Giraudel couple celebrates 68 years of marriage

On a Sunday recently, Rita Harve, stood at the altar of Our Mother of Perpetual Help Catholic Church in Giraudel while the congregation sang, “Happy anniversary to you.”

She was alone, her husband was ill and couldn’t attend, but her presence was testimony to a life committed to her marriage and to her faith.

“It’s 68 years since we got married,” she said afterward.

As if to drive home her point she added, “we got married on the 12th of April 1955.”

Mrs Harve spoke on behalf of her sick husband, Philip, and she recalled the day the two tied the knot like it was yesterday.

“We got married at the Cathedral (in Roseau),” she said. “And guess who was one of my flower girls? Alix Boyd-Knight, the retired Speaker of the House.”

Their long married life is quite a feat for a couple who have known each other for practically all their lives. The two were born in Giraudel and they grew up there. Her mother even took care of her husband while he was a child.

“My Mam made his bed for a year and six months,” she said.

With a hearty laugh, she added, “We really grew up together, so I could see if he was talking to other girls.”

Mrs Harve grew up in a strict Catholic home and although she caught the eyes of many suitors, she never entertained them.

“I got a lot of calls and a lot of approaching,” she stated. “But I wanted to become a nun.”

The idea never became a reality and she remembered the strict code of conduct she followed when it came to her future husband.

“I could not go anywhere with him,” she revealed. “I was not supposed to go to dances with him. I was not supposed to go to any show with him.”

The two interacted only when he visited her home. “He would come home early night and then leave to go to his home but I was staying right at my mum’s and not moving,” she said.

She remembered that during these visits, her mother sat on one side of the house while they sat and talked.

“And that was it and when he was ready to go, he walked out and closed the door,” she remarked. “I don’t remember going out with him before marriage.”

Through the frequent visits, the two decided to get engaged but probably out of excitement, Mr Harve brought her a wedding ring.

“So I had to go exchange that for them to put three dots and a leaf on either side of the ring,” she explained. “And this was the engagement ring.”

But that was just the beginning.

In order to make his intentions known to his future wife’s parents, Mr Harve had to bring the ring and a letter to them.

“He came to the house,” Mrs Harve explained. “He brought his letter, he read it out and that is how it went.”

She was 19 then and their married life began in a humble way.

“He didn’t even have money to buy shoes and my parents bought the shoes, they helped us,” she said.

The union produced 10 children, with six alive today. She also adopted up to 19 children. Mrs Harve described her husband as a good man who possessed a great dedication to his children.

“I can remember he told me one time, I am going to work, and if any of the kids say to you, ‘Mam, I would eat something more’, give them my dinner and when I come I will drink water,” she recounted. “I will never forget that, not even on my dying bed.”

Throughout their years of marriage, Mrs Harve said she and her husband never quarreled. “One day the two of us were sitting at the table having a little lunch,” she remarked. “He got up from the table and he went by the door and said, ‘Boy it is so nice, for so many years we’ve been married and been together and we never had a talk.’ I don’t think we ever had a talk. We never quarreled, we never fight.”

So what is the secret to a long, healthy marriage?

“You have to understand each other, you have to be satisfied,” Mrs Harve pointed out. “You don’t have to put your mind on money. You just have to pray to the Lord. If your knees are not sick, go down on your knees.”

Although Mr Harve once briefly migrated to England and the couple lived in Canada for some time, the two now enjoy their lives at their home in Giraudel.

“We are just relaxing,” Mrs Harve said. “I like to make my bed, make his bed, and then we sit on a swinging chair on the porch swinging our feet. And you know what people passing like to say? “Oh my God, one day I will be like you all.”

And I always tell them, “You have to keep praying, if you keep praying and you put your trust in Him, He will know what to do.”

Her advice to young people contemplating a life of marriage is to pray more. “Young people have to pray,” she stated. “They are not praying enough and too many of them do not like church. You cannot be at the back of God and expect to go forward. You have to be with Him. And the trouble is that He is talking to us and we are not listening.”

Looking back at the close to seven decades of marriage to her husband, Mrs Harve has no regrets.

“He was the first person I knew in my life and we are here up to now,” she said.