Still in love with my ex

I broke up with my high school sweetheart of 6-7 years after he got another girl pregnant and left the country right after the break up.

I’m back now after four years and find myself falling for that guy.  I do love him very much but just not certain whether I should get back in a relationship with him. He has admitted he has feelings for me and not sure if he’ll ever get over me, but I just dont know if he loves me genuinely.

Its now five years since we broke up and so much has happened: I have a child and he recently got out of a relationship with someone that he cared deeply for. He told me his girlfriend left him for petty reasons but he has changed over the years (no longer cheats).

We have discussed getting back together but we both have alot of questions and doubts.  But I do love him very much.  We are both single and have always maintained  good communication between us.

Is it wise to get back in a relationship after a five-year break up?

Confused

Dear Confused,

So you two were high school sweethearts for 6-7 years but then he got someone else pregnant. This is the first red flag. If he had loved you genuinely from back then, this would have never happened.

Then he got into another relationship but has now broken up because of “petty reasons,” as he said. I think this happened because he cheated as he cheated on you during your high school sweetheart years..

It seems your ex is good at cheating and this has been destroying successive relationships. Hence tread with caution. Don’t jump into anything with him right now. Keep the good communication between the two of you going. Take into consideration you have a child and children always complicate matters. Just make sure you don’t fall in a trap that you will regret later on.

Bella

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39 Comments

  1. babydee
    August 19, 2011

    sweetheart i am happy you believe it could work I have been in your shoes 4 years ago broke up with my boyfriend of five years then we fell out coz of distance we tried to make up three years ago we tried to make it work but that was all a lie late last year I was planning on moving to where he was but something in me said no I found out early this year he was getting married and his wife was pregnant so be careful

  2. Diva
    July 16, 2011

    To me it seriously doesnt matter if he cheated..people change for the better .. i think this girl should atleast take another chance with him, if however it doesnt work well i think they should jus remain friends. besides them always talking on the phone might actually mean something good meaning that tley are probably meant to be.. and jus saying … #Best of luck !

  3. alex
    July 4, 2011

    GIRL, DON’T LISTEN TO BELLA.
    a lot of the comments brings up the fact that he cheated on u before, yes this is a fact; however he was younger then.
    5 yrs plus the responsibility of fatherhood is enough to make a man get serious about what they want out of life.
    converse with him. share ur thoughts and hopes fro the future. analyse whether the too of you want the same thing. and if he will respect ur relationship with ur child.
    then if you are still feeling him then fine.
    the heart wants what the hearts want….but by conversing u will realise if ‘the head will get what it needs as well’
    make ur decision based on both ur heart and ur head.
    peace

  4. dog face
    July 4, 2011

    where d hell this BELLA came from? i guess we young should seek advice from someone Bella,let Bella go find something else to do. Her advices are poor and negative.

  5. fire
    July 1, 2011

    True love never dies.

  6. Truth, Love, Peace
    June 28, 2011

    Bella gave a good response. What do some of you expect of Bella? Do you expect her to say to the young lady, to forget about him?
    Bella is correct! The young lady must tread carefully.
    Human beings are weak of heart, mind, will and spirit. There is no guarantee that either one will not cheat in the future.
    When people are in love or have feelings for each other you should know that it is not so easy to break up a relationship or even ignore each other. Once they saw each other the old flame was re-kindled. :) They had shared something in common during those years.
    They were in love. As teenagers, they were not prepared to make a serious commitment. He may have had only a teenage fling even though it lasted for a few years. Generally, women/girls are more serious than men/boys and at such a time.
    He made a mistake. This happens to many people.
    She left the country and she has returned. They are not married. He has shown interest in her; so does she, in him.
    Knowing what occurred in the past between them, she may be wary of entering into a renewed relationship with him.
    My advice is both of them should have a serious talk to determine how serious he is. She must ask him about his feelings and if he wishes to have a committed relationship which will cultimate in marriage. Do not be shy about that. After all they are adults.
    Questions are to be asked and answered from both sides.
    If I were her I would not hesitate to have a heart to heart talk with him.

  7. Anonymous
    June 28, 2011

    my situation is almost the same as yours but is jus that either of us dont have kids.

    • PooBell
      June 28, 2011

      @Anonymous
      Situation is almost the same what. STOP giving man the upper hand on all U. All U have man hitting all U pockets, in all U face and below all U waiste. Gain some respect for oneself here.

  8. just a suggestion
    June 28, 2011

    If he is being honest with you about changin his ways he should tell you what the ‘petty’ reasons were that led to the break up of his last relationship. This would help you to start trusting him again – what is his relationship with the child he had before you left. Why dont you just take things slow, no need to rush. Yes he may have changed but you are also a different person, had different experiences and a different life, all without him and you made it through.

  9. guest
    June 28, 2011

    Don’t pay Bella any mind. I got pregnant for a guy who had his gfriend and he forced me to have an abortion. at least your guy didn’t do that…he told you about it. this a man that knows about communication, he didn’t punish another for your sake. so if your hearts tells you go, then hurry up find your man..

    • Spicelady
      June 28, 2011

      No man can force you to have an abortion; the final choice is yours. you could have had your baby and life goes on.

      • New york
        November 16, 2016

        Of course she could be forced to have an abortion numb-nuts. If she know that she is in no position to take care of a child on her own and he told her he wont stick around to help wtf u wanted her to do? Grow another child in the struggle? Grow a child hungry without know when the child is going to have its next meal? Then there will be a high chance of that kid being another product of everyting that is wrong with society ?. U people kill me with this pro life non sense. She could then go back to school and/or make sure she gets a proper job and put her self in a better position to grow a child out of the struggles. And also u wont her here saying “i got pregnant by mistake, now i dont know what I’m going to do” like most of u!

  10. la beauty
    June 28, 2011

    i’m fed up of the borin stories wi bella..spice it up a lil nuh :)

  11. Anonymous
    June 28, 2011

    i’m fed-up of the borin stories wi bella…spice it up a lil nuh :)

  12. Tea
    June 28, 2011

    Dear Bella I think your story line are all the same, poor and noneducational. I think you need to write about something that someone can learn from. why not write an article on self-esteem, dating, health talk or something more worth reading. Its a real shame…. be different!!!!!

    ADMIN: Why don’t you send us something so Bella can comment on. Bella comment on what people send us, things that affect them daily. Hope to get something from you soon.

    • OPTIMIST
      June 28, 2011

      totally agree with you. was thinking the samew thing the other day..its about time. always a beth on man and woman..need something educational…

      • Casual
        June 28, 2011

        Dear Tea and Optimist
        Bella has no control over who writes what to her. I believe she gives it her best shot and we all may not like what she have to say but the insults? Really ? they are uncalled for. The column is a ‘love column’ if you want something educational, just google educational topics, sign up for some classes,
        read the Health Column, but don’t hold Bella responsible for educating you, that’s not her job. Do yourself a favor and just simply do not sign on to DNO websites if you are that disgusted with what you find :mrgreen:

    • Jolie
      June 28, 2011

      why dont you go read a book that you can learn from … somebody compel you to read BElla IDIOT

    • Truth, Love, Peace
      June 28, 2011

      @ Tea

      I wonder what type of mentality do you possess. I see nothing wrong with the article and Bella’s comment.

  13. Muslim_Always
    June 28, 2011

    Firstly, everyone makes mistakes and if it is found this individual is remorseful and repents then just as Allah gives us a chance; we should give others a chance as well.

    Second, this young lady needs this man to clearly define what does he mean his “girlfriend” left him for “petty” reasons. We should not jump to conclude it’s the same cheating habit. Find out exactly why she left him, the reason I say this is to find out whether he has really changed his ways or the reason for his breakup was legitimate.

    Thirdly, there is a child involved, what about the welfare of the child? Is he maintaining, keeping contact or doing everything possible to establish good relations with his child? Also ms. confused you need to ask yourself if you are to seriously consider this man for marriage, are you willing to accept his child and treat him/her with love and care? Are you ready to be a step mother?

    Lastly, ms confused, the things you are confused about, you could try listing them, work through them one by one, communicate and find resolution within yourself. Take your time, even if your emotions are bursting, take your precious time. I urge you to seek a God fearing life, know that God does not like fornication…seek courtship and marriage.

    • OPTIMIST
      June 28, 2011

      in agreement..short and to thw point..

    • June 28, 2011

      @Muslim Always

      Nice going! I could not have said it better.

    • goose
      June 30, 2011

      while i agree with you i prefer to sample everything before i say i do because if the thing sour i know i will regret…………..

  14. Gaza
    June 28, 2011

    some woman sot wi boy alas…. check pastor BJ my girl

  15. BMI
    June 28, 2011

    Give him Six months, without any sexual contact, if he is still singing the same song then make sure you talk about all your concerns and put your cards on the table before going into anything with him…

    LET HIM CHASE YOU! I’m serious; nowadays you have to be careful who you let into your child’s life.

    If he is genuine you will know. You can ignite an old flame, but address all the issues you had prior.

    • Straight Wood
      June 28, 2011

      chase what? so much pumpum it have wasting all about the place. pumpum for a $ end pumpum for free. come on pumpum is the easiest thing to get on earth.

      • BMI
        June 28, 2011

        At the end of the day the easiest thing to get on earth will seem more appealing when you work for it…sex is sex. Don’t get it confused with love\commitment.

      • Straight Wood
        June 29, 2011

        LOL. pumpum is pumpum come on… wet, dry, tight , slack, big, small, large, deep, shallow,those with grip those without grip, all making you happy.

  16. JustGivingMyTwoCents
    June 28, 2011

    Bella and her retarded advice! Girl, if you know what’s good for you, just ignore Bella. Bella tired assume and make an A..s out of herself!

    I say… if you love him and he loves you, you both are single – try it! You can’t really lose anything right now. That’s love for you – it involves taking chances. No one knows how a relationship is going to end up. It’s all about taking the chance and hoping that it works out to everyone’s benefit and advantage.

    Life is all about opportunities. Those who take them and make them are the ones that succeed. I understand that you may be a bit hesitant to dive into this with this guy…but you have to remember, we all have been young and dumb and make stupid mistakes (not that I’m calling his child one). What I’m saying is that sometimes people group up and learn from their mistakes. It’s about you now being mature enough to know what you want and if he is what you want – TRY IT OUT! Never limit yourself and your wants without first testing your strength and ability to achieve what you want.

    Give the man some slack and if you can’t do that, then you may not be ready to be with him.

    Just do not be blind to his flaws, keep your eyes open and remember that LOVE is about working together to keep what you have, how you want it. Your relationship will only be what you guys make it become.

    Good luck
    Blessings

  17. hmmm
    June 28, 2011

    sometimes i think we give up on d ones we love too easily….we need to face reality that both men n women cheat sometimes we are humans we all make mistakes he just happened 2 make d young woman pregnant….all,all u had to do was sit down n speak to each other n try to work out things i know it wont b easy alot of tears would b shed but some of us have too much pride all we concern bout is wat our friends or family might think…its ur life do wat makes u happy not wat will make ur friends talk less bout u….c dat u left d guy five years after u want him back where as u could just stay n resolve things between all u…five years now n five years before d fact still remains dat he cheated n got a woman pregnant

  18. OPTIMIST
    June 28, 2011

    no sense bella…..another advice would hve served her well..doesnt matter if they broke up ten yrs ago since she did not specify wat cuased his relationship to fall apart, u cant just openly say that he cheated.
    asnce they are single its good to figure out if these feelings arew better of as friends or if they can make it work. guessing they are both grown and mature to figure out what they want in life..nothing beats a try but a failur, unless u fail to try…its better to regret giving it a shot than to regret ignoring ur feelings for each other..

    • Ah ha
      June 28, 2011

      he says that he has changed over the years (NO LONGER CHEATS)… which means he was declining in the frequency of his affairs….but cheating nonetheless!

  19. Pnuts
    June 28, 2011

    Well said Bella.

    You said your ex and his recent GF broke up for petty reasons, I know that U know he cheated, just like he cheated on U 5 yrs ago.
    You want to know if it is wise U get back in a relationship after a 5yr breakup, HHmmm. They say time heals all wounds so for the next 5 yrs of your life U can spend it with him so he could cheat on U again. Leapards do not change their spots. He will always cheat. Then you will have another heart break from the same man and 10 yrs of your life spent on a looser.
    There is a saying that goes, fool me once shame on U, fool me twice shame on me. Reconsider my dear, U have a child hanging in the balance of your failure.

  20. south masive
    June 28, 2011

    i strongly beleive he is on the rebound n u r here n he knows that u still have feelings for him so he is trying to get something out of it while it lasts what did he say was the petty reasons a child needs a stable father figure cant b with jim today n john tomorrow i strongly belive u all should just remain friends and dont get involve in any relationship however if he does want to get a relationship ask him for a commitment cause u all were together for 6 yrs before so u all know the ropes bout each other

  21. Smell a rat
    June 28, 2011

    Girl don’t rush into that. It looks as if Mr. just want a piece of the ‘fresh’ meat in town. He is unstable and sounds like he’s got baggage.

    Bella gave some good advice. Talk to him and tread slowly. After being in a relationship you might just find out that it was just a little ‘old fire stick’ thing, and that you’ve grown and are not as in love with him as you thought.

    Let him test for HIV. Don’t be foolish.

  22. u suck
    June 28, 2011

    I’ve been following and looking at your response to people genuine concerns and i much say YOU SUCK AT THIS. time and time i have read your comment to people sicking neutral advice and not one that’s based on your personal belief.

    IF YOU KNOW YOUR NOT GOOD AT SOMETHING DON’T DO IT.

  23. Anonymous
    June 28, 2011

    DNO, is only one set of stories you have for Dear Bella? stupes. I find you just a waste of time now. DNO get real boring papa.

    • Juice
      June 30, 2011

      Go to the library and read something else :twisted:

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