DEAR BELLA: My father is messing up my love life

Bella,

 

My father hates every man I ever introduced him to. I’m beginning to think my father wants me to die single. I am 29 for crying out aloud and the man has never ever not even once liked my boyfriends.

All because of him I had to dump about three potential husbands. Now I have this guy Bella who loves me and asked me to marry him. He is a police officer. And when I introduced him to our family last week, my father had the guts to tell me never marry a police officer or bus driver or government minister.

The man was so ashamed he just bowed his head after my father treated him like that in front of the whole family.

I asked my father how am I supposed to have a life and start a family when he rejects every man who is interested in me? He said no one will ever be good enough for his daughter.

My father thinks I am still his little girl and I can’t understand that at all.

I think my father’s fear is being alone. Because my mom passed a few years ago and I am their only child.

But I tried to explain that being married won’t mean I will neglect him.

Bella I can’t manage that mess so I am moving out. Too bad for my father.

 

Frustrated Daughter

 


 

Hello Frustrated Daughter,

 

Indeed your situation seems very frustrating and I don’t blame you if you want to leave that environment.

Your dad needs to understand that you are now and adult and must move on in that direction.

You need to have your own life, your husband, your family.

He isn’t being fair to you at all by trying to keep you hostage because of his own fears.

Moving out might be a good move since staying under the same roof with him may result in your further unhappiness.

Bite the bullet. Let him know his actions are pushing you away. Sometimes distance can change people.

If you are moving out, then move out. Eventually, your father will come around. And if he doesn’t, then it means he does not understand the true essence of loving his daughter.

 

Best,

Bella

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14 Comments

  1. jum
    August 9, 2019

    my girl all police running woman your dad is right

  2. Braindamage
    August 6, 2019

    Woman, your father gave you the best advise.
    He did not say all men….
    He specified in mentioning: Police officers, as for bus drivers … and government people.
    He knows the attitude of these folks.
    He’s cautioning you from these fellers before getting your heart in pieces….

    • Lewis
      September 26, 2019

      she said her father never approved of any of her boyfriends…are you insinuating that all her boyfriends were either police officers, bus drivers or politicians? stop being naive . the father is only using that as a scapegoat , sooner or later if she brings a farmer, banker, doctor or even teacher home to him, he is going add them to the list of men she shouldn’t be with. perhaps the only man good enough for her is him…u think about that.

  3. mine
    August 6, 2019

    Forgive your dad being you are his only child and a daughter he is just over protected. IF you love your man but don’t move out. your dad will get over it.

  4. Casio
    August 6, 2019

    Girl your father just gave you the best advise. Ad a fireman and a popular musician to that. However, at some point you will need to stand up to him when you do find the man you really want. In the end, you shoudl show him the man you choose makes you happy. also that the man you choose needs to show your father he makes you happy and is a good addition to the family. In the end he will come around and ease up.

  5. jamie
    August 5, 2019

    You have been around too long,should have moved a longtime ago,your almost 30,and should have had started a lovely family already.

  6. August 4, 2019

    @Frustrated Daughter, I don’t think that you fathers problem is fear of leaving him, it is a foolish obsession from jealousy

    That is something about “fathers” that most girls will go through as soon as they start dating; it is like they are never prepared to let their daughters go their way when it comes to dating and marriage–but we are human beings not pretty dolls

    My father had 8 of us, daughters, and mom was alive being with him until her death.

    He was not like your father, but he was never willing to accept us, having a boyfriend–the difference with him was that he complained about his jealousy to our mother, who always put in a nice word on our behalf. I know because my mom used to tell me about it in his absence

    Maybe he knew his love for her, to see how our boyfriends could love us the same. His jealousy cooled down gradually, as he grew older, thank God for our mom, who continued to defend us; thought it wasn’t easy for her.

    • lmckoy
      August 10, 2019

      I don’t believe it is necessarily jealousy. It could be ‘fear’; fear that she will become pregnant and then he will dump her, fear that he will not be able to support her, fear that he will abuse her, fear that the boyfriend will do to his daughter the same wickedness that he, the father, had done to other women ——.

  7. candid
    August 4, 2019

    A home with no rules becomes a pasture.fathers are not interested in your love life.If you feel responsible enough to be married and bring up kids,you should move out of the family home and start your own family.boyfriend,this is school children language.either your lover or your man.all you are trying to do is to take advantage over your dad.NO RESPECT. move on. forsake your mother and father and stick up to your wife and the wife like wise

  8. August 4, 2019

    Well said Bella. I know fathers have a special love for their girl children. But this one is extrem.

  9. Martin from Canada
    August 4, 2019

    Good advice.
    The police officer should not be ashamed by what the father said. The father should be ashamed.

  10. Bwa-Banday
    August 3, 2019

    Your father needs to get a life. If you can, call Mr.Irish and put him in the old people’s home. At the rate he is going your biological clock will run out and you will have no one to blame but yourself for not standing up to him. It also seems like he has a little part Marco in him and cannot stand the thought of you enjoying some” serious sweetness while in your birthday suit 8) 8) “.

  11. Telling It Like It Is
    August 3, 2019

    Millions of people over several generations have disregarded parental advise and admonition to marry across socio-economic and even racial lines. Yet you want folks to believe that your Daddy is choking the oxygen out of your love life.

    Straight up, I do not believe that tall tale you are pushing. Good Goggely!!! You are 29 years old and still cannot make your own decision regarding your romantic future. It would appear that you either like being single or you are very fearful of diving into the pool of commitment.

    Here is my two cents worth of advice: Grow up and do not re-enter the relationship game until you are emotionally ready to make an adult decision.

  12. KaliNeg
    August 3, 2019

    :?: First of all,it is on you to have made that decision a long time ago to live your life for yourself with the help of the man who loves you and you love in the same! I in the place of those men,a long time ago I would have remove you away from your selfish Dad! Any man you’re interested in and he the same, from now on, make the bold move forward with him!

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