DEAR BELLA: My fiancé’s family hates me

Dear Bella,

The family of my fiancé hates me. I haven’t had the best past. Let me lay it out straight. I was a wild teenage girl. In my youthful days, I partied, had multiple partners and did stuff I am too ashamed to remember.

But I am a grown woman now and I have changed my life. I met this really nice guy and we decided to get married. He was well brought up. His family aren’t rich people, but they are well “abled”. They sent him to university and he returned to Dominica and now has a good job.

I work within a government facility as an aid. That job doesn’t require a degree but I have a lot of experience. I am saying all this to say that we are not on the same job level but I don’t want his money.

His mother treats me badly. She said she won’t come to the wedding. She told him that I wasn’t wife material and he should reconsider. Bella, I love this man and he loves me.

His sisters have been blasting me on social media. Saying no Bi%*h will come into their family. They are always trying to get me in a tug of war. His mother called me fifty names. She would speak to him In front of me and pretend I was invisible. Bella, these people just hate me.

Now my fiancé feels bad. I know he loves me but he isn’t used to that kind of neglect from his family.

I am worried that he will choose them instead of me or the pressure could affect our marriage.

So, for the sake of peace, I am considering ending the whole thing. What do you think I should do?

 

Disturbed Fiancé

 


 

Disturbed Fiancé,

Dealing with in-laws can never be an easy thing, especially when they don’t accept you. Also understand that it’s normal to want to be accepted by your in-laws.

I don’t believe that walking away from someone you love just because his family resents you is wise at all. And although it may be healthier for there to be a good relationship between you and your in-laws, they don’t have to like you. Perhaps you don’t have to like them either.

To be quite frank, there is no rule that you have to like your in-laws in order to be in a happy relationship. But because they may be around you and your spouse, you do have to figure out how to deal with them.

When dealing with in-laws means suffering from anxiety or increased conflict in your relationship, it’s time to find a better way to cope with your new family.

Many people find dealing with in-laws to be a tremendous challenge.

Your in-laws may have strong opinions that you don’t agree with or interact with others in a way that is uncomfortable or offensive to you.

Based on what you described, there is animosity towards you and that can be challenging to say the least.

Coexisting is a wonderful notion but no one said it was easy.

For your own peace of mind and the health of your relationship, it’s worth thinking about how to find a sustainable way to deal with extended family.

And if you can’t find one, then you may have to learn to live with the fact that they don’t like you.

At the end of the day, a man should leave his parents home and cling to his wife. I hope this man is willing to cling to you especially when his family is the one throwing the boulders.

 

All the best,

Bella

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11 Comments

  1. Tell-All
    March 10, 2022

    All these ppl in the comment section had a perfect past. He who is without sin throw the first stone . She was a teenager, probably with no direction. Why should she be treated like a piece of trash? All you too damn hypocrite

  2. As if
    August 5, 2021

    You see when people want to run life, “have fun” and build up mileage on their *insert body part* then they realize they getting older, they want to come settle down to give somebody their best lawesta(spell check).

    On the other hand, if he really accepts you, flaws and all, just ignore them and that going to prove very difficult to do. You don’t need to be around them, so whatever….

  3. Waiting For Airport
    August 5, 2021

    My brother listen to your family eh… look she admit she do all what she do in the past. While you was studying hard to become a better man, she was out being a h**. You have earned the right through your dedication and discipline to a better wife! Listen to your family and find a better wife. Find a woman who had discipline just like you did, one who had and still has self respect etc. Understand your value as a man and do better for yourself! Doh make a sweet p***** burst your head!

    You took the time to build yourself up into a respectable man. Meanwhile she was allowing men who are not even half your calibre to do things to her you don’t even have it in you to do. Random halfwits on the streets have done things to your ‘wife’ that would make you vomit!

    Know your value King!

  4. John hope
    August 4, 2021

    After reading your story if I was the family I would discourage my son to. Sometimes people tend to go back to the past habits. That’s just my take.

  5. Bwa-Banday
    August 4, 2021

    You see, that is why I keep telling those young girls in Dca to STOP their dorty ways and STOP behaving so vulgar on facebook because that has a funny way of coming back to hunt you. STOP shaking your papalam for dorty cabalist just to be somewhat significant or popular. These cabalists will pass you from hand to hand until they all have tasted the sugar plum then dump you. When a good man comes along and you finally find love or like the sig-way will dayclar-way and toyo, mouth open tory jump out.

    Anyway, seek your happiness and to hell with your in-laws. They need a life of their own. Hopefully you have learnt the art of keeping your legs tightly closed, panties way up , with a girdle over it with a padlock in the fook to prevent the fiancee cat from ‘accidentally escaping” and that can lead to a happy married life.

  6. Da Passports
    August 4, 2021

    If you truely love that man you’d want better for him… While the man family was raising him properly you was having your fun, now the product complete you want reap the benifits, lmfao… Man stupid ehh boy, the mother is a woman so her head ON :idea: Just like yours

  7. Xianglung
    August 4, 2021

    If you still want to go ahead with the marriage, which by the way is a life long commitment, I hope your back is strong. But you will get through not only with the love of your husband but with the love of God.

  8. Largor Man
    August 4, 2021

    The chicken has come home to roost. You are ashamed of your own past behavior yet you seem to be surprised that his family isn’t welcoming you with open arms.

    If someone engages in criminal behavior they should not be surprised when they are treated as a criminal. Given enough time they may convince others that they have changed their ways. Your treatment is a direct correlation to your past behavior. Did you think there were no consequences to your scandalous behavior?

    This young man would be best advised to listen to his family. A wife does not love make. In due time you may convince others that you have changed and will get a chance to redeem yourself but clearly it is not with this family. Good luck

  9. Fummy
    August 4, 2021

    sweet heart RUNNNNN,

  10. Skerro
    August 4, 2021

    Lady stick to your man once he love you and he love you who the hell care about family with or without them you can married I was in the same boat and happily married for 25 yrs with two beautiful kids well educated tell them kiss you xxx

  11. Zandoli
    August 4, 2021

    What I did not hear was how does the guy feel about the way his family treats his fiancé. For me it would be very straightforward. I would evaluate the character of the woman and if I was satisfied she was the one for me, what my family says would not factor in my decision. I have toilet with her, for better or for worse.

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