What is the ideal age range to be committed with one person for the rest of your life? Are you really ready?
The truth is when you start asking yourself that question chances are two things are happening to you: you’re either ready or not ready to be committed. There is no in-between. If there are ifs and buts you’re just not ready to settle down.
Based on personal experience, being in love at ages 18 or 20 or 21 does not mean that you’re ready to be committed. I see couples brandishing profiles on Facebook with their dried up lovers, boasting to the world that “we are in love” and showing off their trophies. When you look at the age range of these folks, most of them are no older than 25, especially the young ladies. To them being in love or having a boyfriend is a form of entertainment or personal gratification. But the truth is it’s simply a sign of immaturity and further proof that they have really not grown up mentally, so commitment is out of the question.
Most times their relationship won’t last, yet they risk showing it off on Facebook like it is some CXC result.
So we go back to the same question: what age is ideal for settling down. In my opinion, you must be between 25 and 35 to actually start thinking about settling down with a lifetime partner.
Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.
I have dated many girls under 25 and they are not one bit ready. Some girls – or should I say women – under 25 may be intelligent, easy to talk to and do not act like they’re in fourth form, but that does not mean they are mature enough to commit long-term.
Here are some signs that they are not ready to settle down or are not matured to be considered wife material:
– Claims to being in love with boyfriend but still cheating
– Claims to have feelings for several guys and do not know which one to choose
– Still cannot identify their talent
– Still unable to say what career they want to choose – even while studying
– Still experimenting sexually with one or both sexes
– Cannot hold an intelligent discussion on important topical issues of the day
– Cannot hold a decent conversation on msn messenger
– Infatuated with Lil Wayne and making the world know
– Always the centre-piece of the latest gossip
– Not ready for marriage any time soon
– Haven’t completed secondary or some form of tertiary training
– Mainly rely on material things, physical appearance and popularity in choosing the right partner
– Still sleeping around with many partners while in a relationship
– In an unhealthy relationship and do not realise, and still remain in it even after realising
– And many more signs and symptoms
I normally scoff at people or find it funny when they tell me they are madly in love. Check their age: 19, 20, 21. Ask them how long they’ve been in love or been together: three months, five months or one year. Infatuation and love are very powerful and 99.9% of the time are mistaken for genuine love. Until you’ve dated and dated, fallen in and out of love, being in some really bad relationships, taken a break and review your life, then you will inch closer to knowing what really genuine love is.
Some of those force-ripe girls, fresh out of high school and college claim to know what love is. Of course they do: their claim of love is being able to talk to their boyfriend, have fun with him, sex, and that he is just cool. When you dig deeper their man smoke, drink, has no job, don’t know what he wants in life, wants to be a rap artist, sits home chatting online all day, always broke and can’t top up his girl’s phone but always dress in the latest fashion, and sometimes never completed high school education.
Then check the 20 to 22 year olds. Oh my God! Those are the worst! It’s like jumping from the frying pan into fire. Not only are they smart with their immaturity but they actually believe they are ready because they are no longer teenagers. If you’re that age and cannot make firm decisions then you’re not ready to be committed.
Most relationships between 16 and 25 are mere boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. When you start inching closer to 30 that’s when you will realise that you’ve not only wasted a lot of your time with wrong people, your eyes start to open to reality that finding true love is really a needle in a haystack. As you inch closer to 30 that’s when you will develop more patience in finding a lover. Too often, it is difficult because by that time you would have become a drag queen, and saddled with several kids, making it harder to find a “genuine love” who will take on your baggage – male or female.
Speak to men or women who are in their 30s and 40s: they will tell how frisky they were in their early teens and 20s. Now looking back they are able to tell you with confidence that during those years they weren’t ready, it’s just that they thought they were.
I am not telling anyone in the 20 to 25 age group to rethink their relationship. This article is just guidance because so many of us need it. Most of us only learn when we’re actually hurt over and over again.
See ya next week.
very true mister nice guy……i completely agree……i’m only 18 and i can tell you, i thought i was in love many times….had so many crushes on guys…but recently i sat down and i reminisced adn to be honest, ive realize it was just lust…….there is no way i could see myself spending the rest of my life with any of the guys ive date din the past…..that’s why i choose to remain celibate until ive gotten my career and priorities straight in life……….so many of my friends think they’re in love and is planning to have families, some have already started making babies………nice job, way to educate them. finally a guys knows waht he’s talking about.
thank you mr nice guy i really enjoy reading your blog it helps me as i read because i am in my 30s and i can say most of what u said is 99.9 percent the turth.thanks again mr.
In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Peace be onto prophet Muhammad, His purified household.
One of the root causes of Afro Caribbean male and female promiscuity.
We must understand that during slavery, negro men were not allowed to bond with their women as the women were taken away from them when this happened. As a result, deep within their psyche they have not understood the ideals of commitment. The Dominican psyche is still under the grips of slavery, we still have these post colonial English laws that enslaved us in the first place. Consider our leaders, bank tellers are still using shirt and tie under the hot sun. The tie is used to tuck the necks of persons living in cold countries. We need a cultural revolution!
Secondly, our women, they had to seduce the white man for favors. They were having relations both with slaves to bred as well as the white men to gain status and sexual favors. Some did that so that their children can one day be freed or on equal status with the white man. This is happening today, our women are using their bodies to gain employment or higher positions within the institutions.
At what age should men and women settle down? The reason why so many young people are immature is due to very poor upbringing. They are not taught ethics, manners and morality. Also, they are taught to be responsible. Too often these young people sit and play video games, surfing the net etc. for the entire day. They are done with a school day, they come home, place their clothes all over the place…they do no house chores. It is not surprising today in Dominica many of our MEN and women are unable to cook a piece of food. Yes men! We must learn to cook, not only women should cook. In an islamic tradition it is reported that our prophet Muhammad was never a burden to his wives. He would mend his clothes, milk the goats and do whatever is necessary to help his family around the house without being asked; when it was time for prayers, he would go out to pray. There is no set age for settling down. It depends on the couple in that relationship. What I propose for students going to school is temporary marriage. This helps them to deal with their sexual urges in a positive way, also, they do not have to feel guilty of fornication. Another point is, due to the rules of temporary marriage, there would be less promiscuity in the society. It is very difficult for even older persons to control their sex urges, how about the youth. It is hard for them.
@Kalinago Empress: Very good point Kalingo, I’d like to ask you one question though: What happens to a man who has his qualifications yet most of his life he is still financially unstable, what happens then? What if he is unsuccessful at keeping a job? Is he allowed to be in a stable relationship?
wat u doh kno mr nice guy,some teens hv been,loving men,even before 16 years,dey kno wat ,men are about,dey hav been,having intercourse,over years some of dem,so if they meet a guy at the age of 21 and decides dey want to get married dat doh means bcuz some of dem act childish all of dem do,in the ole days folks use to get married at 18 and 17 years old,dey start making kids at 18-20,if society wasnt down on the age so hard,young people wouldnt be waitin wen dey getting real old to married,married at a young age,marriding early also sets responsibility,and sets example to others,wen young pips dnt settle down dey,tend to run around.it depends if the individual wnts it 2wrk
I agree but there’s also a select few who grew up very fast and have a hard time settlin down due to most other their age ain’t ready and the older ones don’t give a chance before writing off as just young and immature n btw they got marriied younger and also died alot younger -today our life expectancy is much much higher so it still actually evens out
Wish there was a like button for this article .. yah mr. nice guy good one..
i agree with u on this article bcuz ive had 1 day relationships which shows that i dont know what i want lol..but still…love is a funny thing..n it can happen anytime…no matter what age…so..yea..but still the article irie…
Mr. Nice guy will think I am crazy then, cuz I was engaged at 18 and married at 20. Been in my relationship for 7 years and been married four years now. Still going strong!!!
However, I do agree to alot of things he mentioned. I consider myself… one of the luckier ones because I was bless with a real MAN!!! No relationship is perfect, but i can say I made a great decision. Still, I advice others to take it easy and do not rush into anything. People will tell me , u guys are so happy. I say… what works for me might not work for you. This time, I agree with Nice guy… even if I am married. Please do not rush into marriage… cuz it is a lifetime commitment. (if u not into divorce)
@ Sout Man…….., U ROCK.
@ High IQ………. First he was 4 yrs younger which would make him 11 & U 15 when U guys started dating, Then U said no he is 4 yrs older which made him 19 & U 15 when U guys started dating. So U were 15 either way, but there is a victim either way, which one is it.
This article certainly represents an improvement. But it tells us a lot about the writers experiences and he continues to generalize like one cap fits all. Last week he wrote that a woman with more than 5 previous partners is an official salop, if I recall correctly. This week he writes, “Until you’ve dated and dated, fallen in and out of love, being in some really bad relationshtps, taken a break and review your life, then you will inch closer to knowing what really genuine love is.” So, which is it, Mr. Nice Guy? Do you have to be an official salop to discover genuine love?
@ Hi IQ: “……a young man 4 years older than me……I am 18….together for 3 years…..He is a very respobsible man”. Honey, he was19 when he fell in love with a 15 year old girl. you could not have graduated from high school then. In some countries that’s called statutory rape. How responsible was that? Maybe he grow up by now but the facts remain.
boi u real …. trusth me as them dominican girls done with high school they starting a family .
that does hurt my heart . babies before education …
well said my nice guy,great job this time around,but sadly i can’t help but think that u are speaking straight from your heart.
Ditto!!! Totally agree with you!!!
I must say that I have really enjoyed reading your articles the last couple of weeks. This one is the realest yet!!! Keep up the good work. looking forward to your article next week.
I really love your articles. This is a grate topic, I feel that we should all consider it at length. I must admit, i look forward to your articles every week. Though I might not always agree, I appreciate them non the less. Keep up the good work!
@High IQ: I mean he’s 4 years older than me.
I don’t completed agree with this article simply because most people don’t act like their actual age. Most men/women between the ages of 25-30 don’t have any ambition and act like teenagers, whereas there are younger men/women like myself who are very responsible, act very mature, make the right decisions most of the times and act like adults. I know of people who got married at 18 and have a good marriage for years. I’m 18 and have been in a relationship wit a young man 4 years younger than me and we have been together for 3yrs now and things are going great. We have plans on spending the rest of our lives together and we don’t rush into things because we know we have alot of years ahead of us. He’s a very responsible man, has a great job, drives his own ride and pay his own bills. He’s young but very MATURE unlike most men his age.
Great article!
Nice article. Totally agree.
Great article! However I don’t think there is a “right” age to settle down. It all depends on the individual’s level of maturity. I know of guys in their 40’s who still act like 5th Graders. Settling down calls for a lot especially emotional, mental and financial stability an if someone falls short of one of these; regardless of the age, he/she isn’t ready to settle down!
thats a really god piece of advice there nice guy. However, my question for you is are you really ready to commit since you seem to know the right age groups.having young soulmates who are immature are jus some of the few reasons for men not wanting to commit.some men speaking from experience have alot of LIL girls playing around,all over the place and claim that they are faithful and dont sleep with other partner’s ring a bell. so tell me is that some way to give advice when your of the early 20’s calendar jus ready to open your 30’s stage.right every young woman wants a successful male partner but successful with a carrer true,but successful in running women,being stingy,controlling,naggin,sex freaks,pish(tight hand) refuse to spend to make his girl happy.hmmmthats sad so sad.
I’m Of see you next friday nice guy :-)
Nice guy so true! I’ve been in a few relationships and as I now pushing up to 30 I’m feeling it’s time to settle. When you’re 16-25 you really not settled, you have ideas of what you want but won’t make the hard decisions and stick with it. My advice have few close friends, take time to know your potential interests before getting into a relationship. At the end of the day you will live with the choices you made so be careful.
Good Article.Well said about the young people.
it still all depens .because if a 26 years old get married to a 46 year old there is a less percent chance that this marriage will work
@Karkabeff: i bet ur pocket have plenty holes too… poor wife, when u dead and gone then she will know u doe have no cash in the bank to pay for ur own dam coffin…. SAKWAY SOT
yahh!!! Good article this week!!! Loved it!!!
Good article, enjoyed reading it…and I agree.
@ Karkabeff,
“large appetite that runs deep among the men in my family”
large appetite for what exactly, for beeing a boy rather than a man.
I myself got married very early and now have my wife, girlfriend and side thing and very happy. So to each his own. I have a large appetite that runs deep among the men in my family.
And how old r u _ personally I think that’s a mans most immature common problem- don’t know how to b faithful
To most (a small percentage excluded) of the young women and men especially those between the ages of 20 to 30 love still means to them having sex,and beyond that they think of nothing else..Strangely enough some of them are prepared to break the relationship if the word marriage is mentioned to them. This may be a good thing because if he/she is not prepared/interested in marriage the question is why should he/she go into marriage.I say this to mean that this world is getting very funny..Most people enter into relationship for sex and/or money these days and not marriage.
Nice article!! Very informative thanks
well said and put together mr. nice guy, this article is worth an applause this week. as a young woman in mid 30’s i agree with you 100% and i would further like to empathise on our young women to take their time when choosing a life partner. now these days marriage it just like another fun and party event.
I agree with this article. I am 23 I am ready to settle down there is nothing out there for a young person to be going from partner to partner. some people settle down from as early as 20 to 21 and are still with their partners, it is all a matter of putting ur mind to it and knowing what u want in life
I agree that most young people between the ages of 20-25 do not know what they want, but I know of ppl who got married at young ages, and are still going strong. Young girls who are less than 25 who got married to guys who were older than 25 yrs of age, and they have successful marriages. It all depends on the individuals involved.