I have a bit of a problem.
My fiance likes rough sex a little too much and it is not enjoyable for me anymore.
We’ve been together for five years and got engaged just recently.
He and I have always had an active and pleasurable sex life but a few months ago he started being rough in bed. Actually it was a nice surprise the first of couple times but now it is all he does and I am disappointed and in pain.
It has left me with scratches, bruises, cramping, headaches and pain ‘down below’. I talked to him about it and he has apologized and slowed it down.
However we are back where we started – he doesn’t seem to be aware of how rough he is with me and I don’t know what to do or how to approach him once and for all.
Sex, to me, is an important part of a relationship and I am at least grateful we have a good sex life after all these years but before I commit myself to marrying him I want us to both be honest and on the same wave length with each other.
Dear Pained Lover,
It is rather interesting that your fiance started being rough in bed with you just a few months ago, so I think you two need to have an honest talk.
There are many issues to be explored. Probably after five years the bedroom has lost some of its sparkle and your fiance’s ‘roughness’ is one way of expressing that. So you guys need to look into that.
It appears that for you sex is making love, for your fiance it is just sex and nothing more. In order to be honest with him you have to make the point clear that you don’t want just sex only but also lovemaking.
Observe him carefully. Has he been watching alot of porn lately? In porn women are treated like objects and I hope that your fiance is not going down that path. So this is another issue that needs to be explored.
It makes absolutely no sense for you to be in pain all the time. If your fiance really love you, there is no way he will want to hurt you. If he continues on this rough path, probably you need to start thinking alternatives.
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at email@example.com. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.