Should y
ou tell your girlfriend or wife about your past? Are you a convicted criminal, sexual offender, former womanizer, thief, con artist, or a plain out dip shite?
Perhaps you’re totally changed and you want to move on with your life but deep inside your gut there is this burning desire to be open and honest about who you were so that she is not taken by surprise if she Google’s your name, do a research at the library or hear from one of your “victims”.
It is a very difficult situation, especially if you’ve met someone who you truly want to spend the rest of your life with, or at least would like to settle down and start a family with. When you’ve met someone you love a lot, you feel obligated to be honest or be transparent. However, at times you fear that your history will mess up your future with this person.
Will the person trust you after? Will they use it against you in a future argument or after break up?
Yes, they will.
Based on experience, most couples will keep their secrets in tact until something goes terribly wrong. Break-ups are many times not cool, and even if it was done amicably, either party may feel it is now ok to talk about who you were with their new companion or just with anyone.
To most couples, their significant other secret/s are only to be kept during the good times of a relationship.
But we all know it is almost impossible to trust anyone. Things always look rosy in the beginning. I recalled a long time ago I met a girl. We fell in love and it seemed like the perfect combination. None of us knew that several years later we would become like cat versus dog due to one mishap. But we relished the relationship at the time. We openly shared secrets – secrets that not even our parents knew. We were very honest about our outside friendships.
During the relationship, I lost my job and was left out of work for several weeks. She offered me some money to help. I was hesitant to take it because I don’t normally borrow or take stuff from females.
However, she insisted, even telling me I won’t have to pay it back. Well, I succumbed to her persuasion thinking “why not? She is my woman right?” (So I thought).
Well, we broke up, not because of cheating or anything bad. We ended up moving to different countries so we lost frequent contact and grew apart in love. Both of us eventually moved on.
I was surprised that one day I had an argument with a girl who I understood was an acquaintance of hers. During the argument the girl cursed me by saying I love to take women money and don’t pay it back, and that my ex should have reported me to police. I was so shocked. Where the hell did she get that info, I wondered. I asked the girl what it is she was talking about, and she disclosed that my ex “borrowed” me money when I had no job and I never paid it back.
Of course, I confronted my ex about what the girl said. She denied it (you know women already, love to lie). She however admitted that she told the girl “something to that effect” but “how could I tell the girl you borrowed when I gave it to you?”
I gave my ex the benefit of the doubt that the girl was exaggerating but I told her that she giving me money was between both of us, and she should not have spilled the beans.
Since then I have been very cautious about taking things from women. Truth is it was only on that one occasion I took money from a female because she insisted; other times I always gave her things because I believed you should take care of your woman so she does not go out there asking other men for things.
I have learned that 1. Women tell their girlfriends most of their secrets and most of their relationship problems 2. Women never keep anything secret; they talk a lot and they always have a girlfriend they tell all their secrets to 3. Women like to take things or borrow but do not like to give back 4. Women do not like to give money or lend things to men. 5. If they do, they love to talk and they will hassle the man for the money whereas they would curse the man if he simply asks for money he lend her (even if its two months after the scheduled pay back).
My point is nothing stays secret, especially after a relationship has ended. And to tell your secret to your significant other is a big risk. Sometimes it turns out good, but most times not good.
There are times we have bad history that we want to forget, but that history won’t forget us. However, if the person you’re with loves you unconditionally, they will overlook your past and love you for who you are – once you have proven that you’ve changed.
See ya next week.
that is true ah….. i told my boyfriend something that happened in my pass and when we get into a little talk he always throwing it back in my face, when he realize that he hurt my feelings by bringing up the situation he’s always apologising but then the same thing keeps happening over and over….. He’s always bringing it up and then apologizing.
Hey i think you need to get something straight “nice guy” cuz the way u generalize your statements don’t sound so nice to me. not all girls do these stuff besides haven’t u ever heard guys talk when they’re with their boys???????????? PLEASE!
You should only feel obligated to share past secrets with a partner if by not telling him/her it can affecty them in some way later. If they dont know and it will not hurt them or have any effect on the relationship, you are under no obligation to tell them, particularly if by telling them it will affect the relationship unnecessarily.
for one thing, you dont go spilling the beans after the first date. You would only start sharing that information after you feel a bond developing between the two of you. What is the point of sharing that information if the effects can only be negative and it really does not affect the other person?
In a relationship you don’t always need to turn your heart and brain inside out. That is only a myth.
@fire that is so true cuz right now my heart is bleeding cuz i shared some of my past experience with my spouse and now i am getting weeped real bad and i vowed not to never ever do this again the past is the damn past and end of story in my wisdom i should have known better.There are men who gossip more than women and i made a big mistake by telling him certain things.
@chemist: nice guy i take it thats the same woman u was talkin about when u said distant relationships dont last.
@chemist: nice guy i take it thats the same woman u was talkin about when u said distant relationships dont last.
HE THAT KEEPTH HIS MOUTH KEEPTH HIS LIFE. (WISDOM)
@Ms.FoxyYou told us volumes in a few line, sorry to hear of ur sutle hurts.Are you sleepless many a night in Roseau,Mahaut, or where evere you are? You seem to have too much to say without saying it all: Someone is suffering in secret you need counsling girl.
first of all let me say am a woman and i do not have a best friend never had one and i have learn fr experience about telling you other half your past any little argument he will throw it at you and so can a woman i do not see any reason why a woman cannot give again i said (give) her man some thing even (money) when he dont have because he gives you all the time he was working . if its a relationship well it a two way street not one way i broke you give me you broke i give you and that is our business no reason to be out on the street with our private things at home some women only tell when they do things for men never hear them say when a man do for them (again am a woman and i have been studying men and women ) and if i have to write it will take to long so mr nice guy where the hell have you been i come here to look for you every friday man eveery time you meet a new woman you forget about us so its like that now any way good day my dear
Relationships are tought! But i’m still not sure if it’s wise, but when i’m in a relationsip I tend to be open. I think i may give to much of myself. But i feel, when your with someone, they should be your best friend. You should be able to trust that person with your whole self.
If the man asks me about my past I will tell him….If he doesn’t force the issue then the past will stay exactly where I left it. Why bring things to a relationship that has no connection whatsover? Relationships should always be a two-way street…if both parties gave each other gifts during the relationship then that should be between them. Anyone going around saying what they gave to their ex are just petty in my opinion. I agree too about women talking too much. Used to be way to trusting and got burnt….the fewer friends you have…fewer complications, less stress & very little or drama……We gotta learn ladies…some things we should really keep to ourselves. A friend always has another friend that she feels she can share what you shared with her…….and the cycle continues. REAL TALK!!!
Good to have you back Nice guy…missed your article last week!!
I agree with this person to said that you are the one who have the most girlfriends!!They so right but hey..experience is the BEST teacher..anyway my 2 cents on the article!!
It is always best to be OPEN and HONEST so that there may be no surprises down the road. However, that does not mean that you just go tell everyone you have a relationship is,but if it is a relationship that is going somewhere then you have to. If the person chooses to leave when all is out then so be it…it was not meant to be…but we have to give them the option so that they know what they are getting into.
You are right when you say women (generally), talk a lot. As a female I just have always have lots of male friends while having very few female friends for that simple reason. But every female cannot be placed in the same boat, in the same way we cannot put all men in the same boat. And men….yes do do gossip so much….I can say that from my experience of just hanging with the guys
@ Dominican Man
My sentiments exactly; if it walk and talk like a duck it is a daln duck. Look at actions rather than words.
My take on that subject is weather you tell or you do not tell man or woman about your past some day it will come face to face with us, cause if it talk like a duck,it walks like a duck its a dam duck actions speak louder than word so alway look at one`s action rather than listening to hear what we want to hear.
I would like to hear what the women have to say on this one. Represent, represent !!
My philosophy…………….. Know who you dealing with before you open you mouth. Take your time and learn the person before sharing any info that will come back an bite you. You’re right most women talk a lot…….. to much sometimes, but whatever the reason for the breakup both parties should be responsible enough to keep what they told each other in confidence. I know, I know, that hardly happens………………. especially when you hurtin..
yes i nice guy,,, u seem to have more woman dan any other man my boy,,,, all ur problems seem to be with different women in ur life,,, cause no way can one man have all dem problems with less dan five women lol but wat u say is true man,,,, i love the ladies don’t get me wrong,,,, BUT a woman will tell her girlfriend every n i mean every damn thing,,,,, if u last for 15 mins or an hour she will tell her g.f,,,, they beffy beffy,,,, thier tongue hot like chilli pepper
The truth is the truth, and the truth is what will set U free. As a man or woman with skelletons in his/her closet I think it is an obligation to b open whith whom ever U claim U love. I do not think it is right to the other half that U keep past secrets/history away from them. If U claim U have changed fine, give them a choice to stay or leave. Do not take their choice away from them.
PS. Honesty is the best policy.