DEAR BELLA: I’m HIV positive and afraid to tell my fiancé because I cheated

Dear Bella,

I am a 40-year-old female in desperate need of some advice.  Two months ago, my life made a turn for the worse.

I’m in a long-term relationship, getting married in October and I’ve been keeping a secret from my fiancé, which has been draining me, body, mind and soul.

Last year we were going through a very difficult time in our relationship so I ended up cheating with a man who holds a very high position in society (everybody knows him).

He is also a mutual friend so he knows what was going on between my fiancé and me.

This man was my shoulder to lean on and whenever he was around all my troubles seem to disappear.

He bought me expensive gifts and we went to Exuma on vacation.  I told my fiancé the trip and the gifts were my way of dealing with the stress so he thinks I paid for them (I’m a business owner).

A few months after we got back together, I started feeling very sick. He took such good care of me even took time off work to be with me.

I started feeling worse and visited the doctor, did some blood work and results showed I’m HIV Positive.

I’m not sure which of the two I got it from.  The high-profile man wants nothing to do with me.

He said I didn’t get it from him because he’s not sick and refuses to get tested.

I’m scared to tell my fiancé because I don’t want him to know I cheated on him. I love him a lot and I don’t want to lose him.




Dear Troubled,

No matter how you flip the coin, one thing is for certain; you cannot hide or play around with this matter anymore.

Your fiancé knowing about your affair should be the least of your worries right now. It is not as important as letting him know that you are HIV positive.

The sooner you tell him the better. He needs to get tested. Right now, finding out who gave it to whom is also trivial compared to the spread that could be currently taking place.

If you did not get it from the “high profile” man, the fact that he slept with you exposes him to the virus and he is very irresponsible not to get tested.

And if you got it from him, when you cheated, then you may have infected your fiancé – the one you love and don’t want to lose.

Situations like these can destroy relationships. Consider your confession as the right thing to do, while saving many lives in the process.


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  1. augustea
    June 8, 2020

    isnt it a crime to knowingly keep your hiv status from someone you are sleeping with? perhaps not in DA but in other countries it is.

  2. mike
    June 7, 2020

    Fact is : the HIV -Virus was never found and isolated !
    Please be advised that the hiv test only identifies the presence of 2, 3 or 4 proteins for a positive result depending on which country one is testing in and many conditions have been found to cause the body to produce those proteins including flu shots, drug use, tuberculosis and pregnancy, common cold among others. Many have been misdiagnosed with hiv and AIDS.
    Take the test a few times until you test negative.

  3. Student
    May 22, 2020

    Girlfriend the truth is your man is going to leave you! You may not want to accept it, and hope that like a bad dream it will go away but that is the bitter reality. At the very least you all will have a relationship where this is hanging over your heads and it will suffer a slow death instead. I also advise that you do so before you elope. Vice in the midst of it feels sweet and not as harmful as it eventually turns out to be. That’s sin by definition. But your life is not over, we are living in an age where HIV is treatable and possible reversible. Love the guy to give that last sign of respect!

  4. Leetee
    May 22, 2020

    Sounds made up or an attempt by one person to smear something be else.

    Why would anyone give so many details about themselves while wanting to remain anonymous in such a small country? “Oh I’m a 40 year old woman who plans on getting married in October who’s friends with a high profile individual and went to Exuma on vacation last year”… Get outta here! Lol

  5. Man bites dogs
    May 21, 2020

    Who the hell cares go away you too dam nasty 40year old woman should have known better than that I have no sympathy for you, but only for your man!

  6. May 21, 2020

    you are a wicked woman !
    Don’t come here acting like you are the real victim !

  7. Frank N Stein
    May 20, 2020

    Best advice! Wilie I hope the person takes this from you.

  8. Verns
    May 20, 2020

    Sweetie, it happened already you can’t change the past. The best you can do is let him know. Carrying a secret like this is unnecessary stress and you don’t need this to play on your mind. Everyone makes mistakes that’s part of life.

    • mountain
      May 21, 2020

      Everybody should pay for their mistakes, she claimed to have made a mistake and innocent parties are paying for it. Wicked. When a story sound to be so true, well it is not true. A man should only get active for his wife and the wife likewise. You called it a mistake. How would you call a slow death. Why are women so cheap and careless with their body?

  9. Rosey
    May 20, 2020

    My girl alas It is wrong to cheat,but it happened already.just come clean,pray for courage,and tell your boyfriend. I know you don’t want to lose him, but if u don’t tell him he will wonder why u don’t want to sleep with him anymore.then if you sleep with him to prevent confrontation then you will give him HIV and all that will b in his mind is to kill you cuz he is going to feel that his life has just ended.
    Secondly the high profile man never loved you,hence his reactions when you asked him to test.perhaps he knows he is sick so he might b spreading it to young girls.

  10. Dot
    May 20, 2020

    The health department should notify him to get tested. Everything is anonymous. Give the names of your contacts to the health dept to contact them. Everything is confidential.

    • May 21, 2020

      You all millennials to damn greedy.
      Material driven- “ he bought me an expensive gift and took me on a vacation”.
      You are use to cheating for material.
      You Know what that made you.
      That is not making mistakes.
      How can you risk your life to sleep with a man without condoms with a man that is not committed to you.
      I feel bad for your fiancé and the other innocent women that he is going to infect.
      I can believe that people are still have unprotected sex.
      You are selfish and greedy.
      The man is a monster.
      You need to blow a health whistle.
      He knows he is sick that is who he refuse to be tested and is giving expensive gifts to lure his victims.

  11. Willie
    May 20, 2020

    Just tell your fiancé you want the both of you to get tested before you get married. You know something? You don’t know if you got it from your fiancé. He could have cheated just like you cheated. Get the test both of you together and if he’s clean you know where you got it and so you will have to come clean.

  12. Bwa-Banday
    May 20, 2020

    Boy ohhhh boy! That high profile man seems to have all kinds of STD if you ask me. At that rate, by the time is is no longer “highest profile” in the land we will have a generation of young stallions that are sick and spreading like crazy. Covid will have nothing on the STD Pandemic that will result from this man.

    My advise is tell your fiance and make sure he gets tested. You are already exposed so STOP being selfish and help save others. I hope a LOT of the young ladies that are consumed with the “HIGHER” profile man because of power and money/ gifts STOP and think. They need to start gravitating outwards quick before its too late. For your own good please take the medication you are given so you can live a full life. God help our young ladies…smmfh!

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