I am in love with two guys

Dear BellaI am a 20-year -old young girl. My problem is that I am in some sort of a relationship where I think I am in love with two guys.

I fell in love with this guy last year and it was an instant connection.

We made it official some months later and I informed my family (at the moment he had just lost his job) but as the person I am I did not make that bother me, I still fell in love with him. He introduced me to his family and friends and a bit later down his daughter.

We were moving along just fine when some sort of cheating occurred. We were both broken but still our love was stronger than that.

As time went by my mom started telling me I should end my relationship because this guy does not love me. She actually went to investigate his background and found out that he is not working and so he cannot support me and besides that he have a little girl to care about.

She said that her spirit did not take him and I should end this relationship or go live with him. I really did not know where all this was coming from all of a sudden.

This problem with my mom lasted for some more months when my boyfriend and I had to make choices. We told her that we will end the relationship because she was not stopping at nothing to see the relationship over. So we merely pretended our relationship was over but still were seeing each other secretly up until this present time. As two different human beings in age, gender, mentality and so on this is not a relationship we planned to have.

Now with all the drama being present in our relationship this other guy comes along but he is not someone new. This is a guy I always was fascinated by. We made a spark the year before but we never took it to the next level due to the fact that he is a man of principal. He is a devoted man to his work and I look up to him. He makes me look at life in a whole different way and feel differently. I have tried to get him off my mind but its no hope, I’m in love with my boyfriend but I have feelings for this other guy.

My boyfriend has been bringing his past experience into our relationship and keeps telling me he does not want to loose me,but I keep telling him if he keep bringing up his past experiences, then he is making this relationship the same like the last one.

Our relationship have really been on a rocky side and I have been confused for a while now, this other guy is in the system and I cant help my feelings towards him but I am still in love with my boyfriend.

Now I think it is over between us, but its very hurtful at the moment. And I can just imagine the pain my boyfriend is going through. He loves me with no limits and that I know. I don’t want to end our relationship like this but I also don’t want to hurt him any longer….He knows about the other guy and I and still he loves me..

I could really need someone else opinion.

Confused Heart

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Dear Confused Heart,

You need to make up your mind as an adult what it is that you want in life.

As an adult, you should not be sneaking around having a relationship. You have to be mature enough to know that if something is good for you then you have to stand grounds on it. This is not only for relationships, but it is about having firm principles in life. Your mother or a friend or circumstances should not be bullying you into what decisions you should make. Don’t you feel that you are capable of making intelligent decisions by weighing the pros and the cons?

You now enter a relationship with a guy who has always “fascinated” you. You should have expected that you will only see marvelous things of him, because you have a halo around his head. This “great” guy is going to run off to a greater girl when he realizes that you act based on your emotions. I can only advise you to just stop everything now. This train is moving too fast and you are losing focus. Stop everything for a while and find yourself. Spend some time with you looking at what you want or would like for your life and what actions you need to be doing now to get there. This will include relationships. Take as much time as you need, because whether you stay with your boyfriend or move on to the “object of your fascination, one thing is sure: you need to know who you are and what you want- these men need a stable woman.

Love yourself first, for only in so doing will you be able to give love to others.

Bella

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24 Comments

  1. June 25, 2014

    My girl its best u look forward in educating urself am ur age as well an am educating myself. It is best if we become indepent so we won’t hold our heads in shame…

  2. youngling
    June 25, 2014

    : :-| some of allu to dam hypocrite
    Allu doin it in secret bt wanna judge d girl

  3. May 8, 2014

    Confused Heart:

    You are at a time in your life when having a boyfriend seems to be an important thing, especially when you see other young ladies pairing off with their guys. Naturally you just think it is what you’re suppose to do.

    Believe me that is not necessarily the case. Many women found the right man for them later in life and say he was worth waiting for. By that time some of their friends have gone through several relationships and still have nobody.

    The fact that you have two fellows on the string so to speak and are not sure of either of them shows you are moving too fast.

    As a parent myself (actually an old grandparent) I personally think your mother is right. She has lived longer. This means she has had a longer learning experience than you have. She cares about you like no other person ever could. She will only say what she really believes is best for you.

    However the fact that you asked her shows you are not ready for this kind of relationship. When you are ready you will have your own values and know what your goals are in life. The right person for you will be a good match to all of
    that. Also he will be drawn to you because he will see in you the other part of him !

    What would happen if you broke off with both these fellows and got yourself a new focus for a while? You could work on furthering your education, getting a job, or pursuing a career.

    You might give some thought to getting God in your life. Start reading the Bible. Begin attending a lively, friendly church! Meet people there. Make friends. Receive Jesus as your personal Savior. If you find a church that has a youth group get into it. Become active in it.

    When you begin to grow and nature inwardly the kind of man you would want to be with will be attracted to you. He’ll be much like you; a person with values (things he believe in) and somebody who knows what he wants in life.
    The two of you will click! Believe me, there will be no one else . Best of all you won’t have to ask anybody!

    That is how it works. How do I know? It worked for me! Sarah and I have been married for 51 wonderful years. We were both Christians. Christ was – and is – the center of our lives. The same is true of our friends and we have many.

    Blessings!

    I invite you to visit our website.

    www. livinghopeministries.ca

    Click onto EAGLE COURSE. in the right margin. You can study it from the screen or copy it absolutely free. The very first lesson will tell you how to receive Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and begin an exciting faith journey! There is nothing to buy or join. We don ‘t ask you for money.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

    Director of Living Hope Ministries: a world wide outreach of
    evangelism, Bible teaching, and deliverance.

  4. May 8, 2014

    Praying for you my girl.

  5. pusss
    May 7, 2014

    men can have two so can we

    • smh
      May 7, 2014

      when you done, you will explain to your little boy or girl why u taking more than one man. especially when their little friends giving them pressure about their mother. Be virtuous, not a slut.

  6. sis m
    May 7, 2014

    I offer free councilling through the word of. God.feel free to call this number 13402285105.

  7. sis m
    May 7, 2014

    Dear young lady my best advise to you is turn your back from both men give your life entirely to Jesus Christ and he will give you the desires of your heart.work on developing yourself and the goals you would like to achieve and to tell you the truth you are not in love but that’s all lusts and fantasies that will destroy your life.there are lots of diseases out there that could end your life.another. fact to consider is everytime you get sexually involved with someone you are getting demon spirits that they have and also those of the other partners they have had in the past.no man or woman can love you like Jesus come to him now while the mercy seat is still open.tomorrow. might be too late.He’ll is real!!!!!!!

  8. Envar
    May 7, 2014

    Your story is somewhat confusing and only illustrates your mental condition. You need to be structured and settled. You cant love someone unless you are at peace with yourself and you love yourself anything other than that is destruction of the soul.

    Seems you been loving people for the wrong reasons but is a manifestation of the love that you don’t love yourself. stop mixing i want you because of this and that with i love you.

    and get some rest you sound tired..

  9. lovely
    May 6, 2014

    From my experience, men don’t love. A young woman is like a nice apple or mango, everyone loves a bite and when they are done the throw the seeds away or go on to the other mango. Men are never satisfied even though they are Christians or not, they are always looking for another woman.

    It is ok to be in love or to be loved, but now a days, especially women have to get their selves together like having an education, a job, and if possible your own home or your own rental apartment. I was married for so many years with children, and being a Christian, cooking, cleaning, doing everything the Bible way and being a decent human being. My husband still go out cheating and even with family members and close friends.

    I did give him a divorce, and he could not handle it, he begged and begged, I told him keep steeping. I’m not saying being divorce is easy, but I had to let him go to get my self back together. It is not worth it when you give yourself to someone and when thing go wrong, we have nothing to stand up. Women, keep aiming high, keep looking to God and when these men dump us or we dump them, we can walk with our head high. God bless.

    • Reader
      May 9, 2014

      When did this become about you, nah?! Write Bella your own letter next time

  10. MS
    May 6, 2014

    I see a recipe for disaster here. First of all your arguments is all over the place for a 20 year old. What do you mean by some sort of cheating occurred? Did you cheat or did he cheat? Either way it’s just as bad. If either party is cheating after just a year in the relationship that would suggest that the relationship is not off to a great start because that’s usually the honeymoon phase when everything in the relationship is perfect.

    Secondly, maybe your mom is right that this guy does not love you. You said yourself that she did a background check on him and found out that he does not have a job. Do you think that your mom is making stuff up because she wants you to stop talking to your boyfriend? What would be her motive? And most importantly what do you think is going to happen if your mom finds out that you are still seeing this guy? She is going to feel betrayed and she is going to want you to leave her house. Are you ready to go live with his guy or more importantly is he ready for you to come live with him?

    As it relates to the other guy you are being evasive in your description of him. You said he is not someone new so if you were so in love with him why didn’t you pursue the relationship when you were single? You reason for that is that he is a man of principle who is devoted to his work and you look up to him. So why is that a bad thing that prevented you from taking the relationship to another level? Unless he was in a situation in which you were his subordinate for example he is a teacher and you were his student then.

    My advice to you speaking from experience is to start focusing more on your own goals and personal developments. Once you start working towards obtaining advanced education and pursuing a career you might just realize that none of these two men will fit into your long term goals. You’re 20, this is the age to enjoy your life. Travel and know new places, have fun with your friends, go on dates while you pursue your career. The right guy with no baggage will come along eventually. Just be patient.

  11. Anonymous
    May 6, 2014

    Child stop pretending you are grown, if you were you would know what you talking about is BS…
    you have one coocoloose, one brain, two ears to listen twice as much as your mouth can talk, having two eyes should not lead you to believe that you need to please them by having two men, are you trying to say you need one man for your left eye and one for the right? so what if you go blind over night? GIRL you are just foolish and confused or, in search of attention…go read your book…and love u….stop telling yourself that men are in love with you…

  12. ##Dominica.#
    May 6, 2014

    Truly sorry and confused I want to be politically correct and say to you fake or real you need help like yesterday, but the truth is you`re very confused, immature, blinded by your need to want folly love and above all with all due respect you are your own worst enemy. Despite all I will pray for you cause you are still human. Hope someone knock some common sense into your head.

  13. wee
    May 6, 2014

    Girl at 20 u so confused, u need a third man……the more the merrier…..check me.

    • April 13, 2015

      You are obviously as sick as she is.

      This is not something to trifle with. It is a serious matter about a life that is going down the drain and all you can do is make a joke out of it?

      You need to establish yourself in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Turn away from your own sins, believe the gospel (1 Corinthians 15:3,4) (Romans 1:16) and receive Christ as your Saviour. (St. John 1:12) Revelation 3:20).

      Visit our website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca and click onto SERMONS. Then listen to my sermon THE NEW BIRTH.

      Eventually you may have something to contribute.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

  14. Mojo
    May 6, 2014

    Your current boyfriend knows of your feelings to the other guy..So he will keep on fooling you to make believe that he loves you while he continue to USE you!!!!…
    You are at a early age..educate your self and get out of this mess before you end up with many children from him and NO stable homes…Making it a pattern in your life which ends up with nothing but sadness and pains….Listen to your mother!!!!..She knows best…Had you done so in the first place you would not have to be in such a stupid positions….Grow up and learn….At 20 you should be educating your self for a bright future and not with a older man who has a kid and is JOBless…Cheating and using you…Get out of that useless relationship….There is nothing about love in it!!!!..Learn to LOVE and respect yourself and see how your values about you in life will change!!..Good luck!!!!

  15. girl please
    May 6, 2014

    Girl, leave the two boys alone and go to church eh.

  16. Efficatious
    May 6, 2014

    Loving two guys at the same time means you don’t love any but,at the rate you are going you are short of five more,one for each day of the week. you get yourself into that mess you get yourself out

  17. bomboclat
    May 6, 2014

    stupes what waylay that na….

  18. we bonjai
    May 6, 2014

    she never say she want a man to take care of her , read well, her mother is the one whom is pushing her to leave the guy because he can’t take care of her , sweetheart once your under your mothers supervision you will always feel confused as to who you love , am in no doubt that you love your Bf but your moms advice will always cloud your judgement and make you feel confused , take a break of both relationships and heal , and maybe down the line you and your bf will become independent and make better decisions
    it will work out

  19. Pestle
    May 6, 2014

    oh my such a confusion!

  20. Commentry
    May 6, 2014

    Girl all i can say is you. Go get an education and stop trying to be with a man to take care of u..

    • Anonymous
      May 6, 2014

      Woman you are supposed to be creating a solid foundation for yourself and not fighting over being in love with multiple men. There are many of us women/Men who could be in love with multiple partners but we all know the consequences of that such as infedility, sexual diseases to name a few. Such a shame!!!

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