I met this guy eight years ago when I was 19 and he was 27(I am now 27 he is 35). He told me that he had an 11 year old girl and that he had her when he was in high school.
We were just friends and remained friends. We both got married since and I had two kids. Both of us have since been divorced. We were in touch for the most part during our marriages but began talking more frequently after the divorces. We always called each other sweet little names.
One day when he called me by a certain name and I responded. He told me that I should be careful what I say because he always liked me and still do. Now he is asking me to be his significant other! I like him but at the same time scared that I may be a rebound girl or that our friendship gets messed up.
What should I do?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You need to take time out to examine your feelings towards your friend because in your letter you use the word ‘like’ and never ‘love.’ Many people think that there is no difference between like and love but there is a difference. Like and love are two completely different things.
When you like somebody your just getting to know that person and trying to figure out if there is something more between the two of you. Like is not as deep as love is, Like is just like making friends. You don’t know if the two of you are going to grow to be the best of friends or discover that you really don’t like that person as much as you thought you would. I don’t really think that you can lump together like and love because they are so different.
Take into consideration friendship is generally a solid basis for a good marital relationship. You always hear people who have been married to a long time refer to their spouses as their “best friend.”
So take your time as you go through this, take into consideration the length of time you have been divorced. Divorce is always a messy thing and it leaves many scars. Let the scars heal because you don’t want to bring in baggage into any new relationship.
Bella
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Not all failed relationships end up being lost friendships. If your friendship is as deep as it sounds if the relationship between the two of you doesnt work out, you guys will be able to bounce back from it. But dont stay there all concerned about your friendship knowing that later u will be asking yourself “what if” if you know those words won’t hunt you then fine….if you think they will then i say “go for it girl!” and NEVER LOOK BACK . GOOD LUCK! :-)
sounds like a guy i know. he too has a kid this age . i think i love him. hope its not him
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
look tori!!
LMAOROTFL IT GETS BETTER
Girl i hope you read my post cause i know who you are and who he is…he is lying to you he actually have three children and there is a fourth that he did not claim..He is still married and has refused to file for divorce because he and his wife still correspond..He said that he will never divorce just so that he dosent have to marry anyone else..Sweetheart if you know whats good for you run for your life..this guy dosent know the truth even if it jumps up and bite him in the face..he has no money and was being supported by his wife…Just ask yourself how many times has he asked you for money? How many times has he asked you to top up his phone? He is a user trust me i know exactly who you are and who he is…Very soon there will be a big revelation in his life and you will see exactly who he is….further more he is sleeping with four of you right now…instead of asking bella what to do why dont you go and have yourself checked out for std cause he has been spreading it around…….
Jailbird you sould like you are one of his victims are you are still mad and hurting from what he did or did not do to you or with you
yea i am one of his victims…and he weaved the same story about he divorce and the same bull crap until i found out the truth…..So wat
HAAAAAAAA @ top up
WELL MAYBE SHE KNOW WHAT SHE TALKING ABOUT
JAILBIRD…U R KILLING ME TONIGHT….N I MUST SAY U ARE ALL WRONG. FIRST OF ALL I DON’T TOP UP HIS PHONE CAUCE HE HAS SPRINT, HE DONT ASK ME FOR MONEY CAUSE HE HAS A JOB, HE IS DEF NOT MARRIED, ONLY HAS A 20YR OLD DAUGHTER, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WE HAVE NOT SLEPT TOGETHER..THANKS FOR UR COMMENTS
So why are you writing bella with your lies? Are you looking for attention because your life is so boring? I think you should grow up and get a life.. and i think that you are just ashamed because you realize that we know who you are and what you are….Why dont you leave the bella site for people with real and true issues….GET A LIFE
Bondiere….Jailbird just came out of nowhere and attacking the woman. Something must have really gone bad somewhere and someone is really hurting
HEHEHE…jail bird on a different sin there wee.
hmmmmmmmmmm
Good luck to you Anonymous. I say you have been friends with this guy fOr long enough to know the type of man he is. If he personifies what you are looking for in a man, and see that there is potential for a relationship i say “GO FOR IT.”
Friendship is a great basis for a relationship. You are allowed to like him, just as he is allowed to like you. Enjoy liking each other while you get to know him on a different level. Love like all else takes time and you have time on your hands.
I say that you know him as a person – so to tell you to take your time to know him, is pointless… you guys are great friends so you know as much as you may need to know to determine whether he has what you want.
Having said all that – you are free to move on from your divorce anytime – just be sure that you are emotionally prepared to go into another relationship. Also be aware that he wont be the same as your ex – so don’t go around comparing them.
All in all – divorce does not signify an end to love so if you think there is potential – take a chance. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Good luck
a lover must also be ur best friend,,, the first one u speak to on important matters,,, not ur girls on d block,,, but when a man tries to be-friend a woman then she looks the other way cause she only sees u as a friend to lay her head on when the other guy make her feel bad,,,, as the good friend u are u won’t take advantage of her emotions during that time so u simply stay consoling her all the while knowing how deeply u feel for her and want to love her,,,, i’ve been dere n i said never again,,, if i can’t have u then we can’t be friends,,,, tired of being the one u cry on,,,, when i make a move u simply brush it off and say ‘oh we too close’ or ‘we are friends’ or ‘i see u as a friend’,,,, duh the best person to be with is ur friend,, u all know the good and bad of each other,, u all know n understand each other than any other man/woman,,, ladies most guys who may hang around u or calling u even at odd times of the day simply has a crush on u but the friendship barrier is killing the groove,,, so we calling n sending little sweet talk to see the response,,,,,
awww..mouth of the south….awwwwww… :-)
that was so romantic what u said “as the good friend u are u won’t take advantage of her emotions during that time so u simply stay consoling her all the while knowing how deeply u feel for her and want to love her” awwwwwwwwwwwww…..next time play “let me love you” by mario for the girl.
Sweet Pea, doh kill me dere today! All u have too much jokes eh….look jokes…I can hear the violins in the background.
@ Anomymous: I say patience, both of you should ‘heal’ let some time pass, keep the good relations between you both. When you both feel that you have put the past behind yourselves then start something on low flames… I suggest marriage though before intercourse; I’m a traditional guy
You may be traditional but you are also Muslim, so sex before marriage should not bother you since your religion allows you to have as many wives as you want. That is like condoning promiscuity.
Are you saying that God legislated and allowed promiscuity? Do you know what Exodus 21:10 says: If he takes another wife, her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage should not diminish. These are the laws and ordinances in the bible. Do you believe in the bible? Do you believe in God? Please do some reading before bumping your gums. Thank you.
@muslim_always
are you also a Hebrew slave? hmmmm….. musn’t take passages out of context. tsk tsk tsk
@ Real: Do you ever think before opening your mouth? Are you saying that the prophets of God were hebrew slaves?
Muslim_ Always, you should be a consellor if you are not one already, you always give good advice. What field are you in man. Seems like i have to seek you our for some advice.
keep up the good work.I just hope you are practising all the good advice you giving people.
Anonymous,
Not often do I agree with Bela, but I must say that this time I do. Make sure all the bad vibes from your divorce and those from his divorce are all behind you, then explore your relationship. Your best friend for a long time can be a perfect lover and life partner.