My mother wants to control me

Dear BellaI am 20 years old and recently travelled to spend some time with my boyfriend, but I decided that I want to stay with him.

My mother has been calling me asking when I am returning and I’ve been replying, “I don’t know”.

Bella, I love my mom but sometimes I feel she always wants me to do what she want and what makes her happy.

I feel I am old enough to make my decisions and she should just guide and support my decisions.

Since I am her only child, and its been only the two of us for a long time, I understand she has issues with letting go but I think its time for her to accept that I am grown.

Bella how do I go about dealing with this?

Need an answer

Dear Need an answer,

I think your mom is concerned about the way you decided to go and ‘stay’ with your boyfriend. You simply just don’t decide to go and spend some time with your boyfriend and decide to stay with him.

While you might be old enough to make your own decision, it would have been nice if you had sat with your mom, explain to her that you have decided to move out to seek a new life and even get her opinion.

It is not too late to talk to your mom on this matter. Tell her that while you understand her concerns, you have decided to move on and seek a new life as an adult.

Bella

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121 Comments

  1. May 26, 2014

    Justice and Truth:

    I thank God for the understanding of life He has given you and your ability to share it with his generation.

    The Bible is all we need to guide us through life. People sure get into a mess when they ignore the plain teachings of the Word of God. This is especially true when it comes to relationships.

    May God continue to use you.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

  2. March 24, 2012

    Ur mom knows better 20 yrs is not ntn. Leavin at home with ur mom alone feels so sweet

  3. hmmm
    January 30, 2012

    i can see dat u are not a christian by jus livin wit de man are sinnin cause one way or another u will have sex wit him girl obey ur mother remember it is right and if u wanna live long u beta do

    • Anonymous
      March 29, 2012

      plz don’t be so hpocrite.allu christian to damn hypocrite.bcuz d grl say she stayin with d man she not a christian.stupes.u neva **** b4 u married.

  4. Concerned
    January 26, 2012

    Ur mom just wants whats best for u. At the end u will see cuz she will be there for u when u are hurting. My mom is my best friend…I’m 22 yrs of age and I speak to my mom everyday and she is in antigua. Just wait and u will see.

  5. Bubbles
    January 25, 2012

    I’m 22 n i tink tht my mom tries to control me too BUT at the end i see that she’s only looking out for my best interest. Mom”s always knws best. That’s my philosophy. So I suck it up n behave myself. N.B……once u ain’t INDEPENDENT, n mom got to do stuff for u(eg. wash clothes, cook food, run errands for u wen u dont hv time, pay ur school fees,n u live under her roof) still, den u ain’t big enough as yet for u to ask her to live u alone. Wen u on ur own, hustling ur own shit den u shud at least cooperate with her. Big Question……Did ur bf ask u too stay or u just decided that u wanted to stay n knw he’d go along with it? I see issues coming n at d end u gonna run bk home. TALK TO UR MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Cherish
    January 20, 2012

    Girl do what u want! Is not ur life then. If ur mother fraid is man u taking, take ur man self, YOU GROWN

  7. Justice and Truth
    January 19, 2012

    Bella’s advice is correct. The daughter has assumed that her mother wants to control her. Is this really the case? There must be more to the story than that. The mother found out that she is living with a young man and she may not be pleased about it.
    Being the only child, now that she is living away from her mother, she misses her and her companionship. Her mother loves her and wants what is best for her. There will come a time when the chicken will fly away from the coup, its mother’s guidance and protection. This is what she is doing.
    She should have told her mother her intention if she did not previously inform her about it. She should have a heart to heart talk with her mother. If she cannot face the mother to speak to her, she should write her and lay out her feelings.
    Her mother may not be pleased with her daughter’s present living arrangement. Do not blame the mother for that. Parents will always be parents.
    I recall my mother’s wise saying, “You do not make children for yourself but for the world.” She never stood in the way of her children. God bless her.
    Our situation was different than that of this young woman. Few men and women would consider leaving home to live with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
    It was also unheard of as it is in this era that two men or two women would live together and get married. This is something shocking and one which I will never get over.
    However, this is what every mother who may be possessive of their children, whether man or woman should keep in mind. One day their adult children will want to leave their own life and will go away. Today, many people think nothing of it to leave home and cohabite with a partner. I will honestly state that I do not endorse it. First date and if it amounts to a love-relationship, then, in time get married. This is the appropriate and respectable thing to do.
    As it is, living with a man, a young one at that does not provide any security. If she is grown-up enough to live with him, she should be aware of that. I hope that she does not end up being disappointed. I urge her to keep in touch with her mother, visit her occasionally and reassure her that she loves her.

    • May 26, 2014

      Justice and Truth:

      I thank God for the understanding of life He has given you and your ability to share it with his generation.

      The Bible is all we need to guide us through life. People sure get into a mess when they ignore the plain teachings of the Word of God. This is especially true when it comes to relationships.

      May God continue to use you.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

  8. teena
    January 18, 2012

    makes no sense to be servant to a man you are not married to.

  9. tiny
    January 18, 2012

    Allu looking for me today dere, provoke me still :-x

    • tiny
      January 18, 2012

      oh mu god that is so funny ….who is doing that?….who are the other people using the name tiny

    • TeteMorne I from...
      January 18, 2012

      I actually think that YOU are the author of this letter. You got what you were looking for: Attention and suggestions. :mrgreen:

    • Justice and Truth
      January 19, 2012

      @ tiny

      I will not give you thumbs down or up. Why? You make me laugh out loud. :lol: Actually I have not yet read your comments but I have been laughing at this one. Poor Tiny. What more can I say? You must have said something to make them comment negatively. Nevertheless, I like what you stated. :lol: Later I will read your comments.

  10. Hmmm
    January 18, 2012

    DNO Please change this column to DEAR TINY…Thanks

    • tiny
      January 18, 2012

      not a bad idea idea….but only for specific issues though

  11. tiny
    January 18, 2012

    Block 44 haha…..you would be surprised of the things your kids are saying about you…I tried to intervene once and told a parent what their kid told me ,hhow she felt about her parents ….the parents were so shocked and hurt that the kid had such strong negative feelings towards them .however never attempted to fix anything…..children feelings dont mmatter they are property right?

  12. tiny
    January 18, 2012

    Whoever is using the name tiny ……thats not cool…..

  13. pusina
    January 18, 2012

    I think the ADMIN want to control me. Every time i post something he/she is always up my behind like i have there man. Bella i need your help in addressing this matter with the ADMIN controling my life on DNO…Thanks Puss :-D

  14. TIN
    January 18, 2012

    THIS WAS’NT A GOOD MOVE AT 20 THAT WHEN YOU
    SHOULD BE EXPLORING THE WORLD DOING THINGS
    FOR YOURSELF NOT LIVING IN HOUSE WITH A
    MAN. BEING YOU ARE THE ONLY CHILD WE A VERY
    OVERPROTECTIVE BUT PARENTS ALWAY WANT GOOD
    FOR THEIR CHILDREN.

    • seasoning pepper
      January 18, 2012

      don’t be so naieve!!!!! please

      • Justice and Truth
        January 19, 2012

        @ Seasoning pepper:

        “Naive!”

  15. young woman
    January 18, 2012

    it seems tiny wrote to bella, because she knows all the answer she is looking for. Girl you said you are an adult, so solve your own problem while you in the heat of your love affair, and when the heat cool out and mr love say ok i feed up, run home to mummy then blame her and say she is controlling you. just wait and u will see. we always see parents as controlling until we reach that road.

  16. Shans
    January 18, 2012

    No parent wants bad for their child.. It seems that you and your mom has had a good relationship so why now spoil it over a man. I think your mom loves you and is only looking out for your best interest and in doing so i know that some parents can be a bit overprotective. The best thing to do is sit and talk with your mom letting her know exactly how you feel. I am sure she will understand. Why would you want to leave the comforts of your mother’s home to go live down with a man anyways??

  17. Spicelady
    January 17, 2012

    My dear child, living with a boy at 20 is no joke. Just imagine catering to his every need, whim and fancy, cleaning up after him. What do you expect to happen. He will use you for a time and then get tired of you, especailly if he is a young man himself. Ask for if you get pregnant,then you will really see what your mom is talking about. You can have your relationship, but please do not shack up with him.

  18. January 17, 2012

    Tiny seems to be writing these help notes to Bella and turning around to answer the comments too.Shame on you tiny, you just got caught, GET A DAMN LIFE.

    • Help Tiny..
      January 18, 2012

      I was thinking the exact same thing

  19. Graduado
    January 17, 2012

    OBEY YOUR MOTHER GAL,WHEN THINGS DO NOTR WORK OUT FIRST PERSON YOU WILL RUN TOO, 20 YRS IS NOT A FACTOR ,,,HEED THE WORD OF THE WISE–TOO YOUNG TO MOVE IN WITH A MAN

  20. TeteMorne I from...
    January 17, 2012

    Honey, grown people do not live with mom and dad. If you are so grown why are you still living with mom? I understand that you need a little freedom sometimes, but, why do you have to shack up with a boyfriend? A boyfriend will eventually lose ALL respect for you after he has sexed you and has depended on you to do what a WIFE should do. Your mother loves you and I think she wants the best for you. Take your time to grow. Believe me, you WILL have enough time and years to be “independent.”

    PS. Take whatever you get on here though. Allu always come on here fishing for “advice!”

    • Justice and Truth
      January 19, 2012

      @ TeteMorne I from:

      You think that you have the answer? Think again! Since when grown-ups do not live with their parents? Referring to this era where people have decided on their ideological myths and following their own ways which are not always accurate and will lead to the narrow path and downward trend of slippery slopes.
      When the boyfriend breaks up with her, turns to another woman or more women, she will run home to her mother, if she does not despair and even end her life. Ever thought of that?

      • TeteMorne I from...
        January 20, 2012

        Truth and Justice, I may not have the answer but I do stand by my comment: Grown people do not live with Ma and Pa! I mean if you are shacking up with Ma and Pa and are still disrespectful, then maybe you should not be living with them. That was my point. Now, get of people’s back and go crawl back into your cold hole in Toronto!

    • Delicious
      May 11, 2012

      TeteMorne I from….: What is the purpose of these columns? Isn’t it go give advice to the folks who write in? No one person has all the answers, so people seek advice from others who may have more experience. We can all respectfully disagree without bashing and name calling. What if the shoe were on the other foot and one of you wanted advice? If not Bella, it would be someone else. Lets post intelligent comments and be respectful of each other. Can we all just get along :-P

  21. OMG
    January 17, 2012

    NAHHHHHHHHHHHH I THINK YOUR MOTHER WANTS GOOD FOR YOU MY DEAR.

    @ TINY: your name really suits, i suspect every thing about you is TINNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY

  22. Irie
    January 17, 2012

    I am a big grown man, working and paying my bills but I living with my mother, and when she say no ‘unrighteousness’ in her house especially on Sundays…I have no choice but to ‘take my foot’ only when She sleeping and when she go church….and believe me dem woman have to whisper, because I doh want nobody to wake up my ole queen in de middle of de night with no lavway :wink:

    The moral of my story is respect your parents no matter what….most parents try their best to raise their children, and whilst your upringing may not be smooth sailing and you may not be perfect, you still have to hold your parents in high regard. So chick, understand that your mother wants the best for you and a real man will do things the right way….if he loves you dat is. eh hem.

    • TeteMorne I from...
      January 18, 2012

      Ki moral of ki story you talking about? First to all GROWN men and women do not live with mommy. Secondly, you still ARE DISRESPECTFUL: Why do you bring in little salpets in her house when she is asleep and off to church? You are NO better than this little 20 year old. You have no moral or integrity my boy. Integrity: Behaving thyself and doing the RIGHT/HONEST thing when no one is watching.

      • TeteMorne I from...
        January 18, 2012

        *First of all*

      • Irie
        January 18, 2012

        You take time! First of all my mother definition of ‘unrighteousness’ and mine is two different. But I respect her wishes nonetheless. I not leaving my mother house to go and rent = paying somebody mortgage. When I leave it will be to my own property.

        I doh have a problem celebrating the sexuality of beautiful, nubile liberated WOMEN, you know those that don’t consider sex and initimacy to be a dirty thing those you refer to as ‘salpet’. I not fooling nobody chile, I ‘dating’ and if a grown woman want to come home to play a little Domino or maybe to watch a DVD, then so be it. Some women want a little sex therapy, friendship and pillow talk, nothing more…and I not vex.

        Some of all you dominicans too judgemental. If I doh sex, I gay. If a woman have me like a puppy,I sharmay….if I flexing once in a while(like any young man in Dominica) I DOH GOOD, Dishonest and lacking integrity. Weh boy how to please all you?

    • pax
      January 19, 2012

      IRIE MAN! MUCH RESPECT!

    • Justice and Truth
      January 19, 2012

      @ Irie

      Mothers are not fools. Do not think she is not aware that you bring a girlfriend into the house while she is sleeping. She can hear the walking unless you have rubber shoes/socks and really tip-toe. :lol:
      Otherwise, you respect her and her feelings and this is a good thing for a son. You are to be commended.
      Good that you are there for your mother and to help her. I am certain that she appreciates it. God bless you for that.

  23. forreal
    January 17, 2012

    what is done is done,the part she did not mention is, how is the relationship with her boy friend and her mom,that would have made difference,because what the boyfriend and her need to do is go to her mom and iron out things,that is if he is a good guy.

  24. January 17, 2012

    girl if you want to talk to your mother go a head with it; if you do not want to talk to her its your choice .You are very ungrateful to go on holiday and decide to stay with a boy friend that you are not sure of giving you a good future,but mothers door is always open when her children is in trouble.
    Remember today is a bright day for you but tomorrow might not be; in other words later will tell.

  25. Tony
    January 17, 2012

    What kind of advice is that Bella? Dominica is already filled with broken families; couples shacking up; siblings with multiple fathers and mothers. In such a religious country why are we not advising the young people to marry first before moving in with a man? Men do not want to make a commitment to a lady for life. They want their freedom to check out when things don’t work out. They want to honor the Lord with their lips but their hearts are far from Him. Look to Christ! He will set you free. Religion has obviously not worked. Only in Christ will we have the real desire to live Godly in this wicked world. God help us!

  26. tiny
    January 17, 2012

    Yall are a bunch of hypocrites!!!!!

  27. Sayodityodit
    January 17, 2012

    It does not matter what age you are. Never, ever live with someone of the opposite sex unless you are married to them. And at 20 you should be exploring the world. Nothing wrong in having a boyfriend but please do not live with him. Rethink, have a serious talk with your mom I think she only has your best interest at heart.

    • Hate ignorance
      January 17, 2012

      who told you it was the opposite sex,hahahaha, i think there is insufficent information to determine if its a girl or boy who left their mummy. we are living in a funny world now , open your eyes people i suspect evry body assumed it was a girl . i have heard of guys doing the same . Sex preference people, lol lol lol . On a serious note there is a communication problem between child and mother . That need fixing .

      • Justice and Truth
        January 19, 2012

        @ Hate ignorance

        What are you stating? You are so negative? None of us even think that it is someone of the same sex. Today, some people’s minds are working overtime as yours.
        Can you prove or not they are the same sex or not? Let it be.

    • ALAS.
      January 17, 2012

      SHUT UP KAYWANA!!!!!

    • :)
      January 18, 2012

      This is good advice however at 20 she could be independent enough to make that move. I moved in with my boyfriend at 18yrs ..he is now my husband…It’s not an easy road but that’s a relationship for you…different people with different ways of doing things it takes alot of sacrifice and understanding let me tell you love is not enough to make things work. So young lady while it may have turned out fine for me pray pray pray about it and whatever you choose keep a good relationship with your mom. God Bless All.

  28. tiny
    January 17, 2012

    Why all the negative comments? choops!

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      i beg to differ…..i disagree :-D

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      oh my god i just realized you named yourself tiny too ….. :lol:

    • Fattdoll
      January 18, 2012

      Sa tiny yo wer? e folle neh tiny. yyyy! mon lay pisar

    • Anonymous
      January 18, 2012

      Most of the negative comments I see here come from you, Tiny. You have proven yourself to be irrational and unintelligent time and again.

  29. Will Help Tiny
    January 17, 2012

    Is this TWITTER? Someone Tell TINY she doesn’t have to reply to everyone’s comments!

    TINY NEEDS PHYSIOLOGICAL HELP

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      maybe i do …so what….we all need help….i hope you have gotten that one help that we all need…that help that we can’t afford to to without….

    • Waitukubuli
      January 17, 2012

      LOL – ALAS Tiny is probably just bored. Hahahahaa – you guys really make me laugh.

      • Justice and Truth
        January 19, 2012

        @ Waitukubuli

        Give Tiny a break!

    • January 17, 2012

      i don’t think that’s necessary… no need to tell someone about physiological or psychological help… or whatever help…

  30. Dominican
    January 17, 2012

    Tiny, unless it was you wrote the letter to Bella, this is not about you.

    Whatever it is that is eating you, Get over it.

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      if it will help just one person on here reflect and at least change one persons ways/mindset…i will not stop thank you….

  31. TRUTH
    January 17, 2012

    She carried you when you could not walk and spoke to you when you could not talk, feed you when you were hungry and scolded you when you were bad and gave you a love that does not fade with time or circumstance. TALK TO YOUR MOTHER!

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      stupid…who you do expect to do those things….even animals do these things..animal give up their life to save their offspring….you expect a baby to feed and clean itself….she did not ask to be born

      • Anonymous
        January 19, 2012

        tiny your comments are very disappointing…not to mention disturbing….hope you don’t plan on taking the same path as that girl did.Because how you view, treat or speak about your mom says a lot about how you would treat a man. Whichever way you choose to look at this the outcome is not pretty.

  32. Rabbit Foot
    January 17, 2012

    Isn’t is amazing that we THINk we know everything at 20? Except we often make life altering mistakes at that age thinking we are making the correct decisions. Girl, listen to your mother. That decision you are making is likely purely out of impulse. That does not seem like a well thought out decision.

  33. De asphalt
    January 17, 2012

    When u get what u get, doh blame nobody but yourself… problems you looking for not true..

  34. Secretary
    January 17, 2012

    My Opinion………… you should have a talk with your mom, and take your boyfriend with you.

  35. Reader
    January 17, 2012

    Dear Ms. need an answer,

    Why on earth would you want to be living in house with man at 20? I am a woman in her mid 30s and let me give you the advise my father gave me when I was growing up. “Don’t run an marry anybody while you young. Travel … see the world, have a career. Live! Then, get married”. I took his advice. I travelled, made friends, went to graduate school and got married a few years ago at 31. I didn’t hear you mention your father and I don’t want to make assumptions about your relationship with him. But, I am sure that this would be his advice to you too.

    So Missy, there is more to life than sex. Enjoy your young relationship but don’t make it your life before you have even had a chance to live.

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      oh wow i’m jealous…are you aware that a lot of people don ‘t have that relationship with their parents….especially their fathers….the only time they communicate with their dad if if he is giving them an order or chastising them….consider yourself lucky just to be able to have a civil conversation with your father

      • Anonymous
        January 19, 2012

        tiny i think you should have a heart to heart with both of your parents…i doubt they even realize how bitter and scornful you are. The hardest part is always to approach them, when they see you are serious they will listen. a lot of our parents are rough but we don’t necessarily have to hold it against them, they were maybe raised that way. Pray to Jehovah God about it and just talk to them. You can’t continue to build resentment like this-you’re digging your own grave.

  36. Hmmmmm
    January 17, 2012

    wood you want. Doh worry when you get the babby and he leave you for another woman you will go back and meet mammy!!

  37. tiny
    January 17, 2012

    yes give the parent the benefit of the doubt because they want what’s best for their kids…hahahah…..my parents wanted what was best for me…..i have spoken to a man who sexually abused his daughter when she was younger(he did o know that i was aware of the sexual abuse) and this guy was genuinely concerned about his daughter and the type of life she was living as an adult…you people on here are too funny…..
    because they want what’s best for their kids…that automatically make them a good parent….tooo funny

  38. just me
    January 17, 2012

    At 20 everything my mom said was wrong. Everything she did was wrong. I would not listen to her advice. I did what i wanted and ended up making the wrong decision.
    At 30, everything i do i consult my mom. Back then it seemed like she was trying to control me, but is only now i see that she was just trying to avoid me from making the wrong mistakes and prevent me from pain in relationships.
    Maybe back then, the way she did and said things seemed like she was trying to control my every move, my every step, my every thought, but now I wish that i had allowed her to groom me into the perfect woman she always wanted me to be. I learned the hard way.

    So, sweetie… talk to mom. Tell her your plan and listen to her advice. Don’t think with your heart and leave your brain behind. He may want you to stay now… think of 2 months down the line…. He’s gonna have to provide for you if you haven’t gotten a job… he is accustomed to his freedom, he may feel you tying him up. What if he puts you out and things get bad…. You have to make sure that things are OK with MOM so that you can go to her. Don’t put no barriers between you and your mother for the sake of a man!

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      you had you bad ways in you….probably just like my mother when she was younger so she probably thought i was like her

  39. tiny
    January 17, 2012

    it would have been adult of her too inform of her decision and discuss….

    are you people real?..are you form planet earth or are you guys from a world of leave it to beaver’s parents…wow i wished i grew up in that world too… but newsflash …it is not like that in the real world…a lot of times parents cause more harm than good even if their intention are good.this girl wrote to bella because she is obviously not comfortable with her current living situation..she know it is not the wisest decision.. but it sounds like she has no choice….she had some peace and freedom away form her mother…so she made the decision of staying

    • Anonymous
      January 19, 2012

      how old are you anyway? are you even 20 yet… you sound so young and immature…

  40. Hmmm
    January 17, 2012

    FASTFORWARD a few months down the road:

    Dear Bella, I am 20 years old. A few months ago I went to visit my boyfriend and decided to stay against my mother’s advice. Right now I am pregnant and unemployed and he has made it clear that he is not ready for a baby.

    Sadly, I have to say my mom was right but I am too ashamed to admit it and go back home. What do I do?

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      well its the mothers fault….she put her child in that situation …….she should be the guilty party….it’s my forum today..wow :lol:

      • TeteMorne I from...
        January 17, 2012

        Ou meme tot sot tan

      • Spicelady
        January 17, 2012

        Tiny girl, whoevery you are,you really stupid. You have absolutely no common sense. Please stop give ridiculous advice!!!

      • Becareful
        January 18, 2012

        kick tiny the hell out

  41. Cari
    January 17, 2012

    Seriously, why would you want to be a house wife at 20?

    Isn’t that the time to be working and saving up for university, or something like that?

    Everything in life is about learning, but it would be unfortunate in these hard times to be knocked up with 2 kids one after the other, and be unmarried with no commitment from your boyfriend. Is that what you want at 20?

    Think carefully about what you’re doing. A long weekend is sleep, sex and what we eat we eat. Living in house is a totally different ball game.

  42. Yeps.
    January 17, 2012

    love bella’s response. sometimes the young adults don’t understand what true maturity is. they lack the sense of accountability that comes with it. you can make your own decisions because you are old enough, but how you go about doing it makes a huge difference. consider the impact of persons involved even if it is just to talk about it. i am not saying let your mom or anyone else control your life. i am just saying that since you 2 were living together it would have been very adult of you to inform her of your decision and discuss it with her while reserving the right to do whatever pleases you.

  43. tiny
    January 17, 2012

    and one more thing MOTS….sounds like you are a man….girls have it much much tougher…..our parents are bent on protecting what’s between our legs……they should find some way of locking it and maybe this will make their girls life easier ….

    they too hypocrite to talk about sex and relationship so they keep try to keep you locked away in a prison…and spy on your every move….

    • January 17, 2012

      again my friend tiny…. are you advising that 16 and 17 year olds should be out having sex and fornicating… you fail to realise that parents are not blocking what’s between the legs but more or so.. protecting them for their better interests which they are to immature at their age to know and understand there own worth… no parent should be hyprocrite not to talk about sex with their children… that should be standard once a girl hits 12 years old or even b4 that… like i’ve said b4 school won’t teach your child about life.. it is left up to you to teach your child or else the negative friends will teach them a sweeter but more dangerous version…

      • tiny
        January 17, 2012

        you are starting to disappoint me now…where and how did i advise such behavior ….not even gonna bother to say more

    • ........
      January 23, 2012

      tiny dont you have a life? dont you have a job? everyday you coming on dNO beig negative about every damn comment. get a life and get something to do. perharps a job!! dammit!!

  44. Mouth of the West
    January 17, 2012

    My girl my advice to you is even if you moving in with the man make sure you can support yourself if things turn sour. 6 months down the line the man might put you outside for another woman. Just ask your mother to understand where you coming from and accept your decision you is a big woman.

  45. Jimini Kriket
    January 17, 2012

    You leave de lady to pay all de bills by herself??? You probably didn’t even finish paying off your loans. Ah magway sa!!!

    • tiny
      January 17, 2012

      she do damn right….that’s for the pain and suffering her mother caused

      • block 44
        January 17, 2012

        dear tiny keep away from my children,it sounds like you have broken ever rule your mother put on you ,and you have been giving away your la,la from a very young age, you are like a drug diller.you spoil and you spoiling people children now.

      • feel sorry for tiny
        January 17, 2012

        U sound like somebody who is scarred Tiny….seriously scarred. get help

      • pax
        January 19, 2012

        child, you need serious help

  46. tiny
    January 17, 2012

    so she got her chance at freedom and she took it….so what if she planned it in advance…. whose fault is it…..it’s her mothers fault ……if she was a better mother her daughter would not have been shacking up with a man…..i always blame the parents……….they are too be blamed most of the times…..it up too them to do a good job…go ask my parent if they did a good job and they will say that they were the best parents…..

    the rest of my response to mots….wanted to make 2 post but internet acting up

    • January 17, 2012

      tiny i am very sorry for your situation and upbringing… i don’t think 20 year olds should be getting blows… but i think it is a ‘black’ thing because lots of young women can recall getting hit at 20 years… but tiny your situation is not the status quo.. though the young woman could have the same situation…

      so therefore i don’t think it is right to endorse or support her decision… most 20 year olds are in college tiny… i bet you didn’t leave your parents home at 20 (although that’s besides the point)… what i’m saying is young people nowadays seem impatient to ‘experience’ life… maybe her mother wants her to take her education serious… maybe that boyfriend is a negative character… you may not know the situation just like i don’t… but the way she went about it shows that she’s immature and needs much needed guidance… she thinks that by her mom calling and asking when she’s coming back is being ‘controlling’… that’s what that triggered the bella article writing… so who knows what advices she consider ‘controlling’… in such situations tiny when the facts are unsure… it is better to give the parents the benefit of doubt… since most parents want the best for their children… so i’m riding on that consensus

    • nightanddayvision
      January 17, 2012

      TINY, EVEN IF YOU HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE BAD ADVICE. YOURS IS OND BAD EXPERIENCE BUT CARRYB OUT A SURVEY AND YOU WILL HEAR THE SAD STORIES OF YOUNG GIRLS WHO DIDNT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS.

      THIS IS NOT A CHANCE AT FREEM. AU CONTRAIRE, IT IS WALKING STRAIGHT INTO PRISON AND A LIFE OF REGRETS

    • Becareful
      January 18, 2012

      You do not make much sense so shut the hell up. Think before you blab.

  47. Dominican to D bone
    January 17, 2012

    Hi young lady. The way you went about moving in with your boyfriend is not the right one. You should speak with your mom. she is asking when you are returning home because you have not told her you are moving in with him. Maybe she is concerned about the location, the situation (does he have a job, is he able to provide for you etc….)or even the boyfriend’s lifestyle. So the best advise I can give is speak to your mom and get her opinion and advice.

  48. Sugar Sugar
    January 17, 2012

    Readers try and read carefully, she is not saying she is going to live with him permanently, she is visiting, and on her visit decides to STAY with him (while visiting)…. so naturally the mum would have her visit with the BF and stay with her…. that does not sound so bad…mum will always be mum but.. put yourself in her mums shoes… she is going to miss her baby girl…whether she 20 or 90..

    • Rabbit Foot
      January 17, 2012

      Trust me, I know this family that went through the same thing with their only child (daughter). She regrets having moved out and not listening to her parents, 3 kids later.

  49. tiny
    January 17, 2012

    mots sweetie… sounds like you had a somewhat good childhood….man let me tell you..i lived with 2 parents who were control freaks so i know the feeling….don’t comb your hair like that….do not say those words..if i tell you the words you would laugh and think that i was raised with mentally insane people…do not whistle….not allowed to have a boyfriend at 20….cannot take a walk up the street at the age of 20 without asking permission and getting blows like crazy for ridiculous reason….do you know what some people go through…..just because this young woman did not not go into details of her life withe her mom you sit and conclude that she is wrong…..well based on my upbringing i am biased also….why people always putting the blame on kids and not the parent….the parents are good it is the kids who just decide to make the wrong choices in life…..well if this is so then i think parents need to start being rotten and they just might end up having good kids.

    • feel sorry for tiny
      January 17, 2012

      U r seriously scarred. Get help!

    • lol
      January 18, 2012

      No wonder you INSANE yourself!!!!after reading a few of your posts its obvious you need professional help!TINY you need a psychologist ASAP!!!!

  50. ok
    January 17, 2012

    never leaves your mum home to go stay with a man ,i think he should marry u first .we them young girls always think them men loves us but them men lies alot.

  51. possie massive
    January 17, 2012

    well sweetie at least ur mom is allowing u to have a bf and trusting u to go spend time with but me on the other hand i’m a yr older than u n my mom does not want me to have a bf and wants me to be everywhere she is so i was gettin fed up n ended up leaving in a very forceful way and go leave with my bf. so go tlk to ur mom cuz it seems she will understand and tell her what u want to do and take advice from her. my bf and i are happy but not everyone is the same so know what ur bf is about b4 u move in

    • Abu Sulayman
      January 19, 2012

      There is no happiness in a fornicating relationship. It’s a false sense of “happiness.”

  52. tiny
    January 17, 2012

    an adult? ….she should advise you …not control you…. she may want want is best for you but she is going about it the wrong way( and i say may because a lot of parents are simply not interested in what their child wants …they want to choose the child career, their husband ..and the list goes on. ……you can only advise an adult…i think in her mind she still sees you as her 3 year old daughter…that’s the problem with most parents they need to learn to let go.. as a matter of fact no parent should even try to control a child who has reached a certain age ..but who is not yet an adult…one who they can hold a dialogue with……it always leads to rebellion….

    • January 17, 2012

      tiny what are you saying?? in this day and age where kids grow up age doesn’t constitute being an adult… what i’m saying is most of these fresh 20 years old need serious guidance… the way she admittedly left shows lots of immaturity… no mother or father can choose someone husband or wife in our culture.. most know it will not work… the point is this young lady got up and left in a cowardly way… this is proof she’s already on the wrong track… or went about it the wrong way… in fact she knows what she did was wrong.. deep down she knows that… if she believed she was right… then she’d never right to Bella… she just wanted another opinion just to make sure… but deep down she know she went about it the wrongway… so here she comes seeking ‘guidance’ from Bella… when it is that same guidance her mom must have been trying to teach her… them excuse about parents tryna control children have to stop… most of these young men and women doing all kind on of nonsense.. following all kind of bad company then later saying there parents trying to control them…. what about there parents trying to guide them…

      • UNBIAS18
        January 17, 2012

        ‘MOUTH OF THE SOUTH’ u couldnt have put it in any better words. YOU ARE SO RIGHT…….. Boooooooo to you tiny :twisted:

    • Anonymous
      January 19, 2012

      tiny let me tell you something…. when my aunt tried to help my cousin(19), she even allowed her to have a boyfriend just as long she was honest about it- she left the decent young man who cared about her and even shed tears when she left him and went to shack up with one who is a known thief,is always in the hands of police and is known to have had sex with other men. note i said “shack” up, where he brought is not only old with all the boards rotting but only part of it has a roof, no cupboards, stove, cylinder, bed…nothing! and it is about size of a match box to say the least. You want to know what’s even sadder-he beat her on the very night she moved in with him…and the night after that. when she sees ppl she knows she walks behind him, she’s limping, looks pale and has lost quite a bit of weight. that all happened btwn last month and this month…she left home and dropped out of school when all her cxc’s were already paid. i know personally that she and her mom had a good relationship.yet she still chose that guy over her mother.and when her mom tried to reason with her you know what she told her-“you doh know my age!”…. you the number of stupid decisions we make when we think we’re grown and choose not to listen? what kind of future will she have…she’s not even gonna do her cxc’s! did she think he would beat her? likely not.did she think whether or not he got aids from the guys and men he slept with?
      what if she got pregnant? did she think that in the future she might be arrested for housing the stolen items he brings in? apparently not. are you gonna blame her mother for her not thinking and acting stupid!?! i’ve cried over her and her decisions, she is very talented…yet she thought she was too grown to listen to anyone..see how that turned out….

  53. January 17, 2012

    young lady i get the assumption that you wanted to leave your mom and didn’t know how to tell her so… so.. u tried leaving in the most cowardly way…. yes over 18 is and adult but most 18 to 23 years old need that guidance into adult hood… your abrupt leaving shows lots of immaturity and poor leadership characteristics in you… your mom would of felt better had you sit down and explain x.y.z to her and how you will start on implementing a.b.c… but you just left like a crazy woman… so there is lots of reason for concern on her part.. worse yet being her one and only child.. to leave with no reason whatsoever is heartbreaking.. just try to imagine your boyfriend leaving #justlikedatbrrraaammmm…. you get the point… your decision shows that you are not ready to be a woman… women don’t act like this… esp. black women.. don’t act like cowards… and how come your B.F haven’t advised you the same as i’m trying to… so he supported your decision huh… well since you sent it to Bella then you’d be aware it is our for public consumption so i’ll have a say on your b.f…. if your boyfriend haven’t advised you to talk to your mom then he shows a characteristic of selfishness, he may also be the type to try to ‘lock’ down a woman.. i bet he’s the one who convinced you to stay… so it would mean he don’t give a damn about you or your mom who you seem to be close to… watch him closely… all your mom wants is a sitdown to understand what you are doing and WHY?? you also seem to come across as a woman who isn’t ‘independent’… it’s like you rely on this ‘boyfriend’… but again you’re 20 and he is your BOYFRIEND… try getting a MAN.. this is what your mom is trying to get you to understand… let her groom you proper so you can learn the SKILLZ of getting.. loving and keeping a MAN…

  54. ME
    January 17, 2012

    But wait.. . that’s not people do things! You should sit and discuss things with your mother(if you have no problems between yourselves), and let her know your intentions. Should anything happen to you, she’s the one who have to provide answers as she’s next of kin. At the same time you are old enough to make your decisions, however let her be your guide too. What about your boyfriend, what does he have to say about you coming to spend time and just remain?? not everytime when people don’t comment you should think all is well. think about your motives

  55. Massacre Girl
    January 17, 2012

    Being with someone n leaving with them is two different things. How long have u known your boyfriend? I think u need to think about this before u wreck your life. Let him put a ring on your finger first before u decide to live with him or else you’ll be one of those women living with a man for years n all the man doing for u is giving u children. U old enough yes but use your head I don’t think u that stupid.

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