“Jane/John wilt thou have this man/woman to be thy wedded husband/wife to live together after God’s ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love him/her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto him/her, so long as ye both shall live? (“I will”)
Then repeat after me: “I, Jane/John take thee John/Jane to be my husband/ wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better – for worse, for richer – for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, and thereto I pledge thee my faith.”
Kindly place the ring on John’s/Jane’s finger and repeat after me: “In token and pledge of the vow between us made, with this ring I thee wed; in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Receive this ring as a token of wedded love and faith. Amen.
Sounds familiar? How long ago did you make that covenant? Was it few months ago or a few years ago or a decade ago or more? The abovementioned is not just some words you say to each other. Those words are the holy covenant which you and your husband/wife made before God. They signal a serious commitment to each other in the eyes of God and your invited guests and therefore they should not to be taken lightly.
Many couples in preparation for their wedding day invite hundreds of guests and spend huge sums of money in preparation for the wedding but while this is just the ceremony, after those vows have been said then the marriage begins. The wearing of rings is a constant reminder that you have made that commitment to each other and that other persons should stay clear.
People get married for various reasons such as:-
Love
Greencard (migration)
Companionship
Family pressure
Financial security
Security for children or
Getting older
The Bible is very strict on divorce. Malachi 2:16 states “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce.” Further in Matthew 19:9 God gave only one reason for you to divorce your spouse and marry another i.e. sexual immorality. Divorce ends a marriage. Therefore whether one looks at marriages and divorces from a biblical or legal perspective …whatever the reason for marrying, the laws of the land do not treat marriages lightly. If you want to be divorced from your spouse you have to be married for at least one year. This means that after a few days, weeks or months you cannot just decide that you want a divorce. You cannot jump in and jump out. You cannot just say I’m fed up with Mr/ Mamselle and decide to divorce your spouse. You must wait for that year to pass and even then you have to get permission from the court to apply for that divorce and in the application you have to prove that you will suffer exceptional hardship if the court does give you permission to divorce your spouse.
Further if the Court does not grant you permission then you will have to wait an additional two years to file divorce proceedings because after three years of marriage you do not need the permission of the court to do so.
Often you would hear spouses say ‘I’m not giving him/her a divorce” or “he/she say she’s not giving me a divorce.” But in Dominica you do not need your spouse’s permission to get a divorce granted to you. What you have to do is to satisfy the court that you have grounds to end your marriage.
The grounds are:-
(a) Unreasonable behaviour. Your marriage has broken down irretrievably meaning that it cannot be fixed. Here you must prove to the court that the behaviour of your spouse is unreasonable in that you are the subject of verbal and or physical abuse, drunkenness or illegal drug usage and or that he/she does not provide the necessities for the matrimonial home
(b) Two years living apart with consent. Here you must prove that you and your spouse have been living separate and apart for 2 years and your spouse has signed a document indicating that he/she consents to the divorce being granted to you.
(c) Desertion. Here you must prove that your spouse has deserted you for a continuous period of 2 years in that he/she has moved out for two years or more without your consent and for no good reason.
(d) Five years living apart, no consent needed. Here you have to show that you and your spouse have been living separate and apart a continuous period of at least 5 years immediately before you filed for divorce.
(e) Adultery. Here you have to prove that your husband/wife had sexual intercourse with another person of the opposite sex and you find it intolerable to live with him/her. If you remain with your spouse 6 months after you found out about the adultery you cannot use it as a ground for divorce.
If you are unable to satisfy any of those requirements then the court would not grant you the divorce. Further, when the court hears the Petition for divorce the Judge grants what is called a decree nisi which is a provisional order indicating that the divorce was heard. This provisional order is conditional upon there being no intervention for at least 6 weeks before your marriage is completely over. The final paper is called the decree absolute. If the decree absolute is not applied for and obtained, then you are still married.
If you the wife want to revert to your maiden name you can simply use the decree absolute document to change all documents which are on your married name like passport, bank account, social security card etc. However you are entitled to continue to use your married name if you so desire provided that you no longer represent yourself as being married to your ex- husband.
At the time the court hears the petition for divorce it does not address issues such as custody of children, maintenance, sharing of finances and the matrimonial home. A separate hearing is convened to deal with those issues called ancillary relief proceedings. There you will give evidence about how the assets were acquired, what role you played in the marriage such as child- rearer, homemaker or working wife. The court in separating the assets must ensure that when the decision is given it has to be fair. In this regard the age of the parties, the length of the marriage, the lifestyle the parties had before the divorce, the number of children if any and several other important factors are taken into consideration.
According to Irina Bahcivanji “The dissolution of a marriage is a legal act that may not always coincide with a couple’s emotional tearing asunder. Divorce is typically a painful process for all concerned. While it can take adults time to regain psychological equilibrium, whether or not children ever recover a stable perspective continues to be debated. Post-divorce hostility between adults, in addition to directly harming kids, is a sure indicator that the emotional split is incomplete.”
Clearly if both spouses take their vows seriously then there would be no need to divorce. However if you decide to get a divorce then hopefully you will not regret it. Getting a divorce can be a very emotional and distressing time for some spouses and sadly there is a tendency to feel a great deal of hostility and bitterness towards each other. This is most evident when one spouse is ordered to pay maintenance to the other or to give up his/her share of the assets acquired during the marriage to the other.
It is hoped that many married couples do not have to go through the process of divorce but if you do then hopefully after you have gone through the process you get the peace of mind and contentment you sought when you decided to take active steps to dissolve your marriage.
Very interesting read. Marriage needs to remain a serious commitment.
Wow, an Attorney giving her spin on marriage, there is a saying, A divorce lawyer is a chameleon with a law book.
Why is it that marriage has to be validated by religion with ceremonies and rituals. Why is it that religion dictates what a marriage should be. People can have the right to their religious beliefs or belong to a religion and accept their religion definition of marriage, but it is absurd to use religion beliefs as the authority to define what marriage is and should be, fostering that belief on a Country forcing everyone to accept their definition.
Regarding a divorce from a marriage, here is a quote from Robin Williams. Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
Gary:
You are still having a problem with anybody who speaks or writes with authority on marriage from a 2,000 year old position of Biblical morals and values.
Again and again you have vented your disapproval of what I have written on same sex marriage and other moral issues in spite of he fact that I write as an ordained minister trained in pastoral counseling who has worked as a paid pastoral counselor on staff at a large inner-city church and on contract with a multidisciplinary Health Centre in Toronto.
Now you take a swing at a lawyer and by implication are questioning her qualifications to write on marriage in spite of the fact that most of what she has said is from a legal perspective giving us information that a lawyer is best qualified to provide. Your comments will be raising eyebrows wherever DNO is read. However, I personally will be using her article for reference in the future even though I realize the laws may differ from country to country.
If a duly ordained minister with professional counselor training cannot write about marriage AND a licensed lawyer, an Attorney-at-Law, cannot advise about marriage, we will have to ask you to recommend somebody who can. Oh, of course! You have just quoted Robin Williams. Hopefully you will give us some more of his insights.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. D.D., International Evangelist.
quite informative article. in Dominica persons are too quick to get a divorce instead of working through their problems.
maybe marriage has lost value in Dominica.
The sanctity of marriage? does this exist anymore.
most married men I know cheat on their wives.
Yellows:
Marriage has lost value in many nations. I suspect in some places more than in others. It depends on the kind of example people sees in their home when they are
growing up, and the early teaching they receive.
The sanctity of marriage exists in the mind of God. He created marriage at the beginning of the human race and it was God who defined what marriage was to be. He gave us
the laws to regulate marriage and it is by those laws we will be judged. Please read Matthew 19:3-9.
Unfortunately many men do cheat on their wives. I suspect more in some places than in others. It depends on the kind of example they saw at home when they were growing up and the type of teaching (if any) they received in their youth at home, in school, and in church, along with other things that influence young minds.
Sincerely , Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.
This article is trying to tell something,but we got it wrong from the beginning. God made us unique but we dreaft away so we must pay some how or order. I mean man or woman,You marry a man with a child that does not belong to you sooner or later these words will come out ,you are not my mother. because we got it wrong from start. If a woman bore a child for a man they should marry otherwise the vows are in vain
I do not know which church you worship at, but the church I attend, they preach about it. You do not attend all the churches in Dominica, so you cannot boldly say that they do not preach the message. There are 52 /53 Sundays in a year and the preacher has to preach about different topics, he cannot preach on marriage for the entire year. If people placed God the Father at the top of the marriage, then the marriage will be a long and prosperous one. But as Miss Yearwood rightly says some people have other selfish reasons for marrying, so sometimes the marriage ends in divorce.
Very informative article. Thank you for enlightening us
The reasons given are not justified by the Bible except for the case of Adultery. Yet if your spouse asks for forgiveness the partner has the responsibility to forgive as God gave man the ministry of Forgiveness.
This is absolutely true.
Adultery is quoted as being scriptural grounds for divorce based on the except clause in Matthew 19:9. Although this verse uses the word fornication it should be understood that fornication includes adultery and any kind of illicit sexual intercourse.
Adultery is a serious offence against God and the marriage partner. However, if the individual is sorry and shows remorse there are many scriptures that tell us we are to forgive the person. It should not be seen as a need to separate. It should be seen as an opportunity to forgive, and to grow together. It is a time to learn and someday share what you have learned with others. It is a chance to be Christ like!
The couple should seek counseling from a pastor who is trained in counseling and has a good reputation as a counselor. Usually the counselor will see them one at a time, and then together. One purpose of counseling is to help the couple discover the cause for the unfaithfulness and avoid it happening again. Another purpose is to help the offended party forgive and let go. Sometimes there are faults on both sides and a competent counselor can help the couple realize this and avoid playing the blame game.
It should be understood that that there is no valid excuse for
marital unfaithfulness. However, sometimes both parties contributed to the failure. When this is the case each may need help to understand what he or she might have done differently.
There needs to be more said about forgiveness and how it should be applied in every human relationship. As Christians we know Christ has forgiven us. This should be the dynamic that moves us to forgive those who sin against us. Please read Luke 11:4 and Ephesians 4:32.
If Matthew 19:9 allows for divorce in case of adultery it should be understood that God put it there for those cases when every effort at reconciliation has failed and a marriage is beyond recovery. It was never intended to be a blanket endorsement of divorce if your partner is unfaithful. Christ said Moses made provision in the Old Testament law for divorce because of the hardness of their hearts.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.
Indeed, a great article, the substance of which serves to remind us that marriage is not just a social contract but a sacred covenant between a man and a woman bound together before God. I’m pleased to learn of the serious manner in which the courts in Dominica handle the issue of divorce. Too often, in North America, we hear of marriages ending within months, sometimes even weeks, of the vows being exchanged. That very often leads to calamitous consequences for both the adults and the children – especially the children. The one thing in this article that I think merits some clarification, is the seeming definition of adultery to be ‘sexual intercourse with another person of the opposite sex’. Is the writer implying that ‘sexual intercourse with another person of the same sex’ not grounds for divorce?
Janice:
I appreciate your comment.
I am glad to know that somebody else picked up on the statement that sexual intercourse with somebody else of the opposite sex was the only scriptural grounds for divorce. This was the only thing in the entire article I had any reservations about. Otherwise I think it was a tremendous piece of work.
The Bible uses the word fornication in Matthew 19: 9 This is a translation of a single Greek word that literally means illicit sexual intercourse. It includes premarital sex, extra marital sex or adultery, homosexuality. and bestiality.
I am sure Ms. Yearwood did not intend to limit what she was saying to an extra marital affair with someone of the opposite sex. However, I would like to hear this from her.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.
The attorney did a very good job with this subject. However, since marriage is more of a spiritual thing than a legal thingy, I would prefer to hear the views of the newly, anointed, spirit -filled, sprit led preacher of this very important subject of marriage, separation, adultery and re marry. As far as I am concerned there is only one true preacher that really understands that subject, and off course that’s the same preacher that preached a powerful message in Penville two Sundays ago, at Toukari three months ago, gave $500K to his congregation as led by the spirit, and during the death of his co pastor. He is no doubt the ONLY authority on this subject since he was referred to as jesus and is more sensitive to the voice of his god than other preachers.
give me a f#$%$ing break!
Are you a cursing preacher too? I don’t understand your curse word. I simply want the preacher of righteousness to explain that scripture to us. Why do u feel guilty? Relax yourself sir/ madam cause the bible is a complete book and we need to understand, preach and leave the entire book especially when we going behind pulpit
Proverbs 6:29 MSG – The Message – It’s the same when you have sex with your neighbor’s wife: Touch her and you’ll pay for it. No excuses.
I also would like the newly anointed preacher to explain the above scripture and share some light on it for us please.
worth the read
Very Good article. This is a sermon that is no longer preached behind the pulpit and as a result people treat marriage as a license for sex and then get into adultery. But I realized this message is coming back to us as faithful preachers like the preacher that preached a powerful sermon on “caring for the poor” at Penville, another powerful message at Toukari a few months ago, and recently highlighted the good qualities men of God should possess to get a good funeral. It is just a matter of time before he starts to preach on the importance of the marriage vow, the pain of divorce and the rush remarry whether is when all are asleep or broad day.