Single woman can’t get married man off her mind

Dear Bella: I have been seeing a guy for about three months now. He used to come to my coffee shop every day and somehow he swept me away. Right away I knew that he was married because he would wear his ring every day.

After a few weeks of seeing him he removed his ring. I am not expecting anything; well at least I try not to. What bothers me is that he wants to be in a relationship with me. He is not with her because she is in France; he says that he and her are done and that he is working on it, yet I can’t help but think how can he want a relationship with me if he is technically married.

He is here for work and he has told me that he plans to go back to France, and when he says that, it doesn’t bother me because I can’t foretell the future, but the problem is that I feel rushed into being in a relationship. I want him to get himself cleared because obviously he has some issues that need to be resolved, but I can’t help it but wanting to see him! Any tips that you can give me?

Best Regards,

JZ.

Dear JZ,

If he and his wife are done why is he going back to France? I hope for your sake it is to file for divorce because he is not “technically married” but actually still married. I really think that women just make their lives more dramatic by committing themselves to situations that cause more hurt in their lives.

If his marriage is not working or his wife has cheated on him and he loves you why should he hesitate to leave the marriage? Married people should try to work out their issues and not try to try to get in the underwear of someone just because they’re experiencing stumbling blocks in their relationships. Moreover, others should not try to come between a marriage; that is dangerous ground you’re walking upon.

Really you need to allow this guy to solve his problems and not drown you into it, because you don’t know what is happening and you only have his word. If one day for any reason though he tells you he is divorced you should let him show you the proof of that too; he might just be looking for a mistress- if he already doesn’t have one.

Bella.

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41 Comments

  1. Rev. Donald Hill
    February 18, 2013

    Why are so many of these women attracted to married men? In the world I grew up in a person became interested in a person of approx the same age who would be hoping to meet somebody of approx the same age and of course they would both be single. JZ didn’t attract an unattached man in her own age bracket. Now she wants us to believe she is being sought by a married man! If so, it is obvious he is not making it with the very woman he chose to be his wife! If he is willing to break his marriage vows – and she encourages him to break his marriage vows – they are both losers. This would be a bad mix because two losers do not a winner make! Now JZ here are a few things you should know. (1) This man is deceptive. When you met him he was wearing a wedding band. When he started getting interested in you he took it off probably hoping you had not noticed it. If so, he is also a fool, because this is the FIRST thing a single girl notices! (2) You have no proof who or what he has in France and have no way of knowing unless you want to spend a small fortune to have a private investigation done. (3) How could you ever feel secure with a man who decided he and his previous wife were “done” and decided to leave her? The chances that someday – probably sooner than later – he would decide he and you are “done” are very high. After all, he would know that he had married (or was in a “relationship” with) a woman who didn’t respect marriage vows and had no regard for the moral laws of God. There would not exactly be the kind of cement between you that holds a man and woman together. (4) He has told you he plans to return to France. Can you not see he is setting you up? He obviously wants a woman to have a fling with while he is away from home and he is dangling a carrot in from of you like a man on a mule. He said he and his wife are “done”? JZ, I can tell you this is the lie that men use most. The more they tell it better they get at it and the more convincing they sound. Worst of all, you may not be the only woman he is using it on. JZ, I realize your letter was posted almost three years ago. By now your situation may have changed for the better. If not I hope you will weigh my comments and turn around. There are many other women out there in similar circumstances. What I have written sounds harsh. But it is not nearly as harsh as the life you are heading into. I am an ordained minister trained in pastoral counseling. I can assure you a better life awaits you if you will honor God and obey His laws! Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist. http://www.livinghopeministries.ca

  2. sweet pum pum
    December 23, 2010

    Girl there are worst issues in life than loving a married man …some of you all are taking this too
    personal I can actually pick up the venom in your responses….the heart is not so smart and sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people…all of you all hollier than thou mr and mrs perfects
    leave the poor woman alone if the man is lying to her then she is also a victim…girl enjoy yourself give it to him good but keep your head secured on your shoulders…make sure he spend some money on you just so you don’t waste your time….just make it worth your while….and all of you all who jealous learn to keep your husband, man, boyfriend whatever you want to call them these days in check….learn to keep your man happy

  3. hmph
    November 29, 2010

    well said bella

  4. chocolate
    August 16, 2010

    @Muslim_Always: ALL SIN IS FORGIVABLE SO IF U SLAP SUM1 AND ASK 4 FORGIVENESS WHO SAYS THAT GOD WLDNT FORGIVE A MURDERER.

  5. Muslim_Always
    August 14, 2010

    @chocolate: How could you say all sin is sin? Could slapping someone be equal to murder? How judge you?

  6. Thelma
    August 11, 2010

    @ HA HA HA, i totally agree with you. Little girl why don’t you turn off the computer and go in your bed, wait aminute, is that your mother i hear calling? “she coming mama she turning off de computer”. Girl u still deh talking nonsesne on Dominica news online!!!!!

  7. chocolate
    August 10, 2010

    listen to all y’all want to eat off the girl head. a marriage cant stop sum1 from lovin d other so alyo need to stop alyo shitt cuz al of us living in sin. married woman tlkin bout leave husband. tell me if them neva lust after another womans husband. alyo need to kno all sin is sin an none bigger than none because lust is just d same sin as adultery. girl if you love d man an u tink he love u give it a try am not sayn u wldnt get hurt cuz theres a possibility. beta to put urself out there an give it a try rather than in the future wonder wat it cld hv been. live ur life to the fullest an be prepared for disappointment and success

  8. Muslim_Always
    August 8, 2010

    @panda: Hi Panda, they will never leave the men alone. Many women out there want polygyny more than men and when we as a people come to terms with that then we can move on at a more mature stage of understanding our sexes.

    Polygyny has occured from time memorial even before Moses and will continue up to this day. God All Mighty even allowed inheritance for both wives from the dead husband.

    M_A

  9. Muslim_Always
    August 8, 2010

    In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

    To JZ: Men and women must accept polygyny (the allowance for a man to have plural wives once he is just to both as a condition). Hypocrisy in our society is dangerous. You JZ should not commit adultery with him however, you may consider marriage with this man after looking into his background and you are pleased with him. What he does with his wife or ex-wife, this is not your issue. This is his responsibility. If he is mature, he should not dump his problems on your back.

    JZ, take your time, see what this man brings to the table. Why he removed the ring from his finger suddenly? As for you, do your part as a woman, deal with the situation as maturely as possible.

  10. Pnuts
    August 7, 2010

    Tell the married man to GO HOME TO WIFEY. If wifey not giving him the puss, tell him to smell it then lay down by it.

  11. HA HA HA
    August 6, 2010

    i think those girls doing that on purpose to make people angry ,girl stay away from computer with your nonsence if you don’t have anything else to say, in love with man but he married.stupes.

  12. HA HA HA
    August 6, 2010

    I live abroad and my husband was in d/a for some time, i am shure he remove his ring and try to fool some of those stupid girls.I thought my country girls were smarter than that,oh boy.She self say when she saw him at first he had his ring on ,then he remove it when he see she is an easy target.Girl why are you so very stupid.The man wife is not there so he is doing what he want.i bet you if his wife come back looking good from the cold you won’t see him.if it was over between them why was he wearing the ring when you first saw him?Girl leave the person husband alone and look for your own man.have you ever read the bible ?don’t you fear god?

  13. Helen
    August 6, 2010

    I smell danger and dishonesty there. What i can’t understand about some men, married and single they will come to you and tell you that there is problem in their homes and relationships. Men will make up all sorts of stories about their wives and girlfriends just to start another relationship. That is really sad. Girl run as fast as you can if u r looking for a relationship with him you are in for trouble and heart break, if you are open minded stay on and be wise.

  14. August 6, 2010

    leave our husbands ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. Plenty more coming
    August 5, 2010

    @ Alternative, Sacray, No Good Vibes, all you will not kill me! This is a very serious issue, but you all really made me laugh at your comments. This JZ is really out of her bleddy mind! And I agree with you all 1000000%

  16. nature girl
    August 5, 2010

    My God of all person that there in the world you dont have to love a married man you just going to put blight on yourself my dear. the best thing to do is get a man of your own and leave the man try and sort things out with his wife and you shouldnt belive him when he say he and his wife have broken up thats just a trick to get in your pants. use your head sweetie

  17. Big Toe lee
    August 5, 2010

    Love is sponateous! All man is man, if he is married expect part-time loving. But you will still be getting loving. It beats being lonely with a dildo or doing za-me!!!! Girl go for it, love you man, nothing stays constant. today he is married, tomorrow he might not be. But remember one thing, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bushes, so love your man hard or leave him alone! PS: married men could be lots of fun, with no clean their mess.

  18. Pnuts
    August 5, 2010

    Last week it was JB this week is JZ with the issue of married man. Well JZ my advice to u is LEAVE PPLE MAN ALONE AND FIND YOUR OWN. Well said Bella, well said.
    Pnuts.

  19. August 5, 2010

    I THINK IT IS TIME FOR BELLA TO TELL THESE YOUNG LADIE’S IT IS ALRIGHT TO BE DEEPLY INVOVLE WITH THESE MARRIED MEN.BECAUSE TELLING THEM DON’T IS AS IF YOU ARE INSULTING THEM. SO MY DEAR GIRL GO FOR IT.YOU ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR MARRIED MAN? GO FOR IT.YOU FEEL LIKE HE IS THE ONE FOR YOU? GO FOR IT.HIS WIFE IS NOT MAKING HIM HAPPY? GO FOR IT.YOU THINK YOU CAN GIVE HIM THE SWEETEST SEX HE DON’T GET FROM HIS WIFE? GO FOR IT.BUT I HOPE WHEN YOUR PANTY CROUTCH START TO ROTTEN DON’T COME BACK AND ASK BELLA FOR ADVICE YOU LADIE’S DOES JUST GET ME SICK UNTIL I WANT TO VOMIT.

  20. Anonyme
    August 5, 2010

    “” LEAVE MARRIED MAN ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! STUPIG GIRL!!!!! IDIOT!!!! “” Get a life with your own man!!! T├Ębait!!!

  21. August 5, 2010

    I believe that all of those women who write those letters are just looking for attention.

    It is just impossible for me to believe that any adult in their sane mind is confused an uncertain about what to do with a married man who wants to hang around with them.

    Perhaps we should start ignoring them, by not commenting to their letters.

  22. August 5, 2010

    There no excuse for getting involved with a married man. PERIOD!!!!

  23. Pedro
    August 4, 2010

    woman get a life yu must be joking. yu want a good time face it. take the sex aand expect nothing less.

  24. Stats.
    August 4, 2010

    Check the courts and u’ll be surprise to know that the divorce rate in D/ca is a staggering 32%.
    81 – divorces and 251 – marriages.

    So everyone that’s there making comments about foolish this and foolish that be warned. People are getting married these days without giving it enough thought and deceit and lies. The #1 reason women find themselves (as wives) in this situation is because the traditional values are gone or diminishing. I’m a married man & I’m loosing all the respect, love, emotion for my wife in just under 3 years of marriage. Why? Not because I’m chasing or looking for any “little ting” that passing but because she’s not treating me right even though I try my best to take care of her on all levels (financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, all the ally’s … lol). I’ve never cheated but surely we’ll divorce soon and D/cans will say “see dat, after all that hard time she put up with he divorce her and have other woman enjoying what she work for”

    Men don’t take your women for granted.
    Women don’t take your men for granted.

  25. Stryka
    August 4, 2010

    I find it disheartening that people are coming here very frequently to ask Bella for advice of getting into a relationship with married people especially women wanting to fall in love with married men. There are so many single individuals here with good qualities .Come out under the clouds of illusions and fantacies with those married people . Advise them to go back to their wives. What makes you all think you all wont get a backlash? Remember they were so very much in love with that same woman thats why he took her to the altar and take the marriage creed .Ladies be careful is all i can say.

  26. Anonymous
    August 4, 2010

    Girl, the man will go to hell and come back with lies just because he wants to get a piece and when all is done he will go home to his wife and forget you ever existed. Right now he feels like a bird out of a cage because he is away from his wife. That man is a straight up cheater and a player. Hope his wife catches him

  27. SS
    August 4, 2010

    @da.: it seems u are another of the unintelligent girls that are stupid to entertain a relationship with a married man. lol may the force be with you.. Dont know when girls like you will learn to get your own, and then it will always be your own. Dont know when you all will be smart enough to realize that any man that loves you truly and wholy will never have you in such a situation and i would really like to see when you turn into a woman and realize the nonsense you believed in before.. Learn to be a strong woman! Dont let a man fool you.. remember that

  28. Not good vibes
    August 4, 2010

    @Alternative to smelling the coffee ,the green tea ,the marijuana tea seemer contoire tea It look look like she nor he have any integrity.
    Even de IPO now find integrity so JZ you better find yours. lol!

  29. Not good vibes
    August 4, 2010

    @da. That’s the kind of advise you giving? Go wizer de coco and then give it to the right/good man? give me a break afte de coco lose all it’s glamity? wow!

  30. sacray
    August 4, 2010

    Not another marriage destroying, ho! I give up!

  31. da.
    August 4, 2010

    Girl dont mind all those sitting there trying to pass judgment on u. Most of them doing worst than u. If u have no sin, cast the first stone. pppllzzzz.
    In the mean time, have fun enjoy u have one life to live. when is time to settle down u will knw the right man will come by. Never ask a man to leave his wife, let him make that decision on his own. let him love u for who u are, never force someone to love u .

  32. Wow
    August 4, 2010

    All you not serious. first is Jd now JZ are all the Js just idiots. Girl single girls look for single guys not married ones. We women need to realise we are worth more than just a thing on the side. We need a partner whom we ca share our life with. Tell de man put his ring on and keep moving on

  33. Lolo
    August 4, 2010

    She want the thing too.This is what the guy wants a place to parck his pipi99 after 10.00p.m when the day is done and the darkness comes from the wings of night.More so if it is raining.we in hurricane season and the winds blow and rain drops on the zinc sheets make well for pipi 99.
    If you want a grin and he needs one fine hit it but doh go talking about relations! Let’s be real the guy want a little piece.

  34. DC
    August 4, 2010

    Be certain you know what you doing, because married men seldom leave their wives for girlfriends,
    the satistics are very low. When they do however, the end up leaving you for someone else.
    Make sure you think this through, it is never worth the hurt in the end.

  35. Alternative
    August 4, 2010

    I think DNO should add a new column to this website ” A Dear God ” Column .Clearly these people need some divine intervention.Majority of the letters addressed to Bella relates to some extra marital affair or some promicious behavior , numerous sexual partners or encounters or some issue along that line.These articles have more drama than a soap oprah and a romance novel combined.

    JZ let me give you some advice and i am certain most of the commentors will give you similar advice……………………stay away from the married man……….he will break your fragile heart…………………….. he made a commitment to his wife yet he is interested in you , so who says he won’t be interested in the girl at ritual, kfc or subway or some othere coffee shop…………………………….i know this sounds cliche but please wake up and smell the coffee……………….he is going back to his wife

  36. OH MY MAN
    August 4, 2010

    I am tired of these women wanting to fall in love with married man…This will bring a curse upon this land..Are these women Dominican, or is this Bella thing a regional thing..There are many guys out there who want to commit themselves into a marriage relationship..One will come your way.Pray for it,but do not ruin a relationship,believing that your own love life will be better than the one you ruined….No way!!!! LEAVE MARRIED MEN IN PEACE LADY !!!!!

  37. no sir-ree
    August 4, 2010

    You clearly have a little bit of sence because it actually bothers u that he wants to have a relationship with you. Let him finish “work on it” and then tell him to get back to you when all the work is done.

  38. BLUE PRINTS
    August 4, 2010

    HMMPH…dude jus trying to get some.. he aint no divorced his wife far away he wants some he likes you…he sees you’re a serious woman and may not want to get into any hanky pankys so he coming up with the he and his wife seperated story… like seriously my girl.. if you want piece of the pie yah enjoy that but always remember that shit aint going nowhere.. not even if he says so…

  39. SS
    August 4, 2010

    oh dear another unintelligent girl… jah! will say it again LEAVE MARRIED MEN ALONE U IDIOTS no matter what the excuse… how many times do people have to say it to get to you all thick skulls… is it that hard to comprehend!

  40. The Day Has Come
    August 4, 2010

    But wait a minute. Are this women getting dumber and dumber or have a cruel heart???? What nonsense is that for me nor. Unbelievable. I’m not even wasting my time offering advice cause clearly this woman is too stupid. No wonder you single….. stupessssssss

  41. LYNN
    August 4, 2010

    Leave the married man alone. Unless he dont show you the divorce papers assume he is lying to you. Let him show you proof he is legally divorced and then proceed into your relationship. I mean what kind of relationship can you have with a married man. You will have no future with him.

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