Married woman lacking love and attention

Dear Bella: I am a married young lady going through some things in my relationship I just can’t understand. At first when my husband and I just got married he was a caring young man, but now I’m seeing changes in his life.

We have a two-year-old son and ever since I got pregnant with my son I started seeing the changes; he used to leave me home at all odd hours in the night with my big belly. After I made the baby it got even worst. He doesn’t spend time with us. He doesn’t take his son out, and if he does it’s because I instigated and I have to curse him for him to do so.

Our son could be crying to go with him and he never takes him on.  Secondly he can’t maintain us and he has a next woman. He told me that he wants things to get better between us but I ain’t trust that because he’s still talking to girl. I don’t know what to do, and I am a person who doesn’t like depending on people; I hate it. All I am asking for is attention, love and care which I am not receiving. Can you please give me advice? P.S  I took a vacation away from him and at first he didn’t use to call me, but now he calls me every day and tells me how he misses me.

Confused.

Dear Confused,

Reading the initial part of your story I was about to tell you that your husband has another woman, however you have it all figured out already. Adultery in a marriage can be the most heartbreaking, especially when you never cheated in the first place, and I hope that is the case. If not, your husband could just be reacting to you cheating first.

One of the biblical reasons most justifiable for a husband to leave his wife or vice versa is because of adultery. While I do not doubt your husband missed you when you went away on vacation it could have been for other things like possibly for you to cook for him or do chores or he could be worried that you hook up with another man while on vacation.

If he was truly genuine he should have never assured you that he would break the affair off with the other woman and continue talking to her. If they maintain the same relationship before he told this to you to this present moment that doesn’t sound or look like two people who are apart for good.

Men like women should respect themselves and respect the sacrament of marriage and if they are not ready to settle down don’t get married. You love your husband and you want the relationship to work out, but child’s father or not you cannot allow a man to take advantage of you and ill treat you like that. Get some resolve, talk to a lawyer and get yourself in a mindset towards filing a divorce. Also if you are apart ensure that he takes care of his kid, having another woman is no excuse why a man should not take care of the product of his seed.

Bella.

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9 Comments

  1. Squeekydilly
    July 22, 2010

    A man treats you the way YOU allow him to treat you! First: He knew there’s a possibility of you getting pregnant if he has sex so a a child isn’ exactly a huge surprise! Second: why are you putting up with a cheating man? I don’t care what mid-life crisis he’s going through, you’re not a door mat that’s available to him when he feels like it! So he can go out and cheat and come back when he feels like it? Third: You have to curse him out to take his son???? Put yourself in your son’s position….he’s going to grow up thinking he’s nothing but extra weight. If you want to allow your self confidence to be depleted by someone who’s obviously lying to you (any man who loves you will NOT lie to you Boo), at least don’t let your innocent son feel like he’s worthless!

  2. HMMM
    July 22, 2010

    @ZERO: dats very true…we woman neglect all the bad sign and think things will evenually get better…but we need to act on dem as soon as possible….if the person don’t change bail out. i deal wit things as soon as it happpen…make the man know u don’t like it..if he cant change…sumthing wung…i totally agree with zero

  3. chemist
    July 21, 2010

    @ZERO: You are so right!!! So many women in this day and age believe that they can change a man, or even believe that having a baby for a guy is going to make him love them more. I am so sick of women who feel that they NEED a man in their life. By need I mean just running from man to man without giving themselves time to get over a broken relationship or time to really assess their wants and needs. Women need to learn that absolutely nothing is wrong with being single, everything happens on its own time.

    My dear lady and sympathize with you and your son… I am not saying that you should leave your husband but if things does not change you got to start thinking of your well being and your sons. No One deserves to be treated this way.

  4. WOW
    July 21, 2010

    @ZERO I heard so many women repeat what you wrote..I am not saying that it is the case with this lady,but women must know what they want…..!!!!

  5. GIVE CHRIST YOUR LIFE
    July 21, 2010

    @ZERO: I agree with this comment 100%. Marriage cannot change anyone especially men. And that is the mistake alot of women are making these days. As a christian, I believe that divorce is the last option. Counselling may be an avenue to look into and then if all fails, maybe divorce.

  6. Opinion
    July 21, 2010

    Did ur husband want a child or did u trick him into it? by tricking i mean did u purposely stop taking ur contraceptive pill because u were ready for a baby?

    He probably just wasn’t ready mentally and financially to afford a baby. Not all married people are immediately ready for a child and with your pregnancy he might have felt betrayed. A direct reaction to feeling betrayed is seeking comfort from someone else. In my opinion this other woman doesn’t have a child and he gets all the attention and comfort he craves. Be mindful that these days women are independent and he doesn’t have to be maintaining her financially but rather she taking care of him. Your husband acts like he did not want that child.

    On the other hand the child is here and he is going to have to deal with it. Bear in mind that it may take him a while. He is going to have to learn to appreciate that child on his own time. Forcing him is going to make him more reluctant making the child feel like a burden.

    I belive that he still loves you. However you need to talk to him and explain that you feel that he didn’t want a child and that you cannot get rid of the child but you are willing to be patient till he learns to appreciate the fruit of his labour.

    The other woman is just a retaliation faze. If you love your husband show him appreciation and stop forcing the child upon him. He will eventually come back to u. I know that it is painful that you are not receiving attention from him and that he has another woman. Please don’t just stay home and get frustrated. Go out with friends and families. Being among people who care about you reduces the pain.

    You have a choice. Either you stay and act like everything is ok when he is around or you file for a divorce with child maintenance. Please note that this will not improve the relationship with his son. Your son will be considered another financial obligation to him. Filing a divorce may make you more comfortable but not necessarily happy.

    Please pray and seek guidance from God. I will keep you in my prayers. All the best with whatever you decide.

  7. CB CUZ
    July 21, 2010

    Girl girl girl or lady lady lady your man has another woman or women leave him and concentrate on your self and your young son he isnt worth it. It is time us women show these low life men that we can do without them..He telling you he miss you because he is starting to realize that the grass only looked greener and it is not. Girl dont let this S O B walk over you show him that you dont need him and can do without his and call me and i will teach you how to ignore him he is a bastard GET RID OF HIM…stupes

  8. ZERO
    July 21, 2010

    All you women have a share of the blame to carry on your shoulders and face it..Many women see the type of guy they are entering into a relationship with, before marriage.Some of them consciously know that the guy has other women,they sweep it under the carpet,and they are hoping that marriage will change things…This is not so baby..What some women call love is “like to see”..A young lady told me once she does not mind marrying Mr,because she likes his smile,others say they like the mans hair, or his eyes..IS THAT ENOUGH TO MARRY A MAN?…Did you hear? This may not be the case with you,but women have to know what they want.. When that is establihed we will hear less of these emotional pains being brought to the fore….

  9. July 21, 2010

    way to go bella,i am with you a 100 per he has a woman that why he is behaveing in that way,the one person that hurting is your son and this should never happen,you dont have to beg your husband to take his son out,shame shame on him,do what you feel is best for self and your son.

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