She says he’s just a friend

Dear Bella: I am in this relationship for the past two years with this young lady and we have had a few issues of our own, mostly because she constantly thinks of herself and behaves as though I am not here at all.

The expression of affection on her part is limited. I have tried speaking to her, but without success. Recently I met her at her home in her room with another guy in her underwear, and the guy was lying on her bed. Initially, she told me that she was in town having a drink and though I volunteered to meet her where she was she told me that she was just leaving. Now she says that the guy is just a friend whom she met one month ago, and someone she feels at ease with and confides in him about her personal matters and relationship issues. I saw a few e-mails and text messages on her phone where she sent him pictures of herself and kisses in her correspondences to him.

I do not believe he is just a friend, as if this were so then there would be no need for those lies. Should I move on or hold on as I do not believe that I can trust her anymore?

Dear M,

You know if the guy was gay and you had met them in that position it would be reasonable to say you can trust her, but to walk in on them like that makes you wonder what were they doing prior to you interrupting or what were they planning to do. Sometimes minor incidents happen which are like a preview of a major revelation and we do not take heed until that major incident takes place, and then we say ‘if I had only paid attention.’

She is too casual about the situation and confident that you will stick around too. The infidelity is so in your face; you must really love her to be so tolerant with it. Take some time off from this relationship; tell your girlfriend that things are not working out between you the way you want it too because you share different values. Tell her that you need to get some clarity and if she persists don’t react. Do it for a week or two with no communication- text, phone calls or e-mail. If she tries calling ignore the first few calls and don’t reply any text messages a day after. When you do reply do it with cold answers and no ‘I miss you’ messages. If that kind of behaviour does affect change in her you’ll know if it’s genuine. If she tells you that she’s ready to be serious inquire whether she was intimate with anyone while you were apart.

If you know in your heart that there are too many doubts and the lack of trust will recur and affect the relationship you have to let it go before it gets much more intense. I know two years is a lot of time to spend or waste on someone, but think of it like this you’re not married and I’m sure you will find someone who shares your same values and principles.

Bella.

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25 Comments

  1. VI DIVA
    January 27, 2011

    DONT HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME, IF YOU CANT BE A PLAYER STAY OUT OF THE GAME

  2. CaCa Chat
    December 29, 2010

    bro leave the woman let her go
    you sound hopeless
    but she is not
    indirectly she is telling you to take a hick

  3. quan
    August 25, 2010

    So you mean you met your girlfriend in her room,in underwears with a man ly down on the bed and you just let that pass?

    boy that sounding like them people were about to make love.What!

    Boy you stupid man.Mister taking Mamsel

  4. :)
    July 28, 2010

    HONEY! you saw the girl layin on her bed in her underwear with another man and you wondering if they’re just friends? Call me crazy but was it that hot that she couldnt leave her underwear on?
    Leave Her! for your own GOOD!!

  5. nothing
    July 23, 2010

    most of the time is the woman that in that sitution am happy to
    know that u man have the same feeling as we
    so all i can say just move on with yr self man and to the other u all
    are judging him but am such u all are not better that him.love is very
    important and love hurts but it have something they saying in french look
    infront of yr door before looking at others doors is all i have to say .and stop
    juging each other cuz life turn around u all could be in the say sitution.and don’t think
    that i was in the situtaion i wasn’t the case og

  6. rubbish
    July 23, 2010

    my boy i was in that same situation do like me !! turn your back and move on..i mean u will feel mess up but dude it will only be for a time..thats just life and women…. so MOVE ONE one life to live

  7. Mil
    July 23, 2010

    Well I find you easy padna, If I find a man in my girl’s house muchless for the bedroom you know mr not seeing tomorrow out of a hospital. Never let woman f*** wit your head like that padna, leave that rat for them cats to eat till they don’t want her no more.

  8. July 22, 2010

    Maybe it was another woman in bed with her.

  9. MX
    July 22, 2010

    My boy what u want for someone to bring u some CORN-labiee or to take u to a CORN field… Bossman just get a new gyal and treat this 1 like d one on the side!!!!!

  10. mac
    July 22, 2010

    Boy you stupid she naked he laying on the bed , what else do you think,

  11. HMMMM(1)psychic
    July 22, 2010

    Plain and simple…SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU. So my advise as a woman is LEAVE that woman alone

  12. poosky
    July 22, 2010

    hey the answer is right there in ur face.. u clearly can not trust her!!! my boi move on pls..trust me

  13. July 22, 2010

    my boy the woman is sending a very strong message to you so do the right thing.if you know is someting you did to her why she is doing it to you back check yourself.if you know that you are being faithful to her and thats her behavior just go silent on her just as bella say no phone calls,no text ,no communication. As the days goes by your burden will get lighter and there are many fishes in the sea.

  14. July 22, 2010

    boi jus startin walkin….! jus run weh

  15. wondering
    July 22, 2010

    hey i wonder if it was the otheround what would you want her to do?
    and are you telling the truth? maybe you hurt her in a way thats how you cause her to react.
    anyway she should be brave enough to say lets end the relationship.

  16. roots man
    July 22, 2010

    man women that how they operate is allways a friend that way i don’t feel sorry for them when they come wit der bull-shit about man doing them this and that so all you have to do is just WOOD DEMMMMMMM——–AND USE YOUR RUBBERS

  17. Y
    July 22, 2010

    Some women nor joking you no…..You think they easy ….BUT IS SO I NO DEM..!!!!

  18. WOW
    July 22, 2010

    Garcon you Maco! Garcon you are shameless! …If it was me i would only say that to my close friends,and not the whole world as you have done…Leave mamzel right away boy!! You mad..She caco you man!!!!!

  19. Truth
    July 22, 2010

    Boy, are you a damn full or just a Marco. What were they doing in their underwear. Modeling for each other I guess/ Leave the damn woman.

  20. Dos Esquois
    July 22, 2010

    You have the b***s to tell us! She gave you something in your water or coffee. Boy go back your fist instead ( miss palmella) no surprises and no heart breaks lol! Forget mamselle saqway maco.

  21. Oh no
    July 22, 2010

    Are you that slow? Go jump in de male river and wash yourself good my boy. Cannot say too much about the woman, some man just as bad. but there are some good ones out there take your time keep looking. but go jump in that male river check yourself.

  22. drlove
    July 22, 2010

    man sorry for saying that but dont be a fool that is the woman man and she nolonger interested in you so its time to look else where for love my brother that woman is a lie a cheat and a deceiver so therefore you should not trust her anymore love

  23. July 22, 2010

    man run fast the woman has her man what you waiting to see the two having SEX and then you leave,MAN RUN FAST AS YOU CAN.plenty fishies in the sea.

  24. CB CUZ
    July 22, 2010

    Ok so i am first!!!! Boy i wonder what dis woman gave you to drink because you sound like you a p+++ whipped. Boy get real you lies to you dosent want to be affectionate with you and you meet a man in her bed who wasnt her OBGYN so figure it out and if you want us to spell it out to you here it is …SHE DOH WANT YOU..
    On the other hand dats how we women does feel when all you men tell us dat “she is just a friend”. see what it feels like sot sot
    Any way move on and move out

  25. X
    July 22, 2010

    Man you must be mad to even still be in that position. You have enough evidence to turn your back and run. That one not good…plain and simple. Run.

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