My back-biting “friends”

Dear Bella: I feel like everyone has deserted me. I have no true friends, and those who I thought were my good friends only spread rumours about me and egg on people to bad talk me.

It’s people I never thought would stab me in the back who ended up doing so. They don’t know I know about them trash talking me though; however I have totally distanced myself from them. I have stopped corresponding and hangings out with them like before and more and more I see their true colours.

The thing is I have never done anything bad to these people and if I hear gossip about them I dismiss it and stand up for them, unlike how they allowed other people to tell them false things about me and never said anything to stop it.

Should I make up with them and pretend like nothing happened?

Distraught friend

Dear distraught friend,

As much as your so-called friends wronged you I think you should forgive them, but also bear in mind that forgiving does not mean that you should go back socializing with them and pretending that they are your “besties”.

Continue to keep your distance because they are no friends to you. A friend should seek to uplift you, cheer you up and be there for you in good and bad times, and not attempt to destroy your reputation. Make new friends, but do not be so quick to trust and be careful who you call your friends.

It’s not because you claim someone as a friend that you should admit all your secrets and tell them everything about your life. You will realize too that the more friends you keep, many enemies will follow as well. The tongue is a very dangerous weapon I like to say and people can manipulate anything you told them and make it into a deadly gossip.

Bella

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15 Comments

  1. September 6, 2011

    Distraught friend:The first thing you must know is what is a friend, it is better to have one friend who you can rely on than a hundred aquaintances who you call friends and when you are in the shit they will not help you,if you are broke they will not give you a cent to buy bread or help you pay a small bill,they will all make excuses and cant help your situation,if you do well the will be jelous and steal from you and say bad things behind your back to bring you down to their level.so what youcn do put all to the test and create a situation where you need help and ask each of the so called friends to help you and if they cant drop them for all these so called friends do is waste you time with gosip that is negative.
    You have nothing to loose if you dont mix with them, they cant be trusted,so keep you distance and be polite to everyone what they say about you don let it bother you as the saying goes sticks and stones can break my back but words can do me no harm.
    If you can find one friend in this park of wolves you are lucky so now consider the diference of what a friend is and an aquaintance an
    d set them appart for you peace for all you need is peace in your life.and dont be a sheep for slaughter by so called friends.

  2. Friendly
    August 3, 2010

    It’s interesting what you said. They person allowed someone to tell them bad things about you and did not do anything from stopping the person from saying what they said.

    Question: How do you stop someone from talking?

  3. possible
    June 21, 2010

    I AGREE, NOT BECAUSE U CALL SOMEONE UR FRIEND THIS MEANS THEY HAVE TO KNOW EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF UR LIFE….THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE MEANT TO BE PERSONAL..I HVE CLOSE FRIENDS BUT I LIMIT MY CONVERSATION…
    IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TO DESERT THEM….TALK TO THEM NORMAL..JUST KNW ON WHAT LEVEL U ARE DOING IT..AMYBE U SHOULD EVEN CONFRONT THEM..THAT MIGHT HELP, CUZ I WOULD

  4. dominican
    June 8, 2010

    my girl i am on the same boat as u friends are like ants u treat them good but they still bite u they see u have something that not even belongs to u they still biting u as i say friends are like ants then again a parrot that on our flag HI HATERS

  5. nectar
    June 8, 2010

    Im a low down, dirty slimy and rotten friend who will stab even my mother in the back. lol…………which is why i have no friends and want none. I have taken in front so theres no stabbing me in the back cause i always strike first. Life is just fun. lol

  6. chemist
    June 7, 2010

    I think we use the word “friend” too loosely……a true friend would never do stuff like that therefore they are not. Many times we mistake acquaintances and people we get along with as friends. Not because you hang out with someone you classify them as friends. There are many people I “hang out with” but very few…less than 5 that I will consider as a true friend.

    As too whether you should distance yourself from them…I say no. You know how they are, therefore you just adapt to them….like my mother will say you feed them with a long spoon. be careful who you trust…..my advice to you is to pray to God and ask him to put the right friends in your life and trust me you will make these real friendships

  7. Waitukubuli
    June 7, 2010

    The word “friend’ has become a cliche, dear. They may be acquaintances, but not friends. There is no such thing as ‘true friends”. Either one is your friend or not. So don’t make up and pretent because you are building up a time bomb – you can only hold on for so long. Therefore, the correct thing to do is just forgive (for it will benefit you emotionally ) but the primary reason for forgiveness is that it is right by GOD. So forgive and move on – do not make up. Just don’t keep grudges.

    By so doing you will walk away a winner, leaving the losers behind you.

  8. HMMMM(1)psychic
    June 7, 2010

    Hmmmm, good thing I’m not into the BFF stuff. I’m nice to everyone but I keep my distance and I expect the same from others. Whenever I have problems I go to Jesus because man is of no help and very deceitful.

  9. June 7, 2010

    I THINK THAT YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING BY KEEPING AWAY FROM THEM AT LIST YOU ARE ONE STEP AHEAD OF THEM CUZ THEY DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW AND IN THE FUTURE CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY AND KEEP AWAY FROM FRIENDS WHO WILL JUST BRING YOU DOWN YOU NEED TO KEEP TO POSITIVE PEOPLE

  10. Gallis
    June 7, 2010

    less Friends More enemies and life is a dream

  11. June 7, 2010

    your real friends will serve you long, aquaintances will fail!….your real friends won’t do you wrong… remember that!

  12. Anonymous
    June 7, 2010

    We all go through this non-sense. I did in a major way last year and learned one valuable lesson.

    We will always many associates but very few friends. Feed your associates with a long spoon and keep your friends close. You may need them someday to save your neck.

  13. dominican tired of the dominicans doing nonsense
    June 7, 2010

    trust in god and know that jesus never stab u in the back he is closer than a friend or brother only trust him

  14. June 7, 2010

    Forgiving can be hard, but forgive them and move on. Just do the regular hello, how are you, and end the conversation right there.
    They are not your friends, so just let them be and move on. The stress is not worth it either because while they are laughing you are there getting high blood pressure. You are better off without all the partying partners and so called friends. Check your own scene.

  15. Friendless
    June 7, 2010

    In truth and in fact real genuine friends are very hard to come by. Like Bella said forgive (because in life you should not hold grudges it will just keep you back) them but do not consider these people your friend. I am a young lady and to tell you the truth i have no real true friend. I keep my secrets to myself and most importantly i am not involved in the he say, she say, they say, i heard, kind of drama.

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