DEAR BELLA: I’ve set a bad example for my daughter; now I want her to change

Bella,

My daughter is a pathological liar. The child is 16 and she lies like she breathes. She lies for everything and anything. No one asks her a question and she just makes up a lie.

She lies about going out with people who don’t exist until I found out that she’s involved with a young boy who does drugs.

Bella, I haven’t always been the best parent. I was involved in a relationship with a man who did drugs too.

My daughter and I had the best life. The best things. She was old enough to understand what was going on.

When I noticed this well-known drug dealer starting to give my child stuff (she was 14 at the time) and was getting too cozy with her, I realized I needed to end it.

He didn’t take the break up as nothing because he had his other women in line waiting.

Long and short Bella, I decided to change my life around but my child is continuing with the same pattern.

Her boy friends are gangsters – tattoo wearing, chain hanging low, earrings… just like the men she saw around me.

I am blaming myself. What should I do?

 

Regrets

 


 

Hello Regrets,

Indeed, your daughter may be a shadow type of you. The same way she saw you behave is the same way she wants to behave.

This is why as parents, we have to watch our every move because children copy their parents.

Having said this, you may want to have a heart to heart talk with your daughter.

Ask her to spill her concerns to you. Ask her if there’s anything she wants to discuss with you. Let her put in on paper if she’s scared to speak in person.

Sometimes teenagers are better at penning their thoughts.

You can also include a counselor in the equation if you find your technique isn’t working.

Parents, well, humans-we all make mistakes that have been known to affect others severely.

It is a good thing that you decided to change your life around. Now the struggle is trying to get your teenage girl to take steps to do the same.

 

Best Bella

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5 Comments

  1. Sage
    September 22, 2020

    mmm… i would encourage you to keep up that change and keep setting positive examples for your daughter. she followed you one time and if u keep those and add a few new positive ones your daughter will follow suit. have occasional little talks with her about the mistakes u made.

  2. Straight Shooter
    September 21, 2020

    No surprise here. Your bad example and poor judgement helped to create the wayward child you are struggling to reel in today.

    Rebellious and challenging teenagers are a common staple in many housholds despite the best efforts and examples of caring and loving parents. Like lost sheep, they scorn good counsel, correction and wisdom while going astray to do their own thing.

    Do not lose hope of redemption for your daughter as many of us, even in this forum, once had our parents losing their minds or pulling out their hair.

    My advice is to seek out a trusted relative, friend or teacher who can impart some consequential and serious words to your daughter.

  3. God is able
    September 21, 2020

    Well kudos to the mom for recognizing her part in this situation. As parents we all make mistakes. Please pray for your daughter and seek intervention. Praying for you and your family

  4. Tell it like it is
    September 20, 2020

    Karma is a ……! Sorry to be so blunt. Pray for a miracle my lady because your daughter isn`t going to give up the sweet life you enjoy so much so easily. It`s good that you have decided to change, but that is for you. Now hope and pray that your daughter sees the light the same way as you did. You said she is a pathological liar… where do you think she got it from? Are you a pathological liar too? Think about it.

  5. Bwa-Banday
    September 19, 2020

    Mama-mangee-wayzen den zefant glahceeee :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    If she taste the black pudding already then she really gone unless it is too big and not pleasureful. You set your daughter on a path of destruction but at least you are taking responsibility. You need to take that child and sit with her along with some grown up she respects and explain the pitfalls of that life style. If you can now is the time to move her to another country or island.

    If not, then chou-li patay! In other words, chou-li fe-ni-bat and you will have to live with your conscience. Dca has become a bling society stuck in a mendicant mindset that has been promoted and encouraged by the political elite.

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