sister is not telling the truth. This man may not trust her because of her behaviour. Male friends may be men she already take that are calling her, that may get any man vex. If my man talks to any x, constantly on the phone,text, internet messanger, i know i get very angry with him. That is very disrespectful. The reaction and response is mostly women who themselves have no idear how to behave in a relationship.

    We women screw on our men’s head, then say that we love them, with these sexual illnesses, he has a right to be concerned, if he suspects her he should be careful with her. We prostitute ourselves by accepting gifts from other men and disrespect our relationships. It is wrong to take gifts from any male friend and some times it is wrong to accep gifts from people period, because that weakens your bonds in a relationship.. Once you receive a gift from a male friend and you continue, you will eventually screw him! Our relationships mean nothing in this difficult economic situation in Dominica with small salaries, so we compromise ourselves and slowly destroy our relationships! women in committed relationships are srewing for ‘top me up’, gifts of all discriptions, or extras, We should be ashamed of ourselves because we are only thinking, free holiday overseas and not what may happen to our relationships if we allow material things to take over our lives. if I was this man I would not trust her either and I think he should leave that salop who is up to no good!

    • under the radar
      January 7, 2011

      wow what a dose of reality… hmmm i agree with the gift part and communicating with an ex because usually as humans we are less afraid to tread where we have been before as opposed to a strange place, so in my opinion it is easier to go screw ur ex than a stranger… damn… let me call my girl and ask her where she got that gift over the christmas… :oops:

  3. July 20, 2010

    that’s how it starts, they harassing you, wanting to know ur every move, cheri u should run the other way, seriously the guy wants to folow u overseas. DING! DING! DING! warning bells

  4. July 20, 2010

    wat u saying makes no sense. U leave the country the person still follow u HELLO STALKER!!

  5. Met-gel-mon-CB
    July 15, 2010

    Are you kidding me? You’re going to spend time with family? Just tell the man you want to go searching for fresh meat.

    If you really and truly was in love, you would not be bothered by him being with you. We always find faults when its convenient.

    By the way, what does insecurity means?

  6. joe
    July 15, 2010

    i know the type when u meet one u run the other way he i sjust looking to control you and be very possesive chances are he is cheating on u

  7. jesus girl
    July 15, 2010

    seems like he has been hurt, and because of that he has no trust in you, All you should do is talk to him and make sure you explain how his is making you feel when he does that.

  8. Pnuts
    July 15, 2010

    @TC; Cheri or anybody else in that situation should not have to suffer due to anybody baggage in their life. Potential significant others have to learn to deal with their baggage in their life first before they get pple children involved. Set yourself free Cheri before it is too late, put your cards on the table, if he cannot play with what he has then it is time for him to bounce. His behavior could be the beginning of abuse, and u do not want to be caught up in that.

  9. drlove
    July 15, 2010

    my dear maybe he was hurt but at the same time that is not control so talk to him ash him about his past relationship and see waht he has to say if he is willing to talk to u about it then take time to listen about that trip if he want to come let him as long as he is paying the expense and maybe you have or had given him a reason not to trust you i hope that is not the case as you havent said any thing about him controlling you so good luck and be patient cause you no what you have but not what you will be getting

    • under the radar
      January 7, 2011

      it could be a bit of both, bad past experiences coupled with the woman doing things that resemble past actions of a bad girlfriend. communication can help that man. sometimes we do things that are not wrong in themselves but rub off badly on our partner. so i think she really needs to work with him on this one if she really cares. in a relationship, both parties have to see past right and wrong and their own feelings and consider the other half’s feelings and meet each other halfway.

  10. Dr. Finger
    July 15, 2010

    All man maco in theiir own way. It is very obvious that u put it on him very well. He don’t want anyone tasting that pudding by accident but he is behaving stupid. Leave his a** in Dca and go on your vacation. You don’t need a metveyee behind you on a vacation especially when you are invited by someone close. If he insist call Liat and tell them don’t sell him no patat ticket.

  11. July 15, 2010

    Nice Cherri,

    sit down and talk to him,convince him if you can,if by chance he follow you and he’s there,dont ignore him,it wouldnt be good,then he’ll have his reason to mistrust you,let him see your relatives,there’s nothing to hide,

    quida mi higa,

  12. BLUE PRINTS
    July 15, 2010

    Dude is just controlling.. my girl ask that dude to grow up.. all women are not the same and if he cant trust u then he dont love u… love begins with trust anytime u dont trust someone then the feeling u have inside is not love.. its wat u call an infatuation…

    love is friendship that catches fire; it takes root and grows 1 day at a time. Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity; u r excited & eager, but not genuinely happy; there r nagging doubts, unanswered questions;

  13. .......................
    July 15, 2010

    my girl at time bella do give good advice but am going to tell u 1 little thing………………he is becoming controlling and manipulative so u all are together for 1 year, u can talk to him and observe him for another couple months,if it does change leave him.

    i know exactly what am talking about cause am in something worst than u and trying….longing to get out and regretting it being in it in the first place………………………..so as soon as u see the red light going on run while u can

  14. LOL
    July 15, 2010

    he can go on his vacation , no problem. He just wouldn’t see me, because i making sure my relatives have planned outings for me every single day. who he coming and mako there?? stupes.

  15. TC
    July 15, 2010

    @Pnuts: Yes most times but not always. Men are emotional beings to so if he had bad experiences he may feel insecure. Bella gives good enough advice about sitting him down and talk. When you get involved in a man he too has baggage. He will not just up and trust a woman 100% just like that especially the way in which women are becoming a little more aggressive these days.

  16. Pnuts
    July 15, 2010

    Hmmm; most times is when they are unfaithful to u they get on like that. They think u r cheating when they know they r cheaters themselves. Get 2 the bottom of that quick. Keep your head high Cheri, u r doing nothing wrong. Go on and enjoy your v/tion with your family.

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