My boyfriend is seeing my worst enemy

Dear BellaI have this boyfriend who I been going out with for two years. At the beginning, it actually felt like we were in love with each other, like we couldn’t live without each other.

But now we been having a lot of problems, like our relationship is not what it use to be.

For instance, I’m still having a hard time of trusting girls around him and that’s only because what he once told me. There was this time when he told me that he had another girl in the house with him, and she tried to have oral sex with him.

Now that got me mad to the point where I didn’t want him being friends with her or talking to her anymore, because before he met me, they used to be ‘best friends.’

But because of what she did, I told him that I no longer want him talking to her or seeing her anymore.

So the months went by and the very next year after that situation, he told me that he had been still seeing the girl behind my back and he said his reason for that was because she didn’t like the idea of them not being friends anymore.

But I didn’t care what she don’t like because I still don’t like her up until this day.  So when he told me that I got mad and not only could I not trust her but I felt as though I couldn’t trust him either.

The girl and I are worst enemies but he got me mad because of the fact that he still talk to someone who I don’t even like, and he knew I don’t like her.

Now getting to Facebook … we had each others’ Facebook passwords for two years but now neither of us have Facebook, because we both deactivated our accounts.

Well that is what I thought until I found out that my account was still active and so was his.

So I tried to go on his Facebook but it said that he had changed his password after he was supposed to delete the account.

So I called him up and asked him for his password but he refused to give it to me.

So I asked him why would you need to change his password if you were going to deactivate the account.

The answer he gave me didn’t make sense, at least to me.

I don’t know what is going on but maybe you can help me.

Tell me what do you think.

Want Answers

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Dear Want Answers

It appears to me that you don’t like the idea of your boyfriend having female friends. Yes, he did mention his ‘best friend’ tried to have oral sex with him, but did that actually happen? Probably it didn’t happen and your letter never said it did. So you might just be overreacting to that situation.

I think this whole situation has to do with trust both by you and your boyfriend. He doesn’t trust you, neither do you. So you two have to start working on this.

You also need to befriend your your boyfriend’s ‘best friend’ and see what is really going on. Get a close up look at their relationship and see whether it is genuine friendship or not. They might just be good friends and sometimes losing a good friend is difficult.

Bella

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59 Comments

  1. Sara
    September 17, 2017

    My boyfriend is friends with my enemy and I’m scared. I feel like my enemy is going to try and split my boyfriend and I up and I also feel as if he uses me. He says he cares but he doesn’t show it and honestly, the relationship is toxic but I love him so much, we have an on and off relationship.. almost all of my friends and best friends have told me to break up with him but I just cant. He always breaks up with me and comes crawling back and of course we get back together. I truly have no idea what to do. And even worse my enemy is also friends with all of my friends, except one. Please contact me to help me with what I should do because I don’t want to lose him. :/

    • November 22, 2018

      I have same set of problems facing after three months we started to love each other. A girl who went on trying to put an end to our relationship.At first when my bf told about her he didn’t even mentioned what type of girl she is to him and told me she is his own college and she is behaving as if soon she is gonna be proposing him and also she interiorly shared her personal things to him that his boyfriend is infertiled…when he told this to me I just wiped it away as I have trust on him and in our relationship later on she gave him a portrait of his face framed at three days before Valentine’s day so that no one could guess she gifted him for Valentine’s day and my bf also ordered same gift for me through her so I never suspected any kind in between them and my bf is still loyal to him as I do. Later on that girl in our WhatsApp group started to sexted to him indirectly before me and my bf sent laughed so I checked both their chats that girl send him more photos of her which is…

  2. February 18, 2017

    This is the one of the possible scenarios that cause some people in relationships to contract sexual diseases. This other woman with the best friend label who is readily available to suck him is causing you to feel distress. And boyfriend knows that, still he have no regards for your feelings. Keep in mind, a relationship is a preview of what is to come when you get married.

  3. joaquin
    July 16, 2014

    okay i know how to deal with this he’s disrespecting you for being friends with someone your dont get along with, and you have told him you did not like the fact he’s friends with her so obliviously somethings going on between them and it sounds like more then just best friends more like an affair because why in the hell he would throw an attitude for his FACEBOOK PASSWORD he’s hiding something that he does not want you to see & its time you move on before he straight out tells you he’s cheating on you for her!!! LET HIM GO GIRL!!!

  4. April 15, 2013

    Want Answers: You are confused. Here are the facts you need to sort out. You are not married to this man. The other woman is not married to him. Therefore he does not belong to either one of you. This other woman likes him so this makes her your worst enemy. You are being possessive and need to adopt a more lady like attitude. This woman is obviously an indecent and immoral person. But we attract to ourselves the kind of person we are ourselves. The fact that your boyfriend wants to be with her should tell you what kind of person he is. Among lowlife people this kind of behaviour is normal. They think having sex before marriage is O.K. In some places they may even be in the majority. If they get married they tend to have unstable marriages. The same people who will have sex before marriage often think it is O.K. to have sex after they are married with somebody else. If you can excape the culture trap you are in you will find yourself living on higher ground! I expect you would eventually meet a respectable young man! Give yourself a chance by attending a lively evangelical church. Become part of their youth group. Make new friends. I invite you to visit my website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca and in the right hand margin click onto the EAGLE COURSE. I encourage you to take this course beginning at Lesson One. It will cost you nothing! It can be studied from the screen or printed absolutely free. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  5. sweety
    March 26, 2013

    She should try working on being best friends with her boyfriend,so he will not have so many close best friends, especially “female”.

  6. Anonymous
    March 26, 2013

    She should try working on being best friends with her boyfriend,so he will not have so many close best friends, especially “female”.

  7. Setup
    March 25, 2013

    man eh boy… seh sah la vi dont beat up yourself find happiness elsewhere

  8. rescue 911
    March 20, 2013

    but why them girls want their man password,i dont understand.

    • Marlpardee
      April 15, 2013

      Haha

  9. Muslim_Always
    March 20, 2013

    In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    Firstly, this boyfriend/girlfriend relationship built on fornication has no basis in the sight of Allah. Both the Bible and the Noble Qur’an agree that sexual relations outside of marriage is forbidden. Thus, in the sight of Allah she has no claims for this is the peril of fornication. I understand that this is ‘normal’ in our society yet if a country proclaims belief in the creator and claims belief in scriptures then they are very clear.

    Secondly, face book is a medium which can be used for good and evil. Caution should be taken with face book as it has ruined a lot of marriages and other relationships. Also, the story about the face book sounds fishy, it seems to me that both of them do not trust each other so they didn’t close their account; it is not surprising the accounts are both open.

    Thirdly, for the sake of discussion let’s say the two were married. Firstly, the idea of a man being alone with another woman who is his “friend” he is deceiving himself. A tradition reported from our beloved Prophet said, “When a man and a woman are alone Satan is the third person.” Men and women are naturally attracted to each other thus the doors that lead to corruption and the breakdown of families must be closed. Additionally, there is a lack of trust as well, the writer seems overly suspicious which is not healthy at all.

    I acknowledge what I have typed here may not be well accepted by our Dominican populace but I only share this knowledge for the pleasure of my Lord and pray that someone may receive wisdom, light and guidance from the things I’ve said.

    I pray the All Mighty God will guide your heart young lady to make a clean start before the day of judgement comes then it will be too late.

    • TheGoldenChild
      March 20, 2013

      To Muslim_always, yes intimacy before marriage is a sin and so is slavery, murdering innocent people and oppressing others. All which are acts that Muslims/Arabs do on a daily basis (Read Sudan and Mauritania etc. Yes facebook can be used for good and evil but so is the Koran by those who misinterpret its meaning to do evil against others in the name of religion. Muslims need to clean their backyards before they go knocking on their neighbors doors.

      • Muslim_Always
        March 20, 2013

        Is slavery the topic of discussion? You need to stick to the issue at hand, is what I said on here, is it true or false. You need to address this first!

    • Francis chicago
      March 20, 2013

      [-Muslim-always]If she decided to be a second or third wives you be happy in your religion belief and your web of confusion.

      • Muslim_Always
        March 21, 2013

        Where is the web of confusion where most of the people in the bible practiced polygyny? It has been practiced for thousands of years and even today with the ratio of man to woman in the west it is a practical social solution to close the gap between the amount of women who outnumber men. Please don’t forget to mention many men who are ‘coming out’ (gay) and other issues which compounds the problem.

        Thus Francis please address the fornication and adultery that is widely practiced in our societies before condemning Islam, fear Allah and have wisdom.

    • mercy
      March 21, 2013

      Are you confused? You first start off with Allah then switch to God? Are you perfect? You are just annoying as an adventist. talking so much about fornication when you are the ones who have the highest cases of abuse and teen pregnancy. you people have a serious problem. pathetic

      • Francis chicago
        March 21, 2013

        [Muslim-always]Am not condemning any one you are living in the past stop emphasize the law we are save by grace definition love.With spiritual eyes you receive understanding because God enlightens you his spirit.God desires that you muslim always might know the truth and not wonder what the truth is.Fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness shall not enter the kingdom of God.

  10. Lioness
    March 20, 2013

    Dear Bella,
    please allow me the opportunity to share my analysis of the situation. First thing: the writer said that he “best Friend” tried to have oral sex with the boyfried. If the boyfriend valued his relationship with the woman whom I will refer to as “want answers” then why would he keep on such a close friendship with the other woman when clearly she wants to have a different kind of relationship with him. that is just setting himself up to cheat in “want answers” if he hasn’t already done so. There is nothing about the relationship between the “best Friend” and the boyfriend that could be trusted. Second the facebook password thing is a whole other story. From my point of view it shows thathe has something to hide. I agree that neither one of tem trusts the other and a relationship has to be built on trust. If thetrust factor is missing then the relationship is not going to survive. facebook didn’t destroy the relationship as some people are saying. The issues that thay are having clearly started before that.

  11. Papa met
    March 20, 2013

    HahahAha my lord help this advicers fr Dominica !

  12. PD
    March 20, 2013

    Your worst enemy could be his Girlfriend, and your Boyfriend your worst enemy!

  13. OK
    March 20, 2013

    Real Talk: Re-think who your enemy is, that`s you. Before you go making enemies, the only commitment you have is with your bf. Its not a trust issue but a jealousy issue on your part. You can`t expect any guy to focus on you when your focusing too much on him, plus, only a few guys will honestly let go fren` for love. You set up yourself for this outcome.

  14. Anonymous
    March 19, 2013

    Since you reach DNO talking about facebook its time to leave the man. Men who love women dont embarass them, he is giving you a message. She tried to give him a blowjob? she is maybe asking you for one?

  15. ti nom
    March 19, 2013

    pa goumen pou nom

  16. balla
    March 19, 2013

    Da laylay

  17. Anonymous
    March 19, 2013

    Awa wii that’s the worse I have heard since

  18. Yes Fada!
    March 19, 2013

    But what the heck is going on these days about lovers sharing passwords for their social networks, mobile phones n emails. Are u ppl serious?! This is a level of insecurity as far as I can tell…so u ppl just randomly check up on each other I guess, change relationship statuses, fill up walls with love notes n smooches, FOR WHAT! To make ppl believe u’r so hitched? I thought love was deeper than that bondieu…this is ridiculous! I guess u ppl will demand ATM pins soon and SS numbers :?:

  19. ole poe
    March 19, 2013

    girl get a life, a hobbie and if is a boy u want for a relationship go look in a primary or secondary school!!!

  20. likeit
    March 19, 2013

    that facebook dere hmmphh it destrying alot of relationships lol

    • likeit
      March 19, 2013

      **destroying

  21. Get a life...child
    March 19, 2013

    my lady u sound like an idiot u and boyfriend,first and formost u disgust me and irritate me with this nonsence story u making up here u are a looser u should be thinking of marriage and not boyfriend after all u waste that of yours and no good man want u now more u start running after peoples husband and wrecking homes and miss go get a life and a job and stop being stupid, all u dominican girls should keep your for marrige and stop wasting it on a sorry boys that has no future ambitions.

    • Krazy
      March 20, 2013

      @ get a life… child. hmm well u sound like a child as ur name state.. there are problems in relationships either way u turn.. show me 1 couple who doesn’t have problems.
      how can she thinks about marriage when there is a trust problem,
      how can u say no good man wants her now.. has she done anything wrong.. she’s not the one tryin to mess around.
      seems like u got to get a life and experience it for urself.. idiot child. :lol:

  22. Anonymous
    March 19, 2013

    Hey, my advice to you is to keep your child’s play, children melee, petty little story off DNO. Your nonsensical ramblings has no place here. When you are mature enough to contribute to this column, try again!!!!!

    • Krazy
      March 20, 2013

      is those children melee some of u on here like to run to and read, then comment how someone should think better more than u know. some of u have the same melee goin on in ur homes and fraid to put it out.. let the child speak what she’s goin through and give her some good advice and encouragement

  23. Me
    March 19, 2013

    Many people being negative and saying she childish but man or woman let your partner tell you their friend offer to give them a blow job and then tell me how comfortable you would be to know they hanging out alone…

  24. Rebel
    March 19, 2013

    First of all you sound childish. grow the hell up\
    secondly no man tells a woman if a girl “tried to give him oral sex. he got it and probably got it good thats why he cant stop seeing her.
    thirdly what the hell is wrong with you girls wanting to know your men facebook password. it is non of your business what the man has on his page even if the two of you are married.

  25. wow
    March 19, 2013

    some of us women juss to damn disrespectful! even if we know dem man married or have a committed relationship we still fall in2 their legs.wen they come to us with dere bull talk…we have to respect another woman and ourselves and tell de man go and scratch!

    as for dem man…DNO not even the forum to say it…if dey cant respect the ladies in their lives by talking to other women about sex and wat not..is not even respecting you dey will respect! dey fink dey macho doing it but dey more MACO dan macho..

    my dear…u stay in the relationship…look at the guy from head to toe…analyse…he could be handsome, he could have a good job but if he lacks substance, caliber and respect for you…he aint worth in the toilet!

    • wow
      March 19, 2013

      *a few typos buh y’all get the point

  26. Francis chicago
    March 19, 2013

    Boyfriend again-Respect for God word.For this reason we heard it,I do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;that you may walk worthy of the Lord fully pleasing him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in knowledge of God and God will deliver you from the web of cofusion.

  27. Anonymous
    March 19, 2013

    Honestly…I did not read your STORY….but you should know this, there are Men Boys and Dogs..power is not taken, it is given….if you get my drift…because he will tell the side of your story as well…

  28. MARIGOT
    March 19, 2013

    please!!!!! to damn childish he do i do please, girl go read your bible and behave eh, you cannot even write a good story but you in man torry. get a life man Cha, he don,t want you take a hint.

  29. Just Saying
    March 19, 2013

    Doh pay them no mind is children maleh.

  30. Jimi Hendrix
    March 19, 2013

    If that woman had any self worth she would leave the man. Which woman worth her salt would put up with that foolishness.

    I don’t understand Bella’s advice. All the answers the woman need is staring her right in the face. She does not have to befriend the man’s other “girlfriend”. She has to leave the man and find someone who respects her. End of story.

  31. w/e
    March 19, 2013

    Story sounds real but bella say befriend the best friend. Really bella? What na? That’s not good advice. 2 years was good it getting sour he getting bored. Move on. Simple ting. So many men out there.

  32. Anonymous
    March 19, 2013

    that sounding like sophie and the girl that working at ROSS (SECURITY) for the man that working at ROSS!!

  33. March 19, 2013

    At the beginning, it actually felt like we were in love with each other, like we couldn’t live without each other. But now we been having a lot of problems, like our relationship is not what it use to be<<<<<<< News Article

    @WANT ANSWERS

    First of all the paragraph above is exactly what I mean when I tell people that Love and human affection is not the same. Human affection is here for a while–it is the pssion of the flesh and lust of the eye that lives on for as long as it is being consistently fed by those involved; and that feeding can never continue forever.

    But Love bonds two people together forever and ever. Love takes all in all them; Loves helps them to solve all their problems. Because of love for each other, they will not have to go to anyone for answers; as you have done in this letter to Bella.

    If you loved your boyfriend you would trust him, and if he loved you he would not lust after another woman even to tell you about it. Why was he is a house alone with a woman,just because she is his friend?

    Also some men gets the kick in making their woman feel jealous–your boyfriend could be using that woman for that very reason, but Love still has nothing to do with it.

    Another thing is, the fact that you think of him as your boyfriend, does mean that you own him; for boyfriends and girlfriends are still free to the other girls and other boys around them–so to speak. Since you do not own him as a boyfriend, you cannot tell him what you want him to do and not to do–it his Life alone.

    However, if the two of you have pledged commitment to each other, and you are thinking of marriage in the future, that is a different story. So at this point he has broken his pledge to you and the future for the two of you is doomed–the answers you need will come from you alone; Bella cannot give them to you.

  34. MIA
    March 19, 2013

    De man seeing a next woman, and he bold to tell you that; he lie about deleting facebook account; he changed password and doh want to give to you, instead he gave you an answer you said that doesn’t make sense;….then read between the lines girl and see whether its worth to continue the relationship.

    And that is….if what you said is true!!

  35. Bull Crap
    March 19, 2013

    i dont know if Bella wrote this her self. but based on how this was written.

    what i think is that your a damn immature child that should not have man in the first place.

    Even the writing is childish.

  36. My2Sense
    March 19, 2013

    Facebook has become an addiction to many people and as a result a lot of relationships have suffered. It takes a long time to completely wean yourself from Facebook just like any other addiction so just give him time. Changing his password could mean nothing.

    Now his best friend- if this person cannot respect you as the one he has chosen to be with then they should no longer be friends. She has crossed the line big time, and has disrespected you, and your relationship. A lot of men are so naive when it comes to other women, but we have woman’s intuition, and if it smells like a rat, then it is a rat. Have a serious talk with him expressing how their relationship is disrespectful to you. If he can’t understand then give him an ultimatum. Good luck Hun!

  37. sophie
    March 19, 2013

    my dear what you have to do get the password from him if he dont whant to give it to you thats mine his cheating on you me i dont trust no man

    • SadIndeed
      March 19, 2013

      @sophie…no he’s no cheating and where do you people get the idea that you should have each others passwords for FB and anything else. I give my husband his respect and he give me mine. What you fooyeing his facebook for if you have your password and you friended him on your fb then you can see just about anything he has if you any skills at picking information. Duh. Give him some respect and he give you all you need to know. If he is an SOB then you will know that too. He don’t have to have fb or separate cell phone number to cheat on you

  38. salmovay
    March 19, 2013

    PUSS this songs like childs play little children playing kids games.. this was a waste of read..

    • Mwen
      March 19, 2013

      Lol.. The story is written like the ring game ‘ring around the rosy’..round and round and round we go…A real waste of read…Could give you 100 thunmbs up for that..

    • Marlpardee
      April 15, 2013

      We call that behbell

  39. dhestini
    March 19, 2013

    pffftttt…there goes this facebook crap again. swty i understand ur insecurity, but its not ur place to tell the guy who he can talk to or not. especially since he and the girl were best friends since before u came along. when she tried to have oral sex with him did she know what level y’all’s relationship was on? did ur boyfrnd explain to her that its wrong and let her know how committed the 2 of u are? did she ever try to seduce him after that?

    perhaps u need to find that out and if their friendship is innocent i dont c y she shld be so much of ur enemy. trust is a very important factor in a relationship. if u say u dont trust him, i suggest u re-evaluate something and decide whether its worth it staying or leaving.

    now on that fcbk password thing. pple stay out of ur partners fcbk. u do not need each others passwords cuz thats just a recipe for disaster. it def wont help with ur trust issues either

  40. bigmack
    March 19, 2013

    Your worst enemy could be your best friend and your boyfriend your worst enemy!

  41. Too Hard Too Long
    March 19, 2013

    Think about the situation again then rewrite the letter.

  42. Dominican
    March 19, 2013

    THESE PEOPLE NEED SOME HARD WORK TO DO AND SOME REAL EDUCATION….NOT EVEN THE STORY SOUNDS REAL

    • kathy
      March 19, 2013

      What world are you living in??

  43. Sandy
    March 19, 2013

    women are each other worst enemy. she knew the guy has a girlfriend, but they do not care about the circumstances.

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