DEAR BELLA: The child is not my son


I have a problem.  The child I fathered for 15 years may not be mine.
When I met my now wife, she was a bit promiscuous and I decided to settle down with her because she was just a victim of men who let her down.
She’s a wonderful person and she’s been a good wife to me.
I found it strange she got pregnant maybe the first few weeks after we started intimacy.
Anyway, as the boy started to grow, I realize his features don’t resemble mine.
He has nothing of me Bella and only my wife’s nose.
I hear people in the village make remarks but I didn’t bother.
Now it’s bothering me.  I want to bring up the matter with her but it could put my marriage under pressure.
Someone told me secretly take the boy for a paternity test but I don’t know.
Any advice?
Troubled Dad

Troubled Dad
You need to sit with your wife and address this very sensitive but serious matter.
Your concerns are legitimate but as you said, matters like that can put a strain on relationships if they aren’t handled properly.
Taking the boy for a paternity test without the knowledge of your wife could be the wrong approach.
Let it be something the both of you decide together because from your letter I don’t sense that there exists any contention between you two.
The thing about doubt and uncertainty is that it can cause you to live in misery for all your life. However, on the other hand, knowing (even if it hurts) offers a sense of peace and closure.
Let your wife know what your concerns are and move ahead from there.

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  1. Bwa-Banday
    August 26, 2019

    Partner if you so positive do as Mrs. Knight would say. Tell the woman : “Go and shake her bag where she sold her coals”.

    You well get your horn and for 15yrs it doh kill you so I myself on second thought would tell you take it like a man :mrgreen: :mrgreen: . Just keep taking care of the man son eh and make sure he doh go hungry and doh complain because when you took his woman he never confronted you. you were boasting to friends nd making fun of him.

    When man tie their cow all quick to go and change them but when ready-made come all you complaining. Man take you blows and hush you mouth tan :twisted: :twisted: . Just make sure the man child eat before you take your own from the pot. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    August 26, 2019

    Sir, you are a gentleman, the boy has done nothing wrong to you so well done. In the time of Moses, an eye for eye and a tooth for a tooth, the whole world would go blind. A wife is a very special person.Foresake your mother and father and stick to your wife. Who washes your dirty underwear? cook to make sure you eat,ensure you stay clean I public the wife.The other bits you can get outside.Jesus foregive 77 times. love and cherish the wife she deserved it.

  3. look it
    August 25, 2019

    FIRST time you did a good turn for your country so what is the grieve,thanks god the child survive blessings

  4. A View From The Side
    August 25, 2019

    Bro, being a Dad is infinitely more important and rewarding than being a father. Though the young man may not be your biological son, I do hope that will not be a showstopper for you, him or your wife as he has come to know you as both father and Dad.

    It is your absolute right to obtain a paternity test which will hopefully will give your family a measure of peace and put the troubling rumors to bed.

    Maintaining peace in a marriage and household is a challenging enough task which is made more difficult by nosey and messy neighbors.

    All the best to you and your family moving forward. The only thing you can control now is how you fulfill your YAH prescribed family responsibilities of leader, caretaker, protector and provider.

  5. Poor people governor
    August 25, 2019

    Paternity test my boy. And if is not your child divorce her. Let her find a new house to live while she look for the taylor

  6. August 25, 2019

    It sounds like you have had a good relationhip with your wife and the young man and even if you discovered he is not your biological son, it does not appear that your love and caring for him and your wife will change. Sometimes no non-bioligical do more than the biological, look at what Shaq O’neal did for his step dad. Not knowing can be psychologically taxing. I concur with Bella, it is best to speak to your wife and both of you address it.

  7. Mrs. Niner
    August 25, 2019

    You should all do an ancestry DNA. That way it’s not you getting a paternity test exactly but you will find out the results without you guys arguing over it.

  8. Kermit
    August 25, 2019

    It have plenty ready made jacket trust me you wont be the first and definitely wont be the last.

  9. Kalinago Justice
    August 25, 2019

    :?: The woman was promiscuous but still made her your wife :?: How is it you didn’t get it added up when she announced her pregnancy to you :?: I supposed something else blindly caught your attention towards her than the real logical things :?: Anyway, I think Bella has given you the best advice! :?:

    • Wondering
      August 26, 2019

      so you saying a promiscuous woman cannot settle down and marry ? so a man who is player cannot settle down and marry ? We all do dumb things when we were younger doesn’t mean we cannot change and put things in order. The man tell u she is a good wife so obviously she changed her ways .So if somebody give their life to Christ and stop their ways u still going to judge them ?

  10. Silvi Magloire
    August 25, 2019

    Perhaps there are other matters at work and as a person should not be troubled as it appears that you are a gracious human and as long as the family relationship is well and intact this is a wonderful story. Does this person really see this route of investigation meeting a point of closure!!!!. Taking care of wife and young person from childhood to this day as if your own is a rare happening, bless you for the thing you do as you are blessed and love your family and you in turn will be loved.

  11. Gouvelma
    August 24, 2019

    What difference will it make if the boy is or isn’t your biological son? Since those doubts began to walk through your mind has it changed your attitude toward either him or your wife? I hope it hasn’t. I also hope that you have considered the what if’s. What if he really is my son. What if he isn’t my son. As you said you knew that your wife was promiscuous. Is she that same person? It really doesn’t sound so to me. So if you are fully prepared for the worst case scenario go ahead and have that chat with your wife and follow it up with a DNA. You have been a father and husband for 15 years. The result of a DNA cannot wipe that out. For your peace of mind get the rest done however whatever the results don’t let it change your attitude toward the child who know no other father but you. I hope he is yours and that the three of you can continue to live as the family that you all hope for. Be reminded that fatherhood is much more than biological..

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