Teenager abused by boyfriend

Dear Bella

I’m a sixteen year old with lots going on in my life. I’m involved with an 18 year old who does not treat me to good. We have been together for two years now and his very abusive and jealous.

But that’s not all I found out about a year ago that he was involved in another relationship and it really hurt me. He claims to love me but at times i don’t really think he does. I can forgive him at all and because of this  I somewhat got involved with another boy from the same community that treats me better, but the sad thing is that he got a girlfriend. I have strong feelings for the both of them.

My boyfriend tells me at times that I act like a bitch and I don’t think I act like one at all. At times when I go in his inbox I see text messages from his ex-girlfriend and many other girls and when I confront I him about it he say that he loves me and not them. It’s the same thing with his Facebook.

When I tell him its over he beats me and I forgive him and take him back. All my friends and family members tell me that I should leave him but i really love him and that’s my first real relationship. When we have a fight I run to the other guy for comfort. I really want to tell him that its over but am scared that he’ll hit me again if I do so. I just don’t have it in me to sit down and really talk to him, what should I do?

Confused

Dear Confused,

As a sixteen year old you shouldn’t be contemplating, much less talking, about the kinds of relationship you mentioned. At your age you should concentrate on getting an education for yourself. A good education will make your future brighter

Furthermore, you mentioned being in a jealous and abusive relationship which also includes being beaten. This is not the type of relationship for any woman, whether she is sixteen for forty-six. So get out.

You need to start prioritizing what is most important in your young life.

Bella

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69 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    July 3, 2013

    Confused: There are others in the same or similar situations so I am writing for any who might take something helpful from my comments.

    Here are a few facts you should know.

    (1) When this man “beats” you he is probably breaking the law. In most countries he could go to jail for this.

    (2) Men who physically abuse women seldom change. Without hard jail time, therapy, or counseling they get worse.

    (3) A man who physically abuses his girlfriend or wife will likely abuse his children if they have a family.

    (4) As often as not physical abuse is accompanied by the consumption of alcohol and this combination can turn a home into a living hell.

    (5) Where girlfriends, wives, and children are being beaten there is the risk of serious injury and even death. Domestic violence sometimes leads to murder charges being laid.

    (6) This man has other women in his life so obviously you mean nothing to him except you are part of a dirty little game that some men play.

    7) You are with him because you don’t think a good man would take an interest in you. For some crazy reason you think this is the best you can get.

    Confused (and all others in the same or similar circumstances) – if this kind of man is all there is in your ball park get out of there and go to a different ball park!

    You must start believing in yourself! Take a close look at the woman in the mirror. Make yourself into the kind of woman a truly good man will be attracted to for the right reasons. Start going to, attending, and hanging out at respectable places where you’re apt to meet the kind of man you would be proud to introduce as your husband. You will likely find he’s there waiting for you!

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  2. sexyness
    April 17, 2012

    girl get out of dat relationship you to young for dat kind of boyfriend

  3. Anonymous
    December 29, 2011

    jack

  4. queenie
    May 25, 2011

    woman ( i mean child)
    at 14 you not suppose to be in no relationship

    your parents working hard to send u skool and is man u studying?!?!?!

    doh waste bella time with dem nonsense u writing dere, eh.

    take what u get………..

  5. HotBoy
    March 29, 2011

    Girrrllll!! use ur brain…u doe love d man, u jus foolin urself. get out of dis mayne!!

  6. his girl
    February 27, 2011

    u to like an… he beating u and u hate the fact that he has other woman yet still u going to make another unhappy by squeezing urself in someone else ‘s happines. wats makes u think that the other boy will leave his woman for you. GET REAL, U 2 YOUNG TO BE KILLING UR BODY, THATS NOPT LOVE AT ALL.

  7. friend
    February 5, 2011

    she claim to have a secret excuse for still being wit him . IT MAKES SENSE BUT STLLLLL. LEAVE HIMMMM NOW

  8. friend
    February 5, 2011

    i believe i no exactly who this young woman is, an she`s been in that abusive relationship for quite a while now . And if am right on the person , the 1st time her so CALLED BOYFRIEND hit her i told her to end it and do it now inform her mom about the situation.Cause its goin to continue and would soon be happenin on d road ,so said so done. now he hits her when eva his faustrated or ends up in a problem with somebody else. SHE`S LIKE HIS BOXIN BAG , AND POLICE HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

  9. private
    February 4, 2011

    girl u nt confused u stupid

    • NSJ
      February 4, 2011

      I agree! When you start you question with I have a boyfriend who does not treat me too good then you already know that what they hell u asking – get out move on and pay attention to an education.

  10. Empathising
    February 4, 2011

    The point is not whether or not she should or should not be in this relationship, maybe she shouldn’t have been but the fact remains that she is and just telling her to ‘focus on her school-work’, while it is good advice, does not help her current situation… my girl, if he will hit you if you tell him in person then don’t sit and ‘talk it out’ with him, send him a text or call him and tell him its over, it doesn’t seem like he deserves the courtesy of talking in person anyway, you know speaking to him always makes you change your mind and forgive him and take him back, so don’t! And for awhile, stay away from him.. he’ll beg, and text and call and promise to change, but he won’t.. also, another thing, through your vulnerability you turned to the arms of the other man but note, HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND and baby girl he won’t leave her for you, so you can remain friends but always keep your guard up because when we’re lonely and sad or grieving, we seek human comfort and some people tend to take advantage of that… After you end it with your boyfriend, you should take some time for yourself, no serious relationships, just love yourself and give yourself time to get over the past hurts.. it will hurt and it won’t be easy, trust me you can do it, you can get away from him and build your life, and one day you will find someone to love like you want to be loved, just have faith, and remember to put God into, because without Him, you can’t do it on your own.. blessings girlfriend.. i wish you all the best!

    • SMH
      April 14, 2011

      Thank you soooo much! That response from “Bella” is the most unhelpful advice I’ve seen for this type of situation. Are you kidding me?

  11. Sweet Island Girl
    February 3, 2011

    Young Lady, your studies should be your priority not these men. Get an education and be an independent woman. Don’t let your life revolve around men, when the time is right you will find a respectful and loving man to love you the way you should. Parents we need to teach and counsel our young women, if they don’t find it at home they will go out and find it, and it’s not always the right love they find. Run as fast and far away from this Guy!

  12. Jayne
    February 3, 2011

    Dear Confused: Get the hell out! get the hell out! get the hell out! As Dear Bella said, you need to focus on your education…you are only sixteen for crying out loud. This relationship is not healthy for anyone not 16 or 61 and if you were smart enough you would have known that so honey you are young so get out and focus on yourself. Your special someone is out there but you won’t find him if you keep walking down that dead end.

  13. big bust
    February 3, 2011

    go and pray girl as a man thats not good for u

  14. gaza
    February 3, 2011

    hit her she too dam nasty. take it like a man…..

  15. Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
    February 2, 2011

    Bella’s response is correct.
    Girls will be girls and boys will be boys. Nearly every girl, if not all of them had admirers when they were attending school and as teenagers. You know boys having a crush on girls and vice versa. It was not unusual as every adult will state.
    I recall I had admirers when I was attending school but they were only admirers and nothing else. I often reminisce about it with my friends as they do when we get together on certain occasions and we get a good laugh about those days.
    We were children and did not grow up before our time. We teenaged girls associated with girlfriends and not boyfriends. In fact there was a sort of shyness in even talking to teenaged boys. I cannot say that it was not fun and a pleasant encounter.
    Thank God I had the type of strict parents especially my mother who was always home taking care of us and the household. She would never allow her teenaged daughters to go out in the night. After school we returned home. I would visit a good school friend at her parents home who resided only a few houses away from my parents home. If we went to matinee with our friends, we had to return right after the movie was over.
    I also attended teenage dances with my girlfriends – school friends. We had a lot of fun. However, it was the exact warning, return home immediately after leaving the dance hall. I could elaborate more on this.
    It appears this is not the norm today with young girls or shall I say some of them. These days some of them go to night dances. Some parents do not know where their teenage daughters and sons are in the evening. There may be those who do not obey their parents.
    It will be said that times have changed but today more teenagers get into trouble by having such a freedom. I often wonder where are their parents and what discipline do they receive at home.
    This young girl is 16 and should be concentrating on school. I was once 16 as all other female adults. Where does she find the time to see and date this young man and for him to beat her up?
    She allows him to beat her up? Are her parent(s) aware of this?
    What type of relationship does she have with her parent(s)? She should speak to her parent(s) and let them handle this young man by talking to him and also his parents. They should warn him to stay away from their teenage daughter. I always personally advise, try to do this amicably and if the other party will be receptive. Not all parents are fair and welcome criticism of their children even though they are wrong.
    What is going to happen to her if she continues in that manner?
    This young man also needs counseling. If he beats up a teenaged girl consider what he will do later. I hate to say this, jealousy and beating could lead to murder. He should be reported to the Police for abuse.
    Young lady, run for your life. This man has no respect for you and does not love you. People who love others do not harm them and by beating them up.
    Consecrate on your schooling. You are only young once and time flies. Soon you will become an adult and will have all the time to date and later marry. Ensure then that the man whom you associate with will respect you and love you.
    Use your intelligence. Have some pride for yourself. Do not allow any man to ill-treat you and beat you up. In later years the situation may be worst. Do speak to your parents.
    In addition, you are a precious child of God and in the eyes of the Lord. You are a future adult. The world needs you. Dominica needs you. You better believe it.
    Do not waste your God-given precious time with such a person.
    Practice the faith and pray to God. Do so unceasingly. God will assist you to stay away from such types of company and protect you.
    I wish you all the best. May God bless you, enlighten you and protect you.

    • Lizavier4Jesus
      February 3, 2011

      Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity

      I can relate to all the things you have said above. But I just want you to know that I wondered wether you were a male or female. Could not tell by your DNO identity. But now I know, as you spoke about your “mother” and her strictness with her teenage “daughters”.

      I know now, why I am able to relate to your sentiments in general. And now I am wondering if as women, we tend to know God’s Love, as we are able to be in harmony about Him and His Ways, much more than it seem to be with the men among us. Just wondering!

      Blessings to you.

      • Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
        February 3, 2011

        God bless you!

        @Lizavier4Jesus:

        As the saying, I let the cat out of the bag, eh? :)

        Yes! My parents were strict and this is an understatement. Residing in Toronto and looking back on this nurturing, it has benefited me immensely. It is an asset and not an impediment which kept me from associating with bad company. Also my faith, hope and trust in God. All these were part of my parents nurturing.
        Everyone makes some sort of mistake. After all we are not perfect and how perfect could we be in this life? Nevertheless, we do try.
        Women do know God’s Love more than men and seek Him more than men. More women attend Church than men and there are reasons for that.
        Would love to comment further about a dream I had some years ago and what transpired a few weeks later. It was a good dream. Some other time. Hopefully, we will find a relevant topic so that I could relay the dream.
        God bless you!

  16. concern
    February 2, 2011

    nasty go to church not man

    • kixxer
      March 29, 2011

      do u go church??? no! so hush. is it a problem to confide in the opposite sex.

  17. shy
    February 2, 2011

    well ,after reading what you told bella ,it dosen’t seems like you love yourself very much.I love myself too much to let a man scar it.Then if you don,t love yourself how in the world do you expect the man to love you.

  18. me @ muslim always
    February 2, 2011

    wow you really think that one should get married this early in life. how about the parent consenting to them having a boyfreind but couseling them on bounderies that is no sex no heavy petting etc. if you are a good paent your kids will listen to you. i agree with you that there is alot of hypocrisy in scociety, but i think allowing these 14 year old teenagers to get married is wrong. those hypocryte parents believe they can prevent their kids form having a boyfreind when they know that no one could prevent then from having one at that age. so these young girls have secret relationships.

    the problem would easily be solved if parents would counselthir kids about sexand relationship and stop being so damn hypocrite, in that way the young or young man i likely to make a better fecision in choosing a padner which will most likely lead to marriage

    • muslim_always
      February 2, 2011

      I like your comment, yes all this comes with it in Islam, the parents do counsel their children about heavy petting etc, that’s why the only man the girl knows is her husband. Even if parents do counsel their children, Allah/God is the one who place the desires and feelings thus if the young girls wants to get married then why prevent her? Marriage is not a sin, it is a blessing from Allah and so is sex. Our society has corrupted the atmosphere allowing persons to think that sex is for ‘adults,’ but Allah is the one who decides when a girl is ready. If 18 or 20 was the correct age then women would start seeing puberty or menstruation (period) at that age. However, we see young ladies generally see this at that time, they have desires and not all 13 or 14 yr old are immature. The reason why many are immature it’s because parents are doing a poor job in raising the girls. The young girls must be taught to be responsible for a home at a young age. They must be taught ethics and manners in dealing with people. It all starts at home.

      In short counselling is good but it’s unfair for a young girl to go from 13-18 or 13-16 having her feelings bottled up inside. Some women are stronger than others, thus we must not oppress them, they must have a practical way to channel those desires. Why don’t the parents allow her 13 yr old daughter and her 15 yr old husband to live with them whilst going to school? Why not counsel them there whilst they have the practical experience? The counselling can be directed at the couple at they maybe not getting pregnant in the meantime, the hypocrisy would disappear because the couple are married in the open. Stifling these young girls is just so wrong and oppressive. I hope we have an understanding.

  19. south
    February 2, 2011

    Where is your self esteem?

  20. Disclaimer
    February 2, 2011

    Girl get out of the relationship and stop whining!!!!. The man doesn’t love you ismple as that!!

  21. JaJa
    February 2, 2011

    If a man hits you once he is always going to hit you. he is going to claim that he has changed but in truth he hasn’t. i dont know why they hit probably it makes them feel good or probably they think they’re in control either way it is a no-no. going back to him when he apologises is not going to change anything you need to show him that enough is enough and you will not stand for abuse.
    but on second note, darling you are only sixteen – you are still young you should not be contemplating relationships now. i mean yes they say the age a woman falls in love is 16 but girl this is not for you. now i am not telling you to go ‘fishing’ all i am telling you is now is the time w here you sit down and decide what it is you want for yourself before it’s too late. your teen years always seem to go slower than when you reach adulthood. by the time you are twenty seven and havent accomplished a 1/4 of what you said you wanted to it’s gonna be more difficult. my advise to you – get out of the relationship and dont rush into another one. the man you run to for comfort now will start to ‘chat you up’ because he think you are vulnerable. i’ve been through it

  22. Nudibranch
    February 2, 2011

    he is an option not a priority. You should be concentrating on getting your education, and moving on with your life not, becoming trailer trash. if he hits you go to the police, if they wont’ do anything, wait till he’s asleep and teach him a lesson he will never forget.

    • baby girl
      February 2, 2011

      No i don’t agree when u told her wait when he is a sleep, we dont want her to go down that path.
      at sixteen baby thats puppy relationship (he is a want not a need) fright for your education cause once u smart u are beautiful make something of yourself so tomorrow u can spit when u see him. get help go to the police involved ppl in it so they can know what he is doing.
      DONT NEVER MAKE A MAN HIT U

  23. Juror #6
    February 2, 2011

    “WHAP!!! Take it like a man!” As de popular song says.

    Is good for you because you should be studying your damn books, not focusing on man…and even have “anniversary”, you wif de man for 2 years?! STUPES!!

    Child (because dat’s what you are) go and study for your exams eh!

    • ra21
      February 2, 2011

      u is a fool dat alone i hav 2 say

      • lang sal
        February 3, 2011

        @Juror #6.. look kix i like that… whap!!..lol lol all u not easy

  24. claire
    February 2, 2011

    child ok not child you deprive yourself of your childhood .Young lady run back to your books they wont dont hit or get jealous the only harm they do us rob your of some sleep your age you should be heading to college soon these books have class they are very expensive the prize of 1 can buy an entire outfit for you boyfriend WHO pay for books mum and dad not boyfriend . that is why boys top the exams this year while you all reading their inbox and facebook and worry about who they see they read their school books also find yourself in church groups the older folks need a rest i dont want to read on dno about any murder or suiside due to lovers neglect and abuse so dear ask god for wisdom srenght and knowledge and you will be soon graduating with honors find a boyfriend in university

    • ,?.!,?.!
      February 2, 2011

      @ Claire: Her k*&k^%looks scratching her, you haven’t given her a remedy for it. Reading cannot stop when her clitoris is rubbing against her panties especially if she has a long p**sy tongue.

      We need to get real in this society. Yes beat the books but you have to give her the remedy when her moon up. 8)

  25. Family Guy
    February 1, 2011

    come an meet me girl…i;ll treat you good….doe worry bout them other comments….

    • .!,?.!,?
      February 1, 2011

      Advice the girl to get counselling. She doesn’t even love herself to be in an abusive relationship in the first place. Use your head na man! Why you all like to pick up garbage, let the girl deal with her emotional issues if she serious about change. When those girls move on in relationships, she has all the damn emotional baggage! Think my boy, you don’t need dat!

    • kixxer
      March 29, 2011

      loool

  26. Lizavier4Jesus
    February 1, 2011

    Confused

    I have met with some girls who are very smart. Do you know what they decide? “The boys will always be there”.

    And with that wisdom, they continue with their education in the first place. After they graduate with college or university degrees, they find a good paying job. Then you see them driving an expensive car; they dress very nice; I imagine they have a good savings account. They will not have to depend on their future boyfriend’s money.

    I know one of those girls, who is no longer a girl but she is now 32 or 33 years old. Now, she says she is ready for a boyfriend, maybe a husband–that is not a bad age to be ready at all. He is somewhere out there, and I know they will find each other.

    Please, Confused, you and those others who are your age, remember that “the boys will always be there!” So stay in school, build class for yourself; build a relationship with Jesus; I promise you, and the rest like you, that you will come to know Life and Love at God’s time for you; and you will not regret it. But you have to learn to be patience, to be strong, to have self-control, and to ask God to show you His way of Life for you. Baby, the way of God for you is a beautiful way!

    Now do not think twice, take Bella’s advice!

    • .!,?.!,?
      February 1, 2011

      Lizavier is a wonder you didn’t call on Jesus. Those lil girls cannot keep their legs closed pure and simple. They nasty and have bad ways, rude and malkasay. It haven’t got children again. You mad, if I have a daughter I breaking her waist to have boyfriend at that age!

      • ha ha
        February 2, 2011

        too true – he he he :lol:

      • Somebody
        February 4, 2011

        Stop making generalisations, how it haven’t got children again.. and you can only break you child waist IF you know, just hope and pray that your daughter doesn’t end up in a similar or worse situation instead of criticising someone else!!

  27. Jade
    February 1, 2011

    Confused..Yea you sure sound confused..girl you a just sixteen and you are involved with two men do you know what that makes you a s==t…For your sake you a too young to already have a man abusing you..Maybe you should start listening to your family and friends LEAVE D WOMAN BEATER ALONE. If you dont one day a punch/slap might become a gun to a knife to your thoat. Sweetheart beating is not love. You are sixteen what the hell do you know about love you should be studying your book now and not sleeping with two different men..BOYS. Girl grow up first and then find a man who will cherish you. Trust me after you become wizze no decent man will want you anymore cause trust me after this man/boy finish beating you he WILL find some one else and leave you….LEAVE BEFORE YOU END UP DEAD!!!!!!!!!!LISTEN

    • SWEETIE
      February 2, 2011

      thats true. straight to the point and no time to waste. you hit the nail right on the head. if she doh take that adice she finish wi papa. sound advice for them young wannabe lover gurls out there. stay in school and forget about man. a.a is not run they running na u have time get one papa it have enough out dare.

  28. the real man
    February 1, 2011

    this is a joke right ,can,t imagine in this day and age you talking about love in that kind of abused let me tell u that young lady, 1st of all you must tell yourself that you are a teenager and not collector of abused secondly you must break it up a. s.a. p. i agree with bella and foolish child your main aim now should be to attain a good and promising education because in all cases thats wat going to determine ur future and that young man at 18years he can be that cruel and heartless he deserves nothing thaan being alone so just forget him and the one with his girlfriend leave them alone she dont deserve that please just watch wats happening to you and put urself in her place please you can do better than that god love u and you should do on to others like you would have them do on to u .

  29. Muslim_Always
    February 1, 2011

    @ Confused:

    1. This means you were 14 and he was 16. You have no right to be fornicating at that age, that is not right in the eyes of God. Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. You should not be in a ‘relationship’ at that age.

    2. He was in a ‘polygamous’ relationship and it really hurt you? What are you still doing in this relationship? You were 15 at the time, why do you have yourself in this drama with a dysfunctional boy?

    3. So you jumped into another ‘polygamous’ relationship where the guy treats you better? You have feelings for both of them? Well, it seems miss that you have landed in a ‘polyandrous’ situation. I really do empathize with you.

    4. He verbally and physically abuses you I’m sure more than once and you accept this? Question: What you do to make the man tick? I do not trust many of you teenagers, some of you have no ethics, no manners, rude, always know how to get under your man’s skin, however, he should not be physically and verbally abusing you. Do you have any big brothers who could kiss his arse? You have no one to stand for you? No wonder! Mister would get some licks in his arse!

    5. Your friends and family tell you to leave him, you feel this is your first real relationship? Confused, I suggest you get psychiatric counselling. How can you even look at this relationship as real? I understand what you are saying that this is your first boyfriend or relationship but this is not a relationship. This is a dog and cat lifestyle! This is a very unhealthy relationship.

    6. There you go, you are so fearful you cant even talk to him. You are oppressed confused dear. I suggest you see a psychiatrist or a counsellor before it’s too late. Take your life back! Hope you do not have any children! Take your life before it’s too late, you can do it!

    • me
      February 1, 2011

      well i had a boyfreind as a teenager and we never had sex so i don’t kow what the hell you talking about. i told that i would not have sex and he never pressured me itno having sex with him either. how does haveing a boyfreind traslates into having sex.

      muslims are the ones who have sex so early anways. they marry off thir daughters at the age of 9 and ten to older men. many of therse girls suffer numerous complications during child birth.

      • Muslim_Always
        February 1, 2011

        You really need a shrink, you need counselling. You’re in denial and that’s dangerous, that’s the truth young lady.

        What you doing with a man at 14? You shouldn’t have a boyfriend, sex or no sex. Our society is too damn shallow minded, it is better if your sexual feelings are at their peak, your parents should consent to you getting married to a teenage boy with morals whilst you at school. At least you have one partner and when the both of you want to ease the tension whilst studying you have each other. Why stifle these feelings then be involved in masturbation or lesbianism etc? Just as the body craves for food when it is hungry, man and woman crave sex when it is needed. The problem is it is not channelled in the correct way and that’s through marriage. Our society has a twisted and sick concept of marriage. They are oppressing our young girls! It is difficult for young teenagers to stay all that time 13-20 yrs without marriage when their bodies are saying something else. Some of these girls unfortunately, simple because they do not want their parents to discover they’re having sex, they have anal intercourse instead. I’ve known of two cases in Dominica, two girls virgin yet they have HIV. How they got it? Sexual activity in their anus. This is the hypocrisy in our society. As a muslim man I can never tolerate that. I’d prefer my daughter to marry a man whom she is attracted to, the man has morals and virtues, she grows in love with him as they live together. Divorce rates are very low in Islamic countries like Iran for example unlike the west. Think before you speak young lady.

        What do you know about Islam? Which complications are you talking about? The young women in Islam they marry, they live chaste lives, not having sex with Tom, Dick and Harry! It’s not about marrying early or late, it’s about morals which many lack in this society.

        It’s like many of you people before you reach 20, all you run la vie sodom already. (Not you personally)

        You have a man screwing on your head, you seeing his ex girlfriends and other women texting his phone, he beats you and is verbally abusive, what you doing in this relationship still? You shouldn’t be in this drama. I agree I am tough with my words and comments, but young lady, please get some counselling.

        I’m glad you commented, that shows you read the comment. I know that you don’t like my comment but trying to attack Islam will not solve your abusive and oppressive situation. It simply saddens me that it is so difficult to at least find a woman in this society who gives her virginity to her husband. Where are the values?

        Sorry young lady, there is no way I’m going to sugar coat for you. You want me to respond nicely to a young lady who fails to listen to her family and friends to leave the stupid man because of some INFATUATION? It’s NOT LOVE IT’S INFATUATION. You need counselling chick!

      • muslim_always
        February 1, 2011

        @ confused: You shouldn’t be having a boyfriend whether sex or no sex in the first place.

        Secondly, you know nothing about Islam except what you read in the media. The statement you have made about Islam shows that you are devoid of understanding. Islam is not the topic, your sad state of affairs is.

        Thirdly, see a shrink young lady. You do not love yourself to do this.

  30. Anonymous
    February 1, 2011

    if u love your man you wont go to the police

    doe worry with all them punks on dno …. all of them maybe have their man beater

    if your man dont beat you then he dont love you

    • AC
      February 1, 2011

      Anonymous,

      I am sure you are not serious about this comment because I have been reading your comments here for the past month or so and I this doesn’t sound like you. If it’s a joke, then I think it’s a bad one. Is this the advice you would give to your daughter? This may be a fictitious character just writing here for the sake of writing, but some naive young person might take this seriously.

      Are you female? Does your man beat you? If you are male, do you beat your woman punk?

    • law and order
      February 1, 2011

      oh really, by your comment u must be an illiterate. ‘if your man don’t beat u, then he don’t love you’ This a a joke right? well my dear go buy yourself some commonsense and decency, then post your comment!

    • JaJa
      February 2, 2011

      to anonymous: – are you serious …..if your man doesnt beat you he doesnt love you? you are one of the women who encourage men to hit and make them believe its ok. i was in abusive relationship and everytime my boyfriend hit me and he apologised i thought it was well. i even convinced myself at a point that its my fault that he hit me. i finally decided to put my foot down and told him i am not doing this anymore. he apologised this time and they sounded more sincere but like i told him the apologies won’t work anymore and the next time he ever lays a finger on my i will kill him. how could you hit me if you love me i always ask him and you know what his response was ‘i don’t know’ what do you call that – love? c’mon. i can’t even believe dno would have posted that comment. women the first time your boyfriend hits you get out because he is always going to think its ok. do it before its too late

      • kixxer
        March 29, 2011

        dt anonymous person is a fool, ppl lyk dt needs to b shot. am a 16 yr old grl n dt sayin ‘if your man dont beat you then he dont love you’ nt foolin me. let no mn touch me nuh see if i nt castratin him.

  31. ra21
    February 1, 2011

    amen to dat ac i like dat one leave de woman beater alone

  32. AC
    February 1, 2011

    Dear Confused,

    You need help. Please have a serious discussion with your parents or guardian. If your parents are not involved in your life and you have no guardians, talk to a teacher, someone at your church or even your grand parents. If you have no one that you can talk to, then go to the police and file a report. At this time, you need to surround yourself with people who care for you and love you. The person you are involved with does not love you. If he did, he would not beat you. You MUST get away from him. You are scared, and when that happens, you should seek protection from loved ones. Again, please talk to your parents and leave the woman beater alone.

  33. mouth of the south
    February 1, 2011

    love the player and hate the game,,,, the sad thing is the girl knows she’s getting played,,,, if she can’t leave the man now then she just might not leave at all,,,, @ 16 but what is wrong with them young girls playing part big woman,,, that is if she in college already,,,, time she reach 21 that thing already slack,,,, girl go in ur room n study hard for yo cxc,,,, that’s the best advice for now,,,, when u done with that the other advice is focus on getting ur associates degree etc then focused on getting a job to make u independent,,,, when that comes u might be ready for a man cuz u still have to focus on getting that bachelor’s degree,,,, then u might meet up with me with roses in hand u check wat i saying hhhmmmm

  34. foolish child
    February 1, 2011

    what you even no about relationship at your age you only 16 and you should be getting a education and enjoying your teenage life you talking about real girl get a life and be real with yourself and stop running fr one to the other

  35. TOMIAN
    February 1, 2011

    Dear confused

    I have to tell u run! Run as fast as you can from that guy. He is such a coward and that is why he abuses you. However, I dont think that you shoud be involve with someone who is already committed. I can see everything is going wrong for you so its up to you now to say ENOUGH and move on. Leave the relationships that you are in and try to get yourself educated. Its not worth it trust me.

  36. Anonymous
    February 1, 2011

    u shudn be goin in the man text and facebook in the first place

    my advice drop both of them cuz the one with the girlfriend will leave you also

    • Kalinago in NY
      February 1, 2011

      Anonymous,
      You sound as if you mean that she deserves this type of treatment! FB or not, Text or not, he has absolutely no right to put his hand on her!!! She needs to leave immediately before it is too late.

  37. Just giving my two cents
    February 1, 2011

    Dear confused<

    You are sixteen!

    You do not know anything about love and relationships! What you know is the reality of what so many other women are facing – that of being abused!

    You need to listen to your friends and family! Forget that man! You do not need a boyfirend – focus on your eductation!

    You are 16 and have been in a relationship for 2 yrs – and you claim tha tyou have lots going on in your life! What do you mean when you say lots? Are you gettign a proper education/ Are you enjoying your teenage years?

    I suggest you do what i advise all women to do – get an education because an education euqtes freedom in life – freedom from a dependancy on man, freedom to choose your future path, freedom to become anything that you want to!

    Without an education, you might just become another victim to the caribbean mentality – where abuse is so easily accepted by society, where men think that they can do whatever they want to the women, where the man thinks that he rules you.

    Get an education and then, you'd be surprised by the kind of man you will find! Get a man who'll cherish you and respect you, not one who will kill you – whether literally or with blows!

    • AS I SEE IT
      February 1, 2011

      if i give you my email will you let me take you out of da
      let me know

      • AS I SEE IT
        February 1, 2011

        you need to finish school and get a good
        education and get on with your life.
        would like to get intouch
        as i see it will help you

      • Dude
        February 1, 2011

        I have her already sal pet.

      • Dude
        February 1, 2011

        u just looking for ur share of dat. why u want to give her ur email for? All u nom dominic like to cokay to much. I have her already

        • under the radar
          February 1, 2011

          is like all you fellers fighting for a crash car insurance selling off eh. tonneh man

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