My husband’s ex is obsessed over him

Dear BellaI have been married to my loving husband for over a month.

Everything is great, however we have this one problem: his ex (his child’s mother) who is overly obsessed with him.

He have tried several ways of getting it to her head that he needs to move on and stop with her compulsive obsession. He even went as far as telling it to her in public but she just won’t hear. Even people  who are close to her tell her that she needs to move on.

How can we ge it through her head that she needs to move on with her life get a job and look after her child than to sit obsessing over a man  who wants nothing to do with her except where the child concerns?

Fed Up

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Dear Fed Up,

Ignore her. If she comes on his property file a restraining order.

Most importantly make sure he has contact with her only where the child is concerned. Get a third person involved in this just so that things can be on the safe side.

Also make sure that your husband has actually gotten over her. Some people say “old fire stick catch fire quick.” So make sure that he also ignores her when it comes to their past ‘escapade’ and you are not the only one ignoring her.

She has no choice to move on then. If your husband agrees he is the father of the child then that’s his decision whether he wants to be a father to the child. She can’t force him to be a father.

Child support though, that’s a different story and is something he must take seriously.

Bella

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104 Comments

  1. lcylynn
    January 26, 2013

    I havebeen in situations like this one. The wife probably did something to tie the man down. Or she made him marry her BC she knew that she was prolly number 2. Was ur husband ever married to the child’s mother. And trust me I know from experience that the husband is making the child’s mom feel they still love each other. What were u thinking marrying him. Dont girls know by now do not chase after a man who just got out of a marriage or relationship BC he’s just on a rebound and he needs someone to help him not think of his ex. Like that saying to get over one is to get under another.. duh

  2. loyal Dominican
    November 28, 2012

    hmm…….

  3. Anonymous
    November 22, 2012

    Put a lash in her ass, she if she wouldn’t stop :wink:

  4. WIFEY
    October 9, 2012

    My girl, it is obvious that your husband still a mess wit the woman or else she would have moved on a lonnnnnng time!..Men have their way of treating us women the way we allow them to treat us. He is the one who needs to address the woman infront of you and let her know where she stands!…

  5. Christophine
    September 22, 2012

    Bigmack and Justice and Truth got it right. That behavior was very common in Dominica’s history. Check the policemen and School Principals in the 60s and 70s. A child(children) in evey village they served.

  6. God's Property
    September 21, 2012

    i think that you made a mistake and married for the wrong reason… trust me he does things behind your back you won’t imagine and oh yes he will never get over her because days before the wedding he still was confused asked to what he was getting into and wanted to give the woman another child just so you could leave him…. get out because Mr. is no good…….. and word of advise she do not want his broke, waste of time miserable excuse of a man anyway cause she left because she had to support 2 kids…. Do not make him fool you he is not over her :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

    • shygirl
      September 26, 2012

      i disagree cuz i have seen it where men are already moved on marry and the woman is still running after them. if they guy embarassed her in public telling her he doesnt want her trust me he is over her. and if he wasnt he would have had a hard time marrying the new one…

      • sickandtired
        October 13, 2012

        that is not true..i know a guy who shout behind his ex and child mother in public, tells his friends they are not together and he wants nothing with the woman..when she tries to move on..he texting her phone about he loves her and they have a bond(the child). Dominican men too dirty and disrespectful.This so call husband is doing something to make this girl feels like he still care and love her…Women we need to stop make men treat u like u have no meaning. Stand up..be positive, love yourself..show them that u do not need them.

    • King
      October 9, 2012

      ah woe yooww sounds like you know inside information on the situation ah woe ohh

  7. girly
    September 20, 2012

    dat sounding like a man dat wrkin solid waste,
    dat got married to his co-wrker. but wifey u knw is ur husband dat is obsessed wit d child mother so shot up! infront of u he makin noise with her wen d child moder man wit her cus he just can”t stand to see her wit no oder man. so wen u talkin bout ex child motherbis obsessed over ur hubby get ur facts rite and cum agin, cuz u knew dat hot oil was der bubbling lng before u rush and put dat dazzzlin diamond on ur finger, so rite now don’t ask for help.AND NOT FORGETING THIS LIL BABY GUY WITH THE EX IS HIS KING.

  8. Justice and Truth
    September 19, 2012

    I endorse what Bella stated. First of all I suspect that there is more to this story. Some people will state as much as they want others to know or that some of the information was withheld for good reason.
    Bella gave advice to the woman who sought her advice. Her response made good sense. Some of you saw only one side and part of what she stated. You did not comprehend what she meant.
    In reality, Bella did not state that he must not or should not be a father to the child. You did not grasp the meaning and sense of this sentence.
    This is a tangled web. Some men could be liars and deceivers. We do not know the full story. We only know that part of the wife’s story. We do not know how long the man was seeing the woman or his wife. He may have pledged his love to his former girlfriend. She may have been his steady girlfriend and then he met this woman who may have pursued him even though she knew he had a girlfriend. She may have done her utmost to ensure that he married her.
    He has a child with his former girlfriend, if the child is indeed his. Now that he is married and she has a child with him, she still loves him and it is difficult for her to sever ties with him. She may be jealous that he did not marry her. Whether he is married, she still wants him. This is nothing new. Some women will not give up. No exception some men. He may still want to continue the relationship with her while pretending that he does not want her and is through with her. He may be seeing her on the side without the knowledge of his then girlfriend and wife.
    While seeing his wife, he may have been seeing the other woman. He may have lied to her about the woman who mothered his child. He may have lied to his wife even prior to marrying her about the other woman.
    He may have decided to marry without informing the woman about it. He may have told that woman that he was not in love with the other woman who he is marrying. He may have told his wife that he is not in love with the mother of his child. As I stated, it is a tangled web. :) Only those three truly know about their situation and what transpired between all of them before and after the man got married to this woman.
    Let me further inform you. Sometime ago the thought crossed my mind and I said to someone, the Holy Bible says that Eve tempted Adam but men do tempt women. Women are not the only ones who go after men. In fact, few do. More men go after women than the reverse.
    During a conversation I also said to a man that men go after women and then go behind their backs and talk about them. He only laughed. Touche, in French. :) Therefore, those of you who say women are the ones who run after men and they are this and that, think again.
    If you conduct a research the result may be that men outnumber women in the pursuit of love and dating. Sometimes it is not love at all but infatuation. This is why many of those relationships and also marriages breakdown. True love never dies.

    • UDOHREADYET
      September 20, 2012

      Yes, men are generally the main pursuers but men that do not pursue women are pursued by women who pursue men. Women that are pursued by men make themselves readily available to be pursued. Men can only cheat on their spouse or girlfriend if another woman is willing to cheat with him. Acting like you don’t know the person is married or you were high or drunk or this n that is nonsense, you’re doing what you want to do because that who/what you are. There is a lot of blame to go around in my opinion women should take responsibility for their actions and stop blaming men.

      • Setup
        September 27, 2012

        UDOHREADYET, While I agree with first part of your comment, I don’t totally agree on the part where you said “Women that are pursued by men make themselves available to be pursued”. Some men are born perverts, and they will pursue you to the point of rape. I was almost raped by a married man when I was ten years old, I had to bit him on his lip, when he began to suck at my mouth, ( this is so upsetting).

        In this world, a man can be married and his girlfriend would never know. People go to study, and these days a man can leave his wife at the north, work in town, and tell the woman that he is from the east or some foolish story, a liar is a liar. Remember, men don’t always wear wedding rings. It can and does happen.

  9. 911
    September 19, 2012

    that sounding like a girl from mahaut.every time the man children mother come down fro st.thomas is by him she staying ,they going everywhere together but he still telling the girlfriend that he and his children mother not together.those people in restaurant together,market together,even going to church and together.some woman just too damn stupid or maybe they just too damn slow

    • WIFEY
      October 9, 2012

      HAHAHAHAHA….WOOOOOOOOOOY…U RIGHT! EXPIRATION TIME…LET GO OFF A DI MAN!!!!

  10. bean
    September 19, 2012

    well i will be spending christmas in st marten with my x.we lost contact for a few years ,he got married but as soon as we started talking again we connect.(we both cried when we reunited and he broke the news)but i blive we were meant to be together and most definitely thats what its going to be(he refuse to have children with his wife bcuz he always had the feeling that we would reignite .we started dating when we were in p.s.s

  11. girly
    September 19, 2012

    What the wife shud do is talk to her husband ! Firstly young lady u shud question urself y get married to someone after finishin with his ex woman after almmost two months ! All that time he was cheatin wid u on her head so what do u. Expect ! As for where the child mother is concerned u shud get it sort out properly and kno he will never fall out of love for her ! Isnt it blind to see ! Hey dnt think marriage will hold him girly ! These days its jus a name

  12. unknown
    September 19, 2012

    There is a saying old fire stick easy to catch.My girl that his child mother like you seem to forget or what?

    • and?
      September 20, 2012

      and? even if is his child mother? she is not d wife!she is just that..d baby mama who needs to know her damn place!

      he mayb have ole habit too but dont come here and say ” is his child mother, which u seem to forget” at this present moment she is the wife and the baby mama is very irrelevant at this point. stuff about old stick fire blah blah blah…thats just a load of crap cus the baby could be a mistake, a ” papa met see wat happen dere”!

      men need to handle dere business better than that period! and women need to get smarter and less gulliable..i say already a scorned woman can do a better search than any FBI or cIA! so the wife needs not stoop at this baby mama level..heck anyone can b a baby mama nowadays…and she needs to sort out her relationship with the husband.

      if you were so much of a pot of gold, y are you the baby mama and not the wife? and after all is said and done would he leave d wife for the baby mama?…pfff!

      • aye aye
        September 20, 2012

        LOL…that chook you man! I agree marriage is sacred but a “baby mama” is NEVER irrelevant. Those are some strong words for the MOTHER of somebody’s child. Women who date men with children need to get all this ish sorted out BEFORE the wedding, not cry foul after.

  13. brenda
    September 19, 2012

    Now you said he have told it to her in public but my question to you is what is he saying when its just the two of them? Think about it. Man slick. I think you need to start doing your own investigation to make sure your husband is telling you the truth about his relationship with his child’s mother.

  14. my 2 cents.
    September 19, 2012

    what nonesence advice that nah bella? first off the woman clearly states that the child is his,you go on saying “If your husband agrees he is the father of the child then that’s his decision whether he wants to be a father to the child. She can’t force him to be a father” what the h**l. this is just ridiculousness coming from you. what you should have said to her is that no matter what happens she as the wife should encourage him to take care of his child. in life so many things happen but your child is and always is your child till you or the child dies. married people get seperated,divorced etc but your blood is your blood.he has to find a way to deal with his obsessed child mother thats for sure,now thats up to him.

    • Justice and Truth
      September 19, 2012

      Your 2 cents do not add up to anything. Who are the ones who gave you thumbs up? I think that you are the ridiculous one. I read Bella’s comments and they are superb (as an Italian friend likes to say; I occasionally utilize it), excellent ones.
      You have your way of thinking and writing and so do Bella and others. Keep this in mind. It does not mean because you disagree and are not pleased with an advice and response that what was stated is ridiculous. Other people read your comments. Think twice before you write demeaning and derogatory comments.
      Since you are so critical, I will further inform you that you must also learn proper English and writing. It also includes respect for the advice and views of others as Bella’s.

      • aye aye
        September 20, 2012

        Seems like Bella is your cousin man, I find you take offense. aye aye

      • badbaje
        May 10, 2017

        my 2 cents is correct when it comes to what Bella said about the man having to decide if he wants to be a father.
        Bella says child support is another thing, but the man has a responsibility IF HE IS THE FATHER, and that is not only child support. Money is not all a parent, man or woman, is responsible for when it comes to their child, it is ONLY ONE OF THE RESPONSIBILITIES.
        I do not know how she could give such advice about being a father to the child. I am quite disappointed in Bella for that one.

  15. Anonymous
    September 19, 2012

    That story have hole’s like swiss cheese,how long u and him dated befor u and him got married?cant be that long now she knew of u so there had to be word’s or obessesion befor,it seem’s to me u rush to tie the knot u guys should have waited till there were no more gripe,ps keep one eye open when u go sleep at night.

  16. Life
    September 19, 2012

    Dear Wifey of one month, the question is not how long ago they broke up, it is when was the last time he slept with her. That’s the shocker.

  17. regent
    September 19, 2012

    seriously what kind of advise is that” If your husband agrees he is the father of the child then that’s his decision whether he wants to be a father to the child. She can’t force him to be a father.”

    Child support though, that’s a different story and is something he must take seriously.what u should be telling here is make sure that her husband takes care of his child and be a father ato that child.bella you need to come better than that.

  18. regent
    September 19, 2012

    what kind of advise is that

  19. Anoushah Alie
    September 19, 2012

    I would ignore her too! If the new wife gets too involved, it will only escalate the issue. Let the husband deal with the ex, because they have a child together, and a “relationship” still needs to be there. In addition, hubby needs to set boundaries with the ex, and if she oversteps them, then file a restraining order on her.

    • rolling eyes
      September 19, 2012

      wat do u mean by too involved? u cant be partly involved when its ur husband! they are not a seperate entity, they are one according to the bible. so the wife cant stay out of it if it affects her relationship with her husband?

      i have known relationships where its always a convience for the wife to stay out of it, when she not spending the money. when the time comes for the wife to share the cost of looking after the husbands child with him, she can BE ALL Up in it? marriage /relationships that involve kids out of the relationship can very tiresome, very tasking and very intolerable, as ppl seek to destroy others wat they couldn’t have by mixing children with all this nonsense..and who suffers in d end?..the children..they are always forgotten

      when adults get into relationships things somehow turn out better..nowadays is children that get into relationships and have babies, thus the high school mentality hasnt disappeared…is my boyfriend and my girlfriend, n is not ur man and ll kinds of name calling, words throwing nonsense..when u try to rise above, they call u coward or even yet they say is u dat making de man do dat”..lol..grow up people and make decisions that is always in ur best interest and that of ur children…the men are usually 3rd or 4th place!

    • God's Property
      September 21, 2012

      actually he is the one over stepping ….trust me

  20. Pussinboots89
    September 19, 2012

    I think Bella is a man.

  21. Saysay
    September 19, 2012

    What the wife should understand is, there will always be a bound between the two of them. Maybe she’s insecure a sees things where there isn’t.

    • Justice and Truth
      September 19, 2012

      @ Saysay

      ‘bond; and’

      They may have had a bond prior to his marriage. The only type of bond is having a child with him. Therefore, she must understand that he is now married and must release the bond.
      What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. This is, if they are married in a recognized Church, one which God approves of and is consecrated to Him. Then they are truly married.
      Even then they are not married in such a Church, he has chosen the other woman for his wife. If that other woman is still vying for a continued relationship with him, under the circumstances she must take a back step and resign herself to it.

  22. tumble, backkick
    September 18, 2012

    You see lady you already in a melee, you accepted not only a man but his seed that is by the way not yours to be your partner for life, surprize the seed has a mother! One month in and it just dawned on you that you have bagay moun, guess you all did not discuss this before hand !
    There are so many fish in the sea,guess you caught a makoshat and called it a day !
    I am not judging you but too many people settle for .
    . … da kind of small for people not to know who you are. Do you really want to fix the problem or already thinking yo need attention?

  23. Hate ignorance
    September 18, 2012

    that sounding like a partner that works at courts fixing fridge . and even have a second child with the ex .lol

    • Justice and Truth
      September 19, 2012

      You are putting out his business in public. :lol:

    • anonymous
      September 23, 2012

      and dat sounding like a woman from Roseau dat just jealous of the young woman because de man stop taking her on after she cheat on him. and yes that is why de man have a second child with de woman. what allyou doe kno is older than all u

  24. Be Nice
    September 18, 2012

    Dear Bella,

    I know of someone who can help you with therapy. Some of the people who write to you need more help than just advise, and if you can direct them to get that help, then they can move ahead and leave the problems behind.
    e Maybe you can try it first, but this lady treated two friends of mine and they were very happy with the results. They actually got rid of old relationship trauma and could put the past behind them and advance into their new lives.

    • Justice and Truth
      September 19, 2012

      What a friend we have in Jesus. Take it to the Lord in prayer. We have access to God. He charges nothing – not a cent. He only expects faithfulness with worship. Too often some people go to others for help and not to the Healer of all healers. First she must pray to God and ask for his Divine assistance. Then she should seek therapy and advice (they are there for a purpose but costly), I hope from a professional and not from a fortune teller, the latter costlier yet which will not result in happiness and peace of mind. Only God gives true peace, found in Him and Him alone.

  25. tehe
    September 18, 2012

    oo bella u have a lil problem ….. like seriously

  26. September 18, 2012

    This is the most “selfish” letter to Bella, which I have ever read; and Bella’s response is the most flawed response as well.

    Wife named “Fed up” has only been married for over a month; Fed-Up were you not aware of the obsession of your man’s ex, before you agreed to marry him?

    Did you really believe that your man’s ex would simply move on and leave him alone–especially that he fathered her child–just because he married you?

    If you love your new husband, can you imagine his ex loving him the same way as you do? Now put yourself in her place!

    And what is Bella saying in her advise here? “She cannot force him to be the child’s father” Well do we conceive and reproduce children the way dogs and cats do? Well I never!

    And if that is they way we do it today, must that is that is the greatest reasons we have so many young people today, who are confused and lost about the ways of Life, because society tells mother of child: “You cannot force him to be the father!” Lord, have mercy and compassion for our foolish, foolish mind!

    Well Fed-Up,let me remind you that it is not you who is the victim here–as a matter of fact you have no problem, that is if your new husband is being honest to you. It is his ex, with a child of his, who is the victim of another man, who has let her down–O dear O dear!

    Besides you have only tied down with your man for over a month; it is much less than time for you to complain about being “fed up”.

    You took on the situation when you married this man, with an ex and his child, who is still obsessed with him.

    You do not know how well he is able to fight the temptations against her–unless he does not love his child, and will not visit with him/her, at his ex’s home.

    What you will have to do is to learn to endure–with trust in your husband, until the time his ex will get over him. If she did love him, that could take a long time–but one month is definitely nothing at all. And if you truly love him, you will be able to exercise patience.

  27. (.) (.)
    September 18, 2012

    All your husband has to do is ignore that woman and take care of his child unless if he is still in love with her and pretending like he has moved on in your presence. It’s up to him to make the decision if he is so much in love with you

  28. Anonymous
    September 18, 2012

    gosh bella u need to go back to de drawing board.

  29. North Star
    September 18, 2012

    hmmmm that woman dont want a man for herself she like people things.

  30. fly on the wall
    September 18, 2012

    Meanwhile from the other side….
    So far this is the worst advice I have ever heard from this columnist. There is never one side to a story and I must say I find myself in a similar situation but on the flip side. I am a serious, educated woman who got involved with what i thought was a serious, honest and educated man. We were in love I thought, and being that we were intimate I got pregnant, he said he was ok with it. I tell you all that this individual, without saying anything to me went out and married someone else! What a shock. Turns out he had another woman all along! I say this to say you never know. So what to do now with an innocent child? Should the child now be punished by not having a father because his father is married, and is child support enough? I can move on with my life..but what did the child do to deserve this? Who knows what he told his wife…bet he told her that he’s been trying to get rid of me and I keep pushing, bet he told her that i was a one night stand or that he was drunk or something. People you just NEVER know, and until you know…DON’T JUDGE. Children shouldn’t pay for the shit that adults do…SHAME ON YOU BELLA!

  31. Pussina
    September 18, 2012

    WHOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS LOOOK COMMESS PAPA.. BELLA U NOT EASY PUSS>>>

  32. tie toe
    September 18, 2012

    your hussy not telling you the other part of the story .i bet you they still correspond outside of the child or children affair…i no this man that is telling his x(children mother ) all his problems at home with his now girlfriend and child mother

  33. tie toe
    September 18, 2012

    shame on you bella.if he is the daddy he should also be the father

    • Justice and Truth
      September 19, 2012

      @ tie toe

      As the saying, ‘let us give Jack his jacket’ or ‘Jill hers’. :) I must state that some of you who criticize Bella for her comments are hypocrites, great pretenders, not at all broad-minded.
      Why are you taking Bella to task because she stated that he does not have to be a father-figure to the child. She is not advising him not to do so. She made a point ‘to the woman who wrote and asked for her advice’ that, if he is the father of her child, he has to support the child.
      Surely you know some children and also adults whose fathers turned their backs, some, as soon as they knew the mothers got pregnant and never saw their children, not even for the rest of their lives. Some mothers do not know where the fathers are. Some children do not know their father.
      How many men who have children who never financially supported them? How many men who may have supported them but did not really be a father to them, even though married to their mother? How many of them were father figures to their children, who also took them out, to the movies, etc.?
      As a Dominican, since my childhood, I am fully aware that there are many Dominicans and some who are now adults who experienced this.
      Thank God, I am fortunate that I am not one of them. My parents were married and they bore their responsibilities until their children attained adulthood and even thereafter. I do know that some of you also had parents who bore theirs. Therefore, do not be hypocritical and do not criticize what Bella stated. Some of you missed the point.

  34. Titiwee
    September 18, 2012

    Don’t believe him, he is married to you but he still wants the ex, that’s the behaviour that some men exhibit.

  35. m4
    September 18, 2012

    FOOLISH ADVICE FROM BELLA…

    • Robyn
      September 18, 2012

      Thank you very much m4, I agree with you. I could not believe what I was reading from Bella. Is this an expert or someone who blurts out whatever comes to their mind? Jeez

    • Curious
      September 18, 2012

      yes foolosh advice. There is a child involved, he must have a relationship with the child’s mother. that marriage is fresh. I believe your husband is sending mixed ideas. i figure he still sees his ex. This problem exists long before marriage. Marriage does not change a person’s bad habits. You knew that was coming. Right now you have more than a problem.You have a marriage now to fight for. some women like to jump in hot water when they that it will burn them. Good ridance

  36. bigmack
    September 18, 2012

    That sounding like d felar from Marigot who married to d girl from grandbay and the child leaving in Castle Bruce. And his ex dont want to leave in Pointe Mitchel again because she’s fed up of the current girlfriend who is from Fondcole.

    • Dominican abroad
      September 18, 2012

      What the hell nonsense is that? so these people have a foot in every Village on the Island? my lord.

      • Justice and Truth
        September 19, 2012

        Are you surprised? Were you brought up in Dominica? As a Dominican you should not be. A girl in every port, every island, every village. This is nothing new. Many have done that.

    • HARRIS
      September 18, 2012

      LMBO

    • truedominican
      September 18, 2012

      bigmack you hv me passing out. hahahahahahahahaha

    • PrettyS
      September 18, 2012

      LOL! ebeh weh, dat is villages papa. all over wi

    • Anonymous
      September 19, 2012

      Nice one…I think so too….

    • Donald Duck
      September 19, 2012

      @Bigmack: Bigmack please break that down for us like a sandwich. I write that on paper and still doh understand

    • dukes
      September 19, 2012

      oh, I really had a good laugh!

    • Justice and Truth
      September 19, 2012

      @ bigmack

      A real melee. I would think not only from Marigot but throughout Dominica and worldwide.

  37. jade
    September 18, 2012

    I believe he is sending her mixed messages-saying one thing in your presence and doing another at your back.

  38. Tiger
    September 18, 2012

    Bellla, I was following you well until you said this

    “If your husband agrees he is the father of the child then that’s his decision whether he wants to be a father to the child. She can’t force him to be a father.”

    What does the child have to do with the mother’s behaviour? Are you suggesting the father punish the child on account of what the mother is doing? I am really surprised at your response.

    This is strictly between the mother and the father of that child. You have to encourage the man to be the best father that he can be despite the mother’s behavious.

    • Pawol
      September 18, 2012

      I agree Tiger. It’s his child and it is his responsibility to be in that child’s life whether he with the mother or not. Too many men use that as an excuse not to care for their children. And, too many women meet men with children and want the men to abandone the children. The child was there before you and most often are there long after you are gone. Blood is thicker than water. The world is a cycle.

      • Sly
        September 18, 2012

        Too many times men use kids from past relationships as excuses. You meet a man with a child from his past relationship and have no problem with him taking care of his child……meeting the childs need and spending time together.

        But wait till this man starts sleeping over at the ex womans place in claim that he wants to spend time with his child, and the mother won’t send the child to spend time with him.

        To add to this he is on the phone at late hours with the ex woman, she calls his phone numerous times a day sometimes.

        Do you think his g/f does not want him to take care of his child if she takes stands and ask him to set things straight?

        Some men have too many tricks up their sleeves and too dishonest and i f it is not as they portray why not be up front and do what is right to avoid the confusion in his relationship…….

    • good news
      September 18, 2012

      I too am very disappointed with this part of the response.A father’s role is a duty towards his child not only to provide financial asistance but to have a relationship withthat child and to be involved in every part of that child’s life. Vey poor response Bella and very disappointing too.

    • September 18, 2012

      well said thumbs up

    • Dominican abroad
      September 18, 2012

      No one can force another to do anything they do not want to do, but a responsible father will stand up and take responsibility for his child regardless. There are ways he can support his child without having anything to do with the mother due to her behavior, the child shouldn’t have to suffer, and it the new wife in secure in her relationship she shouldn’t have any fare, nor should she influence her husband. There are far too many men in our culture who father children here, there, and everywhere, then turn there backs, especially when they find a new partner.

    • Anonymous
      September 19, 2012

      Can’t u see Bella is a MAN?…..

  39. Anonymous
    September 18, 2012

    Boy that sounds like the guy who works at Solid Waste

  40. Tom
    September 18, 2012

    Ask hubby if he was hitting wood 2 weeks before the wedding. Maybe you’ll understand.

    • Reader
      September 19, 2012

      Two weeks? I won’t be surprise if is 2 days. According to the Play, “Man Does Lie”!!

  41. ter
    September 18, 2012

    bad advice from bella, there is always three sides to every story his side, her side and the true , maybe he is giving her mixed messages.

  42. cece
    September 18, 2012

    Yes I Bella….. What kind of advice is this??

  43. Opinionated
    September 18, 2012

    These things must happen when you have a wild society without any scruples. Lack of morals and ethics is deep seated in the heart of our society it’s a dam shame.

  44. just looking
    September 18, 2012

    babes well me being a man, let me advice you….! you should share ur husband cas if i was in his place i would love 2 of all you, put all you under my shelter an make 2 of all you happy cas all you will have all you fair share :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

  45. RR
    September 18, 2012

    A lot of women think that way. Having a child with a man doesn’t mean he has to stay in the relationship with you. The most important thing is caring for the child/children needs by both mother and father without all the confusion of pulling here and pulling there.

    • Sly
      September 18, 2012

      I agree totally. Sometimes the men move out of the relationship but the ex still has a great hold on them.

      They live with their girlfriends and the amount of mess that g/f has to deal because he has to care for his child from a past relationship.

      Our young people both men and women ought to respect each other. You left a relationship because of whatever reasons stop punishing your present lover with all the melee of your ex.

      Yes the other party may not have moved on but your actions should show you did and not the other way around. You can still take care of your child in the right way without all this mess and confusion.

      • Port
        September 20, 2012

        U r so correct! Most times the wives and girlfriend of the husband shares a big part of that child life too only to be ridiculed and insulted and hated for it!
        Women too like to bring down dere own and don’t know when to stop and realize that this s for my child, this shouldn’t be for my child, and make decisions for the child in an unbiased way, not from who say and who didn’t say!

        Am not sure if it’s a Dominican thing, if it’s the creole food but we women r very hasty and aggressive where w feel is our place! A wife is a wife and a baby mama is just that! A baby mama! When we all know our responsibilities and the time and place to do and say things then relations will go on forever.

        As for when children are involved that differentiates the women from the ggirls!

  46. wannaknow
    September 18, 2012

    I dont think that filing a restraining order is the best thing,cause it might do more harm than good where the child is concern…maybe your husband is doing one thing infront u and when he isnt with u his is doing another…

    • Justice and Truth
      September 19, 2012

      It is important to know the Law of the land. If she harasses the man by telephoning him be it at his home, at work, in public or also coming to his home and he objects to it, then he will have to file a restraining order. I do believe she could not do so unless she is harassed. Otherwise the man has to do it if he so wishes. Will he want to do it?
      If it comes to that, he should have nothing to do with her. He must support his child and can do so through his lawyer.

    • hmmm
      December 5, 2012

      What would be the reason for filing a restrainign order based on the request for help? There’s none.

      Over a mth and she thinks the ex is obsessed. What can the ex be doing so that would constitute harassment and a need for a restraining order? Calls, visits, texts etc?

      Is there a concern about the husband being at risk?

      we can’t just say get a restraining ordr like it is a given right. There has to be conditions before a restraining order will be issued

  47. Biggs
    September 18, 2012

    The problem is some women has no moral values, no shame, no plans for the future, i wont say low self esteem but no self esteem, they just waste their lives away chasing what is not theirs and at their end of it it is too late because by then its menopause or they are worn out and men wont look at them twice.

    • CARER
      September 18, 2012

      It’s a vicious circle…women such as you describe have probably grown up in a household where they have witnessed only degrading behaviour towards those impressionable females in their lives. Often they have had to watch their mother succumb to domestic violence or disrespect and grow up believing that this is the “norm”. Also don’t forget the man is probably loving all the attention and secretly encouraging her so don’t be too harsh on her. Try to understand and wife the best thing you can do is remember that she is a woman – step into her shoes for one moment and you may just find the answer you are looking for. You must have known she existed before you married what was the situation then? Did you get married believing that would get rid of her? did you take the time to really find out what the true situation was between her and your now hubby?

      • Sly
        September 19, 2012

        Both parties ought to remember that they are human (woman or man). The ex should remember she is a woman as well and should respect the man’s wife.

        There are limits. He can still be a great dad but sometimes the ex women over step too many times.

        They rant with vicious attacks on the men side stating they are neglecting their kids but in truth they are the ones cuasing the confusion, the same confusion they broke up for.

        Why do you want the husband to be doing things with you like you guys are still in a relationship.

        Everyone should be fair, you did not like it when he was with you why cause the same hurt and confusion in someone else life.

      • Biggs
        September 19, 2012

        The way she grow up is no excuse for that behavior she should get hers and leave another persons property alone.

    • Justice and Truth
      September 19, 2012

      @ Biggs

      You are generalizing, are wrong and are discriminating against women. This is not nice to state. Not all women possess those types of qualities. There are some men as well who have no morals, no values, shame and no plans for the future and whatever else you stated about women. Some of them are no different. Many men have children with different women. There are times the women did not pursue them. Keep in mind that there are more men committing crimes. I am being respectful to you by responding respectfully. :twisted:

  48. me
    September 18, 2012

    what a response! i think BELLA needs to retire!

    • Anonymous
      September 18, 2012

      ha ha ha too funny

    • Anonymous
      September 18, 2012

      bella , u do need to retire what can advice is that?
      there is always two sides to a story,maybe he is sending mixed messages.

    • English Dictionary
      September 18, 2012

      She was ‘fired’ from the other news website she wrote for :lol: :-D :lol:
      I wonder why???? :?: 8-O

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