My fiance has gotten rough in bed

Dear BellaI have a bit of a problem.

My fiance likes rough sex a little too much and it is not enjoyable for me anymore.

We’ve been together for five years and got engaged just recently.

He and I have always had an active and pleasurable sex life but a few months ago he started being rough in bed. Actually it was a nice surprise the first of couple times but now it is all he does and I am disappointed and in pain.

It has left me with scratches, bruises, cramping, headaches and pain ‘down below’. I talked to him about it and he has apologized and slowed it down.

However we are back where we started – he doesn’t seem to be aware of how rough he is with me and I don’t know what to do or how to approach him once and for all.

Sex, to me, is an important part of a relationship and I am at least grateful we have a good sex life after all these years but before I commit myself to marrying him I want us to both be honest and on the same wave length with each other.

Help please.

Pained lover

——————————————————————————————————————————————-

Dear Pained Lover,

It is rather interesting that your fiance started being rough in bed with you just a few months ago, so I think you two need to have an honest talk.

There are many issues to be explored. Probably after five years the bedroom has lost some of its sparkle and your fiance’s ‘roughness’ is one way of expressing that. So you guys need to look into that.

It appears that for you sex is making love, for your fiance it is just sex and nothing more. In order to be honest with him you have to make the point clear that you don’t want just sex only but also lovemaking.

Observe him carefully. Has he been watching alot of porn lately? In porn women are treated like objects and I hope that your fiance is not going down that path. So this is another issue that needs to be explored.

It makes absolutely no sense for you to be in pain all the time. If your fiance really love you, there is no way he will want to hurt you. If he continues on this rough path, probably you need to start thinking alternatives.

Bella

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109 Comments

  1. sweet one
    July 14, 2013

    Lack of variety….That is the problem here. She must like her prick in a routine manner and the man wants try new ways. A lot of sucking is paramount here for the both of them. He must eat her pussy gently and sweet for extended periods, and she must suck his cock very often, then there is 69 sucking where she gets on top of him and feed him the pussy in his mouth and cum in his mouth softly. That usually satisfy the worst sex predator. Then there is the reciprocation where she takes the cock in her mouth (I don’t mean sucking the cock) but actually letting him do her in her mouth gently, softly, and delicately, and the cumming in her mouth with great finesse. All women like that. Now there is also a whole other area of intense pleasure for both of them, but more particularly for her. It is called “the delicious and precious forbidden area” “The Sweet, Soft Ass”. doing her in the ass is the softest and most precious area of her body a man can put his cock put his cock. He must be very tactful when he introduces the idea for the first time in order not to scare her off. When done properly it becomes the most intense loving they will both ever experience, and the will keep their sex life always exciting. That manner of making love to her will always be exciting and innovative especially if she has a big, sweet ass because it will become a major part of his sucking routine everytime he makes love to her and she will absolutely adore and enjoy it. That is the guarantee she needs that her man really and truly loves her. And best of all, all this intense love making requires: NO ROUGHNES WHATSOEVER

  2. Sexy grandmother
    September 13, 2012

    My husband and I are senior citizens and we have always had a great sex life, but I want more. I want him to be a little kinky. We talked about spanking and he tried it last night, but it wasn’t hard enough or long enough. I don’t want discipline spanking, just exotic. I want him to tie me up and I enjoy my breasts slapped which he won’t do yet. How can I get him to experiment with BDSM? Trying to teach an old dog new tricks is hard. I like a little pain with my pleasure. I really want him to control me in the bedroom.I’m a strong woman and in control in all other areas of my life. I want to give up my control in the bedroom to my husband.

  3. UDOHREADYET
    June 22, 2012

    I cannot comment on your sex life because I’m not sure how you communicate with your man or what allu history is. My advice is if he starts off fast which is an indication of being rough use your hands on his tol tol to slow him down. If he starts off slow then use your hands on his tol tol to speed him up if that s what pleases you both. I don’t like to speak in general terms but allu women like to blame man for everything. Give him the way he’s giving you, don’t be so damn selfish and expect him to know what you thinking. Be seductive to spark the fire or use seduction to slow it down. Sex is usually bad not because of 1 partner but because of both. Just an FYI when a man rough like that its sometimes because he want to decalez you either because you said or did some fck up shit that he found out about or you acting like a B. I. T. C. H. Man mentality, is U.

  4. Anonymous
    June 20, 2012

    Maybe there is viagra in the sugar…check the sugar bowl….or maybe the hormones in the BACK AND NECK…make him act fool….SO…
    Don’t put sugar in his cocoa tea…and cook red beans instead of fowl….try that…..

    But to be honest, if my man doing me good, all I do is wash with some green lime juice, rinse with cold water….and use KY gell……

    Girl make mista sleep on the couch…maybe he luv you sweet smell and can’t resist…

    But what are you gonna do when he turns off that switch……aha…
    Let mista do his thing.. and you both come up with a signal…..Tap on his back mean..good…tap on his A** means slowdown…bite his nose means stop…..

    Trying to help…..

  5. June 20, 2012

    when you say “rough ” what do you mean? can u be more specific .

  6. Setup
    June 20, 2012

    Some men look at those women from the biger countries doing their stuff, and they have to realise that these people are professionals. There is no pint in bringing home that kind of roughness, it just is’nt enjoyable. Some women endure these roughness just to please their men, and they get cervical cancer, and those men still going to do their thing elsewhere. I believe this man is having an affair with another woman, and he is bringing this roughness to you. If you marry him you will suffer greatly, so take heed, and get the hell out of this relationship, he will never stop. Love and respect yourself more. You will find more happiness that you never expected. And stop giving men what you sould leave for your husband. Five years is too long to wait to get married.

  7. dhestini
    June 20, 2012

    sex shld be a mixture of both. and there’s a time for each. i also believe that communication during sex is a good aphrodisiac for both parties. when he gets too rough, sweetly tell him to slow down a bit and tell him how u like it n how he feels. he’ll listen. also i guess he likes it rough, so after a little while of being sweet, look him in the eye and give him permission to go a little harder. i’m sure it will be his pleasure.

    ladies, gone r the days when men took full control of the bedroom. if the job is not being done too much in ur liking, get ontop. ask him how he like s it or how he wants it. thats a guranteed turn on for most men. we can direct our men to make sex more pleasurable for the both of us. particularly if we r in relationships. we know their offs and ons, use that. nothing feels better.

  8. Lady S
    June 20, 2012

    Let me tell you some men just don”t appreciate the effort it takes to make a woman orgasm and they think by going rough and have you screaming like it so nice while is pain that in your vag-j-j they achieving something…While your painful moans turning him on you really not getting any kind of pleasure….also some women who cannot quickly acheive an orgasm think they need to have rough painful sex to experience some kind of sensation and he may have had that with some other woman and thinks well you may be the same….just tell him it not working for you…or always insist that u on top and go at your own speed…Either way communication is key and sort that out before you get married OK!!

  9. Anoushah Alie
    June 20, 2012

    wow! sounds like some serious stuff,,,,I think it’s time for you to put the radar on him!!

  10. huh
    June 20, 2012

    Toss his salad and u will b ok

  11. I Die Nah
    June 20, 2012

    too much pornhub he watching, but all dat good… if is me dat is d boy, girl all in tree i putting you we..I Die nah!!!

  12. Justice and Truth
    June 19, 2012

    If all of a sudden he commenced being rough in bed, something is wrong. Something happened to him. He may have another woman whom he experienced this with. He may be reading porn literature and also access such on the Internet.
    He sounds like a man who has no regard for you. If you speak to him and he does not change, you will have to drop him like a hot potato and say bye, bye. Your health is better than this type of sex.
    If you are an adult and dating for 5 years before getting married, this is too long. The relationship will grow stale. You both got accustomed to each other but with nothing concrete to build on and to hold on.

  13. (.) (.)
    June 19, 2012

    Beastiality is his name.What kind of man do you have girl? My husband does not even want to have rough sex with me because he thinks I will get damaged. Talk to the beast ,maybe he does not know better

  14. eew
    June 19, 2012

    I hate rough sex, these men thing is a rubber band they does jamming and banging!

  15. poe-ki-toe
    June 19, 2012

    girl learn how to work ur man ehh? stupes u maybe just laying dere like a co and taking d jamming…….go on top….have oral stimulation….positiin……google sex positions ….the kama sutra stuff cuz if u cyah work him right…..he’ll leave u high and dry no matter how pretty or smart u are….i suspect he done start to sample elsewhere already.

  16. luvgirl
    June 19, 2012

    If you give him rough sex he will never give it to you again.You need to bite him all in his face and rough up his bud and you will see what happen.

  17. Blast
    June 19, 2012

    Bella dat woman have issues. Imagine i have a partner that say de best sex he does have is when de kitty DRY. Maybe mister enter the woman thru the wrong spot by mistake…

  18. June 19, 2012

    GIRL AGAIN YOUR MAN READ “FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY” ARE YOU ANA?

  19. June 19, 2012

    MY GIRLFRIEND YOUR MAN IS ON THE (DOWN-LOW) MEANING HE IS INTO GUYS. MY BOY OPENING SOMEBODY LITTLE WINDOW :lol: .HE DIGGING IN PIT TOILET

  20. Peeping Tom
    June 19, 2012

    That is not sex. It is not even «rough sex». It is called grievous bodily harm. People get arrested and punished for that sort of thing. :)

    SMH!

    I had better get out there with my book idea. Gotta rescue some couples!

  21. shy
    June 19, 2012

    Girl mister must have fall on some vieux lagadea, and he doing the same to you he doing to her.

  22. lili jo
    June 19, 2012

    i had that experience already in my life and to tell u the truth he was with another woman :cry:

  23. .....
    June 19, 2012

    some men so selfish eh..all dey care about is themselves..if you love your woman u will care about her and her body..smh

  24. .....
    June 19, 2012

    papa..mr want to damage ur intestines man..oh my..ones i try a little roughness and i feel dat all in my stomach wee..i say never me again and d boo understand..i not killing myself to please no man..oh no..two hands dat clapping not one

  25. unknown
    June 19, 2012

    Post him for me … I can well do with some rough sex right now.

    • Whooosh!!!
      June 20, 2012

      Not “likkle” speed you have. lmao!

      • Married n happy
        October 30, 2012

        bonjaiiiiiii u well fast lmao

  26. sakway toneh
    June 19, 2012

    Go get married then the sex will be sweet because at that time sex is blessed. My advise to you is stop before it is too late

  27. THINK AGAIN
    June 19, 2012

    after five years, the pattern change? hmm something else change too! you need to look into that. talk to your man, men is men, they may not admit it but you should know your man well enough to know if he is telling the truth so test him out in a heart to heart conversation. Rough sex is very dangerous, permanent damage to your body can be done. love making is the best with a little little little mixture of the rough up. Rough sex does not mean rough penetration. PIN ME DOWN and DRY ME UP!!!!! ;)

  28. ;
    June 19, 2012

    smdh

    • anonymous
      June 19, 2012

      WAYYYYY……all you stretching that Bella thing now. SMH

  29. sexssweetnopain
    June 19, 2012

    after 3 months of dating this guy i decided to give it up, that was the worse sex experience of my life, i thought he was a little excited so we did it again a week later, it was worse than the first time, i couldnt walk for days, i had pain from my stomach right down to my legs i spoke to him and he was like he’s gonna tried, when i slept with him the third time that was it. i made up excuses everytime he came by or wanted to sleep together, a month later we broke up,to each its own,but after talking to my doctor he says i did a good thing cause they can damage you and that can prevent you from having kids along with other complications, theres nothing exciting about rough sex its painful, sex suppose to be sweet:)

    • get it rite
      June 19, 2012

      i dont think that the rough sex is a problem probably just how its done. afterall is not rape u raping people na my brother!!

    • dirty harry
      June 19, 2012

      dat’s right dat y im gentle wit the laddies

    • Justice and Truth
      June 19, 2012

      That was no love at all. Some men do not have what it takes. They think they are hot stuff but they are not. They have much to learn about how to treat women generally and if they expect the relationship/marriage to last. Counseling may help them.
      Your doctor is wise. He also gave you sound, healthy advice.

  30. Ebony
    June 19, 2012

    Hurt him back

  31. Citizen
    June 19, 2012

    He tested foreign waters.

  32. Smh
    June 19, 2012

    Maybe is so he like it …

  33. Reader
    June 19, 2012

    Next time he get rough, just kack up yourself, grip it tight, twist to the left and just break it. Problem solve!!

    Okay, all kidding aside, if you are not enjoying it then it makes no sense. You need to let him know that you can’t and will not accept that unnecessary roughness!

    • Roz
      June 19, 2012

      oh SNAP! :lol:

  34. hmmmmmm
    June 19, 2012

    lets get it strait just saying what type of sex are you all having that its so painfull

    • Justice and Truth
      June 19, 2012

      @ hmmmm

      Playing innocent? Use your imagination. :lol:

    • NYC/DOMINICAN
      June 20, 2012

      YOU SHOULD KNOW SOME MEN ARE BIGGER THAN OTHER IN SIZE,AND SOME WOMEN WALLS ARE SENSITATIVE AND CANT TAKE THOSE ROUGH AND BIG STUFF..ROUGH SEX IS FOR WHORES.

      • Big
        June 20, 2012

        Guess u haven’t had rough sex. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for a few years and we have rough sometimes, just to spice up things every once in a while, I am not a WHORE, i just refuse to have my man get bored with me, I think u haven’t had the chance to try it. PS rough sex doesn’t have to be back break its just stepping the energy level and movement up a bit from what u consider normal.

    • Anonymous
      June 23, 2012

      MAYBE HE IS A DONKEY!!!!!!

  35. phil me
    June 19, 2012

    some women wish it where them getting it like this but i belive he is haveing rough sex some where else it’s time to let him go he is going to tell you soon if you can’t give it to him rough i’m going to get it elsewhere.

  36. jojo
    June 19, 2012

    He is giving it to you just like his other sex partner loves it.

  37. trouble
    June 19, 2012

    sex should be enjoyable not painful

  38. Hmmm...
    June 19, 2012

    LOL.HEADACHES DOWN BELOW… waw!!! how that does happpen…

    • woosh
      June 19, 2012

      seriously??is a side effect …stupes…you didnt do comprehension in primary school?

    • (.) (.)
      June 19, 2012

      I thought she said HEADACHES…..ANDDDDD…PAIN DOWN BELOW. Go back and read

    • D.A Princess
      June 20, 2012

      Obviously you missed out couple words monkey……headaches and pain down below…Stupes

  39. Anonymous
    June 19, 2012

    wosh lol. d man givin you horn girl. he enjoyin rough sex with someone else and he thinks you will enjoy it as well. have a heart to heart talk with d man and ask technical questions.

  40. Hmmm
    June 19, 2012

    Sometimes you might have to take charge and slow down the session. Do not leave it up to the guy to always run the show

  41. KiSahNoh
    June 19, 2012

    Pained Lover, your body is yours. There’s no reason you should be suffering because of an inconsiderate lover. If he can’t honor your request, let him go. Sh!

  42. ;
    June 19, 2012

    good 4 u is sex you like so take what u get.

    • St. Joe massive
      June 19, 2012

      this is not the best thing 2 say if it was u wat u would want somebody 2 say for u

    • stupes
      June 19, 2012

      shut up u shame on u…if she liked sex she would not b complaining so shut.

    • stupes
      June 19, 2012

      if she liked sex she would not complain so u make no sense.

    • Justice and Truth
      June 19, 2012

      ;

      Some of you make me laugh. :lol:

  43. hmmm
    June 19, 2012

    i hope u not exaggerating…cus i dacor he rough for u 2 even get scratches, bruises, cramping, headaches and pain ‘down below’….i guess d man tired of d same thing over n over..sometimes u have to get a lil rough n wild with it but not too rough though…n if d man start sexing u rough take control climb on top and take it how u want it…sounds like u just their lye down letting the man do all d work take it and den complain…it starts rough bruk it down give d man sum slow wine to calm him down…cus it sounding like jam alone he does jam u n is up n down alone u does go on it…

  44. sex is not all
    June 19, 2012

    My 2cents: we all know that sex bonds now if this sex does not bond u with your partner then you’ll need to have a heart to heart talk. u r not married so u know it is not going to get better. To make maters worse, once your life is not committed to God then expect these and more. the word of God says seek ye first the kingdom of God and all his righteousness and all these things will be added.. these r the things that happens when we don’t seek God first. “My 2cents”

    • Original Eagle-Eye
      June 19, 2012

      Way what that have to do with SEX? DO you realise christians have sex and enjoy it too? What you know about the person to start preaching?

      Anyways PAINED LOVER I know and understand what you talking about. You all may need lubrication or just flip the script, when the pain starts try taking over, hold him in that position tightly so he can’t move, he must ease up or right before the next time just tell him outright you are not enjoying yourself when he is so rough all the time.

    • stupes
      June 19, 2012

      in addtion:: your body is God’s temple my girl not for this treatment ok?

  45. Muslim_Always
    June 19, 2012

    This is an unblessed relationship, why because the couple is fornicating!

    Already the fornicators are living an unblessed life, the man is still selfish on top of that. Sad!

    Am I judging the couple? No, I’m simply reiterating that God says fornication is wrong so when people participate in things which are outrightly wrong then that practice is unblessed.

    Will they go to hell or paradise? NOW THIS IS NOT MY JURISDICTION, THIS IS ONLY FOR GOD/ALLAH.

    Advise to couple: communication, counseling, marriage, if not separate, leave this life of fornication alone and fear Allah if you have wisdom.

    • Original Eagle-Eye
      June 19, 2012

      and you fornicating too Muslim Always by reading this and attempting to impose your beliefs on others. I attended college with many muslims and believe me is noticing you want. Virgins but blowing out their backs whole night in the dorm rickety crack rickety crack.. anal sex.

      The men doing it with them and the other asians, when they finish they walking head wrapped and legs rubbing together. Respect others so that you can be respected. Is not your cat nor your tail they borrow to flex.. All sin is sin! I rather sex out of marriage than stone women to death, run them over with cars as part of honour killing or blow up buildings in other countries because i’m so intolerant.

      • hyy
        June 19, 2012

        BONDIEU!!!! lol lick it to de muslim!!! he too damn hypocrite!!

      • Muslim_Always
        June 19, 2012

        You mean you are so evil you support fornication which is forbidden in all scriptures?

        Our society is so evil they hate comments that speak against evil, so who is being persecuted for righteous sake?

        Virgins but blowing…Why do you lie against chaste women? I am not saying that Muslims are angels, but from the way you phrase your wording you are not telling the truth.

        The relationship is unblessed because it is not built on marriage.

    • Justice and Truth
      June 19, 2012

      @ Muslim_Always

      Do not act as if you are holier-than-thou than others. I wonder, what do you do in bed? Holding hands and fall asleep? If you changed your religion, what did you do prior to this, hypocrite!
      I will tell you one thing, those who are terrorists and cannot live in peace with others will surely go to Hell. Holy Scripture: “Strive for peace with everyone without that holiness nobody sees the Lord.”

    • Francis Chicago
      June 20, 2012

      I totally agree for the first time ever very good comment muslim always.

  46. :D
    June 19, 2012

    (8) SHE DOES BUCKLE, UNDER PRESSURE!!!! (8)

  47. lol
    June 19, 2012

    you can’t please woman case close!!! all woman is just the same!!

  48. The Abused Bed
    June 19, 2012

    Dear Bella. I am the bed upon which the person and her lover have been carrying out their acts of wildness and jungle-like behaviour. Bella all my joints, springs and boards are injured from the rampant frolic of these two individuals. I cannot take it anymore Bella. The next time those two start, I just going to break myself down and make them fall on the floor. Bella do you know the hotline number for the United Nations Center for Abused things?

    • jack
      June 19, 2012

      lol hahahahahah you killing me

    • Muslim_Always
      June 19, 2012

      :lol:

    • KiSahNoh
      June 19, 2012

      lmao. Whooosh! Too funny.

    • kkk
      June 19, 2012

      lmao..lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :mrgreen:

    • Dominican for Sure
      June 19, 2012

      hahahhaha….goood laugh. Alass poor you(bed), you can take eh, added to that, the bodily fluids… :lol:

    • Woodford Hill Girl
      June 19, 2012

      Lolol you are such a certified IDIOT lol :lol: :lol:

    • Anonymous
      June 19, 2012

      boy u make me laugh…… :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    • Original Eagle-Eye
      June 19, 2012

      OMG this is classic and funny :-P

    • ROTFL
      June 19, 2012

      lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol omg!!!! lol that 1 take me lol lol lol soo funny :lol: :lol: :lol:

    • namich2008
      June 19, 2012

      Yo….I like this ….

      This is original:):):):)

    • poe-ki-toe
      June 19, 2012

      woyyyyyyyeee!!!! hahahahaha “The Abused Bed” that’s that best comment I have ever read on DNO!!! lmao!! That one put me flat!!! lol hahahahaha “The Abused Bed”….you die nuh?”

    • (.) (.)
      June 19, 2012

      hahahahahahha…My husband just kicked me out of the room for laughing too loud

    • Good Laugh
      June 19, 2012

      this stuff is just too funny. have me ROTFL :-D :lol:

    • citizen
      June 28, 2012

      lol lol lol u killing me!!!!!

    • Married n happy
      October 30, 2012

      lmao zorrrrrrrrrr allu got kixx

  49. woody
    June 19, 2012

    Girl take ur wood eh and shup up

  50. Pondera
    June 19, 2012

    I also suggest that he has had a rough sex experience with someone else and he really enjoyed it. So he now wants that kind of rough sex with his fiance. It is an unfair for you to expect your fiance to perform the same way with some one with whom you had a one night stand. Remember those whose job it is to lure men in bed will very likely give you what you looking for. These I call “come to me strategies.” While your fiance must remain relavant in her sex life, unreasonable expectations will destroy her feeling for you. The fiance must be adviced that an occassional surprise technique e.g. rough sex, will add to the spice of your sex life.

    • Muslim_Always
      June 19, 2012

      Where is your evidence that suggests her fiance had a one night night?

    • hmmm
      June 19, 2012

      i agree..i believe he had a rough sex elsewhere and really enjoyed it and now passing it on her. Need less to say he may be thinking of the other while he having that “rough sex” with his fiance.

      • Robyn
        June 19, 2012

        I agree with Pondera and hmmm, that’s exactly what is going on there. He has been getting that type of sex else where and has brought it into the relationship. I sense trouble down the road.

    • Roz
      June 19, 2012

      Something definitely brought about that change in him. You should try to get to the bottom of this. You may be surprised what you find.

  51. Delinquent
    June 19, 2012

    I get that. Why do men feel they need to hurt a woman just for pleasure. A little freak and kinky is one thing, but the person screaming in genuine pain and you still carrying on. I’m not talking about those with zest screaming before you even watch them, but I’m talking about those men who lack self control. Who can enjoy a session under that kind of stress?

  52. baby
    June 19, 2012

    hmmmmmmmm i like it to hurt but not tttttoooooo much :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    • just saying
      June 19, 2012

      y’all think rough sex is healthy…its very damaging!

  53. Massacre Girl
    June 19, 2012

    lol u should be happy not complaining lol 8)

    • I'mWondering
      June 19, 2012

      So because her “sous” not big as yours, she should be happy?

    • Lady S
      June 20, 2012

      Massacre Girl you must be sweff…you”ll take anything u can get….mweh contah pouw…

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